Help with a new Kindergartener!!

[jessp1021]

So DD is a very young 5 (she just turned 5 in July) and we had debated on holding her back or sending her on to K this year..after much prayer, and talking we decided to go ahead and send her. She is shy in the morning but seems to do ok..however she won't go to the potty at all (she is scared of toilets that are loud and doesn't want to have to flush the big ones at school), has said her stomach hurts for the past two days and has cried for the last two nights, and I mean sobbing that she doesn't want to go back to school. She is fine when we first pick her up and will tell us about her day but then a couple hours after we are home she is an emotional wreck. She cried off and on (woke up from sleeping and started crying twice) for over 2 hrs last night and has already cried to the point she threw up all of her dinner. I don't know what to do to help her and I am really concerned at this point that it may be too much on her. We have had a VERY stressful family situation for months that got very intense through the last part of the summer and I don't know if going through that and then school is just too much? Has anyone else been through this with one of their children?? Any suggestions??
The teachers have told me how sweet she is so I know there isn't a behavioral issue, she is really shy but has talked about making friends with a couple of classmates..it is just breaking my heart to see her so torn up

 

[laceemouse]

Have you talked to the teacher? Whyd did you decide not to wait a year?

 

[jessp1021]

I said something in passing to the teacher and she said that DD did say her tummy was hurting and came up with a different potty for her to go to. We had decided to send her bc started talking about school and everything so we thought she was signaling she was ready. My heart breaks to see her so upset and emotional at only 5 she is begging me to come to lunch, help out in her class tomm, etc.

 

[drinkme]

Tough call!

If my child was doing this AND she had an earlier bday, lilke in Dec or Feb, then I would have to find a way for her to work through the stress. However, with the July bday, I would pull her out of school TODAY.

Put her back in preschool for another year.

BTW, I have a child with a late summer bday. We ended up sending him to kindergarten at 4. Worse mistake we made. He was so behind all of the other kids. We ended up sending him to another year of kindergarten. My mother's instinct told me not to send him the first time, but I did anyway because I listened to everyone else.

Good luck with this. I know it's not an easy decision.

 

[Hannathy]

She is showing all the signs of not being mature enough for school! Wow.

I would take her out now and start next year, she is not emotionally ready. Why do you want to make school a miserable place? she has a lot of years ahead of her and shouldn't start out dreading it.

When we were debating whether to send our son or not (also a summer birthday) a friend who had taught Kindergarten for 25 yrs said something very profound to me.

It is wonderful when you can give a child the luxury of time. It can apply to a lot of things.

We kept him till the next year and have never regretted it. He is starting 8th grade this year.

 

[bearloch]

I would go to school tom with her and go ith her to the bathroom and check all the pottys some schools have lower ones some do not see what the set up is and if its dark in the stahl, bathroom etc try flushing them all with her so she can hear and see it all with you and see howshe reacts! also do they go whenever that have to or all at once as a class she may be scared if going alone, she also may be scared by the group going too good luck!! If she is still upset I would pull her!

 

[jessp1021]

I'm going to contact her guidance counselor as soon as I leave her room in the morning and get her thoughts. I was very pro keeping her at home but once she started talking about it everyone said she was ready and I thought so too..seeing her this upset I am not so sure given everything else she has went through in the last few months that this is the best choice for her afterall

 

[Betty Rohrer]

i say this based on 20+ years in daycare, make no changes until 2 full weeks of school has passed. it takes that much time to get a true reading of how it is going. have had kids screaming for most of first week and by end of second week, we we fighting to get them to go home at the end of day. please give it the time to work before you decide you made wrong choice.

 

[lan3]

I am a guidance counselor and I would never pull her so fast. Many kids cry in the beginning. It is completely normal. Stick it out for a few weeks and than decide. It is scary to start something new. Even adults have trouble when they start new jobs. It is normal and it will probably pass.

 

[Rylee]

I'm sorry you are both going through this.

At this point, I would be nervous about pulling her out while she's feeling so negative about it and having that negative experience be the memory she has of kindergarten in her mind for the next year. It could cause her to have anxiety when starting next year.

I'm not suggesting you make her stick it out, but getting the counselor involved before making a decision is a good idea. Hopefully, between the teacher, the counselor and you, you'll be able to make the best decision for your daughter.

 

[jessp1021]

I'm sorry you are both going through this.

At this point, I would be nervous about pulling her out while she's feeling so negative about it and having that negative experience be the memory she has of kindergarten in her mind for the next year. It could cause her to have anxiety when starting next year.

I'm not suggesting you make her stick it out, but getting the counselor involved before making a decision is a good idea. Hopefully, between the teacher, the counselor and you, you'll be able to make the best decision for your daughter.

I completely agree! I don't want her to have a negative view at all about school! I hope that between the three of us we can brainstorm ways that will help her not to be so nervous and upset and if that fails then I will go over what other options there are with the guidance counselor. I know that she does seem to enjoy her day bc right after I pick her up she is telling me about her day..it is just the rest of the evening!

 

[fiestamomma]

I'm sorry you are both going through this.

At this point, I would be nervous about pulling her out while she's feeling so negative about it and having that negative experience be the memory she has of kindergarten in her mind for the next year. It could cause her to have anxiety when starting next year.

I'm not suggesting you make her stick it out, but getting the counselor involved before making a decision is a good idea. Hopefully, between the teacher, the counselor and you, you'll be able to make the best decision for your daughter.

I agree. My sister had very similar problems with my niece last year. She turned 5 a few weeks before school and seemed ready. The first week was horrible!! She was having upset stomachs for not wanting to use the potty at school and cried every night and all morning!!
My sis pulled her out and kept her home.

Throughout the past year she spoke to her about school explained she would go back,try again and so on.

Well school started this week and it's a WHOLE LOT WORSE!! My niece flipped out the first day and tried to run out the door!!! She was screaming "Why did you bring me back here?!?"
It was horrible! Today is day three and she's calmed down a little bit but my poor sisters nerves are shot!!!

Give her chance BUT always do what you feel is right for her!!

Not sure if she's ever been in a school environment before, but if you decide to pull her maybe look into a half day preschool? Or mommys day out to give her some experience?

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Pea-n-Me]

So DD is a very young 5 (she just turned 5 in July) and we had debated on holding her back or sending her on to K this year..after much prayer, and talking we decided to go ahead and send her. She is shy in the morning but seems to do ok..however she won't go to the potty at all (she is scared of toilets that are loud and doesn't want to have to flush the big ones at school), has said her stomach hurts for the past two days and has cried for the last two nights, and I mean sobbing that she doesn't want to go back to school. She is fine when we first pick her up and will tell us about her day but then a couple hours after we are home she is an emotional wreck. She cried off and on (woke up from sleeping and started crying twice) for over 2 hrs last night and has already cried to the point she threw up all of her dinner. I don't know what to do to help her and I am really concerned at this point that it may be too much on her. We have had a VERY stressful family situation for months that got very intense through the last part of the summer and I don't know if going through that and then school is just too much? Has anyone else been through this with one of their children?? Any suggestions??
The teachers have told me how sweet she is so I know there isn't a behavioral issue, she is really shy but has talked about making friends with a couple of classmates..it is just breaking my heart to see her so torn up

When you say she won't go potty at all - do you mean just at school, or at home, too? Has she had any bowel movements since school started? Have you considered that she could be constipated/impacted? If she is, this could be contributing to her not feeling well, and associating it with school.

 

[jessp1021]

When you say she won't go potty at all - do you mean just at school, or at home, too? Has she had any bowel movements since school started? Have you considered that she could be constipated/impacted? If she is, this could be contributing to her not feeling well, and associating it with school.

Just won't go at school She went immediately when she got home yesterday so I wouldn't see it as constipated.. I am guessing her tummy is hurting bc she is getting so upset and nervous.

 

[wendylovesdisney]

I'll never make this mistake again. Keep the child home.

 

[clm10308]

I have a summer birthday kid that we did not hold back a year and even now,5 yrs later I occasionally question my decision.

That being said, you said that she is ok when she first comes home and gets upset later. Is it possible that she is just very, very tired from the long day? When about making her take a "rest time" when she gets home from school. It is not unusual in the first few weeks of school to see kind bartenders that have fallen asleep in the middle of class. When I was a kinder teacher, we were supposed to,gently try to wake the kid up, but I'd that didn't work we let them sleep.

Also, it is perfectly normal for kinder kids to cry in the mornings and not want to leave mommy (or whoever). It takes time for everyone to adjust.

I would give her 2-3 weeks at least before you make a decision.
If she is not showing distress at school, and the teach is willing to help h with the toilet issue, you need to give her time to adjust.

If you pull her out now, what is to prevent the same issues from happening next year?

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

My DD has a May birthday. We also had problems with the bathroom thing. She refused to go #2 at school. Part of the reason was that she still asked for help and I still helped her a little with clean up after a bowel movement at home. I had no idea I had created a problem for her. She didn't want to go unless I was there to help her. One day I picked her up from school and we ran errands. In the middle of KMart she started sobbing that she wanted to go home. Turns out that afternoon, she'd had to go so badly that she couldn't hold it. She messed her pants during story time and didn't tell anyone. I took her into the KMart bathroom, calmed her down, wrapped the dirty undies up, threw them away and cleaned her up. After I dried her tears, I explained that it was so much better to use the school potties and wipe the best she could than to have an accident. I told her I'd always give her a bath at night and get her all cleaned up then. She was totally ok with this and had no problems using the school bathrooms from then on. I had no idea she was struggling with bathroom issues at school until this happened. She'd been in half day preschool three morning a week for two years and never had bathroom issues. Looking back, I realize, she probably waited to go #2 until she got home from preschool too.

I think the PP who works in daycare is very wise...give it two or three weeks. Let the separation anxiety die down and then see how it's going. I remember a boy in DD's preschool class who had to be dragged from his car kicking and screaming the first two weeks of preschool. Then he was totally fine.
Good luck to you. I know it's tough.

 

[mwmom]

As an elementary school principal, I tell my kinder parents at our Boo Hoo/Yahoo party on the first day of school not to be surprised if they are exhausted in the evenings. I am sure that part of this is simply that she is worn out.

You mentioned that she is also shy so this is really pushing her out of her comfort zone. If you haven't had the opportunity to explain this to the teacher, you might let her know about her personality. I would also talk to the counselor about this. If the teacher and counselor are good at what they do, they should be able to work a plan to help her through this. Occasionally, we will have a new kinder who takes more time than others to adjust to school life. One thing we do is the counselor gives the child a stuffed animal that she can take to class with her. In the afternoon, she takes her buddy back to the counselor's office to sleep for the night.

As far as going up for lunch, I will warn you that it will be so tough on both of you when you leave to go home and she has to stay at school. I think going to have lunch is fine, but I would wait a little while before doing that. More often than not, this causes great trauma to the child to have to do the separation thing twice in one day.

If you haven't read the Kissing Hand, you might get that book and read it to her. Warning: it might make YOU cry, so read it first yourself so you know where it is going with the story. It has a nice way of letting the child know you will be with her even when you aren't with her physically at school. I used to read it to my kinders and their parents every year until we did away with kinder orientation on the first day. I still have parents who thank me for reading it that day.

Give it a few weeks and see if it gets any better. You can always pull her out then if you just feel that it isn't going to work this year, but you won't know unless you give it a little time.

I feel for you as a parent! I know it is tough to watch your daughter get so upset. Just continue to be there for support for her as she works through this, and in the end, go with your gut! You know her best!

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

It is not unusual in the first few weeks of school to see kind bartenders that have fallen asleep in the middle of class.

Darn autocorrect! This sentence gave me a chuckle, but your advice is spot on.

 

[littlebit0863]

I can speak from experience. I have a mid August birthday and started school shortly after my 5th birthday. I was terribly shy and would barely talk to the teacher. (Never attended pre-k or daycare so I didn't really know adults outside of family, or kids for that matter.) After several weeks of pants wetting incidents and holding in bm to the point I had to see a doctor, the teacher made a special rule that I didn't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. I still cried continuously every day, and I know sometime around Halloween my mom pulled me out. The school counselor encouraged her to. I went a full year of kindergarten the next year and did just fine. In first grade I was very bright and actually skipped second grade, so I graduated with my original kindergarten class. I think dropping out of kindergarten was very important for me that year. However, you know your child best, and you should do as the others say and wait at least two weeks if you can.