Help Please. DD13's dad just bailed on her DW spending money

[tulsanurse1]

It 5 days before we leave. My ex was supposed to provide my DD13's spending money for our DW trip. Found out yesterday that due to his irresponsible actions, he's not giving her a dime!!! Ive paid for every penny of this trip through hard work and planning and I am furious about this. When I saw the look on her face while she was on the phone, I knew he had fallen through. Her best friend is bringing 315.00 to divide into the 7 full days we will be there. This money is for renting watercraft, buying souveniers, extra snacks, and anything else they may want to do. My daughter was going to have the same amount of money. I didnt handle it well. I took the phone and starting yelling and telling him that he had known he was giving her spending money for 3 months! Three months! How do u break a child's heart like this and it not rip your own heart out. Im either going to have to be late on my housing rent or not take but minimal spending money. Now I think Im going to have to be irresponsible and be late on my rent. I cannot believe this. Its five days away and I wanna stop being mad, its not gonna change anything. Please help. Send your best Dis therapy.

 

[Chuck S]

I'm sorry for your daughter, having a parent break a commitment is heart wrenching. This is something your child will remember, and resentment may build.

In restrospect, was this totally unexpected, or has your ex been irresponsible before?

I'm sure you regret yelling at your child's father over the phone in front of your child.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

Calm down it's not the end of the world.

DD will be just fine knowing she is at Disney. Even with her friend having that money to spend doesn't mean she has to have that much. Yes let her do a few things but don't get set out of the house because of it.

There is so much to do at Disney that included they couldn't get it all in with in the week anyhow.Maybe as you are taking the friend she may surprise you and treat DD to a treat here or there as well .

Yes we have spent way more then that on some trips but on others we have spent 0 on extras as well . I have never heard a complaint from DD13 at any point.

maybe you can save with some food choices and save a bit there to offset some spending money for her.

Get a double burger at the CS and an extra bun for 80 cents is a big saver and she could have the extra few dollars just from that.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I am so sorry. I know you must be furious, and your DD must be crushed! was the money part of his child support? If it was, I would contact the court. Not that they can make him produce money he doesn't have, but it would still be some sort of punishment. If it wasn't support money then there isn't much you can do.

We get those "balance transfer" checks on our credit cards all the time. My Visa has 0% interest for 6 months on the checks, and we have used those for Dr. bills or other unexpected little expenses that we know we will have paid off before the 6 months ends. I have also used the checks for a little extra cash on Disney trips - they can be deposited into a checking account under the same terms as a balance transfer. If I was in the same situtation I would use one of the checks and get about $350 cash. There is a 3-5% fee for using the check, but for me it would be worth it NOT to be late with rent and to save the trip.

I would also keep hounding your ex for the money. If you cover the money for your DD the least he can do is pay you back, even if it is in increments over time. Good luck!

 

[NeedaVacation03]

I sure most of your anger is from seeing your daughter disappointed, not about the money. You can not get blood from a turnip, so for now just let it go. It will not be the end of the world if your daughter can not rent the boat, find something else to excite her! Go to mousesavers.com and look over the list of free or near free items and let her chose something from there. Many times the things they remember are the ones that cost the least amount of money. Forget about the situation with the ex until after the trip and go have a great time.

 

[Hannathy]

First that is terrible for your DD, next does she have any money saved? I ask because that was a lot of money! May I say that my kids have never spent that much ever. They have never rented a watercraft but just for souvenirs and snacks she really doesn't need that much. Are you covering her main food? If you are she won't need a lot of snack money $50 should more than cover it and she is old enough to pick out 1 or 2 souvenirs for the week again $50 would be more than enough. My DD 14 took $60 of babysitting money with her for 10 days and brought back money. We bought her snacks but she didn't want many a Mickey bar or 2, Dole whip, pastry in France. For Souv. she picked a pearl and bought her BF a fan in china with her name on it, by the way great bargain was under $5 and nice. But other trips she hasn't gotten anything big at all. Your DD can have a great trip without spending a lot of money, we have done it. She can find some very nice memorable souv. for under $10.

While the watercraft would be neat that is another thing that could be very easily cut and not missed because there is sooooo much other stuff to do, perhaps re-plan a bit so it isn't really possible to have the time to do this, or could the other girl pay if this is something they really want to do. Would the parents understand? maybe since you are paying for other things? but if not I just wouldn't do it on a week trip to much other stuff to do.

 

[dfarner]

I feel bad for you and your DD. Don't let it ruin your trip. I would not even talk too much w/ her about in the last couple days before you go-don't brood over it. As far as things to do, I would also suggest that the girls can go to your hotel's game room if there is one. Souvenirs-DTD has a store that sells things for $10 or less (fellow DISers, confirm this for me). I agree w/ PPs that she will have fun regardless of how much spending $ she has. I would not be late w/ the rent. To me it just seems like that would be too hard to catch up on. Good luck

 

[lou7401]

I would also be upset with your ex. HOWEVER we've gone to Disney many times and my kids only have $50-100 and that is more than enough. The portions are huge and renting a watercraft - well, we've never had enough energy to do that. The parks themselves will be MORE than enough entertainment. Please don't be late with your rent so that you can provide her with that much money - seriously, she won't need it.

Still - that sucks!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have an irresponsible ex as well, but he has that track record and we never count on what he says-actually, we just laugh off his promises and if he happens to come through (which is rare), it is a nice surprise. Terrible when you have to take that position, but it helps to avoid disappointment. Yelling at the ex won't change him or the current situation (although it would have made me feel a bit better, so I probably would have done the same). I'd just resign myself to handing DD some of my cash and then using the old credit card to pay for other things (or handing DD my credit card/debit card). Wouldn't want her to be embarrassed in front of her friend. Hopefully that is an option for you. I've been where you are and quite frankly, it bites the big one.

 

[TheDizMom]

I am sorry, but please don't jepordize your rent money for spending money. Depending on the boat to rent they aren't all that exciting, I have done the little speed boats and they aren't really that expensive ($35 for an hour if I remember right), but hardly worth being upset over if she misses it. She and her friend are old enough to go on their own so maybe if her friend can pay for it or go halvsies they can go in the same boat together. Just arrange at the boat launch area for them to come back halfway and switch off on whose driving. There is a store at DTD that has souveniers for under $15, $10 and even $5. There is some really pretty jewelry type things for under $10 too. She will be ok if you just give her a small budget and have her really look around for what she wants and wait toward the end of the trip to buy. This way she can look and decide what she really wants to have. If you are on the dining plan I guarantee you won't be all that hungry for snacks. You get so much food on the plan you are stuffed until it's time for the next meal. Just buy some easily portable snacks to bring and then just get the occasional ice cream bar or whatever. You can make it work. just be cautious about spending.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I'm so sorry for your daughter. I hope her dad comes through with some money for her -- even if it isn't the whole amount promised. On the good side is the fact that your daughter is old enough to understand the concept of money and to know that she will have to make due with what you have. Perhaps you can talk to the friend's family about the situation and they won't send her with so much more to make it more even.

Or -- if her family is traveling as well she could do the watercraft a day when your daughter isn't with her.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm sorry that your daughter is disappointed, but she'll be fine. The most my 13 year old DS has ever been given is $20 a day, and that's been more than enough for anything he's wanted. In fact, we had to stop giving him money because he started hoarding it to buy video games when he got back home.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree that it is sad but she really can have a blast with little or no extra money. I think the biggest issue is her friend having that amount. I would talk with her parents if they are joinging you on the trip and if not simply avoid all the extra cost items. Cut your extras to nothing if you have to and give that money to DD. There have been trips I bought nothing at all extra and never missed it. Ds never spents more than 100.00 a trip and sometimes less than 50.00 total.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I'm sorry that your daughter is disappointed, but she'll be fine. The most my 13 year old DS has ever been given is $20 a day, and that's been more than enough for anything he's wanted. In fact, we had to stop giving him money because he started hoarding it to buy video games when he got back home.

This made me laugh, because DS11 would do the same thing. That's why we only give him Disney Dollars in the months leading up to a trip. If he has any left over he can use it on the next trip.

DS had $150 to spend last summer over an 8 day trip. We bought his snacks for him, but he eats like a bird so it was mostly drinks that we INSISTED on getting because it was August. DS bought some neat stuff, but he could have gotten by on less money. Probably substantially less money.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

When we went to Disney in the fall. We had 5 people and I think total for souvinors, face painting a few drinks out of pocket(alcoholic not on Dining plan), etc we spent right around 400.00. We got

2 t-shirts adult
1 sweatshirt toddler
tinkerbell purse
key chain for souvinor for baby sitter
mickey mouse watch
POP refillable mug
couple smashed pennies
Epcot "Leave a Legacy" spot on wall
2 hats
2-3 alcoholic drinks (very high)
2 spinning light things
face painting
3 cds from the kodak place only 2.50 at Walmart, but 13.99 each at Disney
Trinkerbell pin from my husband and kids )they gave it to me as a thank you for planning our trip)
snacks around Epcot
Probably a few other things too.

You can definetly give her a little less unless she needs to pay for meals. You could even buy her a few of her favorite snacks for the trip to take with. I know you worry and want her to have enough. But I promise my kids were fine. Granted my dd wanted a very expensive dress up gown that was 75 but she didn't get too expensive for my test. But next time we will do BBB.

Is she going w/ family, friends, youth trip? What all has been paid for? I think she will be excited to just be there.

 

[hddanis]

When we went to Disney in the fall. We had 5 people and I think total for souvinors, face painting a few drinks out of pocket(alcoholic not on Dining plan), etc we spent right around 400.00. We got

2 t-shirts adult
1 sweatshirt toddler
tinkerbell purse
key chain for souvinor for baby sitter
mickey mouse watch
POP refillable mug
couple smashed pennies
Epcot "Leave a Legacy" spot on wall
2 hats
2-3 alcoholic drinks (very high)
2 spinning light things
face painting
3 cds from the kodak place only 2.50 at Walmart, but 13.99 each at Disney
Trinkerbell pin from my husband and kids )they gave it to me as a thank you for planning our trip)
snacks around Epcot
Probably a few other things too.

You can definetly give her a little less unless she needs to pay for meals. You could even buy her a few of her favorite snacks for the trip to take with. I know you worry and want her to have enough. But I promise my kids were fine. Granted my dd wanted a very expensive dress up gown that was 75 but she didn't get too expensive for my test. But next time we will do BBB.

Is she going w/ family, friends, youth trip? What all has been paid for? I think she will be excited to just be there.

Thank you for this. I've been wondering how much I should have planned for spending money. I had budgeted $1000 and was hoping to cut that in half. I'm certain I can now!

To the OP, have you talked to her father about the possibilty of him giving her ANY money? Maybe even if it's not the full amount promised, she'd still have some. I agree with the others, don't jeapordize the rent for it.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

When we went to Disney in the fall. We had 5 people and I think total for souvinors, face painting a few drinks out of pocket(alcoholic not on Dining plan), etc we spent right around 400.00. We got

2 t-shirts adult
1 sweatshirt toddler
tinkerbell purse
key chain for souvinor for baby sitter
mickey mouse watch
POP refillable mug
couple smashed pennies
Epcot "Leave a Legacy" spot on wall
2 hats
2-3 alcoholic drinks (very high)
2 spinning light things
face painting
3 cds from the kodak place only 2.50 at Walmart, but 13.99 each at Disney
Trinkerbell pin from my husband and kids )they gave it to me as a thank you for planning our trip)
snacks around Epcot
Probably a few other things too.

You can definetly give her a little less unless she needs to pay for meals. You could even buy her a few of her favorite snacks for the trip to take with. I know you worry and want her to have enough. But I promise my kids were fine. Granted my dd wanted a very expensive dress up gown that was 75 but she didn't get too expensive for my test. But next time we will do BBB.

Is she going w/ family, friends, youth trip? What all has been paid for? I think she will be excited to just be there.

Okay my husband look was reading over what I wrote and added some other things we bought

Charm bracelet w/ 3 charms
2 disney pens for autograph book ( ours died on the second day)
5 pins for my sons year of a million dreams lanyard we recieved when getting off of space mtn
Medium stuffed baseball mickey
stuffed minnie
stuffed tinkerbell


Wow we got a lot I can't imagine bringing 1000.00 we would have to leave the kids at disney to bring everything home. Which could be a good thing.LOL

 

[tulsanurse1]

Some really thoughtful responses from all the Dis'ers who posted. Im lucky in that I have paid for the room, tickets, and our meals (DDP). I was near tears friday night but have calmed quit a bit. We shopped for our needed last minute stuff yesterday, so much fun. Im at work right now and my friends know about what has happened. A friend has offered to loan me spending money, such a wonderful thing for someone you work with to do. Another paycheck will be deposited in my account the day I come back home. Im deciding on whether or not to do this. One thing I know is that our vacation is going to be magically wonderful, nothing will dampen our mickey parade. I regret yelling at him on the phone, in front of her though. I've vowed to not do this again, as my daughter still loves her father and us fighting hurts her alot. I can't believe we are leaving in 4 days. OMG im bought to pee my pants (laughing). The girls are packing and repacking and repacking. The days have been consumed with talking and laughing and being completely silly about anything that concerns our DW trip. Being a mom is so great. What a lucky person I am to have all of this.

 

[winniethepoohsmom]

You also have a snack credit per day on the DDP and lots of food! We bring some breakfast stuff with us and use the ddp for lunch and dinner. Have a great time you deserve it!

 

[kerry34]

Sorry your ex did not come through for your daughter. It is a big disappointment for sure. My two oldest daughters father has never once offered them any spending money for a single vacation in their entire lives, not even 5 or 10 dollars. Unfortunately he is of the mindset that he pays child support so all bets are off including anything that would be a gift to them, so I completely sympathize with you. Fortunately, here is the bright side...being at Disney is so much fun that I am sure that it will not be a big deal. Maybe forgoing the boat rental is the best way to go. We have always intended on doing that but the kids get so wrapped up in the parks they forget about everything else. In the future if you plan trips do not rely on ex, believe me, you will be better off in the long run. Instead have your daughter save whatever money she gets before a trip, like birthday money, or money she earns. Then you wont ever have to worry about relying on the dad. Good luck and have a great trip!