HELP! Mother-in-law Ruining our Magical Gathering!

[ragamuffinkim]

My husbands grandparents are always talking about going to Disney World with us and our children. We invited them to come along with us on our next vacation. We had planned on going in December of this year but plans changed when the free dining came out. I talked it over with great granny and changed the vacation to the end of september. Originally, our friend who always comes to Disney World with us would not be able to go in December but now with our vacation changed to the fall our friend can go. About this same time Great Granny said to invite my mother-in-law (Granny's daughter). My mother-in-law said sure that would be fun and that we would talk about it all when she came to visit. Meanwhile Granny and I have been talking it over and making all kinds of plans for dinners and grand gathering events and so on.

And then... My mother-in-law gets into town for her two week easter visit on Saturday night. I spend the day with her today and then brought it to her attention that we are going at the end of Septemeber and we are making plans now.

Then she starts in with "Well, I think none of us are going because you are bringing your friend and this is a family event." Then she goes on and on about how she talked to her parents and told them that we would end up ignoring them and running off with out them. My mother-in-law basically put a sour taste in everyones mouth about the whole trip.

I took the stance as we are going with or without you. By the way, she is always totally 100% against Disney. Everytime she has gone (3x) she has had a terrible time because she always seems to go for one day either on New years day or Easter day or something. Anyone have any advice other than telling our dear family friend they can't go?

 

[minkydog]

Well, if you want your friend to go and she always goes to WDW with ya'll, then MIL will have to just get over it. Or stay home I would not disinvite a dear friend. In fact, I have taken my best friend with me on several trips--we just love each other's company and my DH loves to see us happy. I my mil didn't like it, I'd have to say "see ya later" to Mum.

 

[pezpam]

I don't think there's any reason that family and friends can't mix. Have you talked to great-granny and the others directly to see if they really mind (letting them know you don't plan on abandoning them when the plane touches down) or if your MIL is perhaps exaggerating their reactions to suit her own purposes? If everyone is happy with the arrangement except MIL, I'd let her stay home if that's what she wants.

 

[INDISMOM]

I would talk to great Granny and get her take on it. Tell her how you are feeling -- you two were the ones planning everything to begin with, right? Maybe to make everyone happy, you plan a couple things you do with just the family and let your friend know ahead of time.

Great Granny maybe a great ally!

 

[snickerboo]

I agree with Indismom-it sounds like you get along with great-granny so you may want to appeal to her wisdom. Your MIL is being a big baby by pouting because you invited your friend. I think in all MIL matters, it has to come from the dh. He has to say that your friend is like a sister to you and that she's coming and, if MIL doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come. She may not care what you think of her but she probably cares what her son thinks of her. She's more likely to be amenable if it comes from your dh than you. Good luck!

 

[lynninpa]

I would talk to great Granny and get her take on it. Tell her how you are feeling -- you two were the ones planning everything to begin with, right? Maybe to make everyone happy, you plan a couple things you do with just the family and let your friend know ahead of time.

Great Granny maybe a great ally!

I agree with INDISMOM, too.

 

[Atchley]

If MIL is always so miserable at Disney, why does she want to go? Also, you have not mentioned anything about DFIL. I would tell your MIL that if she goes on this trip that your friend is going and that is that. If MIL cannot understand that Friend was invited prior to her, then she can just stay home. Oddly enough, you would think that she know where she stands in the whole thing by the fact that you did invite your friend before your MIL. Best of Luck to You!!

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

I too would also talk to great granny and any one else involved to get their take. Me thinks MIL is way out of line. Besides when you are having a Magical Gathering, the more the merrier.

 

[ragamuffinkim]

My husband said that we will under no circumstance un-invite our family friend. Great Grandpa called this morning to set up a family meeting tonight without my MIL. Great Grandpa said that maybe he should bring along one of his friends too since we are bringing our friend. He said it should just be a a family thing because if he wants to talk about family issues he doesnt want to do it front of our friend. I responded by telling him that Walt Disney World is not the place to talk about family problems. My husband is holding his ground on this one. It is a battle of the wills at this point. I am just sad that my MIL has caused so much drama about this what could be a fun event. Great-Granny is laying low on this so far and hasnt talk to me at all about it.

 

[phorsenuf]

Well, I'm going to go the other way on this one. The grandparents have always wanted to go on a trip with you to Disney. I'm assuming this is their first time in geting to do this.
In my opinion, I would not bring the friend along and make it a family trip. If grandpa is saying this then obviously it bothers him. How old are the grandparents? They aren't going to be around forever so why not make it a trip to remember. I'm sure if you explained it to your friend they would understand.
Just plan a trip another time with your friend.

Sorry, but I'm in the camp that family is much more important than anything.

 

[JennyW]

The original point was to have a trip with you guys and great granny, so if she's fine with the friend coming, I don't see the problem. You definitely shouldn't uninvite the friend. The MIL isn't the point of this trip. If she had a problem with it, tell her to pay for you all to go without the friend another time!

jenny

 

[phorsenuf]

The original point was to have a trip with you guys and great granny, so if she's fine with the friend coming, I don't see the problem. You definitely shouldn't uninvite the friend. The MIL isn't the point of this trip. If she had a problem with it, tell her to pay for you all to go without the friend another time!

jenny

The original plan was to go with granparents in Dec. Friend couldn't go then. Dining plan comes out, they change dates and now friend can go.
Since it was a trip originally planned with grandparents, I would honor that plan. It sounds like grandpa doesn't want the friend to go either and wants it to be just family like it was supposed to be.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would talk to the Grandparents and explain that you will not be ignoring them and that your friends would love to meet them. Tell them you still want them to go and leave it up to them.

 

[jcsbama]

Well, to me it sounds like the friend was originally invited to go in December as well, but her schedule wouldn't let her. Since they moved the dates, her schedule now allows her to go. It doesn't sound like grandpa had a problem with the friend going until his daughter sold him on the idea that it was in bad taste for the friend to come along. The MIL is trying to take over and control the situation, maybe she felt left out. Regardless, it isn't her trip to plan. She was invited. There's a difference between the invitor and invitee. OP, I'm glad your DH is standing his ground about allowing the friend to join y'all. Talk to granny and you'll probably have a better feeling about the situation.

 

[ragamuffinkim]

I just got off the phone with Great Granny. She said that she is going and she couldnt speak to Great Grandfather but she was going with or without him. She also suggested that those who do not want to attend keep there ideas to themselves. (I guess she was talking about my MIL) My husband talked to Great Grandfather and worked through the misguided misconceptions that he had about the trip. He is 100% fine with our friend going now. And, thanks to honesty, everything turned out fine and the drama queen MIL has been outted for what she really is. (No big surprise to any of us though). My MIL has decided to pass on going, blaming the whole thing on her husband and September being a bad travel time for him. Thanks for all the advice and support.

 

[daisax]

Great Granny sounds like a peach. MIL sounds like a rotten apple

Glad it worked out, but I was going to suggest you say something like "You raised us better than to disinvite a dear friend from something she'd been invited to."