Help-rescue a not so hot trip

[pigletto]

Claire still has a sore throat so our last day is a pool day and I am glad. I'm exhausted. She was talking about the trip and asking if we could go again over Feb break. As if! I pointed out that she didn't seem to have a very good time and she said, "what? I had a great time." I told her I didn't, that her dis respectfulness really disappointed me. She said she was sorry but that doesn't go far.

I agree I set my expectations way too high. I was thinking of our good moments and expecting every moment of our trip to be magical. I didn't think about our everyday dynamic. I am shocked she wants to go again in February! I cannot figure out the teenage mind.

For those of you who bring friends, how do you work the money aspect of it?

You know I was thinking of this the other day when my teen dd (17) had used a somewhat (not over the top mind you) snotty tone with me all day and I finally snapped. She was genuinely shocked that I felt she had been rude all day and admitted that she wasn't in the greatest mood but honestly didn't think she had been taking it out on me. Again, there was no foot stomping or yelling or swearing or anything, she'd just been surly with everything I'd asked of her.
It kind of surprised me. I mean how could I be that annoyed with her and she wasn't even aware of it? I think we get regression with teens sometimes. They appear mature and responsible in some aspects and things are good and then they appear selfish and rude in other ways and it's a disappointment. The bottom line for me is.. they aren't done learning yet, and their brains literally aren't fully developed. So one day I have this almost adult, and another I have a 10 year old in a 17 year olds body when I least expect it.
I think it sounds like Claire just didn't even get how rude she was. I would suggest you take it as an opportunity to parent and just lay it out there calmly. "I felt you were disrespectful, and this is why.. A) B) C).." with examples.
I know with dd I expect her to just "know" but sometimes she has no clue how she can hurt my feelings.


ETA) and one of the reasons we have great trips is because Dh, ds10 and I go off and do our own thing quite a bit on our trips. Most mornings dd sleeps in and joins us later in the day. I used to try to drag her out with us at 6:30 am and she was a complete downer and made everyone miserable. So we started letting her sleep in and come back with us after our mid day break and it makes a HUGE difference. However, I have dh and ds to pal around with while she does that. If it were just the two of us, I know I would be disappointed at hanging in the room half the day too.

 

[jcemom]

For those of you who bring friends, how do you work the money aspect of it?

I have another SIL going in November. She is allowing her DD 17 to take a friend. My SIL is paying for the resort, meals and tips. The friend is paying for her own airfare and park tickets.

That's just how THEY are doing it. It's what my SIL was comfortable with.

My DD (almost 12) is going with a friend in a few weeks. I am paying for her airfare, park tickets and spending money. Our friends are paying for the resort (which really doesn't cost them any extra since there are three of them and DD makes four), and they have the free dining deal so they aren't paying extra for food. (I will make sure DD has enough money for any extras she wants, like a Doofenslurper and an Olaf souvenir slush.)

I haven't figured out what to do about tips yet. I was going to give the mom enough money to cover DD's share of tips, but DD informed me that she tips very much on the low end, so now I'm not sure what to do. DD thinks that if I give her tip money that's all she is going to leave and that there is no way she will tip 18% of the total. She has not specifically asked for tip money from me, but we haven't talked about it.

I know another family who has been taking a friend for their only child (now 13) for several years. They pay all the expenses for the friend and only ask the parents to send spending money.

 

[huskies90]

For those of you who bring friends, how do you work the money aspect of it?

The 2 big expenses are park ticket and airfare. I've done it 3 times with 4 different kids. In all cases, I asked them to pay for their own park ticket since everyone in my family has AP's. In 2 cases I asked them to pay for their airfare the other 2 times I paid - once when I had a credit that was expiring and the other I used SW points because I booked it so early and I was afraid that if we canceled, they would have been stuck with the expense and I did not think that was fair. After that the only other big expense is food and I was fine paying for them. Now the last trip, we drained our DVC points for a 2 bedroom at Bay Lake Tower so we would have 3 rooms and everyone would have their own room and own bathroom but if it's one kid and a friend, they can fit in the room at no additional cost.

 

[KNovacovschi]

Claire still has a sore throat so our last day is a pool day and I am glad. I'm exhausted. She was talking about the trip and asking if we could go again over Feb break. As if! I pointed out that she didn't seem to have a very good time and she said, "what? I had a great time." I told her I didn't, that her dis respectfulness really disappointed me. She said she was sorry but that doesn't go far. I agree I set my expectations way too high. I was thinking of our good moments and expecting every moment of our trip to be magical. I didn't think about our everyday dynamic. I am shocked she wants to go again in February! I cannot figure out the teenage mind. For those of you who bring friends, how do you work the money aspect of it?

I'm sorry to hear that the trip wasn't what you expected. I have a trip booked for Sept 2015 & it will be just myself and DD17. This has me kind of scared. I was thinking of maybe letting her bring a friend but I think maybe that will defeat the purpose of the trip. I was also thinking though if she did bring a friend how does it work payment wise as well, I certainly cannot afford to pay for someone else child. When we went in 2012 my DD was 14 & she didn't seem to be having much fun either but she made it clear she was, last year she was 16 and definitely seemed to enjoy herself to the point she is angry at my DH & me for taking an adult trip for our anniversary next month. Hopefully if you go in Feb things will be different.

 

[abmitch01]

We talked on the plane. She says she had a great time, she had fun with me and was super glad we went. So she didn't see it the way I did. I wanted to end things on an upbeat note so I didn't dredge up my feelings right then but will do so at a later date. We will NOT be going in Feb. but I'm glad she wanted to go back. I'm thankful that she is with her dad for a few days before I go back to work. I think I've earned some me time!

 

[MartDM]

Today was better, I let her sleep and then plan the day. But then she felt sick so I once again missed fireworks. I am giving them up. Tomorrow is our last day. We decided to make it a pool day and maybe do Epcot in the evening if she is feeling better

I will not be doing Disney for many yrs no matter how much she begs

Sorry it didn't turn around the way you had hoped. Lots of different factors at play here that seem to have sunk things. Shake it off and start planning where you'll go with that credit.

And, if she does bring up the idea of another trip anytime soon, the simple answer is "No thank you...our last trip together was expensive and not enjoyable, so I'm going to pass on planning another one." She'll get the message without you having to get into all the ick of this trip (she knows how she behaved, so let her own it and think about it next time she gets of a mind to travel).

 

[Nancyg56]

Sorry it didn't turn around the way you had hoped. Lots of different factors at play here that seem to have sunk things. Shake it off and start planning where you'll go with that credit. And, if she does bring up the idea of another trip anytime soon, the simple answer is "No thank you...our last trip together was expensive and not enjoyable, so I'm going to pass on planning another one." She'll get the message without you having to get into all the ick of this trip (she knows how she behaved, so let her own it and think about it next time she gets of a mind to travel).

I agree. A friend of mine brought her adult daughters and their families a few years ago. One of the girls is was a huge Disney fan, and went often with her Mom and Dad. The other would not even let her little girl see Disney movies (one of THOSE people who think that girls get a poor message). Anyway, they all went and that DD and her DH spent the entire time disparaging every attraction, etc until Dad told them to just stop talking.

A few weeks later, they were talking and DD wants to know when they all are going again/ What??? You hated it! Nope...that was not the DD's perception. My friend told her that the trip was really expensive, so it would be long time til she footed that bill again. The DD got the message, and has not shared her opinions on Disney characters since. No trip planned by Mom either....

 

[MindyDean]

15-that's all you had to say. I have found from personal experience that teens are so much better if they have a family member or friend the same age on the trip and let them go off by themselves for a few hours. I know you wanted a special together time and that might work for a couple of days, but this is the time when they don't want to do do everything with parents. Part of becoming independent. there is hope. I began to really enjoy my oldest at 18. He was actually pleasant to be around. My youngest son is 16 and boy I love him, but he knows everything . His dad's IQ and mine have apparently dropped like a sunk boat because we know nothing!

 

[BABYJOSIE98]

I say all the time...I hate teenagers!!! UGH! I feel your pain! We took our DD 16 on a cruise this summer for her Sweet 16 and we did have another family go and their DD was turning 16 also. The trip went well ,but just was not the fun I had hoped for...

Getting them up early was not fun , but when you have excursions you have no choice. So then you have the attitude!! OMG! I will be glad when this stage passes...

Someone posted earlier that "They know everything and we know nothing"!

Now we are going to WDW in Nov with my DD , Cousin and Mom and She seems very excited about this trip...She loves Disney and I actually think not having the friend along will be better this trip. We only have a couple early mornings planned and she knows how Disney works! She loves Disney and does not like if I mention going without her.. Hubby and I sneaking away for a few days alone in Feb!!!

We are doing Cinderella Breakfast...Still celebrating Sweet 16 since we could not add WDW before the cruise this summer.

Hang in there! It has to get better....

I find letting her sleep and feeding her helps a lot!!! LOL

 

[lugnut33]

Before every trip I always ask my teens if they just want to sleep in and do the parks late in the day. The answer has always been no because they know the importance of being there at rope drop. I do always schedule a day or two where we do sleep in. A rest day is important.

 

[hsmamato2]

awww OP..... I feel your pain....raising 2 teens myself I often asked myself where those sweet,early rising kids had gone to! One thing I learned was late starts to our day on any trip always made for happier people,so that's what we do. In fact,one kid is so late in the a.m. we sometimes leave him a note and meet up at 1 p.m. when he's feeling refreshed We never hit any parks before 11 a.m. b/c I'd rather putz in lines than deal with cranky teens

 

[maekeith]

I have read this entire thread and am quite impressed at all the good advice passed on to parents of teenagers. I am not that great with teens and find it very difficult to put up with their moods etc.

I can only say to many of you...."Wait for the Grandkids!" They are a joy to take on vacation! lol

 

[clutter]

The 2 big expenses are park ticket and airfare. I've done it 3 times with 4 different kids. In all cases, I asked them to pay for their own park ticket since everyone in my family has AP's. In 2 cases I asked them to pay for their airfare the other 2 times I paid - once when I had a credit that was expiring and the other I used SW points because I booked it so early and I was afraid that if we canceled, they would have been stuck with the expense and I did not think that was fair. After that the only other big expense is food and I was fine paying for them. Now the last trip, we drained our DVC points for a 2 bedroom at Bay Lake Tower so we would have 3 rooms and everyone would have their own room and own bathroom but if it's one kid and a friend, they can fit in the room at no additional cost.

I've never asked, but accepted either park ticket or DDP if offered.

This Dec, we're taking a friend and I've booked her airfare with SW points (in case she can't go, I get the points back ), the room is my DVC and her tickets will be almost covered with Disney Visa points.

My dd is now a high school senior and 17. OP, it really does get better. I think 15, for us, was the low point of the teen years. I don't think you could pay me enough to travel with dd at 15 again. Ever. That "imaginary audience" is SO TRUE!!!!!

But now that college is a year away, I think we're both seeing the separation coming and reacting to it in many productive and unproductive ways.

 

[abmitch01]

DD did say it was best if I didn't talk to her in the morning which she meant as before 2pm! thanks for helping me keep my sanity in this trip, much appreciated

 

[CaliTex]

I have read this entire thread and am quite impressed at all the good advice passed on to parents of teenagers. I am not that great with teens and find it very difficult to put up with their moods etc.

I can only say to many of you...."Wait for the Grandkids!" They are a joy to take on vacation! lol

Grandkids are awesome. They make "those years" of putting up with our teenaged daughters worth it!

Disney is great, lots of fun, but it isn't actually magic. It won't make a difficult season or relationship suddenly wonderful.

I never tolerated disrespect, but I know that teens can be a trial. We took our wonderful ? children to Hawaii, DDs were 15 and 17 at the time and it wasn't terrible but we had our moments. Sleeping in until two. In Hawaii. Left them a note, told them we would be on the beach. Told them they could lay around like codfish at home, and not miss crystalline water and tropical breezes. And cute guys on surfboards. Duh. End of sleeping all day.

DD 17 on the phone constantly with her boyfriend because he threatened to break up with her for going to Hawaii. (Yeah. Psycho.) DS 23 took the phone away from her and told boyfriend he was going to "catch up with him in a week". End of phone calls.

They snapped out of it pretty quick but there was some sibling/peer pressure to knock it off. Can't imagine being by myself with either of them at that point.

We love to take our DGK to Disney, SO MUCH FUN! and will continue doing so, unless they get older and behave like horse's rear ends, at which point...ahhh...pay back is a real drag...... and it's BACK TO THE PARENTS WITH YOU, LITTLE DARLINGS! while my husband and I stay CL and hang out at the pool and do signature dining.

 

[NEV2OLD4DIS]

So sorry your vacation has not turned out to be the most enjoyable. My DD was 17 last time we went, and we brought her then boyfriend. He got more of the attitude than I did, but still...... Need I say more as you know how it is. Thank goodness it was his first trip, as he was so excited, thankful and fun to be with!

DD will be 22 on our next trip and can't wait to go, along with DH, DS-12 and I. I only wish she had a BF this trip! I have asked her a few times how she will put up with us, as just a shopping trip with her can only last about 2-3 hrs, including the 30 min. each way to get there and back! Her answer is that she can't wait to go and get away from work. I think DH and I will take a turn visiting the bar at CSR with her at night for some grown up time, and maybe I will head to the spa with her if budget will allow. Sure am biting my nails knowing her attitude though!

 

[Bluegrrl]

This whole thread has reminded me of my favorite Mark Twain quotes:

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

 

[abmitch01]

I love that quote!

I told her we would not be going back until she's in college and we can go in May. Less crowded, not as hot and less expensive than school breaks. That's 4 yrs away! the longest we'd be without a trip to Disney. I'll probably cave before then but I hope I don't.

 

[abmitch01]

with time to look back now, we had more good times than bad. I should have picked up on her cues more, like with a toddler. She's cranky- does she need a rest, is she hungry?, etc.... I realize now that we are not people to go back to the room midday and then go back to the parks, we spent evenings chilling. I feel like we could've crammed more in but it was probably good that we didn't

I have $200 vouchers for airfare for each of us that have to be used by next year. You can't change the name on them. So I'm going to look for a summer cheap ocean accessible hotel somewhere on the east cost. And we are going to relax, sleep in, and truly have a vacation that brings me back feeling renewed. Or if she keeps being snarky, I will bring a friend instead!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

with time to look back now, we had more good times than bad. I should have picked up on her cues more, like with a toddler. She's cranky- does she need a rest, is she hungry?, etc.... I realize now that we are not people to go back to the room midday and then go back to the parks, we spent evenings chilling. I feel like we could've crammed more in but it was probably good that we didn't

I have $200 vouchers for airfare for each of us that have to be used by next year. You can't change the name on them. So I'm going to look for a summer cheap ocean accessible hotel somewhere on the east cost. And we are going to relax, sleep in, and truly have a vacation that brings me back feeling renewed. Or if she keeps being snarky, I will bring a friend instead!

Bring a friend for yourself too! It's nice to have adult company to chat with.

Just wanted to add, we are a family of 4 who all appreciates some time alone. We feel it's important on vacation too. We have found that when the kids were little, it was better with renting a 4BR home offsite and having our own space to retreat to when we needed it. All that togetherness 24/7 starts to wear on each other's nerves after a few days. When they got older we switched to onsite but 4 nts max is about it.

Our boys are 14 & 17. We've been to WDW/Universal & cruised DCL a ridonculous amount of times. We mix it up with other places too like Niagara Falls, San Fran/Yosemite, Sedona/Grand Canyon, etc. I love to travel.

My family doesn't feel the urge as often as I do so last fall when I predicted I will need a little "winter escape" cruise, I booked a 3-nt cruise for March. They felt it was the same ol thing. Ds 17 asked how many times could I stand to go back to Nassau?
Honestly, I wouldn't care if the ship stayed docked in FL.
Like you, I work in health care too and having close to 20 snow storms last winter, not being able to be late or absent, etc. was so stressful. It seriously would add an hour to each way of my commute to Philly.
I told them if no one else wanted to go, I'd go alone. Actually, a friend/neighbor was considering going, and eventually did, but really I would have sailed alone just to feel sun on me and relax.
So ds14 changed his mind and wanted to come. I think by March dh wished he was going as he worked a lot of OT clearing snow/repairing plows for our county.
Ds17 has a senior trip to WDW in March so he's trying to stay away so it doesn't feel like, "I was just here 6 months ago." when they go.
We have a 3-nt cruise in Sept over a long weekend off school and finally decided to let ds17 stay home. It's not worth paying all that for him just to have him tell me he's done it all before. He'll be 18 soon & going to college next year so I feel he can handle it. We're close with our neighbors next door & my parents live close by and plan to drop in a few times but honestly I think he'll just be happy to sleep til 1pm and have Mac n cheese for dinner.
He's a rule-follower to the point of being annoying.

If it goes well in Sept, we may be doing it again in April. Just because he's tired of something I enjoy, doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing what I like.

Maybe you could look into a Disney cruise? At least on the ships, the teens have their own hang out (also separate ones for tweens & younger kids).
We like that we all have time together (dinner) but we still get some time apart so we're not all holding hands 24/7.
A friend for you & a friend for your dd might be a great relaxing way to enjoy Disney.