HELP! Possibly having to take in sisters children!

[jglass3]

Hi, I have just returned from the DHR office. My sister is a drug addict and is losing her two boys ages 7 and 4. I have 5 year old twins and struggle financially as it is and I am now faced with either the boys going into foster care or with me. I don't want them to go into foster care, and my parents won't help us in any way financially with them. We barely have enough to feed my family of four on our $25,000 a year salary. I am a stay at home mom who goes to school full time trying to get a nursing degree. I just don't see how it will be possible to add to our family. Can anyone here offer support or advice on how we can make this work. We just saved for a year to take our first family vacation to disney next month. I know I sound selfish, but we have struggled for years and really thought that things would start looking up, not down. Please pray for me and my family! It will be so appreciated. Sorry to rant!

 

[vsimeone]

Not a lot of advice to offer here but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I will add that we faced almost this exact situation about 2 years ago with SIL's kids. At the time they were about 8, 15 and 17. DH's brother took the 8 year old. After examining the entire situation, we decided that for the health and welfare of our family that we could not take in the older girls. It was a completely heart-wrenching decision that I'm sure some will disagree with but we decided that there are fantastically, wonderful people that serve as foster parents for just these types of situations. For our family, we made the right decision.

Again, my thoughts and prayers are with during this agonizing time.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

Hi, I have just returned from the DHR office. My sister is a drug addict and is losing her two boys ages 7 and 4. I have 5 year old twins and struggle financially as it is and I am now faced with either the boys going into foster care or with me. I don't want them to go into foster care, and my parents won't help us in any way financially with them. We barely have enough to feed my family of four on our $25,000 a year salary. I am a stay at home mom who goes to school full time trying to get a nursing degree. I just don't see how it will be possible to add to our family. Can anyone here offer support or advice on how we can make this work. We just saved for a year to take our first family vacation to disney next month. I know I sound selfish, but we have struggled for years and really thought that things would start looking up, not down. Please pray for me and my family! It will be so appreciated. Sorry to rant!

You may qualify for government assistance to help you financially since you would in essence be foster parents to the children. I would contact DHS to see what you qulaify for. I know this has to be difficult in every way imaginable, but you can be such a blessing to those children. Good luck with your decision!

 

[taymaesmom]

Wow, you have a very hard decision to make. I couldn't imagine having to make it. Friends of ours took in the granddaughters a few years ago. They are waiting for their mother to successfully complete drug rehab. The grandparents recieve a monthly stipend from the Dept of children and family services to help cover the girls expenses. I know of other foster families that recieve money to care for the children. Maybe there is some kind of help available to your family if you take them in.

 

[Solomonsmom81]

well im sot sure on this one but wouldnt the state be able to help you financially and once you had them to your household with that salary im sure you could get food stamps and maybe even health care benefits and since you are going to school you might be able to get cash assistance. I would look into what kind of benefits are available in your state and if the state helps when you take in other children. Good luck and my prayers are with you ....let us know how it turns out.

 

[TheRatPack]

You may qualify for government assistance to help you financially since you would in essence be foster parents to the children. I would contact DHS to see what you qulaify for. I know this has to be difficult in every way imaginable, but you can be such a blessing to those children. Good luck with your decision!

I think I read somewhere that in most states the foster care subsidy/assistance isn't available to 'family' placements. I think that is crud....as many families would help and the children would be kept with family...etc but they just can't afford to take on more children financially. So the government puts these kids in a foster home and pays 400+ a month to that foster parent. Again, I think that the government should re-evaluate this and offer some kind of assistance if family steps up to take a child in a bad situation.

And I don't look down on anyone for having to say 'no' to these types of situations....it's hard to make that decision but each person has to know what is best for their family.

 

[nikkistevej]

I would think you would be eligible for assistance as well, I would check into it before making any decisions. Good luck!!!

 

[Solomonsmom81]

ok so nannerbadnanner beat me to it

 

[nannerbadnanner]

I think I read somewhere that in most states the foster care subsidy/assistance isn't available to 'family' placements. I think that is crud....as many families would help and the children would be kept with family...etc but they just can't afford to take on more children financially. So the government puts these kids in a foster home and pays 400+ a month to that foster parent. Again, I think that the government should re-evaluate this and offer some kind of assistance if family steps up to take a child in a bad situation.

And I don't look down on anyone for having to say 'no' to these types of situations....it's hard to make that decision but each person has to know what is best for their family.

Wow! I didn't realize that!

 

[Tissa]

I took in my sisters boys 7 years ago when they were 18 months and 3. They both have special needs and I had to quit my job and move in with my mother to take care of them. You will be considered their guardian and should qualify for assistance like WIC, foodstamps, health care.

It wasn't a hard decision to take them in, they are my nephews and I couldn't imagine them in foster care. It was scary at first because I didn't know how we would manage but we made it work. They have been with me ever since and are now 10 & 12 and I can't imagine not having them around.

Good Luck to you.

 

[semo233]

Contact Social Services and the Social Worker at the school they will be attending also. Girl/boy scouts and your Church/synagogue can also be of great help. Keep reaching out until you have found what you need. Help is out there! You just need to find it!
My prayers are with you

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

With the increase of your family size and the small income, I would check the guidelines for food stamps, medicaid, and Heap, WIC, and any other govt programs. If you are religious, check with your church. They will help. I know that money is a MAJOR factor and we have been there, but if you possibly can do it, even if you have to ask for help from friends, etc. the children will be far better off with you. My prayers are with you and your family and I hope that your decision can be made without to much anguish. Diane

 

[PlaneJoy1]

I think I read somewhere that in most states the foster care subsidy/assistance isn't available to 'family' placements. I think that is crud....as many families would help and the children would be kept with family...etc but they just can't afford to take on more children financially. So the government puts these kids in a foster home and pays 400+ a month to that foster parent. Again, I think that the government should re-evaluate this and offer some kind of assistance if family steps up to take a child in a bad situation.

And I don't look down on anyone for having to say 'no' to these types of situations....it's hard to make that decision but each person has to know what is best for their family.

DH and I have been in this situation before. We are in the state of GA and laws can vary by state. Because we weren't 'foster parents' we could NOT get the money that foster parents get. Each child in this situation is generally given Medicaid for insurance and we recieved a payment of $150 from TANF (temporary aid to needy families) because it wasn't based on our income it was based on the child.

Look at your state Department of Human Resources. You may have to dig, but you should be able to find some information on who qualifies and for what in certain circumstances.

If you want to take in these children - perhaps you and DH could go through the process of becoming foster parents? MANY people do this becuase they couldn't afford to take care of the children any other way. It is a LONG process, but sometimes they can speed it up or give you a temporary certification once so much of the paper work is done.

Good luck with your decision. Remember this has the to be the right thing for YOUR family to do.

 

[mickeymel]

I work for DSS and some state info is different depending on where you live, but you should qualify to receive TANF (temporary aid to needy families) for the children only (which usually isn't a lot) and Medicaid (again kids only).
Federal Food Stamp policy requires all children under your care and the caregivers to be on the case. You can't just receive federal food stamps for those 2 children. However, your state or locality may have something to offer in addition to TANF and MEdicaid. In TANF the absent parents are referred to child support and eventually are required to pay back the amount you receive.
Good luck with your decision--I see it everyday and it is very sad.

 

[rebe1968]

I have to agree if they are placed in foster care the foster parent gets aid for thoes children so why shouldnt you. There still is alot to concider in taking in 2 more children raising your own is hard enough. God bless you in any disicion you make

 

[MN_Gal]

Not sure which state you are in, but contact the county Social Services office.

You will not be eligible for Foster Care Assistance as you are family members to them, however, depending on your state's TANF program, you might be able to get Relative Caregiver cash/food stamps for them. They should also then qualify for Medical Assistance.

Also, if your income is within the income guidelines, you may also qualify for Food Support and Medical Assistance.

If I know your state, I can do some research as I only know my state's policies as I am a financial worker in my state.

Good luck, and there are resources available to you.

 

[jglass3]

First off, I want to say thank you so much to all of you who answered, you all have given me great hope and some great ideas. I am in the state of Alabama and I don't think we can get a monthly stipend, but anything we received for them would help a lot. There are others in the family (granparents) who are more financially able but they don't want them, so it is basically up to me or else they go to foster care. That is huge pressure on me and I already have a lot with school, and my family. I am just so angry at my sister for not taking care of her children. She just got them back a week ago, they were at my brothers for six months, and I just thought that that would have been enough for her to straighten up. I guess not. Thanks for all the support, I really needed someone from not in the family to talk to. I love you all! I will let you know what happens tomorrow after my meeting with DHR.

 

[SpaceGirl]

What about their father? Even if he isn't around, the State will go after him and try to get child support for you. They have ways to make them pay.

 

[flagdaytwins]

I'm not in your shoes, but if I were.....I'd take the kids in. YOUR future looks so bright - you're going to nursing school right? When you graduate you'll find a great job and all of this will be a memory.

 

[MN_Gal]

Still looking into more info for you, but here are the guidelines for Food Stamps for Alabama

http://www.dhr.state.al.us/large_docs/SummarizedEligiblityPAMPHLET051.pdf