HELP MIL coming!!!

[kilee]

Ugh--- I was 99.9% sure she would say no, but sure enough my M-I-L is coming to Disney with us next month. For starters her and I barely talk. We are complete opposites and cannot find any common ground. I do not know how DH can think this is gonna work. He can't even spend 20 minutes on the phone with her without getting his blood pressure up. Much less a full week. Anyone else who's been there, please tell me how you handled it!!!!! This took all my magic away. Since she's going alone DH won't leave her alone. The women doesn't stay awake on any given day for more than 3 hours. Much less get out of her pajama's. (She's only 49 so there's no excuse for it). I need all the advice I can get from my fellow diser's. Just an FYI, in the fall we went to Disney with my family. DH gets along with them pretty well. But after 1/2 a week he was all grumpy on family overload. I will not be able to handle him in a mood and her all at once.

 

[Bojangles]

You have my sympathies...she sounds like my MIL. She's not staying in your room is she? Are you staying onsite? If so just go to the parks on your schedule. Tell her what time you're leaving and she's welcome to go if she can get out of the bed. If not, she can take a bus or whatever and meet you later. Or stay in the bed. Don't change your plans or let yourself be manipulated into it.

 

[StephStanley]

Oh boy. I think I would let him go with her and i'd stay home! But my MIL is really really really bad and I wouldnt put it past us duking it out in the castle.

Its going to be hard to avoid her. yuck. Hey, maybe you can make her stay w/the kids while you and dh go out? I would be drinking heavily!

 

[hellokitty]

we are going in july and have yet to mention this to my
SIL because if i even hint she would plan her own trip with us!!

I know how you feel...it is a bummer when your trip is interrupted with "unwanted" family members....(has happended to us
4 times now)

Also, I agree with the above poster. Make a schedule and give it to her and give her a two way radio and let her ride the bus to the parks, and meet you. OR go back at lunch get her and eat with her. tell her it is okay to stay and relax and vacation at her own pace.

Where are you staying by the way??? that wont work unless you are on site.

I will say a prayer for you! I dont know really what will help...
at this point you may just try to kill her with kindness and not
say anything to anyone that will start an argument...

 

[shelbyjosh]

Let's start by saying that I took my mother back in March 00. Biggest mistake I could've ever made!!! The previous year she was battling lymphoma and doing the chemo thing. I thought it would be great to take her and let her experience Disney and OKW with us and her grandkids. My intentions were good. It all started when we were in the airport before we got on the darn plane. She was complaining about our flight leaving late and was already driving DH up the wall. We got a 2 br at OKW and figured she had her own room and shared the kitchen and W/D with us. Geez, her own grandkids did not even want to hang out with her because she was so miserable. Mid-week she had a friend from the Naples area come wisit and stay a night or 2. At least that kept her occupied and out of our hair. I think because she felt "confined" to the WDW grounds drove her nuts. She could not go to the mall or wherever she likes to go waste her time. Heaven knows there is more than plenty to do at WDW!! By the last night her and DH were at war. Guess who was in the middle?? On the flight home they did not speak and it took a few months after that for them to become cordial. My mother has lost just about all of her traveling partners because she is so darn miserable and obnoxious. All i can say is....NEVER AGAIN!!! Oh I also forgot to mention that we put her up, too!! We did not ask for a penny for the great room she got. We did not get a thank you or a meal paid for either. She did buy her own groceries, airfare, park tix. She BRIBED the kids with pins to go on rides with her. Now is that bad or what??? If I am not mistaken, we paid for several of her meals at sit-down restaurants. I think we were a little more than giving. Like the next post, she enjoys being miserable and unhappy and tries to get you to follow the same. Sorry...Disney is not the place to be this way!!!

 

[disneyluv4]

Been there, done that! My prayers are with you. My MIL went 2 years ago and so did 1 of my sil's. My sil brought her down and stayed with her, thank goodness. But she is a miserable woman. She is happy to be unhappy and miserable! Complained the whole time. All she wanted to do is go to the flea market and Wal-Mart. And to think we paid for most of her way. So the next year when we went, both of the sil's wanted to go. And they did and had a very nice time. Mil wanted to go too, but couldn't afford it herself and hinted around to everyone, but nobody offered to pay, cause we didn't want to put up with her. And boy did she try to lay on the guilt trip. Didn't bother us!!! Good Luck!!

 

[Jen4974]

Wow, some of your stories are starting to worry me and I love my MIL! My husband, being a special kind of stupid, invited not only my MIL/FIL but my SIL and her husband for the last few days of our upcoming trip!!

I typically get along wonderfully with them all and love them dearly but even I am feeling overloaded! Right now they can't decide on what they want to do or when they want to do it. And remember, this started out as *our* vacation! Ive changed our plans and PS reservations about five times now. Im beginning to think we are going to let them know what we are doing and if they'd like to join us, they'll know where to find us!

Ill keep my fingers crossed for you and a good trip. Im sorry I dont have any words of advice!

 

[hellokitty]

like i mentioned before we have had 4 trip with extended family, all starting out as our idea, and they "inviting" themselves!!

here was my soulution:

I printed a calendar with day by day and time by time
plans

for example

it said
Monday - 8 am Magic KIngdom, 11 am lunch at castle,
2 pm swim at resort 4 pm go to Epcot 6 pm dinner at
nine dragons...

then they could either come along or go there own way
and meet us.

we all have two way radios and cell phones so we just called
and said hey where are you and met if we wanted to...

you can try this.

 

[leighe]

You poor thing! My MIL and FIL will be joining us at AKL this Spring Break, but they are great to travel with. I would say positive thinking is the key! Maybe she'll be struck with Disney magic and become a different person during your vacation. But - on the chance that that doesn't happen - I would make my own schedule and be completely determined that I was going to have a great trip no matter what! Just think, even if you do have to spend time with her at least it's at Disney World

 

[Bill From PA]

Mom is coming with us next month, and I handled it a little different than some here. First, the whole crew will be at WDW for 8 days, mom will be leaving after the first three. She's 78 and three days should pretty well exhaust her endurance. Second, I got my wife's approval before hand. This is no 'oil and water' senario, but this kind of decision requires approval of both partners. Third, I told my wife to base her approval or lack thereof on the assumption that mom would say yes, not to give a grudging OK hoping that the offer would be refused. We'll have Sat., Sun. & Mon. to hit the EE parks, hopping to Epcot each afternoon. Mom's flight home is Tues. at 8 am. Tues. will be a Swan/Dolphim Beach day for those remaining and then 4 more days of Disney World.

My mother treated us to our first WDW trip 8 years ago. We probably never would've booked a trip on our own, now we're hooked. Not only is this a sort of payback, but our grand daughter will be along on her first trip so I wanted the whole extended family to enjoy WDW through her eyes. I'm not expecting perfect family bliss, but I'm pretty sure that the trip will be viewed by all as a very positive and memorable time. (I hope!)

Bill From PA

 

[lasmickey]

I agree with some of the other posters here. This vacation is yours and your husbands. Plan according to what you want/like to do. Let her know in no uncertain terms that these are your plans, and you will not change them. Also be sure and let her know that she is certainly welcome to do the things she wants to do with you, and the rest of the time, she is welcome to make plans on her own. Be polite, but FIRM! After all, you don't want to come home feeling like you spent all this money on a vacation for yourselves, and spent your entire time catering to someone you "invited" along. GOOD LUCK & PIXIE DUST COMING YOUR WAY!!!

 

[swilphil]

Are we related? It sounds just like my mother-in-law, except she's 20 years older, which she uses as an excuse for everything.

Is her going a for sure thing? Is there any way she can cancel? It sounds like she just decided to go, so maybe she'll change her mind again. You could give her your itinerary beforehand and the cost of everything, so she'll know. Maybe she'll decide to stay in the room or just go to a few things. Since she's so young, she can do some touring on her own. You also could buy her a guide book and she can plan on doing things that she likes. Definitely don't wait around for her or change your plans. If everyone has cell phones, it's easier to communicate and you can plan to meet up for meals, etc.

Sherri

 

[Kaycee]

For starters her and I barely talk. We are complete opposites and cannot find any common ground. I do not know how DH can think this is gonna work. He can't even spend 20 minutes on the phone with her without getting his blood pressure up. Much less a full week. Anyone else who's been there, please tell me how you handled it!!!!! This took all my magic away. Since she's going alone DH won't leave her alone. The women doesn't stay awake on any given day for more than 3 hours. Much less get out of her pajama's.

I hesitate to even say this, but if the situation is the way you described it, I would not go. You say that neither you nor your DH can get along with her even on the phone - what will it be like to be with her day and night for a full week?! Others have said you should just give her your itinerary and leave her to join you if she wants, but you've said your husband won't leave her alone. So how can that possibly work out well? I'm sorry you are stuck in such a bad position. Disney trips are expensive and something to be enjoyed. If they turn into something that can't possibly be pleasant, I just can't see going.

 

[kilee]

We are going--- too much stuff is already prepaid. She actually went and took a personal loan out today (darn she got approved) to pay for her trip. . I was hoping she wouldn't have the money, because I'm the "saver" of the family and there is no way DH would expect me to pay for even 1/2 of her trip. (By the way going into debt to go to Disney!?!) Anyway, I even told a little white lie this morning to try and stop this whole thing. I highly elevated the prices on the ECV's (since she says she has to have one), hoping she wouldn't go (she's a very, very cheap women). Anyhow-- didn't work. Good thing I said I was pretty sure of the price, now when they see the real price I can say oh guess I made a mistake.

DH feels responsible for his mother. She raised him alone, he's an only child, ect, ect!! Anyhow-- the positive spin I am going to put on this trip. It will be bonding time for me and my son. DH already agreed that we can spend most of the day apart since DS and I really like the rides and MIL dearest "will not do any sort of ride". The sad part is I will really miss the fun I have with DH at the parks as a family. BUT if I want us to stay a family then this is just the way it's gonna have to be. DH and MIL thought we should all stay together in a condo. I'm booking 2 rooms instead-- I need some space. She's also not the type that will take any initiative to do anything alone, and DH will feel too guilty to let her be alone!!

For all those that had to listen to me complain-- thanks for hanging in there with me. Here's a funny tid bit-- today my husband did have to talk to his mom about wearing a bra to Disney--- who has to remind there mother to wear proper underclothes to Disney!?!

 

[JaxnBanditFan]

If Delswife can handle all the crazy stuff SIL put her through and still make sure her family enjoyed the trip You should be able to enjoy the magic with your MIL there. Maybe she will really have a good time with some encouragement.

 

[Mike]

Just a thought Kilee ..... if your MIL forgets to wear her bra one day, take her to MGM and convince her to go on TOT with you. If you're lucky, she'll knock herself out and you can enjoy the rest of the day with your DH and DS

 

[toystoryduo]

Mike~ That is too funny!

 

[lasmickey]

Mike ~

I'm ROTFL, LMAO!

 

[kilee]

Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!!!!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Ugh...

I am so sorry.When my SO & I planned our trip it was to be our first real vacation in two years...

Then, my parents hit me with this "Oh your aunt & uncle just moved to Orlando...you should have lunch with them one day!"

My parents were immediately like "Well you're their favorite neice and blah blah blah blah...he's your only uncle and blah blah blah"

The guilt trip ensued. We were going to invite them along to the HDD show but by then, I was able to talk to DA & DU myself and explain that this was a very special trip for Chris & I and we would definately make time with them next time we went down.

I still suspect that because my mom has my schedule, they are going to just show up but there's not much I can do about that. I have planned my butt off to make this trip work and I am not changing my schedule.

Besides....a special trip to visit DA & DU is good reason to go back in 6 months!

That said....don't change your plans to suit her. If she wants to sit around all day at the hotel and be miserable...let her. You & you DH & DS should go and have fun as you intended to.