Help me work this out, plz--UPDATE pg 4

[Dismom55]

Unfortunately your brother is thinking with a brain full of alcohol and never will see things clearly until or if ever he quits drinking. You have already been given great advice, you can choose to support your sil in leaving him if she decides, which would be in her best interest as well as the niece to leave the pedophile, let the dogs live together. Chances are they will not leave until they have hit bottom and then you can let them know you will be there for them. Unfortunate part is the niece is in child bearing years and that scares me. Other than that, no matter how much it may hurt you, you have yourself and your family to think about and you should consider cutting ties with your brother as long as he has this unsavory person living in his home. I would do it for less to protect my kids, bit of a mama bear I am. You and only you can decide how far you are willing to be pushed. If you decide, let those you care about know you are there for them should they decide to escape the madness.

 

[Alsobrook]

As Ron White says, You can't Fix Stupid.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

Can't the wife get a restraining order against the perv?

Probably not since he has not done anything to her. I would think she needs grounds.

I would also suggest someone do something to make sure the 20 something yr old niece does not produce another victim. SIL should make sure she is taking her pills on a regular basis even if she has to sneak them to her. LOL but not really. The poor child, should they reproduce, doesn't sound like he/she would have much of a chance.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I would go to the neighborhood playground and give a heads up to all the parents, especially those with girls about 7 - 12 years old since that seems to be his type. He will likely move out soon thereafter. Even if he doesn't, the parents should be notified. If he does do something to one of the kids and they weren't informed, it's everyone's fault.

 

[*JoGo*]

I am really sorry your family is dealing with this.

As another poster mentioned, I was immediately concerned with your niece's age and probability of having children. Which may be why he is with a much younger woman.

And also very concerned about the children in the neighborhood, especially being summer time, outside playing unsupervised, running around the neighborhood, wearing swimsuits -normal kid stuff... And this guy being home all day. I would find any way possible to get the word out around the neighborhood. My friend once answered the door and it was a man going around telling everyone he just moved in at X address and is a registered sex offender. Is it possible he did this?

As for your relationship with your brother, I'd be done. I would make sure SIL knew you and your sisters are there for her, but want nothing to do with your brother. I hope she leaves him. I know it's heartbreaking, I've had to do it with some of my family, and while it makes me sad, there is a lot less stress and tension in my life (they were one of the Big Things dh and I argued about, plus they are full of drama, illegal activity, etc).

 

[RitaZ.]

It sounds like a bad situation all around. Once your brother's neighbors find out about this guy living in his house, and they will, it could turn ugly for the entire family.

 

[cornflake]

If he is a convicted pedophile that has to register, I suggest putting up poster all over the neighborhood and surrounding area, with his photo if possible, stating he now lives in the neighborhood (unsupervised with no job and nothing to do all day) so people should be keeping an extra close eye on their children.

Do NOT do this. Do not do anything close to this. You can be sued into next week, and you can even face charges yourself.

I understand your thinking badly of your brother and niece for associating with the guy and letting him live there but past that... I have no idea why you think he'd pose a danger to your sister in law, and no, she cannot get a restraining order against him, he hasn't done anything to her.

If you don't want to associate with your brother until the guy is gone, don't, but that's about all you can do.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, that's true. I'm not looking to change him--he likes his life and his questionable choices. I guess I''m trying to sort out what my response to him will be. On the one hand I want to have a good relationship with my brother. But I think that ship has sailed. On the other hand, I don't want to be upset and triggered by his choices. I think I will have to avoid talking with him. He doesn't live near me (yet) so it will be easy to avoid being in his presense

I cannot see any way to have a good relationship with your brother under these circumstances. He seems to be a controlling bully who uses alcohol as his liquid courage. His wife is afraid of him and his daughter has chosen to ignore medical issues by refusing to take medication.

If this was me (and it was at one time) I would be very clear with my brother. No relationship whatsoever until he tosses the molester out of his home. No relationship until he manages to control his alcohol. While I understand that you want to preserve a relationship that you had with a sibling you should accept that the person you are looking for no longer exists. The man who is harboring a child molester in his home and who overrules the wishes of his wife by inviting her to leave if she does not accept this pig is not the brother you remember.

I do not suggest canvassing the neighborhood with pictures or stories of this guy. They already know. That kind of news travels like a wildfire. I would offer my home to my SIL in a heartbeat and I would let my brother know that I am supporting his wife if she chooses to take him up on his offer. I would also make sure that he knew I would discuss his choices with Mom and any other member of the family in the event of an impended visit. I would make sure that he knew that this is the line in the sand.

Good luck Minky!

 

[Tinijocaro]

They do not live near a school, but they are in a large subdivision filled with children. And the offender has no job, no car and nothing but time on his hands. Brother & SIL are both out of the house during the day.

Time to alert the neighbors that there is a pedophile amongst them, home all day, thinking about their children. Send out a flyer. It's public knowledge.

 

[luvmy3]

Believe me, if I lived near him I'd totally do it. I have considered writing a letter to his neighbors, but I'm afraid Brother would blame SIL and she'd take the brunt of his anger

You can write a letter without naming him, you could just inform the neighbors that a sex offender has moved into the neighborhood and they should check the State registry to get more info.

 

[Nancyg56]

You can write a letter without naming him, you could just inform the neighbors that a sex offender has moved into the neighborhood and they should check the State registry to get more info.

The police know he is there. If this town is anything like the town I live in the neighbors know.

 

[luvmy3]

The police know he is there. If this town is anything like the town I live in the neighbors know.

The OP didn't say she considered writing a letter to the Police Not every town is like yours, and not every parent knows to regularly check the registry.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Im not sure what the problem is. Your brother sounds like an *** before the sex offender moved in and a bigger *** to his wife now.

As much as you want to have a realtionship, a relationship is a two way street not a one way try.

I don't really believe writing people off but at this point I'd be done. He made his choice knowing the consequences and he has to live with them now.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Do NOT do this. Do not do anything close to this. You can be sued into next week, and you can even face charges yourself.

I understand your thinking badly of your brother and niece for associating with the guy and letting him live there but past that... I have no idea why you think he'd pose a danger to your sister in law, and no, she cannot get a restraining order against him, he hasn't done anything to her.

If you don't want to associate with your brother until the guy is gone, don't, but that's about all you can do.

If you don't use a photo, and simply state that a child molester has moved into the neighborhood but don't put an address, they won't have a leg to stand on to sue you. The people will either figure out for themselves where the perv lives or they won't. They WILL be more vigilant about their children.

 

[luvmy3]

If you don't use a photo, and simply state that a child molester has moved into the neighborhood but don't put an address, they won't have a leg to stand on to sue you. The people will either figure out for themselves where the perv lives or they won't. They WILL be more vigilant about their children.

I remember when my dd was younger and played soccer there were signs posted at the soccer fields announcing a sex offender had moved into the area. It had his picture, name and his address (apartments across from the fields). As a parent I greatly appreciated the info

 

[Donaldswife]

Does your BIL's neighborhood have a HOA? The reason I ask is our HOA put into our covenants a few years ago that no one could have a registered sex offender move in with them, nor could a registered sex offender buy or rent a home in the neighborhood. We have one RSO who was already living in the neighborhood when the covenant was added, so he is exempt, but it is in violation of the HOA to have anyone else living with you or for a RSO to buy or stay in a home in our neighborhood. Several other HOA's have added this to their documents as well in our state. I don't know where he is living, but if they have an HOA SIL could read though the documentation and possibly report to the HOA that they are in violation.

 

[Hannathy]

She doesn't even live in the same state! So you all expect her to make a trip to another state just to put up signs in a strange neighborhood? If the neighbors needed notified it would be a condition of his parole.

 

[Sabrefan]

Put in your brothers zip code in a sex offender registry, I guarantee there are several more living by your brother. I'd be sick if my brother let one live with him but not much I can do about it. Since he is in another state it should be fairly simple to keep your distance. I know that is never easy when it comes to family though.

 

[gert]

That's a great idea. I don't know if my SIL would have the nerve. My brother would probalby knock her into next week, not to mention what my niece would do to her. My niece has threatened her before and she can be a very scary character. SIL doesn't want her in the house either, but Brother overruled her. Like I said, SIL is totally ruled by my brother and it's not going to get better until she leaves him. Which I genuinely hope she will do. But I think things will have to get much worse before she gets some gumption. Personally, i wouldn't have tolerated my brother's abuse this long. (and she was with him 6 years before they married--so, a total of 9 years together! Sheesh.)

Ugh. My heart goes out to the sane part of your family. Disown your brother and your niece (at 26 it's time to be treated like an adult) and fully engulf your SIL as if she were one of your sisters. Get your other sisters to do the same if you can. Give your SIL a safe place to land and there's a better chance that she'll take the leap and leave him.

 

[minkydog]

Put in your brothers zip code in a sex offender registry, I guarantee there are several more living by your brother. I'd be sick if my brother let one live with him but not much I can do about it. Since he is in another state it should be fairly simple to keep your distance. I know that is never easy when it comes to family though.

You're right. I just looked it up.There are 6 other child predators living within a 2 mile radius of his house.

Ugh. My heart goes out to the sane part of your family. Disown your brother and your niece (at 26 it's time to be treated like an adult) and fully engulf your SIL as if she were one of your sisters. Get your other sisters to do the same if you can. Give your SIL a safe place to land and there's a better chance that she'll take the leap and leave him.

I think that is all I can do. I really like my SIL and she doesn't deserve to be so poorly treated(no one does!) My other sisters are in agreement with me. I just spoke to SIL and the perp is still living there. She was waiting for my Brother to make contact with the police, ostensibly to verify the infor we found on th web but of course, he did not. SIL says she is going down there herself today, so we'll see if she does it. I think she just wants to know what she can do about getting rid of the bum. I fear that there is nothing she can do as long as Brother allows him to stay there.