Help with a new Kindergartener!!

[megan10310]

Please give it at least two weeks. Also consider putting her to bed earlier or giving her a nap right after school. It is so exhausting for them, but she will adjust. Continue to ask about her day, and brainstorm the bathroom situation with the teacher. Maybe she could go in the nurses bathroom? It may be quieter there.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

I would not hesitate to pull her out immediately. Your instincts are telling you she is not ready, and mama instincts are always right.
It floors me to read posters say, "she is exhausted", "she's just so tired" and then follow it with, "stick it out a couple of weeks". Really?
Why? Why should a just barely 5yo have to be so exhausted so early. What is the purpose for pushing her in this way? She has a life of long days and work ahead of her, sure it may be fun, but why push her now, when she has the opportunity to wait and be truly ready?
So many countries don't start their children in school until 7 and 8yo and are far beyond us academically. I just don't get the "American way".

 

[Hannathy]

I would not hesitate to pull her out immediately. Your instincts are telling you she is not ready, and mama instincts are always right.
It floors me to read posters say, "she is exhausted", "she's just so tired" and then follow it with, "stick it out a couple of weeks". Really?
Why? Why should a just barely 5yo have to be so exhausted so early. What is the purpose for pushing her in this way? She has a life of long days and work ahead of her, sure it may be fun, but why push her now, when she has the opportunity to wait and be truly ready?
So many countries don't start their children in school until 7 and 8yo and are far beyond us academically. I just don't get the "American way".

I agree! What's the rush? there is no special award for being the youngest at graduation. She is showing so many signs of not being ready, why does she HAVE to be? Who cares if she isn't?

My sister and my DH were both started early and both have expressed the same thing, though they made it thru they really wish they would have been held to the next year.

 

[jessp1021]

It is nice to have so many supportive opinions! In regards to being tired she is going to be WAY earlier already and they have a rest period at school but she doesn't sleep there! For the potty situation she wipes herself always it is just the sound that they make (she freaks out if we are in public and they flush automatically..and I don't mean screaming or pitching a fit she just gets very nervous and can barely pull her pants up before backing away and covering her ears) and the teacher encouraged her to try yesterday but that seems like it made it worse!

To the PP that was a Principal I was on the fence about lunch as well bc I wasn't sure how she would react when I had to leave afterwards and appreciate your insight on that one!

I left the counselor a message to call me this morning to see what her thoughts are. We spoke with her during their assessment period and she was very pro don't push her into K if she isn't ready and emphasized only doing what is best for DD so I am pretty trusting that she will give me good sound advice. DD starting bawling literally as soon as she woke up but I was able to get her calmed down before we left..of course she wouldn't eat but two bites of her ceral though :/

It is a hard place to be bc I certainly don't want her to have any bad feelings towards school (she did a half day pre-k from Jan-May last year for 3 days a week and did fine) but I also don't want to see her so upset that she can't function in the evenings! She has been through so much already this year (a brief summary is that her big brother had to be moved out of the home due to severe behavioral issues and prior to being moved it was a very intense situation at home due to those behaviors and very hard on everyone at home) and I just don't want to make things even worse on her!

 

[shoney]

My son started kinder at 4. His b-day is in October.
The second week of school he came home with someone else's clothes! I asked what happen. He had an accident because he was afraid of the bathroom in the classroom. It had a huge loud exhaust fan that scared the daylights out of him.
I called the teacher and she agreed that he could use the nurses bathroom for the remainder of the year. It worked out great!

I think in your situation there is much more going on than just the bathroom. I normally do not advocate keeping kids behind. Too many parents are quite frank about it around here, but it is usually Sept. to Dec. b-days. Their reasoning is for them to be "smarter" or "better at sports!" I do agree that there are some cases where the child is truly not ready and it needs to be done.

Seems like you are very on top of this and are working with great people at the school. I wish you all the best! Sounds like it has been a rough time for your family.

 

[ktlm]

Our kindergarten teacher last year said it can take a good 3-4 weeks for some kids to adjust to school. Talk to the counselor and see if they can get her a "buddy" maybe. There was a little girl in DD's class last year that had issues very similar to your DD- scared of school, scared of the bathroom- stressful issues at home. My DD is extremely outgoing and we got at call from the teacher asking our permission at the counselor's request to assign DD as the girl's buddy including going with her to the bathroom and even flushing for her if the girl was too scared to do it even with DD there. It worked. That little girl quickly felt more comfortable with DD and they became good friends. Within a fairly short period of time she adjusted really well and was doing great at school.

 

[Mickey1Fan]

I am by no means any sort of child expert but could your DD be worried she will not go home at the end of the day if DS has been moved out of the home?

Every day could she worry that Mommy or Daddy might not be there for her when school is over.

 

[Jaco5nc]

I am going through a very similar situation with my DD. She is a September baby so we HAD to keep her home last year even though everyone kept saying what a shame it was and how she was so smart, blah, blah. I was thrilled to have the extra year. Fast forward to this year, she is turning 6 in a few weeks and she is an emotional wreck. She started school this week and was HYSTERICAL the first day. Begged me not to leave, was screaming at the top of her lungs and holding on to me for dear life, it broke my heart and I ran out in tears. She has been awake crying every night, every morning she can't eat breakfast and cries while getting dressed. Her Teacher says that once she gets going in class she is fine. The Counselor at school told me that this is very normal behavior for some children while others are perfectly fine. In fact, my neighbor has a DD who turned 5 in July and is thrilled to be going to K. Maybe just put a time limit on the situation (whatever you think is best) and then if there is no improvement pull her and wait another year. Nothing wrong with that!! Good luck, I feel your pain!!

 

[laughinplace199]

It is not unusual in the first few weeks of school to see kind bartenders that have fallen asleep in the middle of class.

If you pull her out now, what is to prevent the same issues from happening next year?

Gotta love autocorrect! I hope there are some kind bartenders around when I send my youngest to kindergarten next week. I'm gonna be one sad mommy with my baby gone all day!

OP. I agree with the posters who said to give it a little more time. There are so many changes for little ones when they start kindergarten and some kids take longer than others to adjust.

Taking her out right away may send her the message that if you don't like something or are afraid, you can just quit without giving it a chance. By giving it another week or two, you'll have a better idea if things are getting better or not, then you can make a decision based on how things have progressed.

It's great that you've let the teacher know what's going on. I'm sure she's seen this before and she may have some insight as to what's best for your DD.

Good luck!

 

[clm10308]

I am going to have to proofread my posts a little more closely in the future. If that doesn't get the Tag Fairy's attention I don't know what will.

In my old neighborhood, one of the neighbor ladies always hosted a back to school breakfast right after the busses picked up on the first day, and it did include alcohol.

Back to topic
You might check to see if 1/2 kinder is an option. In some districts 1/2 day is allowed even if it is not advertised. In the school where I worked there were some kids that started out 1/2 day but by Christmas all the kids stayed all day.
If you do decid to take her out, I would suggest that you look for a 4 or 5 day preschool program that is longer than 1/2 day to help her adjust to the increased hours without the pressure of public school.

When my DS was that age there were many days that we would get to school and he would refuse to get out of the car. I just told him that going to school was his job and he didn't have a choice just like I had my job that I had to go to each day. Then I would remind him about a certain kid that he say being dragged/carried into the school crying the whole way. He knew I was serious so he cooperated even if he wasn't happy about it at the time.

 

[jessp1021]

I met with the guidance counselor today and it went great! We came up with several things we can do to help her and she said everything else she has been through is definitely making this more than normal anxiety. I will be setting one day a week as our lunch date day and then another day a week to come in and help out in her class for a little bit. I didn't lean towards taking her out since she had already started and I am happy that we are putting together a plan and that luckily enough she goes to a school where there are so many that want to be a support system for her..I feel alot better after talking to the school and developing a plan..thank yall again for all the input!

 

[njmom47]

Darn autocorrect! This sentence gave me a chuckle, but your advice is spot on.

I thought I was the only one who caught this.... But of course I knew what the correct word should've been.

OP, please keep us posted as to your dd's progress. I really feel for you and your dd. My dd2 had issues when she started kindergarten (I had to bring clean clothes as she had an accident in the beginning of the school year...now I'am wondering if she was afraid of the potty...ah, hindsight) but am interested in this topic nonetheless.

 

[fiestamomma]

I met with the guidance counselor today and it went great! We came up with several things we can do to help her and she said everything else she has been through is definitely making this more than normal anxiety. I will be setting one day a week as our lunch date day and then another day a week to come in and help out in her class for a little bit. I didn't lean towards taking her out since she had already started and I am happy that we are putting together a plan and that luckily enough she goes to a school where there are so many that want to be a support system for her..I feel alot better after talking to the school and developing a plan..thank yall again for all the input!

How wonderful for both of you!! Please keep us posted!! It's a blessing to have a supportive staff at our kids schools!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[garjanjones]

I am so glad this turned out well. I have been a teacher for 9 years now (though older than grade K). I am making an assumption that she has stayed home with you before going to public school (sounds like your a SAHM since you are able to go in two times a week, etc.). It will probably just take her some adjustment if she has not been in a school setting before. Work with her through this. It sounds like you have done a wonderful job with the situation so far, and I fully support sending students to school when they are of age. Don't feel bad about that at all.

 

[rynosmom]

as a mom of 2 summer babies I can tell you that each one is totally different. DS1 is a June baby and cried every single day of kindergarden looking back I now realize he wasn't ready and I should have held him back the year. DS2 is a July baby and he was more than ready for full day kindergarden. But what we also realized is that they go off to college just after turning 18. I would have rather them been 19 but it's to late now.

 

[of2dbeach]

I worked at a Pre school as an aide for 3,4 and 5 year olds. First week is always hell week. Some will cry some will wet themselves. A good teacher knows this and will help engage the child. She will also reassure her Mommy will be back after lunch, nap etc. I would tell parents to stand at the door give kisses into there kids hands and have the kids put there hands quickly into there pockets. That way if they needed extra kisses they can pull them out later. Another Mom put her family pic in a zip lock bag and taped it to the inside of her daughters lunchbox so she could see it at snack and again at lunch time. Diffrent kids use diffrent things as comfort. See if she can bring a lovely in and keep it in a cubby if they take naps. Give her something to look forward to after a looong day at school such as after school we can make cookies, go for an ice cream, go to the play ground etc. Even if she cant read you can print out some really cute lunch box notes and what I do is either laminate them or put them in zip lock bags. My DD9 still loves the notes. She will get through it and she is already making new friends. Maybe you can invite the new friends over for an ice cream party on the weekend to get to know them ? Think of things so she has something to look forward to at school. What is her favorite thing to play with? Whats her new friends names? We pass a salt shaker at Dinner and whoever has it can talk about there day. This has helped everyone get a chance to talk and the other onees learn to listen and help solve the others problems too. I hope this helps. I know it is hard but hang in ther. If you give in the first few days next year will be worse.. trust me !!

 

[justhat]

The bathroom thing, my 8yo 3rd grader has not used a bathroom in school unless absolute emergency since she was 2yo. There was a fire drill while she was in the bathroom as a young 2yo and the alarm was in the bathroom she was in (single stall). She freaked out and still won't use one. And when she was finally getting past that a bit (she'd go with a friend, but not alone), she started a new school this year and has gone back to no bathrooms because she is afraid there will be a lockdown when she's in the bathroom and she'll have to stay in the stall alone.

But she's otherwise fine. So I think if you put your guidance counselor's plan in action and stick it out a bit longer, things will go okay.

 

[proud_canadian]

I find it interesting that kids star so much later in the states and that you have the option to hold them back.

Here in ontario, kids start kindergarten the year they turn 4. Some kids who have December birthdays are only 3.5 when they start.

Also no one holds kids back here, not unless it is an extreme case. I only knw one person who did this and it was because the child had special needs and wasn't yet potty trained and had end of december bday.

I would give your child more time and realyly talk to her about what's going on. Good luck, and give it time, I bet it works itself out! I also have a 5 year old and she is in her 2 ne year of school already and couldn't imagine holding a child het age back from school!

 

[ToddyLu]

could she have a pair of soft ear plugs to wear to the bathroom? What about having her flush toilets everywhere you go. Church, grocery, friends house. Since this is a Disney forum how does she feel about the potties there? I know people have issues with some of the automatic potties there.

I hope to read how well she is doing in a week. Continence in adults is one of my specialties at work so I am interested in hearing how it gets sorted out.

 

[MartyM]

I was a September baby and I started with a group of kids who were all after August 1, some as late as October 10. We were all 4 going into Kindergarten and 17 going off to universities.

Each and every one of us was in every gifted program, every honors class, and most of us took every available AP in high school.

We all cried our eyes out for the first 2 weeks to a month. I agree that you should leave her in. She'll work it out.