Help me with my tween daughter's grades!(long)

[Rock'n Robin]

My 7th grade DD is 12 1/2. She has always gotten As and Bs. She even got straight As once. She just missed getting into gifted classes in 3rd grade.
Last year she had 4 As and 3 Bs 2 quarters, and the reverse the other two quarters. We live in a very competitive town, and since she got under a 3.5 second quarter she did not get any recognition for grades. There is no award for 3.0-3.5.
She played volleyball this fall and her midterm grades were a solid 3 As and 4 Bs. One B was choir and that was for talking; it quickly came up to an A after we discussed not flushing her average to talk in choir. I got a little concerned when I did a grade check and her history teacher said she had an A-/Bplus. She said she had an A in math, choir and computers. The history grade would make or break whether or not she would get grade recognition.
She got one A--in choir--and 6 Bs.
Now you will think I'm a complete psychopath, and I realize some kids would kill for these grades, but based on her test scores and past grades this is no way her best.
I EMailed her teachers, esp. the ones where she went down from midterms. Out of 6 I have heard from 2. Her history teacher said she had an A at midterm, but then got a C and a B and does not fully complete her homework. Her computer teacher said she also had an A at midterm, but got low Bs/high Cs on quizzes over microsoft word, which they review extensively for--and that her problem seems to be not following directions because she is talking to someone else or playing games while directions are given. Worse yet, this quarter grades tend to go down in that class because they work with Excel and Access!--two programs we do not have here at home. I haven't heard from her math teacher yet, who had a comment about her work being uneven. I know she had a 100% in that class at one point.
DD's response to this is to be pretty darn sullen. She said "I was feeling good about my grades again until you started talking about it." She complained because her history teacher gave her a lecture. She said she doesn't know anyone in computers to talk to and there are no games. I told her that as a teacher, I don't make random accusations like that without any merit.
How can I make her take these things more seriously? In this district your 7th/8th grade performance determines a lot of how you get viewed in HS--whether they allow you to take honors classes or throw you into career and tech classes. She wants to go to college. The higher tier that gets into honors does so well that a kid with a 3.8 might be 40th in the class! (grades are weighted). Believe it or not, by having under a 3.5 she is behind at least 80 of her classmates--and she is way closer to a 3.0 at the moment. She is already grounded over something else, no TV, phone or computer, for a week. I want to send a grade checksheet in every Friday--I fill these out for several kids each week at my school. She doesn't like that at all.
DH blames her activities, but with volleyball over all she has is 2 1/2 hours of dance and a 1/2 hour voice lesson each week. She wants to try out for the musical as she has a beautiful voice and dances well, but I think if her midterm grades stay low I won't allow it.
Any thoughts? She's my oldest and I'm getting a first dose of attitude over this (late, I know).
Robin M.

 

[missyc]

Regardless of what the 80 students ahead of her got, I would be thrilled with those grades from my kids!!
Is she missing assignments? Not doing class work/homework? What more can you ask as long as she is doing the work?

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'd probably be happy with the grades also but ask her about the "C"s she got on quizzes if it doesn't seem like her. When my nephew was about that age, one of his teachers told my sister that he had figured out he can get by on a C and pass the class. That particular teacher said he was becoming more "social." After MANY battles, she gave in. Good luck!!

 

[BrerMom]

Haven't you guys been under a lot of stress at home lately? Different kids show stress in different ways. It's not unusual for grades to drop, as I'm sure you've seen, too. It's easier to catch it in other people's kids, though.

 

[sharbear]

First of all, don't panic. This is just the first quarter of 7th grade. She has the rest of 7th and all of 8th to improve. This is just a little wake of call. You know she can do better and so does she. JH is very exciting. Everything is new, the classes are new, the teachers are new and many of the kids are new. It's so much stuff and kids want to be social. It doesn't mean that they can't be on top of their classes and still be social, they just have to learn how.

Remember also, that your family is haven't some things go on right now and they may be contributing to her grades sliding. I remember a post that you are going to be filing for bankruptcy and worry over that. I am sure that it is affecting the whole family. Also you may have had other issues and they all affect how are kids react to things. The good news is that you can change things now. Just be a little more vigilant about what work she has and when tests are coming up.

I have found that things change a lot from JH to HS. My DS was not is any Honors classes in JH or freshman year. He worked hard and was able to go up to Honors. It happens all the time. I am also sure that they are many kids not in Honors classes who go to fine universities. I know that in my kids competitive HS 98% of the kids go to college and there are not that many in the Honors classes. My DS was not even in the honors track for Math. Last year he took Geometry and Algebra II and now he's on the Honor's track and it was not hard at all. In fact he's taking 2 math classes again and making A's in them. (of course he's struggling in English, I have calls into the teacher, so all's not perfect at my house either).

My DD is a freshman and she had a terrible 8th grade year. She had problems in classes where she wasn't doing poorly, just under preforming and socially it wasn't a great year. This year she's figured it out, is working hard and has her goals in sight. We don't get grade cards until Friday but I am sure that she is going to have a great grade card. It changes a lot. Kids have to figure out what is important.

 

[danacara]

I think sharbear might've hit the nail on the head. My father filed for bankruptcy right before we lost the house, at the same time that he sued to challenge my paternity (not kidding, he tried to get out of his $100K in back child support that way), I was around 15-16 then, and though my mother tried to shield me from it, I found it absolutely impossible to concentrate on anything for a couple of months. You can see the semester on my report cards, as I recall. My guess is that she's sensing the tension on the home front and it's carrying over. I bet one good conversation and one crying fit and her grades will start back on the upswing. Have you all talked about this

 

[jennyanydots]

most girls this age do a "crash and burn" at school where their grades drop. when they see the results on the reprot card, they turn themselves around.

 

[swilphil]

I taught high school freshmen for years and have seen this kind of thing happen. I wouldn't worry so much about her GPA and comparing her to other kids.

The most concerning things seem to be not getting homework done, following directions, talking in class. I like the idea of a weekly grade sheet. If she doesn't like it, agree that she only has to do it for a couple of weeks if she is getting her work done. I would not discontinue sports or music, but let her know that if she does the musical her grades have to stay up. Usually, there's plenty of time to do homework while they're waiting around, but make sure she's getting enough sleep.

 

[year2late]

Your approach may work, but don't be surprised if a teen ses it as nagging and rebels or just gives up.

 

[bobcat]

Wow that's a lot of pressure on your daughter. Could this be her way of acting out because of the pressure and what is going on at home? Middle schoolers don't see beyond today, let alone worrying about how her grades in middle school will affect her future. Socializing is a huge issue at this age and they need to learn when it is appropriate. Since her grades are being affected by her socializing that would be the issue I would focus on.