HELP! Need touring ideas for very grumpy DH

[amjl2]

Hi,

I'm usually a lurker but I am finally planning a trip and need your expert advice. My DH is as "un-Disney" as you can get. I would even say that the whole idea of going makes him grumpy and totally stressed out but with 3 kids ages 10, 7 and 4 and myself (we all LOVE Disney) it was time to go. All the reasons you've heard other people state as to why they "hate" Disney - he's used them all.

DH doesn't want to hear anything about Disney - he doesn't want to hear about where we are staying, where we are eating or when we are going where. I am not allowed to talk about it in front of him at all. He says he'll "deal with it" when he gets there. The only opinion he gave was that given the choice between extreme heat or extreme crowds he'd rather we go with the crowds (we could go either in July/Aug or April - we are going in April). I'm really nervous about getting there and he is still being difficult. What can I do while I'm there to make things easier on him? Maybe he should only join us at the parks for part of the time? Should I make sure we have lots of down time? or should I just tell him to stay home?

Also, I just want to let all of you who have cooperative spouses and partners know - you are sooooo lucky!! Everytime I read a post about an excited DH who can't wait to get there - who gets involved in the planning - who tells his kids about all the great stuff they are going to do together it just warms my heart. You are so lucky!
thanks for any advice!

 

[ogreenlee]

Is this your family's first trip?

My DH never gets involved with the details of any trip, and shows no enthusiasm, but seeing his little girl's eyes light up just made the trip for him, and he even got teary-eyed on more than one occasion.

 

[DisneyMom5]

Hard to say. Is he the kind of person that enjoys himself once he gets there, but hates traveling in general?

If so, I would plan really well to try and avoid crowds, but otherwise take it slow and easy going as possible. Not so much down time, but just not try to do everything. I made sure I had an idea of where everything was ahead of time, and what our priorities were and guided dh that direction. Crowds make him cranky, so the more I could avoid them the better.

Staying onsite and using the WDW transportation was actually helpful b/c dh didn't have to figure out where to drive.

Maybe the cost is stressing him out? That was my dh's problem for one trip, and we ended up cancelling and going later that year when things were better financially.

Anyway, here's hoping that once he gets down there he will have a great time.

 

[amytheobald]

When in April are you going?

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Has he never been before? If not, there is always hope.

Plan to have him around for a little bit in the parks, the rest of the time encourage him to relax by the pool, golf, do the Driving Experience, whatever it is that he usually likes.

I would insist that he be willing to be cheerful once there though. Not much worse than having a grumpy butt along.

Tell him if he can't make up his mind to be pleasant, he has the option of staying home.

 

[lovesdumbo]

My DH does not share my or our children's enthusiasm for WDW. I wouldn't try talking to him about it. I think the easier you make traveling the better it will be. I would stay on site and use ME. I would try to pack light. I actually ship a box of stuff to the resort via UPS to cut down on what we have to drag to the airport.

Is there anything that interests your DH? Golf? Could you sign him up for something that he could do on his own one day? I signed my DH up for a behind the scenes garden tour at Epcot. He's a horticulturalist so the tour really helped him appreciate all the details at WDW.

Good luck!

 

[BYC]

I'd leave him home. You have 3 kids to watch...why have to babysit for a grumpy hubby. Take a good friend, instead!

 

[trypnotic]

I was pretty indifferent about going to WDW prior to my first trip in 2002 but as you can see in my signature, I was a changed man This year, I was elected to be the '06 NFFC MN chapter member of the year.

 

[amjl2]

WOW!!! Thank you everyone for your quick replies!

This is not our first trip. In the last 14 years we've been 3 times. The 1st time we were there for a week and the last 2 times we were there for 3 days each time. I haven't been to MGM or EPCOT in 14 years and the kids have never been and we haven't been to the MK or AK in 3 years. I can't wait to get there!

DisneyMom5 - He enjoys somethings when he's there but he gets tired of it all well before even any of the kids do. Maybe I should slow down. I tend to try to do as much as I can because I never know when I'll be back. Maybe I need to learn to relax a little. Its just so hard - so much to do, so much to see!!!!

DVC OKW 96- sometimes I wish he would just stay home but unfortunately the kids would miss him - grumpiness and all . . .

amytheobald - we are going the 3rd week in April

thanks again for your advice and support. How anyone can dread Disney the way DH does is beyond my comprehension!

 

[amjl2]

Thank you Thank you Thank you for your support - it really helps!

lovesdumbo - I can't think of anything at Disney that he's interested in but I will definately do some research. Maybe I can surprise him with something - maybe a massage.

BYC - If only I could leave him and bring a friend it would help my stress level thats for sure!

trypnotic - He hasn't changed yet but this is the year of a million dreams so I can dream - right???

 

[bopper]

Well, get yourselves to MGM and Epcot! If he likes cars and such, make sure he goes on Test Track and Mission Space (Epcot) and see the Lights! Motors! Action show at MGM. MGM also has Tower of Terror and Rockin Rollercoaster which are not tame nor cartoony.

 

[swillis]

I'm in the "leave him home" camp. My Dh readlly dislikes everything about a trip to Disney. The lines, crowds, hot weather, occasionally whiny kids. So knowing this I left him home on our first trip in May.

Of course I did ask him to go, and explained that I wouldn't be mad or upset if he stayed home. I know my husband, and he would have made us miserable. His only regret about not going was that he thought it made him look like a "jerk" for not wanting to go to DW with his family.

But truthfully, we had a much better time without him. I could plan days without worrying that he'd be getting grumpy. My kids (these are his stepkids) seemed a little more relaxed about this as well.

We do other family events together, like camping, and beach trips. I ended up taking my best friend on this past trip, and we are planning to do the same thing again in June.

I wouldn't want to go on a motorcycle trip that last for days, but my husband sure would. ANd he would ask me (just to be nice) but wouldn't be mad if I said no thanks. And I wouldn't make my kids go on a vacation that I knew they wouldn't enjoy. We all have different tastes, and especially when it's a vacation...I wouldn't want to spend my vavcation doing something I truely did not enjoy.

 

[MichelleVW]

Good Luck...if he doesn't promise to get ungrumpy when he's there, I would seriously leave him at home...the kids would be fine!! It's really not enjoyable being there with someone who doesn't want to be there...especially during a crowded time.

My DH isn't grumpy but would rather go to Vegas than Disney. He went on the last two trips, and it's going to probably be a couple more years until I can get him back down there. But that's not stopping the girls and I from going and enjoying ourselves!!

 

[Lynne M]

WOW!!! Thank you everyone for your quick replies!

This is not our first trip. In the last 14 years we've been 3 times. The 1st time we were there for a week and the last 2 times we were there for 3 days each time. I haven't been to MGM or EPCOT in 14 years and the kids have never been and we haven't been to the MK or AK in 3 years. I can't wait to get there!

DisneyMom5 - He enjoys somethings when he's there but he gets tired of it all well before even any of the kids do. Maybe I should slow down. I tend to try to do as much as I can because I never know when I'll be back. Maybe I need to learn to relax a little. Its just so hard - so much to do, so much to see!!!!

DVC OKW 96- sometimes I wish he would just stay home but unfortunately the kids would miss him - grumpiness and all . . .

amytheobald - we are going the 3rd week in April

thanks again for your advice and support. How anyone can dread Disney the way DH does is beyond my comprehension!

At this point, you probably have a good idea of the specific things he dislikes the most about WDW. You can focus on avoiding/minimizing the things he hates. If he doesn't like the CS food, plan one nice, relaxed sit-down meal each day. If he hates getting up early on vacation, let him sleep in and meet up with you later.

If he's had enough of the theme parks by lunchtime, then let him go back to the hotel and hang out by the pool, or head over to EPSN Club and watch some games if it's a weekend.....or whatever he wants.

And please don't take this the wrong way, but from your 'maybe I should slow down' comment, I suspect you're doing the high-speed,gotta cram it all in no matter what, style of touring. I love WDW like you can't believe. I go twice a year. I would be insanely grumpy if I were forced to tour like that. That's NOT a vacation to me, and I suspect it's not to your husband, either.

Compromise is usually the best answer in these cases. How about doing an 'unplanned' day every other day? Or just letting him skip the parks and go off and do his own thing some days? Or, split the group for part of the day? Some kids tour with dad for a few hours in the afternoon, some tour with mom?

 

[daisax]

I'd either offer him the chance to go on a separate trip somewhere else (with the guys?) or a vacation within a vacation along with you, i.e., maybe he spends each day up to lunch with you guys, then takes off and goes golfing or to a sports bar to watch a game, or takes a couple of days to go deep sea fishing or to Cape Canaveral or the Everglades or whatever.

 

[conniehar90]

My DH likes to go to WDW, but he does get very grumpy around crowds and when he has to wait. Last year I signed up for Tour Guide Mike and we had the best trip ever. He tells you what parks to go to each day and how to tour to avoid crowds. We didn't wait in any lines the whole trip. We saw everything we wanted to without the exhaustion that comes with waiting in lines all day.

Not sure if that is what your DH hates, but it could help in your planning a stressfree vacation.

 

[trypnotic]

trypnotic - He hasn't changed yet but this is the year of a million dreams so I can dream - right???

Here's to hoping that a cast member comes out from behind the scenes and slaps some sense into him Be sure to bring your camera!

 

[amjl2]

Thanks again to everyone. Its been so hard because I'm so excited about every detail and I can't discuss it with him at all. But you've given me great advice - I definately need to leave the commando style touring at home and go with a more laid back attitude if I want to keep the peace while at WDW. Next trip though I think I'll definately do it with just the kids.

 

[lovesdumbo]

Maybe you could do what I do. Take a family trip with everyone and then I take each child for a one on one trip. It's really special to have that time with my children and the family trips are very special also. I do the family trip more slow & relaxing and the one on one more comando style (easier to do with 2 instead of a family of 5). My DH doesn't like the idea of me leaving at home alone but take just 1 child he still has the other 2 to keep him occupied while I'm gone.

 

[mygr8kdz]

tour guide mike made a believer out of my husband. we didn't wait for anything and it really decreased his stress level incredibly.