Help-rescue a not so hot trip

[disney-inspired]

I'm sorry it has been A less than magical trip it's definitely an age thing which sucks because its Disney World! I wasn't like that as a teen. I was the weird one who enjoyed family vacations. Maybe have a sit-down and talk about her expectations vs yours.

 

[jcemom]

Hearing from you guys really helped. I was hesitant to post about a negative experience because everyone seems to have such a great time on here.

I usually choose to focus on the positive aspects of each trip after we get home (kind of like childbirth lol -- if I focused on the negatives I would have stopped after one). We definitely have had our negatives though.

I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that I actually walked away from DD once and left her sitting in her stroller. I didn't go far. I wasn't actually leaving her, but I'll bet the people who were watching thought I was. I needed a minute to calm down. It was just the two of us and I think the CMs had her believing she really WAS a princess because she was treating me like a servant.

My SIL is going for the first time next month and her 14 year old daughter doesn't want to go. They are making her go, and I'm hoping she has a good time once she's there, but I am a little worried for them.

 

[disney-inspired]

My SIL is going for the first time next month and her 14 year old daughter doesn't want to go. They are making her go, and I'm hoping she has a good time once she's there, but I am a little worried for them.

That's one thing I don't think I would ever do with my future children. Once they get into their whiny, bratty adolescent phase, if they don't want to go to Disneyland/World they are more than welcome to stay with their grandparents or cousins.By that age, they will have experienced it plenty of times with us as kids that they know what they would be missing. Of course this is present-me talking about future-me and who knows how it will actually turn out.

 

[NeuroCindy]

This thread breaks my heart. I can see both sides. While I know your trip is over, I still wanted to put out my thoughts in case another parent sees them.

You put a ton of time, money, and effort into an amazing vacation. You wanted mother-daughter bonding, fun, Disney Magic!

I'm sure your daughter wanted it too, but I think there's a few factors in her attitude. First, how much time do you guys spend in the same room with no escape but the bathroom at home? I'm guessing that doesn't happen that much. So now you both are "stuck" with each other.

She probably is stuck in a weird "people will think I'm dumb/immature if I actually have fun here" mentality. Remember, at 15 kids have an "imaginary audience". They truly believe in their minds that everyone is watching and judging them all the time. At 28, I was able to really not care if people thought my bff and I were crazy singing "Kiss the Girl" at midnight in the Magic Kingdom; but I'm sure at 15 I NEVER would have done it.

Let's not forget some of the issues that plague adults at WDW can plague teens too. Teens have body image issues, food issues, mobility issues; but often are much more embarassed than adults because they don't have the practice in dealing with them.

That said, I was just there with 3 kids (about to turn 10, 6, and 3) and if the 10 year old said it was, "lame, boring, stupid" or that we were "stupid and embarassing" one more time, I probably would have lost it. I really can see both sides so hugs to all you parents dealing with rough teens or tweens.

 

[agavegirl1]

Hearing from you guys really helped. I was hesitant to post about a negative experience because everyone seems to have such a great time on here.

Oh my goodness don't think that! Just because we love Disney doesn't mean we have never had a bad experience there. The people we are with whether a teen experiencing the usual angst or a in-law with a "really? This is what you were so hyped up for?" attitude. We have been there. Sometimes, if you go often, you may only have a few moments that resonate long after a particular trip. Mostly, your experiences will be good.

My tween/teen trips with my two youngest ran the gamut. These were carefully planned trips to many destinations all planned with their help and their interests, not just WDW. Sometimes they were absolutely engaged and sometimes they would rather stay in our mini motorhome and play video games or fall back to sleep. I remember one trip in particular, they woke up and immediately started with the video games ... I was pointing out spectacular landmarks at sunrise (New York Skyline, first glimpse of the Atlantic Ocean, Tall Ships etc...they didn't even look out the window. Mario was more important. By the time we got to our whale watching tour and our afternoon at the beach they were "sort-of" into it. The beach, however, had "too many waves".

Now, in their twenties, I could take them almost anywhere and they would be engaged, interested and communicative. Give it time.

 

[wareagle57]

First, forget about the money. It's spend, you can't get it back, and ultimately you can't get it back. 15 year olds can be total snots, especially when it comes to Disney. I know I was. I thought it was boring and for kids when I was 15. I would have rather been at 6 Flags or Cedar Point. There's just not much you can do about it. Just try to let her control the schedule and do what she wants. Ask he if she'd rather go to Universal one day maybe.

 

[AndreaA]

Just today I told one of my FIVE year olds that with his behavior (being snotty and whiny and mock-slapping me because I couldn't get him water at the dog park and were only 7 minutes from home) he was only embarrassing HIMSELF. That people around who heard him would think "Wow, that little boy isn't acting very nicely." They weren't thinking "That mean mom letting him hit her and staying calm and nicely saying that water is only a few minutes away."

I sort of feel that's the message that needs to be sent to snotty teens/tweens as well! Sure, you may THINK that people are assuming you're a bad parent for not having your kid in total control, but in reality, I think most people - especially other parents - know that kids have "not so great" moments regardless of parenting.

Most people don't see a teen with an attitude (and I actually saw one at a local amusement park last week!) and think "Wow, her parents did a crappy job." No, they think, "Wow, she's pretty ungrateful being in Disney/an amusement park/a cruise and acting like she's in prison."

Keep your head up and enjoy the rest of your trip. In a few years I have a feeling her attitude and behavior will have improved SUBSTANTIALLY.

 

[disney1990]

Our granddaughters are 14 and 16. We have been taking them to Disney every other year since they were 3 and 5. I asked my DH if we could take the 16 year old and leave the 14 year old at home because she has a bratasaurous. Instead, we chose to not take them this year at all - rather than risk it.

 

[abmitch01]

Today was better, I let her sleep and then plan the day. But then she felt sick so I once again missed fireworks. I am giving them up. Tomorrow is our last day. We decided to make it a pool day and maybe do Epcot in the evening if she is feeling better

I will not be doing Disney for many yrs no matter how much she begs

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

Today was better, I let her sleep and then plan the day. But then she felt sick so I once again missed fireworks. I am giving them up. Tomorrow is our last day. We decided to make it a pool day and maybe do Epcot in the evening if she is feeling better

I will not be doing Disney for many yrs no matter how much she begs

Let her know ya ain't coming back(in a calm resigned way) and she'll probably appreciate that last day a little more.

You did what you could, mom, and you should feel proud of yourself! Teens will be teens and sometimes they break our hearts...just like we broke *our* parents hearts when we were that age.

I hope you enjoy your last day and have a safe trip home!

 

[ldo]

Revamp your trip! Switch your fp for the pm and let her sleep late, shop @ DTd, hang out in room---my 2 teens love going at night---we stayed until after midnight last night. Slept until 10:30am. My kids balk at even 9am in the parks. And we're here to have fun. It's different wdw touring than we did for 10 years, but easy with the new Fp system. She'll remember the fun time, not the she missed the xxx ride.
In the am, I get up, get coffee, walk the resort, etc. I have to admit, I really like only going in the pm, as well. Good luck.

 

[bumbershoot]

Remember, at 15 kids have an "imaginary audience". They truly believe in their minds that everyone is watching and judging them all the time....


Let's not forget some of the issues that plague adults at WDW can plague teens too. Teens have body image issues, food issues, mobility issues; but often are much more embarassed than adults because they don't have the practice in dealing with them.

Those are terrific points, and what a great way to put into words that feeling of everyone watching you. Like you are the only person on the planet and obviously everyone knew every embarrassing thing you ever did...

Body issues are also a good point. I know that the OP was dealing with some concerns of her own, before the trip, wondering about things. Could be mirrored by the daughter. I know that my body concerns were the same concerns my mom had about her body!

Today was better, I let her sleep and then plan the day. But then she felt sick so I once again missed fireworks. I am giving them up.

Dang, I'm bummed for you.

If you truly thought she felt sick, that's one thing. I think we can often tell in our kids. If my son pulled that and I had ANY feeling that it wasn't true, we would be packing some stuff to head immediately to CentraCare. I mean, if he's that sick as to miss something he had wanted to do, he's obviously very sick! (when DS agrees to go see someone, it means he IS sick)

Hearing from you guys really helped. I was hesitant to post about a negative experience because everyone seems to have such a great time on here.

Read the trip reports more. I swear, half or more of my blather in reports is "mistakes I've made" or "how miserable someone was" or things like that.

 

[mitchwebb]

I'm so sorry for your trip and having had three teen girls on our last trip recognize a lot of your frustration. I made afternoon and evening FP only and let them sleep. Not getting in that lions den in the morning

Think the one thing that might save a trip with teens is another teen and someone for you to hang with. But I do know the sadness of having planned a mother daughter experience and having it turn out different.

Hope you can remember the good points of the vacation and the others fade away.

 

[mom2rtk]

Dang, I'm bummed for you.

If you truly thought she felt sick, that's one thing. I think we can often tell in our kids. If my son pulled that and I had ANY feeling that it wasn't true, we would be packing some stuff to head immediately to CentraCare. I mean, if he's that sick as to miss something he had wanted to do, he's obviously very sick! (when DS agrees to go see someone, it means he IS sick)

When I read the OP's update, all I could think was "Geez, I hope she was really sick". I know that sounds awful, but the thought that maybe she might be manipulating things to go her way again just seemed like a worse option.

 

[MKMomma]

Did DD15 want to take this trip? Was she enthused before you left? Was she involved in the planning? I'm left wondering if this trip wasn't a little one sided in your direction.

I agree with the suggestions to let her take the reins and do what she might like to do, even if it's not what you planned or what you think is the best use of your time. Her interests may be completely contrary to what you envisioned. If the idea is to make the trip enjoyable for her as well, you may have to change your mindset a bit (teenagers are a fickle bunch!)

If you read the multiple posts by the OP, you will see her daughter was not all that excited to go. It was heavily pushed by the OP and she was getting attitude months before they left.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

OP, I am sorry that things aren't going as you hoped. I know you stressed a lot about the trip over the last few months and seemed to want it to be a perfect experience. I know it's hard not to be disappointed when the fantasy of a vacation and the reality of of it don't match up.

I can understand your disappointment, as I know you planned every last detail. However, I do say, very gently, that maybe your expectations of your DD were a bit too high. Perhaps you were much more excited about the trip than she was? It's easy to get swept away in the planning, I had a similar disappointment in planning an extended family trip.......once I let go of how "I imagined it would be", the reality of how it really was got much better. Hugs to you OP, I hope you can still find some fun together!

 

[leebee]

If you read the multiple posts by the OP, you will see her daughter was not all that excited to go. It was heavily pushed by the OP and she was getting attitude months before they left.

I have been concerned about this, too. I think the OP was putting a lot of pressure on herself, to be able to walk at her daughter's pace, to keep up with what her daughter wants to do (ironically), that she wasn't planning enough fun/amazing things for her daughter, etc. I thought OP was over-worrying it all, but maybe she'd picked up on a vibe about this trip from her daughter and had reason to worry. I don't know… I just feel badly that the daughter has been so mean/rude/disrespectful to her mom. My feelings hurt for the OP. I am SO glad my own DD never went through this phase.

OP, the bright spot is that this IS just a phase, and there will be multiple opportunities to have new, happier experiences with your DD over the years to come. I think you have to let this trip go, and chalk it up to experience. I am so so sorry you didn't have the wonderful, amazing, mother/daughter bonding trip you'd hoped for, but perhaps after this phase passes and your DD is more into the whole concept, you'll have the trip you'd hoped this one would be.

 

[huskies90]

This won't help the OP's trip now, but for others planning with teenagers our trick is to let them bring friends. We went in July with 2 teenage girls - 15 and 17 and they each brought a friend. They were old enough to go off on their own with their friends. We met up for dinner and did a bunch of other stuff together in the parks and outside the parks but if they wanted to do their own thing, no problem. It worked out great. Actually I was shocked how often they got up and left on their own for rope drop.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think the mistake was the timing. I had a great mother/daughter WDW trip with my mom - right after I graduated college (it was my gift). However, at 15, the thought of leaving my friends behind and being stuck with only my mom would have been torture (and I know if I asked dd18 if she wanted to take a trip with just me, she would be horrified - dd13 and dd11 would jump at the chance).

At this age, you just have to let them be - they can be a little insane (due to crazy hormones). Biologically, they are supposed to be separating from their parents - dd18 goes off to college in a couple of weeks, and she's been having some moody moments that I haven't seen in a couple of years. I've heard this is normal - she's excited, and scared.

I would tell her that you are not going to be a doormat, and there is no reason to be rude. Give her space - go have fun!

 

[abmitch01]

Claire still has a sore throat so our last day is a pool day and I am glad. I'm exhausted. She was talking about the trip and asking if we could go again over Feb break. As if! I pointed out that she didn't seem to have a very good time and she said, "what? I had a great time." I told her I didn't, that her dis respectfulness really disappointed me. She said she was sorry but that doesn't go far.

I agree I set my expectations way too high. I was thinking of our good moments and expecting every moment of our trip to be magical. I didn't think about our everyday dynamic. I am shocked she wants to go again in February! I cannot figure out the teenage mind.

For those of you who bring friends, how do you work the money aspect of it?