Help!! Sleep training a 1 year old who wakes up every 1-2 hours!

[mefordis]

My husband and I have decided to bite the bullet and let my dd1 "cry it out". She has not slept through the night one single night since birth. Now she is getting worse by waking up every 1-2 hours crying for us, standing up in her crib. I'll come in her room and rock her and she will fall asleep on my lap, then I'll put her down and sometimes she'll go to sleep for 1-2 hours and sometimes she'll stand right back up in her crib crying for me to pick her back up.

I am trying to protect my dd5's sleep, so tonight we will be staying in a hotel while my dh and 1 yr old battle it out. Is this a good idea -- to stay in a hotel for a night? I expect that her grandmother will take her the next two nights so we are hoping to get this resolved in 3 nights.

Any feedback would be appreciated!

 

[sunnyday123]

you're really going to a hotel?? Today is friday, no school tomorrow. Sleep in the living room with the kid, but a hotel? That's a little overboard. That may point to why your DD1 doesn't sleep through the night. Crying doesn't hurt a child in the least, and you've now conditioned her so that when she cries, you will rush in and rock her. She hasn't learned how to soothe herself back to sleep, or even get into a deep sleep. I think it's going to take more than 3 days, and I really wouldn't drop that whole deal on my DH to handle alone.

The first time she cires, I'd go in and tell her Mommy was here, she needs to go back to sleep....don't pick her up. Leave the room. If she has a favorite stuffed animal that isn't too big for her to step on and climb out, give it to her. We had ( this was 11 years ago though) a bear that had a battery powered box that sounded like the heartbeat they hear in the womb. We used it until she told us the bear was crazy-meaning it drove her crazy. Maybe something like that will help. Good luck.

 

[NikitaZee]

We had the very same situation with our oldest son. I would rock him to sleep every night, and when we decided to move him to his own room and help him learn how to fall asleep on his own (he was about a year old), he stood up in his crib and cried and cried and cried. After doing a lot of reading, we also did the 'cry it out' approach. It didn't work for us. Every night, instead of the crying lasting for less and less, it got longer and longer, until he finally threw up in his crib. I felt so awful - that was the end of crying it out.

Instead, we read that sitting in the room with him and slowly moving farther away night after night would help. For us, that did the trick. I'd sit in his room, right by the bed, the first night. Second night, I'd be two feet away, and would move further on out every night. After 2 weeks or so, he could do it on his own. We also put on soothing music in his room to fall asleep to. If he woke up in the middle of the night, I'd stand next to the crib and pat his back until he fell back asleep.

Good luck to you

 

[Christine]

This is going to maybe a week to fix.

I would probably not go to a hotel either but to each his own. Your 5 year old, if a good sleeper, may not even be disrupted too much with the crying.

I had to do "sleep training" when my daughter was 9 months old for the same reasons although the waking was quite as frequent. It took about 5-7 nights and, at first, it was pretty rough. But the older they get, the quicker they learn that you aren't going to pick them up.

 

[Redheaded Sunshine]

I agree with PP that this will not resolve itself in 3 nights, it will likely take about 2 weeks. I also don't agree with dividing your family and half of you sleeping in a hotel.

This is what I suggest to you, you've "trained" your DD to think that you will come rock her everytime she wakes. For the first few days, when she cries, go into her room, soothe her a bit, but DO NOT pick her up. Lay her back down, tuck her in, rub her tummy or back a little bit. Sit in her room until she falls asleep, but DO NOT pick her up...be strong! This is not easy! If you pick her up, it's like you're pressing a reset button on any progress you may have made.

The next few nights, when she wakes, go into her room, tuck her back in, soothe her a bit and leave. If she cries, give it a few minutes then go back. For my children, I eventually gave it progressively longer and longer periods before I would return to their rooms.

Also, do you have a crib light? Those were VERY helpful for both of my children, they have a gentle light and play a bit of soft music. Helps with self-soothing. GOOD LUCK and be strong! You can do it!

 

[mefordis]

Thank you for the responses! Part of the reason I want to go to the hotel is I want some sleep. I have been getting up every hour for the past ... I can't even tell you. I don't even know how I can function. I am losing my temper with my 5 yr old and she is losing sleep whenever I give up and walk out of dd1's room to let her cry a little.

I know that it probably will take more than 2-3 nights to train dd1 to sleep through the night. How should I handle my dd5 who wakes up crying whenever she hears dd1 crying? What does everyone else do who has siblings who may disrupt their sleep?

 

[left210]

Our situation is a little different but I think what we found out might be of some help. DS was sleeping through the night then he got sick and we got way off schedule and he was waking every 1-2 hours. We found that we had to give him a light snack close to bedtime or put rice cereal in his sippy cup that he takes right before bed. You put 1 tablespoon per 2 oz of milk. I didnt think it would come through the sippy cup but it does. Or sometimes we will give him oatmeal close to bedtime. It sounds like your daughter may be used to you coming to get her but you never know it could be that she is hungry too.

 

[mjkacmom]

I used Ferber, but there are other similar methods out there. My biggest advice is to choose a method, buy the book, and read the entire thing. It just doesn't work if you don't understand the WHY of what you are doing. It only took me 2 - 3 nights, but mine were 6 months old (twins were hard, because only one of them needed it, so he would wake his sister, and then they both had to CIO - however, they learned to sleep through each other's cries from then on).

You really need to have a strong resolve - if you give up, you've just taught the child that he or she just needs to keep crying, and eventually you'll come in. I have to say my kids were MUCH happier after they started sleeping through the night, and on regular nap schedules!

 

[rie'smom]

Thank you for the responses! Part of the reason I want to go to the hotel is I want some sleep. I have been getting up every hour for the past ... I can't even tell you. I don't even know how I can function. I am losing my temper with my 5 yr old and she is losing sleep whenever I give up and walk out of dd1's room to let her cry a little.

I know that it probably will take more than 2-3 nights to train dd1 to sleep through the night. How should I handle my dd5 who wakes up crying whenever she hears dd1 crying? What does everyone else do who has siblings who may disrupt their sleep?

I agree with you going to a hotel. You sleeping well is very important too.
We let our kids cry it out. The first night we went in but not after that because if we did, we were afraid it would reinforce the crying to get attention. It was very hard but it didn't take more than a few nights. Good luck to you. It isn't easy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No, I do not suggest a hotel while you dh "sleep trains". That should be done together.

Are they in the same room and that is why you rush to get your 1yo?

If that is the case there is your main problem.

 

[mefordis]

No, they are in separate rooms but dd1 belts out her cries so loud she wakes dd5, who then has a fit and cries for us to get dd1 and make her stop crying. If it wasn't for dd5 we would have started letting dd1 cry it out by now.

No, I do not suggest a hotel while you dh "sleep trains". That should be done together.

Are they in the same room and that is why you rush to get your 1yo?

If that is the case there is your main problem.

 

[JimFitz]

Good luck! Been there.

 

[justhat]

I have 2 kids who share a room and they have both simply learned to sleep through the other one's various disruptions. They've been in the same room since birth and the little one never woke my daughter when he woke up overnight, I guess she just sleeps deeply? We did have a sound machine and we'd run the bathroom fan overnight for the white noise, so I'm sure that helped, maybe try that. Put the sound machine under/next to your older one's bed and that should help drown out the little one's cries.

Regarding the method, I would skip the hotel simply cause your 1yo is used to you rushing in overnight and to just put her in her room and shut the door with no sign of you would likely be distressing to her. I think you need to be there for at least the 1st few night to go in, soothe without picking up, then leave. It IS exhausting, you will be even more tired after those 3 (or so) nights than you are now. But she'll start to get the picture that she's not getting picked up and from there it gets easier.

My son was a model sleeper from birth, but when he was 11 months old we were away for nearly 3 weeks and during that time he mostly slept with me every night, was held for naps, etc. So we got home and he wanted nothing to do with his room or crib. Problem was from our bed he could easily get right to the stairs as there was no door to close and the doorways were too wide to use a baby gate (one he couldn't scale at any rate ), so the crib was a safety necessity. I had to do just what people are telling you above, go in, pat him, reassure him, but not pick him up. In the beginning I would sit in a chair next to his crib till he fell asleep on his own. Gradually I started leaving before he was asleep, but I would return if he noticed and cried, and stay a bit longer, but leave before he fell asleep again. I then would just go into his room, lay him back down, then stand at the doorway for a bit and leave. Like others have said, it was about 2 weeks (maybe a few days more) but then he was back to sleeping all night long without waking, or at least without waking me. Till he was 16 months anyway, when he learned to climb out of the crib.



And BTW, I know the exhaustion you are going through as our 1st child did not sleep through the night 1 night till she was 2 years, 5 months. It was maddening and exhausting, but NOTHING we tried worked. We had every book out there, followed them to a T, but no luck. And when we would leave her to cry she'd cry so hard she'd vomit. The vomiting got progressively sooner each night till we bagged that idea and tried something new, which also didn't work. We finally, at the advice of the pediatric sleep clinic, gave up and waited it out. At 2 years, 5 months, just days before my son was born, I told my daughter I'd move her bed to our room if she would stay in it all night long, go to bed on her own, and not wake anyone up. That was that. We had her in our room prior to that with no success, so I don't know what it was at that age, but I was thrilled that I would only have 1 waking overnight, not a newborn and a 2yo.

 

[HeatherH]

I personally think it's FINE if you want to take your daughter to a hotel for a night so both of you can get a decent night's sleep. I understand that total exhaustion and I think you will be able to face sleep training the baby better if you are more refreshed.

I only have one so the sibling waking up issue was never a problem, but we definitely did have to do the crying it out method. It honestly didn't take long at all for us. I do believe in what others have told you, you can NOT pick her up, you just need to soothe her and leave, or if the sitting by her bed and slowly moving away method helps her more, that works too.

It just takes time and resolve, like the others have said. Go get some sleep and come back ready to fight the battle...and win this time!

 

[2binak]

I'll start this by saying that DH and I cannot let DD scream in her crib. Fuss or cry, yes, but scream - no way. We just can't do it.

Our DD slept through the night until she was 7 months old and started to teeth and get chronic ear infections. She got used to us picking her up to soothe her or give her medicine and we knew we needed to stop that habit real quick.

When she was not sick, we would let her cry for 5 mins, then go into her room and without picking her up, tell her "Mommy or Daddy are here. It's time for night night" then we would lay her down and pat her back for a few minutes while saying "shhh, shhh, shhh". She would calm down. If after we left she cried again, we'd let her cry for another 5-10 mins then we'd go back in and not say anything. We would just lay her down and pat her back. The longest she cried was 45 mins and that was with us going in every 5-10 mins. It was soooo difficult to go through at the time, but we knew we had to break the habit of her wanting to be held. After a few weeks, she was back to sleeping through the night - then the next EI would hit and we'd start all over again. We just couldn't let her cry when she was in pain from the EI's. She still occasionally wakes up when teething, but we don't pick her up and we keep any talking with her to a minimum.

Good luck!

 

[MizTink]

would you consider letting her sleep with you?
my kids always did and we had no problems. we all actually enjoyed/preferred it.
good luck

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, running in there and rocking her (to protect the other's sleep) is the culprit!

It will probably be a huge adjustment, and you will definitely have to let her cry/scream it out. As another poster mentioned... you may want to do some reading to make sure you are going about it the right way.

And, yes, if my child were a 'screamer' who learned that the louder their noise the greater the chance that they would get what they want... you better bet your last dollar that I would let them scream it out for a while as well. There is a difference between screaming and being distraught... And, yes, it may seem that your child is 'distraught' for a very short while. Which can be excruciating. But, be aware that this may be something that the both of you will have to tough it out for a while.

I am trying to remember if your child is in a crib.
If they do not learn to stay in bed and comfort themselves back to sleep before they are climing out of bed...

Good Luck!

 

[mefordis]

She slept with us until she was 4-5 months. Then all of a sudden it was playtime all the time and she would just sit up, crawl on us, punch us in the face, pinch, etc. I still can't sleep with her -- tried last night and she wouldn't settle down at all.

would you consider letting her sleep with you?
my kids always did and we had no problems. we all actually enjoyed/preferred it.
good luck

 

[mefordis]

Yes, she is in a crib. You got it 100% right. She belts it out loud. I am now afraid she will be a vomiter which will prevent me from sleep training her (like a pp stated was her experience). I am on the verge of my patience with this child. I think it's because she is a redhead. (But I'm a redhead and my mom said I was an excellent sleeper).

Yes, running in there and rocking her (to protect the other's sleep) is the culprit!

It will probably be a huge adjustment, and you will definitely have to let her cry/scream it out. As another poster mentioned... you may want to do some reading to make sure you are going about it the right way.

And, yes, if my child were a 'screamer' who learned that the louder their noise the greater the chance that they would get what they want... you better bet your last dollar that I would let them scream it out for a while as well. There is a difference between screaming and being distraught... And, yes, it may seem that your child is 'distraught' for a very short while. Which can be excruciating. But, be aware that this may be something that the both of you will have to tough it out for a while.

I am trying to remember if your child is in a crib.
If they do not learn to stay in bed and comfort themselves back to sleep before they are climing out of bed...

Good Luck!

 

[sunnyday123]

Yes, she is in a crib. You got it 100% right. She belts it out loud. I am now afraid she will be a vomiter which will prevent me from sleep training her (like a pp stated was her experience). I am on the verge of my patience with this child. I think it's because she is a redhead. (But I'm a redhead and my mom said I was an excellent sleeper).

Is she napping too long? When DD was 2 she was taking a 2 hour nap at school, and it was too much sleep. She wouldn't go to sleep until about 11pm and then getting up at 6:30am was too early and she would scream and cry from the moment she got up till I left daycare. I finally convinced them to let her not nap and the first day she didn't nap she looked at me at dinner and said, "I think I'll go night-night's when I'm done." I almost cried.

Of course, the downside was no more naps.