here is another school ? but this is about divorced parents

[cheermom1]

My other thread got me to thinking about spring break ..dh has his boys for spring break this year..ok what if they have to make up snow days during this time? Shouldn't he get a make up week? Now what makes this so complicated is that his ex thinks that dh gets too much time with the boys already..during summer she tries to make him believe he doesn't need them for various reasons and for the most part he doesn't let her get away with it..

so how would this be worked out? I say he should get the first week the kids are out of school or maybe the second b/c his summer vac. is 2 weeks in july and aug.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My other thread got me to thinking about spring break ..dh has his boys for spring break this year..ok what if they have to make up snow days during this time? Shouldn't he get a make up week? Now what makes this so complicated is that his ex thinks that dh gets too much time with the boys already..during summer she tries to make him believe he doesn't need them for various reasons and for the most part he doesn't let her get away with it..

so how would this be worked out? I say he should get the first week the kids are out of school or maybe the second b/c his summer vac. is 2 weeks in july and aug.

First I am from a marriage w/ a stepson and my husband would never push for the next "free" time from his ex. He would have talked to her about a compromise though and try to spend as much time as he could with his son. Married or divorced, school comes before vacation time...

 

[cheermom1]

First I am from a marriage w/ a stepson and my husband would never push for the next "free" time from his ex. He would have talked to her about a compromise though and try to spend as much time as he could with his son. Married or divorced, school comes before vacation time...

I know that school comes first I never said he should take them out...I said that she should still get his time..and no he will not demand his time but he still should be given the opportunity to make it up...

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I don't know...if he takes them for an extra week in the summer b/c he doesn't get them at spring break, then that is vacation time they don't get with their mother, which is important too. I'm assuming she has them all the time, but vacation time when they don't have to deal with the pressures of school are special. Maybe they can split a week???

 

[cheermom1]

I don't know...if he takes them for an extra week in the summer b/c he doesn't get them at spring break, then that is vacation time they don't get with their mother, which is important too. I'm assuming she has them all the time, but vacation time when they don't have to deal with the pressures of school are special. Maybe they can split a week???

I see what you are saying but at the same time my dh has had to fight for his time b/c she thinks he gets too much..but he gets the standard about of time..if he has them for mare than a weekend the ex gets very upset and tries her best to make dh not take them...I feel as though that she should let dh have them and not try to cause a stink every dang time but she does...also I feel as though that this is something that doesn't happen every year so what is the big deal in letting the other parent have the kids once for an extra week that is make up time anyway in all the years they have been divorced?

 

[luvmy3]

I think its something that your dh has to work out with the mother of his boys. She may have plans for certain times and it wouldn't be fair for her to give those up because the weather didn't cooperate with your dh's plans. I don't see why she couldn't give them a few make up days, but they would have to work out when. How old are the boys and what do they think?

 

[cheermom1]

I think its something that your dh has to work out with the mother of his boys. She may have plans for certain times and it wouldn't be fair for her to give those up because the weather didn't cooperate with your dh's plans. I don't see why she couldn't give them a few make up days, but they would have to work out when. How old are the boys and what do they think?

I agree the dates are not set by any means just a thought...the boys would want to come here..they are 14,12, and 10

 

[disykat]

I would think it would be a no-brainer to give him an extra week in the summer. Surely she wouldn't already have every week of the summer planned with something special.

 

[cheermom1]

I would think it would be a no-brainer to give him an extra week in the summer. Surely she wouldn't already have every week of the summer planned with something special.

thank you... I mean it's not like this happens every year or even before this is a one time thing so far..so I don;t see why he couldn't have one make up week in the summer for all the years they have been divorced?

 

[brockash]

I see what you are saying but at the same time my dh has had to fight for his time b/c she thinks he gets too much..but he gets the standard about of time..if he has them for mare than a weekend the ex gets very upset and tries her best to make dh not take them...I feel as though that she should let dh have them and not try to cause a stink every dang time but she does...also I feel as though that this is something that doesn't happen every year so what is the big deal in letting the other parent have the kids once for an extra week that is make up time anyway in all the years they have been divorced?

I agree that it'd be great if the mom would grow up and not be a PIA when it's time for the kids to visit you guys, however that doesn't have anything to do with the spring break time and school. The fair thing to do if the kids don't get a spring break because of make up days, is for mom and your dh to split a week. Both parents would lose out on half a week, but both would also get 1/2 a week. That's the fair thing to do in this situation where it's because of weather/school.

 

[MariDisney]

I am divorced and have to work these things out with my ex also. Luckily, we usually do work things out without too much drama. It's almost a mathematical formula...let's say there are 100 days with no school in a year (totally making up the numbers) and your DH usually has 50 of them while their mom has 50. The fact that they now have school makes it so there are now only 95 days without school. Should Dh still get 50 while she only gets 45? I don't know that there's a right answer, but it seems like there should be flexibility and rational thinking on both sides in order to come to an agreement.

 

[luvmy3]

I agree the dates are not set by any means just a thought...the boys would want to come here..they are 14,12, and 10

Oh, I thought that you were saying those are the dates you wanted them to come, sorry.

Those kids are old enough where I would hope their mother would ask them when they wanted to go and see their dad since they didn't get as much time with him as they should have. Hopefully she realizes its not just about your dh and "his" time, its about those boys and them missing out on their time too.

 

[cheermom1]

I am divorced and have to work these things out with my ex also. Luckily, we usually do work things out without too much drama. It's almost a mathematical formula...let's say there are 100 days with no school in a year (totally making up the numbers) and your DH usually has 50 of them while their mom has 50. The fact that they now have school makes it so there are now only 95 days without school. Should Dh still get 50 while she only gets 45? I don't know that there's a right answer, but it seems like there should be flexibility and rational thinking on both sides in order to come to an agreement.

I see what you are saying however they don't have a 50/50 schedule she has they way more..I think they should try a 1/2 week each that would be a compromise ...although I have to tell you I bet she will not take that and trow a fit..

 

[cheermom1]

Oh, I thought that you were saying those are the dates you wanted them to come, sorry.

Those kids are old enough where I would hope their mother would ask them when they wanted to go and see their dad since they didn't get as much time with him as they should have. Hopefully she realizes its not just about your dh and "his" time, its about those boys and them missing out on their time too.

I thought of those days just b/c in july and aug dh already has them for 2 weeks in each month but he doesn't in june...so I thought it would easier and she wouldn't have as much taken away in the other 2 months..

 

[MariDisney]

I see what you are saying however they don't have a 50/50 schedule she has they way more..I think they should try a 1/2 week each that would be a compromise ...although I have to tell you I bet she will not take that and trow a fit..

I'm sure you're right. 1/2 week at each makes sense to "make up" for the lost spring break.

My ex and I did agree long ago (we split up in 9/01 when DD was just a few weeks shy of 2) that things would never be exactly equal or fair, even if we tried. A good example is sleep overs. Ex and I basically split each weekend roughly Friday after school through Sunday after church and then Sunday afternoon through Monday morning. So, one of us has 2 nights and one of us has 1 night a weekend. We roughly alternate every other weekend. Now that DD is 10 she goes on quite a few sleepovers. Without exception they come out of "my" nights. Why? Because she goes to school in my district and I know the families more than the Ex. Also, it seems to be more of a mom thing to deal with the scheduling etc. In all these years no one has called the ex to set up a play date or anything, so it comes from my time. Do I love that? No, I don't. I feel like I miss more time than I want to with DD. But, in order to continue as much normalcy and regularity in DD's life as possible this is how it goes. In fact, she is going to sleep over this Saturday and we have plans with another family on Friday night (she'll be with us, hanging with their kids). So, although I "have" her two nights this weekend I actually won't spend much time actually with her at all. It makes me a little sad that it'll be 2 weeks til we get a shot at a weekend night to really hang again (since next weeekend I'll have Sunday night it's a different feel because it's a school night). Ah well, it's life. Sorry to be long winded and somewhat off topic. I guess my point is just that these things come up and you do what you can.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm sure you're right. 1/2 week at each makes sense to "make up" for the lost spring break.

My ex and I did agree long ago (we split up in 9/01 when DD was just a few weeks shy of 2) that things would never be exactly equal or fair, even if we tried. A good example is sleep overs. Ex and I basically split each weekend roughly Friday after school through Sunday after church and then Sunday afternoon through Monday morning. So, one of us has 2 nights and one of us has 1 night a weekend. We roughly alternate every other weekend. Now that DD is 10 she goes on quite a few sleepovers. Without exception they come out of "my" nights. Why? Because she goes to school in my district and I know the families more than the Ex. Also, it seems to be more of a mom thing to deal with the scheduling etc. In all these years no one has called the ex to set up a play date or anything, so it comes from my time. Do I love that? No, I don't. I feel like I miss more time than I want to with DD. But, in order to continue as much normalcy and regularity in DD's life as possible this is how it goes. In fact, she is going to sleep over this Saturday and we have plans with another family on Friday night (she'll be with us, hanging with their kids). So, although I "have" her two nights this weekend I actually won't spend much time actually with her at all. It makes me a little sad that it'll be 2 weeks til we get a shot at a weekend night to really hang again (since next weeekend I'll have Sunday night it's a different feel because it's a school night). Ah well, it's life. Sorry to be long winded and somewhat off topic. I guess my point is just that these things come up and you do what you can.

I hear ya..but our situation is that if she didn't have this attitude that dh shouldn't have them and does anything she can to keep them away from him than this wouldn't be such a big deal in the first place kwim?

 

[MariDisney]

I hear ya..but our situation is that if she didn't have this attitude that dh shouldn't have them and does anything she can to keep them away from him than this wouldn't be such a big deal in the first place kwim?

Oh yeah, I KWYM. Sounds like no matter what the proposal from your Dh to have have a fair amount of time you are going to have drama on her end. I hope she leaves the kids out of that.

 

[cheermom1]

Oh yeah, I KWYM. Sounds like no matter what the proposal from your Dh to have have a fair amount of time you are going to have drama on her end. I hope she leaves the kids out of that.

I wish she would but the sad part is she doesn't..she even went so far as to tell the boys that dh wasn't paying CS when in fact he was ahead....
It got so bad with the boys being mad at dh and them acting out here that the councilor told dh he needed to show them proof...it was so sad that we had to bring legal stuff in b/c of that...

 

[PatsGirl]

Well, I think he's crazy to let his new wife interfere in the decision at all and personally, anytime my ex wants to see DD I'm okay with it. It benefits her to have a good relationship with both of us and if I don't have plans, it's always a go. And, as much as I love my DD, I treasure my "alone without kids" time too! Sometimes I don't think he takes her enough

 

[cheermom1]

Well, I think he's crazy to let his new wife interfere in the decision at all and personally, anytime my ex wants to see DD I'm okay with it. It benefits her to have a good relationship with both of us and if I don't have plans, it's always a go. And, as much as I love my DD, I treasure my "alone without kids" time too! Sometimes I don't think he takes her enough

I don't interfere thank you very much! but yes he asks for my advise. why wouldn't he ask his wife and I am not by any means a NEW wife...