help with daughter at restaurants

[blestmom]

I have a 7-year-old daughter....just the sweetest thing. About a year ago, Grandma took us all on a cruise. My daughter was so worried about getting seasick. Sure enough, the first day, she got seasick at breakfast in the restaurant. Ever since then, she can't eat in a restaurant without feeling sick, and usually making herself sick in the process. Our last trip to Disney in Februrary was interesting...she threw up at the Prime Time Cafe (our poor server!), and I sat her at the end of the table at Boma's, and all she ate were grapes. I know this sounds very strange, but I believe it is all 'in her head,' but I don't know how to help her. We have another trip to Disney planned this December, and I had a lot of fun meal plans for the family (we have 5 kids). I don't want to make them all miss out because of her, but I want don't want to make her uncomfortable, either. Any ideas? Sorry for such a strange question.
Deb

 

[msteddom]

Gosh! You've got quite a situation! I don't have kids, but I would suggest trying to slowly get her comforatable with eating in restaurants at home. Maybe start with fast food places then work your way up to table service. By the time you get to Disney she'll be a pro. Also let her know that you understand what she is going through and to let you know the second she feels quesy. Good luck!



Melissa

 

[CoolDisneyCat]

We did a system with points to change a behavoir of my daughters when she was 8. Once she earned x points, she got a prize that she picked out. It really did work.

You could use Disney dollars that she could earn as her behavior was modified. Then she could buy what she wanted. I would start her slow with an easy goal. ..a dollar for sitting at the table .. a dollar for eating a bit and not getting sick. Once she sees the dollars mounting up and she begins to talk about what she will buy, you can up her goals.

Some may thing it is a bad idea to pay your kids. I am not trying to debate that, please. Just trying to help.

 

[dg39]

If its the idea of "eating" that makes her sick at the restaurants, why not have her eat something in your room before you get to the restaurant. Then while you all are there, if she wants something you can order it, if not, she can have a drink or dessert. When we go to restaurants where I know there's nothing on the menu for my dd, I'll get her something to eat beforehand and while we're at the restaurant, I'll order her fries or something like that. I'm no expert, but if I were in your situation, I would start her off by ordering her something small, whether it be a dessert, fries, something from the appitizer list or from the side order list. Eventually she'll grow out of it....

 

[ducklite]

Talk to your pediatrician. It sounds like a few sessions with a therapist might help her get over this. You are right, you can not allow her issues to interfere with the rest of your kids. In all honesty, this is a pretty serious thing that should be addressed, because it will negatively affect her as she gets older and gets invited to parties and such. The longer it goes on the harder it will be for her to correct what sounds like a phobia which can probably easily be corrected.

Anne

 

[Grumpy92]

I went thru the same thing at her age. I just could not eat breakfast and in particular nothing sweet. Let her go at her own pace, suggest fruit or just a muffin, dont do sit down restaurants, just something light or suggest a fruit smoothie/yogert that she can drink as you are walking. Get her mind off the breakfast by doing other things and she will ultimately grow out of it.

 

[suzannews]

I went through this a few years ago. I don't know how or why it started but every time we were in a restaurant, I would feel boxed in and sick like I couldn't get any fresh air. I would just get everything to go but sit with my family and then eat later on. Not the best situation but in the beginning, I was running for the restroom a few times. She probably feels like, it happened once so its going to happen again and just thinking about it and being nervous makes her sick. For me, one day, it just kinda went away on its own. Good luck to you and your daughter.

 

[blestmom]

I think you all have some very good suggestions! Thank you very much. You bring up a good point that she has no problem eating in the room, or even at the counter service places. It is just the big sit-down restaurant atmosphere that I think triggers it. I think I will feed her from somewhere else where she is comfortable, and just let her 'snack' on something small IF she feels like it. No pressure. And I think a small reward, like the Disney Dollars, may be a good idea as incentive as she outgrows this. Thank you again for your ideas. They are very helpful!
Deb

 

[blestmom]

Great idea Suzanne! Getting it "to go" for her! (I read that after I posted my other"thanks!") Really, you all have been very helpful. I feel very relieved.
Deb

 

[Threehearts]

IMHO, I think ducklite has the right idea here. This is not a long-standing behavioral condition but rather a behavior borne out of anxiety from a particular event. A therapist(psychologist) may well have tried and true methods to help and possibly fix this problem. Tips are great but I think she could benefit from addressing the anxiety that comes with restaurant dining. I am a huge fan of professional help if getting to the root of problem is where the cure is. Good luck with your little girl. I'm sure no one is more upset than her about this difficulty. Threehearts
FYI- I have a child W/ADD who receives therapy.

 

[Terk-1]

I would plan on doing all the PS that you wanted, but bring something for her to eat that you know she would like. This way everyone can enjoy and not miss out.

 

[jkovick]

I agree with ducklite & threehearts. A therapist may be able to give her the tools she needs to feel more secure with less anxiety. Good Luck!

 

[Cameo]

When I was a kid I would make myself sick at the thought of riding the school bus. I was picked on quite a bit on the bus. By the time I would get to school, I would be sick. I'm pretty sure my doctor ended up giving my mom some "sugar" pills. I was told to take them and they would settle my stomach. I have never confirmed it, but I believe that they were really just placebo pills with no real effect, except psycological. I'm not sure if doctors would even do anything like that nowadays, but maybe something like an antacid to settle her stomach would help her.

There are also wristbands that are supposed to help queasiness. I don't think they help me, but it may calm her to know she's wearing it.

I'm sure you don't, but do any of the other children make her feel guilty for ruining things. That can also have a huge effect on someone with a touchy tummy.

I feel so sorry for her. Good luck.

 

[blestmom]

No, actually my other kids have all been very understanding (she is number 4 of 5). I really do think she'll be okay, especially if she knows she doesn't "have" to eat there if she doesn't want to, but she can still be there to experience the fun. I'm glad to know that others have experienced similar situations when young, and eventually things worked out.
Deb

 

[HappyMommy2]

Oh, I feel for your little girl (and for your whole family)! I don't have much to add but I did want to share my family's experience with something like this. When we were kids my family always had season tickets to a local football team's games. We loved those games! But one time when my brother was about 8 he happened to come down with a stomach virus while we were at a game--he got really sick, right in front of everybody, and had to go to First Aid at the stadium. When he got well we went to another game, and guess what happened--he got sick again! After a few weeks we tried again (against my brother's wishes because by now he was petrified of going and getting sick), and sure enough he started feeling so nauseated that we left the game early and didn't go back again as an entire family for the rest of the season. The next year he was anxious about going to a game, but my parents promised us that if we'd all stay through the whole game we'd each get a new team T-shirt, and my brother did fine. I'm sure your little girl will do fine in time.

It's amazing how our tummies seem to "remember" what made us sick before! It must be some sort of built-in survival instinct. It seems like kids in particular have trouble defeating this mechanism and giving a previously sickening experience another try.

Have a wonderful trip!

 

[daisylove]

I was going to suggest what Cameo already has. Pick something as a placebo. Candy something that you can make look like a pill. then give her a little brown bag and tell her that the medicine will work in 5 minutes but just in case you understand and will be there for her. maybe even give her something to do when she thinks she is getting anxious or queasy. Cigarette smokers or people trying to break a habit have rubber bands they snap on there wrists but you could figure out something for her (non painful) to make her feel she has some control over the situation.If she is in charge of her anxiety then maybe she can control it. Poor kid. Good luck!

 

[weregoingtodw]

When my daughter was in the hospital last year, her roommate was a child who had had a choking experience that was quite frightening. After that, she stopped eating hard foods, then gradually got down to where she could barely drink a soda without choking. She was just as sweet as could be, but was absolutely terrified of swallowing. It ended up that she needed her tonsils removed. After the tonsil removal, though, she was still emotionally scarred from the experience and continued to not eat. She was finally re-hospitalized in pretty rough shape due to lack of nutrients. Through positive reinforcement and cognitive therapy, she was able to 're-learn' to eat. By the time my daughter was discharged (she was in the hospital for three weeks so we got to know the other family quite well), this little girl had progressed to eating scrambled eggs and cereal!

By the way, this doesn't sound strange in the least. It's a legitimate reaction to a traumatic experience.

Kudos to you for not making a huge deal out of this. Something like this can be emotionally devestating for a child, and the right mix of compassion and understanding from a parent can often make the difference between it being a temporary issue and a lifelong battle. Great job, mom!

 

[undertheradar]

I would choose places that have outdoor seating and request outdoor seating. I think that all plans would have to include an "escape route" in case she doesn't get over this before the trip. Otherwise, I would alternate between the parents dining with the others, while the other parent keeps your daughter occupied. No plan is perfect, but avoiding the situation is better than experiencing it at every meal.

 

[zaxmom]

As a kid, on a vacation at Disney, I got sick in a Mcdonald's at breakfast. My mom says it was because I could not have chocolate milk and that she made me drink whole white milk. I have not been able to drink whole milk since then. The mind decides these things for us. I would have to agree with a therapist if this continues to be a problem. I would not offer placebos or avoid the situations, I think it needs to be addressed before it becomes a REAL problem.
Feeding her ahead of time is a great idea. You don't want to be nauseated on an empty stomach. Letting her just munch on what she wants at the table instead of forcing a meal on her would be good too. This would not work at Disney, but in my restaurant experience, I have seen many families bring a child to dinner with a Happy Meal from Mcdonald's. Most restaurants would not mind this. If you are bringing in 5 Happy Meals, that might be a different story, though! Maybe a few date nights with Dad alone or a girls night with Mom might distract her from the fact that she is sitting in a restaurant and let her realize that she can do it. Character dinners and places like Rainforest Cafe might do the trick, too. Everyone could be done eating before she even realizes it was a restaurant. If it is not going to work, I would stick to counter service rests. while on vacation. No need to add stress and worry to anyone in the family while you are vacationing. You can work on this at home. I am sure the other kids would appreciate the extra money for souveniers or other extras. Good Luck. This too shall pass.

 

[chobie]

I have a daughter with similar issues, though not about restaurants. She loves DW but pretty much will not go on about 80% of the attractions because they are "too scary" and she is almost 10 years old. So, my DH and I just use a lot of fast passes and trade her off like a baby so our son is not deprived. We told her we would not make her go on anything she does not like, but she would not prevent the rest of us from having fun. There have been many good suggestions offered. I know it would be hard with 4 other kids but can you take turns standing out in the lobby with her as the others eat and feed her before you go?

We also have had therapy for our daughter when she switched schools and the few sessions we could go to were very helpful for the whole family.