Heterosexuals who are tolerant of the same right of gays/lesbians--Question

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I haven’t been “scared” into thinking any certain way by anyone. Perhaps you think it could never happen (I’m referring to church’s being forced to marry someone); I disagree. Please don’t paint with a broad brush and assume that fear drives my perception. I didn’t mean to hijack this thread—sorry about that!

First of all, I didn't say you. And for years, Catholics, for example, have told people who they will and will not marry. I don't see that changing any time soon.

And to further derail this, this is why all of you should be in favor or church and state keeping that "wall" 'cause it works both ways. If you don't want the government messing with your church, then your church shouldn't mess with the government.

Again, this has been a big "theme" of my family. My parents and grandparents have always favored this kind of thinking, and so it would be out of character for them to favor taking rights away from gays.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

For those of you who know me from other threads, you would probably agree that this is not one to which I would respond. But I think my situation is kind of interesting. You are welcome to agree or scroll down

You do bring up an interesting point and one that I'm not going to bash you for. Just as many of us were raised in households who were not tolerant/accepting and we chose to become more tolerant/accepting it's possible that the opposite can happen.

 

[LukenDC]

Keep in mind I grew up in a very affluent community.

My family thought...
whites could not be trusted
hispanics should be maids/do yard work
asians should be manicurist
and days were satans children, the sickest people on earth, full of disease.

When I was 4 I told my mother that I was going to marry a girl and she freaked, said I couldn't be a "maggot with a F".

So when I told her at 15 she told me when I finished high school that would be my last day as her family and we would never talk or see one another again.

I havent seen or spoken to anyone.

That is your mother's loss. I have read many of your posts on the DIS and seen your pictures. You are a dear, sweet person who deserves only the best. I feel sad for your mother. She must suffer such torment in her life if she allows hate to win over love.

 

[Laura]

The Catholic church right now is not forced to recognize divorce, just because it's legal. Many churches require couples counseling before marriage, and this is still legal, even though it's not a governmental requirement. Why on earth would same-sex marriage be any different?

Absolutely, no clergy members ever have to marry any couples if they don't pass all their religion's requirements. If you're divorced, "living in sin", have a child out of wedlock, not of the same religion, etc., you could be denied a ceremony by someone somewhere.

But marriage is not a solely religious institution--not all religions bother themselves with it, anyway. Buddhism, for example, doesn't have a "wedding ceremony" as part of its belief system. Couples may be blessed by a monk after a civil ceremony, but it's not a requirement to be considered married according to the precepts of their religion. Historically, women were seized, a "bride price" or dowry paid from one family to another, etc. This still happens in Eastern Europe. A woman's virginity was of utmost importance. In the past in Japan, a woman would not be considered married until she gave birth to her husband's child. Marriage as we know it is a relatively recent invention.

 

[Laura]

I haven’t been “scared” into thinking any certain way by anyone. Perhaps you think it could never happen (I’m referring to church’s being forced to marry someone); I disagree. Please don’t paint with a broad brush and assume that fear drives my perception. I didn’t mean to hijack this thread—sorry about that!

I don't think so; lots of religions disallow marriage between two people for many reasons. That kind of thing is not going to change within a church unless the people within said church want to start allowing it.

 

[andromedaslove]

That is your mother's loss. I have read many of your posts on the DIS and seen your pictures. You are a dear, sweet person who deserves only the best. I feel sad for your mother. She must suffer such torment in her life if she allows hate to win over love.

I wanted to say something about that too, but didn't quite know how to word it. You just said exactly what I thought, you just have a better way of wording things obviously.

icebrat001 You have always seemed like one of the sweetest people. I am so sorry that someone "especially your mother" would behave that way because of who you love is horrible. You deserve much better than that.

Dana

 

[beckmrk04]

Keep in mind I grew up in a very affluent community.

My family thought...
whites could not be trusted
hispanics should be maids/do yard work
asians should be manicurist
and days were satans children, the sickest people on earth, full of disease.

When I was 4 I told my mother that I was going to marry a girl and she freaked, said I couldn't be a "maggot with a F".

So when I told her at 15 she told me when I finished high school that would be my last day as her family and we would never talk or see one another again.

I havent seen or spoken to anyone.

I am sooooo sorry to hear that.
I am glad that you had the strength to realize that your family has a PROBLEM, not you!

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

I was raised in a very conservative house. I learned fairly early to keep my opinions to myself. I have pretty much always had different opinions and feelings than my parents. I don't know how such conservative people ended up with someone as liberal as I am for a daughter - I am not as far left as a person can go but I am pretty far down the scale. My younger brother, on the other hand is much more like my parents.

 

[pta-mom]

Wow! What an interesting and potentially volatile thread this is!!!

Well, I was raised in a family with parents who "thought" they were very liberal and eveything is good if it doesn't affect you, etc, etc and I "thought" I, in my adulthood, was also very liberal. However, I've discovered over time that neither of us were correct. I've come to believe that everyone (yes, even you!) have certain groups or types of people that they potentially could discriminate against. Don't forget, to discriminate means that you are drawing distinctions against....you against them. G/L is one group, skin color, language, home, job, religion, age, disabilities, etc.

When I brought home my DH who was not white, I discovered that contrary to what had been said in my home, my parents actually did have issue with bi-racial marriage.....because now it was happening in their home.

As for the whole g/l issue, my view was live-and-let-live....until I found out in my late twenties, upon meeting my biological mother, that she was lesbian. Now don't get me wrong, I accept her, but having children certainly caused me some concern regarding her lifestyle. I was not sure I wanted to explain to my sons who her girlfriend was or why they shared a bed. I really struggled with this! So much for my liberal "thoughts"!!

I am Christian and believe the bible to be the Word of God. I do believe that homosexuality is a sin. However, a sin is a sin so homosexuality is a sin just as greed is, and gluttony, and self-righteousness, and lying, and, and, and....And I believe in tolerance of those things that I don't necessarily agree with and love for everyone, regardless of what it is they are doing (though I admit, this is a hard one with some people and I don't mean g/l!!). I agree that it is God who judges that, not me and judge not lest ye be judged!

I try hard to teach my children tolerance of others. And if they are gay, well I will cry because I will know that that will cause a harder life for them in some ways, but I will get over it and accept them, as is. That's what my parents did with me and my DH and now we have a wonderful relationship! And they adore their grandsons...not their bi-racial grandsons...just grandsons. And as for my biological mother....we keep in touch. My sons don't ask much about her as she lives far away and we haven't seen her in years but they know about her existance. And some day, when they are older and the time seems right, I will explain to them who her girlfriend is and why they share a bed.

Well, that's my story! No right or wrong here....just doing what I can do for now.

 

[Mkaz]

I agree with your interpretation/definition Tigger&Belle. I tolerate a lot of things that I don't necessarily approve of. Someone else used the word embrace, and although that is a lovely word to describe how you accept other cultures or sexual preferences I don't feel that word would necessarily fit the way I feel about it.

I don't 'put up with' anyones sexual preference, religious beliefs, race....etc. I do however accept that I have a freedom and that freedom is also extended to them. No matter what my beliefs are, and no matter how I feel on the matter I accept that they have a right to choose what they think is right and I don't have a right to condone them for choosing differently than I might have.

I don't however embrace a g/l lifestyle, and really I do not 'accept' it either. I just accept that everyone has a right to make their own decision, regardless of my point of view or way of life

Perhaps I should clarify what I meant. One of the definitions of embrace is to accept readily; to avail oneself of (to embrace an opportunity). With that said, I meant that we were taught that closing your heart due to somebody's race, religion, sexual preferences etc. could mean that you are missing out on an opportunity to have someone really incredible in your life. For me, it's not about embracing someone's lifestyle. It's about who that person is on the inside. I'll leave the judging up to God.

I hope that I didn't come off as snooty, because that certainly was not my intention.

 

[Freyja]

I don't think you need to be taught to be tolerant of Gays and Lesbians... I think people are taught to hate them..I don't think people are born hating Black people,gays,lesbians, Jews/Muslims,Christians etc... This is learned ,ehaivior and not natural behavior

So true!

 

[simpilotswife]

I wouldn't say that my parents were very tolerant or accepting. I developed my views because I had friends in high school who were gay and came out to our group. It wasn't a big deal then and even now I can't understand why people get so bent out of shape about homosexuals and the whole "marriage is between a man and woman" thing.

 

[staci]

As far as my family, my parents didnt really talk about anything with us, but I never heard a negative comment regarding race/sex/sexual preference out of their mouth. But my grandpa was very vocal about descriminating against people (mainly women and those of a different race than him). I was lucky enough to be raised away from him, so his comments were few and far between in my presence, and were not enough to influence my way of thinking at a young age. If anything, as I grew older, I think he helped me become MORE accepting of all people, becuase I could see how absurd his comments really were.
When I met dh (at 18) I was immediately introduced to one of his childhood best friends, one of the sweetest, dearest friends anyone could have. Two years later, not to anyones suprise, he came out. I was truely blessed to watch him go through the coming out process, and learn to love himself for who he was. I think knowing him has taken me from the position of quietly accepting all people, to vocally standing up for everyone and their rights.
Being raised in the church, loving, accepting and embracing my neighbor seems to be the most natural thing to do, it so suprises me the hatred that some have in their hearts. It thrills me to see the length of this thread and know that there are this many people who are able to find it in their hearts to tolerate people and not judge someone on sexual preference alone.

 

[chell]

Prayer won't change one's genetic make up. Dude, just because it worked for you does not mean it's going to work for all gay/lesbian people.

But I do agree with you that through God's love and grace, any sin or problem, particularly hate and intolerance, can be overcome.

Exactly! When people stop judging that will be a very special day in my book. I thought we were supposed to love one another and care for our brothers and sisters, not put them down because they don't have the same desires, beliefs, jobs, homes, skin color, etc as we do.

I thank God for giving me a kind, caring and open heart! I am truly thankful that He gave me the intelligence to love and befriend people based on who they are not their lifestyle.