Helping pay for someone else's trip?

[bethwc101]

I would like to provide some clarifying info first. There is a large gap in my age and my two younger siblings. I am already married while they are still in elementary school. I am super close with them and pretty much 50/50 raised them with my mom. They also love my DH.
DH and I have been doing really well financially this year and are planning a trip to DLR Nov. Dapper Day just as our APs expire and we wont renew for SEVERAL years until SWLGE hype dies down. We are planning on doing Thurs-Sun. with his family as they are well off with money and can easily afford it. But we are still paying our portion. We will be doing GCH dapper day rate.
My mother and younger siblings have not been do DLR in 5+ years. Times are rather tough on them. Talking wit DH, we are thinking about extending our trip and doing Mon-Sun and inviting my mom and siblings to stay with us in GCH Mon-Wed. That way their hotel is paid for.
DH also suggested doing their tickets that way they only have to do flights or gas and food. It would basically double our trip cost so we would call it birthday/Christmas for the kids.
They are getting older and might phase out of Disney in the next few years so want to do a trip with them while we can.
My question is would you as a parent have a difficult time accepting a trip like this from your child? Maybe I could just do my siblings tickets and my mom could do her own?
I would love to hear your thoughts?

 

[BrianL]

I cannot speak from the parents side since I am not one, but personally, I think it's a really nice thing for you to do for your siblings and parents. It sounds like you can easily afford it, so why not? Just present it like it's a gift, and don't bring up the reasons or financial disparity as that might be what makes someone feel weird about it. Just say that the trip (or whatever parts of it you're covering) is on you. You do say "times are rather tough on them," so think about if paying for even part of the trip is feasible for them and be sensitive about that as well. Personally, I think a gift should be accepted in the spirit in which it is given so I would hope they don't take offense.

I hope that if all of you go on the trip together that you have a wonderful time!

 

[AndreAggie]

If it were me, I'd sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom and explain what you want to do. But be prepared that if times are tough, she may not want to fork over the cost for airfare. On the upside, this gives her some time to save for her portion of the expenses. Disney is expensive and you don't want to sound like you're forcing her into your vacation.

My parents have booked an Alaskan cruise for them, my family and my husband's family. However, we all have careers and we offered to cover the cost of the flights for our individual families to get to the cruise port. This expense still hasn't been finalized as to who will pay.

 

[bethwc101]

I cannot speak from the parents side since I am not one, but personally, I think it's a really nice thing for you to do for your siblings and parents. It sounds like you can easily afford it, so why not? Just present it like it's a gift, and don't bring up the reasons or financial disparity as that might be what makes someone feel weird about it. Just say that the trip (or whatever parts of it you're covering) is on you. You do say "times are rather tough on them," so think about if paying for even part of the trip is feasible for them and be sensitive about that as well. Personally, I think a gift should be accepted in the spirit in which it is given so I would hope they don't take offense.

I hope that if all of you go on the trip together that you have a wonderful time!

It would still be a little strain on us. We are working hard just to be able to afford the second half of the trip, adding on another half with my mom won't be easy, but we want to try it. We were hoping to pay off our car by this time next year. But adding my mom's half of the trip will probably add another 6 months on our loan. So we aren't very wealthy, we just know this might be our only shot at this trip for many years.
But thank you for your advice.

If it were me, I'd sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom and explain what you want to do. But be prepared that if times are tough, she may not want to fork over the cost for airfare. On the upside, this gives her some time to save for her portion of the expenses. Disney is expensive and you don't want to sound like you're forcing her into your vacation.

My parents have booked an Alaskan cruise for them, my family and my husband's family. However, we all have careers and we offered to cover the cost of the flights for our individual families to get to the cruise port. This expense still hasn't been finalized as to who will pay.

I should say this might be hard to do a sit down with her. She used to make great money, so knowing times are tough she is sort of ashamed? of it and tries to deny it at times. They would likely drive since they are in Utah and would be 1/2 the cost.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

Don't forget to factor in expenses for food, souvenirs, impulse items (with younger kids this can be harder to control -- what they see other kids having, they want), gas, etc. It needs to be clear who will cover these expenses. Is it possible your mom is saving up for something else and this will eat into that fund? It can be so delicate with parents when you want to be generous, but don't want to be insensitive.
Just to give an example, we know friends who have gifted DLR tickets to other families, only to find out later that the gift, while truly appreciated, turned out to be a financial burden in the end. When you total the cost of food (even one meal at the parks for a medium to large family, even with sharing, can be more than some families are used to paying anywhere), treats (how can you keep saying no?), any souvenirs (even if the extra expenditure was from the local dollar store, once the kids see all the shiny things at the parks...), parking, gas, etc. -- plus the kids' non-stop talking about wanting to go back when you can't afford to take them -- it might have been a bigger blessing to gift these families with something a bit less "magical," if that makes sense. There's just so much to think about with big gifts like this.

 

[BrianL]

It would still be a little strain on us. We are working hard just to be able to afford the second half of the trip, adding on another half with my mom won't be easy, but we want to try it. We were hoping to pay off our car by this time next year. But adding my mom's half of the trip will probably add another 6 months on our loan. So we aren't very wealthy, we just know this might be our only shot at this trip for many years.
But thank you for your advice.

Well, that changes things a bit. This is more of a sit down and talk about it situation. Obviously you want to spend some time with her and your siblings, which is good. As I said, I'm not a parent, but knowing my parents, they would never let me pay for something if they had an inkling that it was a strain on me. They'd do everything they could to pay for it themselves, which as you say, might be a strain on them. I think in this case you just have to present the idea, see if she is even interested in it or can even do it at all, then work out the details in general. Best of luck to you.

 

[gottalovepluto]

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[gottalovepluto]

It would still be a little strain on us. We are working hard just to be able to afford the second half of the trip, adding on another half with my mom won't be easy, but we want to try it. We were hoping to pay off our car by this time next year. But adding my mom's half of the trip will probably add another 6 months on our loan...... I should say this might be hard to do a sit down with her. She used to make great money, so knowing times are tough she is sort of ashamed? of it and tries to deny it at times. They would likely drive since they are in Utah and would be 1/2 the cost.

This changes things a lot imho. My answer is no. Do not do this. Right now you have to extend your car loan by 6 months to do it- what if something happens to you financially in the meantime? Life happens. Go enjoy your trip with your dh’s family, don’t risk your financial future or change your financial plans to bring extra people (even dear family). Extra spending money (ie not earmarked for anything) is one thing, using earmarked money is a no-no in my book.

I really would not want to put my parents in the position of having to face something they can’t really afford right now especially when they used to be able to and that causes awkward/shame feelings for them. What if they feel like that and have to put on that brave face to cover it for the whole trip?

It sounds like you’d really like to do this but stuff just isn’t falling into place properly for it. Disneyland will still be there years from now. Aging out of Disneyland is a bit harder these days- especially once SWL opens and Marvel Land opens in a couple years!

 

[tzeitel]

If it is even a bit of a stretch for you why don't you switch hotels for that part of the trip? I bet you could find a bigger room (even a suite) for less money on Harbor.

I took my mom, stepdad, and niece to WDW a few years ago. We are not rolling in money but made it a budget trip. We got 2 rooms at Pop, no hoppers, I researched the best deals for meals in the parks (ie. we did a TS by going to Tutto Italia in the Italian pavillion and got a huge salad and a couple of pizzas) I know I am talking about WDW here but it would totally apply to DLR. I always get discounted gift cards to some places - Starbucks is great for drinks (not just coffee) and small snacks, there are also tons of places off property near DLR. I also sign up for every email club around the area (Mimi's, Panera, Sprinkles). They have sign up/birthday/anniversary freebies.

I kinda just sprang it on my mom, my brother and SIL - yeah, I'm taking your kid for a week! Everyone is different so it is hard to say how a specific person will take it. My mom was game, my stepdad was trying to pay for everything the entire time. My brother is the tough one but he knew I would not take no for an answer - and little kids are pretty cheap My mom and SpD did pay for their flights and my niece's flight

 

[Niltiac]

Setting aside whether or not this is a financial hardship for you, because that's another issue, and just responding to your original question: There's a bit of an age gap between my youngest sibling and the rest of us - maybe not as big as yours, but she's nine years younger than me. Since I've grown up and moved out, I've taken her a lot of places - movies and hiking when I was still making low wages, and bigger trips like Disneyland/Universal (once each) once I was doing better financially. It has always been a given that whenever one of us older siblings invites the youngest somewhere, that we're paying for it (until she got old enough to get a job and now she insists on paying for herself). We often downgraded our accommodations to be able to afford to bring her, but that's our choice (and I think that's a valid option for you here since even with discounts CGH is very pricey). Even when we went to Disneyland and my parents ended up coming along, and they could have afforded to pay for my sibling, I still paid because I originally invited her. Personally I don't think it's weird to pay for your siblings because they're kids, especially if you make it a birthday/Christmas present. Paying for your mom might be a bit touchier, and I think that really depends on her personality and your family dynamics.

 

[tink89]

I am in almost the same situation but not. My youngest two siblings are in high school while i am married with a child in my almost 30s(almost not there yet. Also started a family very young).Our family trips consisted of camping Which I loved but hate now.

Every time we travel anywhere I pay for my youngest two siblings airfare or put them in my package for Disneyland. Once there I do not buy them anything( ok maybe a churro or something.)They do very well in school and are all around good kids. We also change our plans all the time to be able to accommodate everyone. We do well financially and can afford it.

It does not sound like your mom can't afford it but rather you would like to do something nice. I say talk with her and see if she would even want to go. Maybe she can pay for it herself or maybe she will just send the siblings with you and pay half. Or do like others said and switch to the Disneyland hotel. I bet you would save quit a bit from GCH

If it were to put a strain on my self or husband either financially or emotionally i would not do it. I am not going into debt or prolong a debt just for a vacation PRIORITIES.

 

[smartlabelprint]

My youngest sib is also in high school. I have invited her on the trip but t was with the understanding my parents would pay her way. The timing didn’t work out.

One of my unmarried siblings joined us on our trip last week. In exchange for helping with our kids we paid the hotel.

You need to talk to your mom to see if this is what she wants to do. Definitely ask before mentioning it to the sibs. You would be adding quite an expense for her.

I’d definitely stay off site if she wants to do the trip. Best western park place inn, desert inn & suites, etc. Maybe if you and DH stay off site the whole time it will even out the cost and it won’t extend your car payments. Extending car payments is an absolute no in my mind.

Last minute travel club has discounted tickets. That could provide you quite a bit of savings.

 

[chickapin parterre]

in reference to your mom taking a gift from you ......when you were working at the age of 16, did you turn over a % of your check to your Mom?




in reference to young people unable to visit Disneyland.....it is not damaging to their development, as a matter of fact, doing without as a child engages you to work harder in school and summer work and set goals that you will never be in the position to go without luxury as an adult.

in reference to young people given a chance to visit Disneyland, I did on several occasions, with my father's estate inheritance ( father was orphan so thought his money should help other children from broken families ) take friends of my son who would never have the chance to visit Disneyland. It did not change their viewing of living. None of them continued on a positive path because they had been to Disneyland....there was no influence from the gift, trip or Disneyland. ( they did like the Palm Springs pools) Your siblings will not be damaged because they did not go to Disneyland.

No one phases out of the magic of Walt's creation, either you are in or you are out. My last visit in the 60s was at the age of 12, church group function in Southern California. My three sisters did not go. It took me 30 years ( out of state living) later before I returned with my 5 year old son...I never phased out of Disneyland, it just took time and adult responsibility to return.

your Disney heart is a good place but your responsibility is to your marriage and the spouse who has the same life dreams. If you feel alone....find Dave Ramsey....there are thousands of listeners in your same situation.

 

[ebharris]

It’s really kind of you to even consider this.

If things are tough for your mom right now, what if you took your siblings for 3 nights/4 days to give her a break? I’m not sure how that would work financially though. Or, do another little (non Disney) trip with them? Maybe a local hotel or water park close to Christmas?

I’ve never had a vacation from my kids, and I love them but know there are times when a break would have done my mental and physical health some good!

 

[smartlabelprint]

in reference to your mom taking a gift from you ......when you were working at the age of 16, did you turn over a % of your check to your Mom?




in reference to young people unable to visit Disneyland.....it is not damaging to their development, as a matter of fact, doing without as a child engages you to work harder in school and summer work and set goals that you will never be in the position to go without luxury as an adult.

in reference to young people given a chance to visit Disneyland, I did on several occasions, with my father's estate inheritance ( father was orphan so thought his money should help other children from broken families ) take friends of my son who would never have the chance to visit Disneyland. It did not change their viewing of living. None of them continued on a positive path because they had been to Disneyland....there was no influence from the gift, trip or Disneyland. ( they did like the Palm Springs pools) Your siblings will not be damaged because they did not go to Disneyland.

No one phases out of the magic of Walt's creation, either you are in or you are out. My last visit in the 60s was at the age of 12, church group function in Southern California. My three sisters did not go. It took me 30 years ( out of state living) later before I returned with my 5 year old son...I never phased out of Disneyland, it just took time and adult responsibility to return.

your Disney heart is a good place but your responsibility is to your marriage and the spouse who has the same life dreams. If you feel alone....find Dave Ramsey....there are thousands of listeners in your same situation.

Agree. Never went as a kid. After we got married we go annually.

 

[NannyBeBe]

This is a lovely idea, but I would not do this unless I had the total amount up front and did not use money that is allocated for something else, like car payments. If this is something you really want to do for your siblings, you could start a savings account for this purpose and add to it as you are able. Then when you have enough, you could surprise them with a trip. You could stay somewhere less expensive than the GCH this trip and use the extra money to open the account.

 

[lovewdwfun]

Based on what you’ve said, I just don’t think it is a good idea. If times are tough for your mom, airfare and food will be a big expense. She might feel pressure to go and that could put them in a bad spot financially. She could also feel bad about having to turn it down.

Where are you flying in from? The cost of airfare and hotel transfers might be a lot more than the cost of tickets and hotel.

It also doesn’t sound like you are in the financial position to do this if you haven’t paid off your car. This is the “finance” side of me talking - I wouldn’t be treating relatives to vacations if I had car debt.

It’s a nice thought, but I would wait until you and your mom are both in a better spot financially. If you do decide to offer, I would have a discussion with her first and give her some time to think about it.

 

[StormyCA]

I'll be honest. I think it's a lovely gesture and if I knew my children could afford it easily AND I could easily afford to pay my transport costs and food/souvies I'd gladly accept.

BUT if I knew my children were stretching themselves thin, and especially if they were incurring debt (or I'd have to incur debt) I'd absolutely say no. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself!

If you can rearrange things so you aren't going to incur more debt (moving to cheaper lodging?) only then would I approach your mom (when your siblings aren't around) about going. But first I'd do some airfare pricing and spending money budgets to present her with to help her make the decision.

 

[tarheelalum]

I wouldn't do it. It's a nice gesture but too many potential pitfalls.

 

[Bossy22]

I've done a similar thing. My wife and I talked about and we decided if we could save the money ahead of time we would do it. It was great and worked out very well. We told them we would pay for the hotel and the gas (we drive from Canada) and their passes. They paid for their own food. They ended up insisting on paying for the hotel during the drive but we had a great trip which they couldn't have afforded at the time. Now we did save ahead of time to be able to do this, but we saved ahead of time!!!