help me with a discipline plan

[cheerbop]

I am in no way saying that the kids should NOT be supervised.
I believe that she used this as an "example" of things.....

But, I just don't want the OP getting "attacked" just because she is asking for some general discipline advice, etc. We ALL need some advice sometimes.

 

[bananiem]

GEe once again I've learned my lesson---NEVER give any examples to go with my question so I DON"T GET JUDGED ON MY parenting! Just ask the question & MAYBE people will answer the real question out there....

THANKS CHEERBOP& Aneillie for answering me!!!

I guess I'm invisible again.

 

[sweet angel]

I think most of have addressed your question.

Then again, perhaps many of us think the "real question" would be why would expect a 3YO to be able to bathe essentially unattended and actually wash her own hair.

 

[Christine]

I guess I'm invisible again.

I am invisible too! I thought I answered her without an attack..

 

[tiff211]

GEe once again I've learned my lesson---NEVER give any examples to go with my question so I DON"T GET JUDGED ON MY parenting! Just ask the question & MAYBE people will answer the real question out there....

THANKS CHEERBOP& Aneillie for answering me!!!

You have to sift through all the attacks on your parenting style and find the couple of posts that really help and answer your question!!

I read 1-2-3 magic and it helped a little with DD5, not so much with DD3. But every little bit helps, right. Good luck!

 

[HeatherPage]

Well, you asked and did use that example - and to some people, the situation tied in with your expectations for your children in that particular situation (which is reasonable - at least in the 3 year old's respect). I'm sure if you had used another situation (like say not listening to you when you've asked them several times to pick up their toys or something to that effect) you'd have gotten a better response. I'm not picking on you, believe me, my 4 old has listening problems too (like ignoring me but pretending he isn't when I'm asking him to pick up toys, etc.). But you have to take each situation and each child into account, I think that's all people were trying to say.

 

[numbersman]

As to the bathing particulars, they're not my kids so it's not my responsibility, plus that wasn't part of her question, so no need to comment.

As to discipline ideas, all parents have 2 of these really neat things called hands. And all their kids have 1 good target area called a backside. And there's this neat little trick - when you take on of your hands, use some speed and force and bring it down, palm down, onto their backside, kids will often get the message that you mean business, and to avoid one of those in the future, will often do what they are told the first time.

Of course, that's just my experience. As their parents, feel free to use whatever method you choose, b/c they are, after all, your kids.

 

[sweet angel]

As to the bathing particulars, they're not my kids so it's not my responsibility, plus that wasn't part of her question, so no need to comment.

As to discipline ideas, all parents have 2 of these really neat things called hands. And all their kids have 1 good target area called a backside. And there's this neat little trick - when you take on of your hands, use some speed and force and bring it down, palm down, onto their backside, kids will often get the message that you mean business, and to avoid one of those in the future, will often do what they are told the first time.

Of course, that's just my experience. As their parents, feel free to use whatever method you choose, b/c they are, after all, your kids.

Oh boy. I totally agree, but wow did you just open Pandora's Box!

 

[shortbun]

There are lots of great books on natural consequences. That's how we do it at our house. I don't think your kids were in any danger but I think you've set them up for failure by leaving them without supervision; they are too young(especially the 3yo) to have any concept of time and an 8yo is not the parent of a 3yo. My sister, who is 46, still resents me because my parents expected me to parent her while they were doing something else. That's MY family and it might not happen in yours but it's something to consider, eh? You asked for discipline advice right? I don't think your daughters are culpable in the situation you described. Had there been outright refusal...that's another story.

 

[bananiem]

 

[CathrynRose]

I would probably go in there at the start of the bath, have my STERNEST face on and say, "I want you to wash you hair right away." See that they do it, then have them wash, and then let them play. Don't put any toys in (if you do) until they are washed.
.

I kinda agree with this.

I always got both of them in the tub, washed their bod's, washed their hair - did all the boring stuff...THEN, I left the room and let them play.

 

[Cruise04]

Someone mentioned 1-2-3 Magic. The book, and there is a video, is by Thomas Phalen. I have attended a seminar that he did on the concept of 1-2-3 Magic after I started using it. The concept of 1-2-3 Magic is to include your kids in the concept so that they know what the process is and how you are going to handle the consequence. I have used with my daughter since she was 4 and I still use it today (she's 16). She knows and she knows the concept because I sat her down and explained to her what it was and how it was going to work. The other piece of it is that once the "time out" piece is used you drop the reason why you are using it. You don't talk about it and you don't relay back to it after they have come out of their time out. Also it shouldn't be used for something that 1) you didn't see happen and 2) something that happened outside of your home or hours before or a day before or something that happened at school. It's designed to be used right when the action happens. Also part of explaining to them is so that they know that once they get into the time out they are to think about what they did and why they are there. Now a 3 year old may have problems with a large concept but they still should understand when you put them in the time out what they did (by you telling them) and they they are in time out. Then walk away and leave them alone during their alloted time (1 minute per age, approximately).

If you do it right, it does work. For some it works, for some it doesn't. Good luck.

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

No judgement here just advice as asked for. If they like to stay in the tub and play, as punishment for a set amount of time, I would not let the girls play as part of their bathing time. I would take each to the tub separately and stand ther and watch them wash themselves and get them out of the tub. No play time, just in and out in 5 minutes. When it's time to again resume the girls taking a bath together, I would stand in the room and watch them wash first and when they are finished, then I would set a time for them to stay in the tub and play. That way when you are ready to take them out of the tub, they are cleaned.

 

[grlpwrd]

I really need to figure out some rewards/consquences for my kids (8&3).....right now we don't do much other than the typical negative stuff yelling, etc....

The other night they were in the tub & told numerous times to wash their hair & after about 30 mins when dh came to get them out of course nothing had been washed. And of course I couldn't think of anyway to discipline them! I told dh just to wash her hair (with cold water since they'd used all the hot!)& send her to bed early - without reading but that had no effect on her @ all...

As you can see I need help!

they are pretty well behaved most times - BUT the 3yo is going thru a really testing time - tantrums & all! (didn't have terrible 2's -we get it @ 3 instead!)

ANy ideas wold be great....

I see this situation as analogous to what is happening to this thread.

By letting your dds in the bathtub unsupervised and without direction you are giving them the opportunity to do as they please. Just like how even posting about this situation opens up the issue to anyone and say anything - even criticizing your parenting skills.

Basically, both situations are opening a can of worms so to speak...

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Read the book "1-2-3 Magic." I can't remember who is the author, but it has some great discipline ideas. Consistency is key (which is also the hardest).

Denae

1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan is a GREAT book. It works great for my 3 & 4 year old, not so much for my 9 year old though.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adel Faber and Elaine Mazlish is another really great book. They also have one called Siblings Without Rivalry.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I see this situation as analogous to what is happening to this thread.

By letting your dds in the bathtub unsupervised and without direction you are giving them the opportunity to do as they please. Just like how even posting about this situation opens up the issue to anyone and say anything - even criticizing your parenting skills.

Basically, both situations are opening a can of worms so to speak...

Why would anyone criticize her parenting skills? What is so wrong about leaving an EIGHT year old and a three year unsupervised in a bathtub? An eight year old is perfectly old enough and capable enough of washing a three year old's hair if asked to do so. Anyhow, back to the OP - an 8 year old might have a difficult time washing her hair in a bathtub. Maybe you can introduce her to the shower, and then she can take a bath with her sibling. A three year old can't wash her own hair, so I would wash it for her. I can relate to what you are going through. My 9 year old doesn't seem to do anything I ask! We are having the worst time just trying to get her to brush her teeth and pick up after herself. I told her three times yesterday to take some dishes out of her room down to the kitchen, and I looked this morning and they're still there! Everyone tells me it only gets worse at this age, but I don't want her to think it's ok to just ignore us. I'm sure we'll figure something out! Good luck!

 

[mudnuri]

I guess I'd look at this differently

I prefer to choose my battles with DD8 & 9. If the battle is hair washing, then I would elminate whatever it is that's keeping them from washing their hair in the tub. Of course, mine shower, and they've been washing their own hair for 2-3 years, but thats besides the point.

I'd remove all distractions, and hair washing would be done first. I personally cant wash my own hair in a tub, not sure how you could and get it actually clean, since your using dirty water to rinse it...but eh its not my head.

It would be, enter tub, wash your hair, then do whatever you want in the tub....not the other way around...

I've got enough real issue's to battle with a hormonal 9 year old then to worry about washing her hair when I could eliminate the issue before it became one

Brandy

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am sorry,

I did not mean to attack the OP.

However, she asked about discipline, and IMHO, allowing an 8 year old and a 3 year old to bathe (play in the tub) without direct supervision ( other than yelling at them) is not my definition of effective discipline.

(This had NOTHING to do with whether it is two girls.)

It sounds like the OP has some very unrealistic expectations.

It sounds like she is expecting an 8 year old to help care for a 3 year old. While we all might notice another current thread about 11-12 year olds who do not know how to shampoo their hair properly.

The OP asked... and she got answers.

Instead of seeing how she might use more teaching and discipline and to set the situation up differently, she says we are 'attacking' her.

Well, that was my two cents worth.

 

[sweet angel]

Why would anyone criticize her parenting skills? What is so wrong about leaving an EIGHT year old and a three year unsupervised in a bathtub? An eight year old is perfectly old enough and capable enough of washing a three year old's hair if asked to do so. Anyhow, back to the OP - an 8 year old might have a difficult time washing her hair in a bathtub. Maybe you can introduce her to the shower, and then she can take a bath with her sibling. A three year old can't wash her own hair, so I would wash it for her. I can relate to what you are going through. My 9 year old doesn't seem to do anything I ask! We are having the worst time just trying to get her to brush her teeth and pick up after herself. I told her three times yesterday to take some dishes out of her room down to the kitchen, and I looked this morning and they're still there! Everyone tells me it only gets worse at this age, but I don't want her to think it's ok to just ignore us. I'm sure we'll figure something out! Good luck!

I also don't allow my son to eat in his bedroom. In his case, that would be just asking for trouble. To each his own.....

 

[JVL1018]

I have my 4 yr old and 6 yr old bathe by themselves..we are all on one floor and trust me they are loud enough in there that I never worry if they're okay. LOL
I think 8 years old is PLENTY old enough to wash their own hair. My daughter is 6 with very long hair and she washes her own hair..I can't imagine an 8 yr old not able to do that simple task.
I do check to make sure all the shampoo and conditioner is out..and I wash my 4 year old DS's hair myself.

In this case, I would wash their hair for them first if they need help(and I think a 3 yr old does) and then they can play. That way the work is done first.
I don't think you need to sit in there and supervise them if the door is open and you are nearby.

As for disciplining in general...I second the recommendation for 1-2-3 Magic. Use time outs be consistent.