Help-rescue a not so hot trip

[mom2rtk]

Add me to the list of people saying go yourself! If you stay in, you are giving her too much power here.

 

[maxiesmom]

She promised we'd do wishes one night. Tonight's the perfect night, park open til one and we've been resting for hours now she doesn't want to go back. She wants to stay in the hotel room. So disappointed but I'm going to go with the flow. Wishes isn't worth hours of dragging a belligerent teen through the park

GO BY YOURSELF!!!!!!! She can stay in the room if she wants, but don't miss out on something you really want to do to placate her!!!!

Going with the flow does NOT mean doing whatever your daughter wants to do, it doesn't mean letting HER control the vacation!!!!

Seriously. Go by yourself and have a great time!!!

 

[tjmw2727]

GO !
Tell her you will miss her and to text you if she changes her mind, perhaps give her a time as to when you expect her to be back in the room if she goes out. This way your not engaged in her negative behavior and you can enjoy your hard earned vacation.

My dd's are 16 and 18 and we had some rough moments on our trip last week but I took a deep breath and tried to stay positive and they eventually fed on that I am a widow so its just us and slightly OT (although you sound like you feel a bit disrespected?) I can't afford to tolerate bad behavior at all - even on vacation so they know better than to go there with me as I will "lower that boom"

Try talking with her tomorrow about what she expected vs what you expected and how you can adjust and move forward. Remind her that this was a vacation you both planned and that your willing to make compromises but you expect the same from her.
Good luck and I hope this turns around for you both!

 

[artemis4]

Go! Don't let her hold you hostage. It also demonstrates to her through your actions that your wishes and hers are equally valuable. You are respecting her preferences, but valuing yourself enough to not let her dictate your actions either.

Calm and respectful. "Seeing Wishes tonight is important to me. I'm going. I will be back at approximately x o'clock. I expect you to stay in the room after (insert time here). I hope you enjoy a relaxing evening. I love you."

Then go. Who knows, it may be just what she needs. Sometimes the alone time is important for my introvert kid. She may also choose to catch up with you before you hit the bus stop. I've had that type of thing happen with my kids too.

 

[mediadiva]

I think you going out and enjoying wishes is a perfect idea. At night she's less likely to leave the hotel room and wander so if you feel you can trust her in that regard I would go out and see that by myself. I know its not the same.... but I don't think you will regret going if you do go and it kind of teachers her something, that you aren't going to let her stop you from having fun. Its subtle you don't have to shove it in her face you just put on a smile and say "well I am going, text me later if you have any issues". I've seen people saying let her know such and such time you will be home and such and such time she can meet you. She is not YOUR mom so I would not do all that. Its 2014 you both have phones and can text each other for any questions. I would just go and have fun smile and show her that and that IMHO is powerful enough in itself.

I think I would switch it so you never went at RD like I think you said you have changed, so you are comporting the sleep issue and so she gets to sleep. If you don't feel comfortable leaving her at the hotel room all day by herself then as the mother she has to come with you, I would just do what you want and she has to go along the same way my 7yo has to go clothing shopping and grocery shopping with me. I wouldn't expect her to last all day but pick your favorite 5 hours of the day thats not the morning and she just has to go where you wanna go and she knows you won't stay all day and won't go early to accommodate her so you are both getting something you wanted. It can be a good lesson in compromise. You won't whine to her about what you have to miss out on because of her and she won't whine to you about having to go to the parks. That would be the compromise I would explain. Good luck, I don't have a teenager so I only have so much room to talk, but as a teenager if my mom paid for something I was well aware how expensive it was and while I maybe didn't smile like she wanted me to I went where I was told.

 

[jcemom]

I know that as parents we spend a ton of time planning ADRs and FP+ for our trips. so please don't flame me when I suggest this.

Let her plan the next day. I know it's hard to do WDW on a whim with no plans, but maybe letting her take the lead on the day's activities might be an idea.

This! I took my easy-going DS on a ten day trip when he was 12. The first few days went as I had planned, and then he confessed to me that he didn't really want to do the stuff I planned. What he really wanted was to go to sleep in and go to Disney Quest. So that's what we did. It drove me crazy, but I did it. He really enjoyed getting to do what he wanted. Me, not so much, but I survived.

ETA: I did leave him sleep in the room one morning while I hit AK for rope drop. He was fine. I wasn't comfortable leaving him for too long, but had he been 15 like the OP's daughter then I would have certainly seen that as a viable option. A good compromise would have been for me to leave him sleep in while I hit rope drops, then do what he wanted to do after lunch.

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

Yep. My teens love DW because I let them do what they want to go do. We normally plan two parks per day and I make ADR's but nothing is set in stone as long as everybody shows up for dinner.

There's two older ones and they can go do whatever they want, sometimes they're even in a different park than I am if I'm off with the little ones.

Mostly, I'll just do whatever everybody else wants to do most of the time and squeeze in the stuff I want in between and everybody stays happy because they aren't being herded around doing what's planned for them to do.

I like this!

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

abmitch01

Just know this...all of us WDW-lovers are thinking of you!

 

[Kathryn777]

I don't have teens yet but I was a horrible one and have worked with many. It sounds like you're doing everything right. You don't have to put up with cruel comments. Don't let her rile you up, just tell her you don't have to be around her if you don't like her behavior, and meet up with her in an hour or two.

 

[auntfrannie]

At 15 she's old enough to get to the parks on her own (if you're staying on site). I would get up and leave in the morning and tell her to text you when she gets to the park. It sounds like you need some time by yourself to get her out of your head.

 

[kmb584]

At 15 she's old enough to get to the parks on her own (if you're staying on site). I would get up and leave in the morning and tell her to text you when she gets to the park. It sounds like you need some time by yourself to get her out of your head.

Agreed. OP, it's okay if she doesn't want to do what you had planned, but that doesn't mean that you should spend the entire trip bending to her demands. Go to the parks, have fun, let her know where she can meet you if she decides to join in.

 

[michsig]

Sorry you're having a rough time! I personally remember 13-16 being my brattier years. I can imagine it isn't easy to deal with. My advice would be not to take it personally. Teenage girls are moody. It sucks that it's affecting your trip though! Like others have said, I suggest letting her plan out a day. Good luck!

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

It sounds like you need some time by yourself to get her out of your head.

Brilliant advice. I'd also let it be known that you never plan on coming back to WDW...sometimes that can snap 'em into shape and make them appreciate where they are at for this short time(that will never return).

 

[abmitch01]

I wish I read this last night and gone to Wishes by myself! I let her sleep this morning and in return we're ding HS fireworks. I honestly don't think we are coiming back until she is in college and more mature. Our plane was thirteen hours late so we each have a $200 credit to use in one year. I am going somewhere, she is not, at least not with me, lol.

We've had some good times this trip but overall I am greatly disappointed. She's a good kid, I didn't see this coming.

 

[abmitch01]

Hearing from you guys really helped. I was hesitant to post about a negative experience because everyone seems to have such a great time on here.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I wish I read this last night and gone to Wishes by myself! I let her sleep this morning and in return we're ding HS fireworks. I honestly don't think we are coiming back until she is in college and more mature. Our plane was thirteen hours late so we each have a $200 credit to use in one year. I am going somewhere, she is not, at least not with me, lol.

We've had some good times this trip but overall I am greatly disappointed. She's a good kid, I didn't see this coming.

I am so sorry this happened and boy can I relate. Two years ago my son was 17 when we took our trip and he was a pill. Didn't want to do a thing with us, kept us waiting at ADR's to the point we ended up trading in table service credits for counter serve because I couldn't take the stress anymore (it was free dining and I think we traded in the last three for cs).

Fast forward to now and we are going back and he is a very different 20 year old who is very excited about the trip. My daughter is 18 and is also excited.

But I did decide that we would do two rooms at Pop vs one room at a mod or deluxe so that they have their space and dh and I have ours.

Things really change as our kids get older and its heartbreaking when the Happy Place that is supposed to be all about family time and togetherness turns into teenage wasteland!

I hope you go someplace that is all for you on that $200 air credit. Go back to WDW and do it your way!

 

[Bellanota]

sorry your trip isnt going as planned. My first trip to Disney that I remember I was 15. So there is hope she may be enjoying it more then even she realizes. Looking back I dont remember alot of the trip except the postives... I am sure I was a huge brat. Every time I hear a certain bon jovi album I think of Disney cause I was obessed that year with them...I think I spent more time with my headphones on then paying attention to the family. But I still fell in love and even spent my Honeymoon there. So Even if she wont tell you now she is having a time at some point she may realize it.


Sorry for the rambling...

 

[BuzzinDownToDisney]

So sorry you are going through this. Honestly at this point it shouldn't be a bargain. Letting her sleep in shouldn't be a tradeoff for fireworks, you should be going to Fantasmic and fireworks anyway and she can come if she wants, if not go grab a Mickey bar and enjoy by yourself!

I agree with a PP about telling her this will be the last trip to WDW.

 

[Carrie in AZ]

You are sooooo NOT alone!!! I've mentioned that earlier in this thread but I am here to say it again.

Our now 14yo DD ruined our excursion in Grand Cayman on our cruise last October, and I am still resentful about it. She is not an ocean lover like the other three of us and that is ok. We paid for and chartered our own private boat and skipper to take us to Stingray City, Coral Gardens and Starfish Beach. I booked this instead of going with a larger group so that she could have her own space and happily stay up on the boat instead of getting in the water with us if she wanted, etc. We talked at length about going and she agreed she would find her courage and would go along. Well, when the morning arrived, she started in. Begging us to let her stay on the ship, did she REALLY have to go along, etc. She had promised us beforehand that she would go with us and would have a good attitude. Off we went. She was in a mood the whole time and as soon as we boarded our little boat, she laid down, said she didn't feel well blah blah blah. We dropped anchor at Stingray City and instead of trying to be nice and acting interested, she just laid around the boat and didn't even lift up her head to smile or even try to be nice. I'm sure that skipper thought "WTH is this bratty girl all about". She was a bear the entire time and it was extremely embarrassing. WE WERE SOOOO MAD. We had the boat for four hours but cut it short by one hour, just anything to end the misery, and returned to the ship. She was all perky then and ready to head off the club....... DH and I went off on her like you can't believe. So disappointing to have to ream our DD on a Disney vacation.

What should have been an amazing day for us was very much tainted by our DD's 13yo venom. Talk about disrespectful, she had the corner on that one. Here we are on a Disney Cruise and on a private charter in Grand Cayman. Could she be appreciative and happy about that???? No.

So, as you can see, you are not alone if feeling like "what could I have possibly done to raise such a brat?" It's very, very difficult to swallow, I know.

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry this trip did not go the way you had dreamed of in your mind. It's hard to take.

 

[tjmw2727]

I wish I read this last night and gone to Wishes by myself! I let her sleep this morning and in return we're ding HS fireworks. I honestly don't think we are coiming back until she is in college and more mature. Our plane was thirteen hours late so we each have a $200 credit to use in one year. I am going somewhere, she is not, at least not with me, lol.

We've had some good times this trip but overall I am greatly disappointed. She's a good kid, I didn't see this coming.

If your going to see the Frozen Fireworks IMHO they are amazing - grab a table as early as you can by the boat on the right if your looking at the boat toward the tv screen by idol and you can see everything from there. We saw them last week and I think they are better than wishes and among the best Disney does - and we have seen NYE and 4th of July

At this spot she can read, use her phone, get a snack and just chill

Please try and move forward with an optimistic attitude and hopefully she will follow. With my dd's (also teens) I would try something like - we had a good day today lets keep it going so we are both happy. Tomorrow I would like to do xx how about you what are some of your choices for the day... bla bla you get the point.

I think with teens its like with toddlers they try and exert power but they really don't want it - they want us to exert a certain level of control but also to be understood and heard. Tough balance especially on vacation but I am a firm believer in not changing my parenting style because its vacation! Although I am fine with mickey bars for lunch, sleeping ....