HELP!I'm pouring my heart out here, need advice!*Updated 6/12/07*

[lts862]

To the OP,
How was DD's surgery this AM? I hope that everything went well. Keep plugging along with your plan and you will see your situation get better.
Lynn

 

[Cindi0511]

Magic,

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Sometimes the hardest part is getting started. I am so PROUD of you, especially during such a stressful time. Keep up the GREAT work!! We're all pulling for you!



Cindi

P.S. Let us know how your precious daughter is. I am thankful I haven't had to do the ear tubes thing, but I know it isn't fun! Hugs!

 

[jeancbpugh]

How did the ear tubes go?

 

[rjthkids]

Mine is "oh, I don't believe in that stuff" Most people at work know I have a goofy religion (I'm Unitararian) and assume that they are stepping over the boundry into religion and drop it. It isn't Christmas or gifts I don't believe in, its giving gifts at work - my gift list is amazingly small - my kids, my immediate family (sisters and spouses, my parents, my one nephew) and my husbands immediate family. I don't buy for friends or co-workers.

For the most part I find gifts incredibly wasteful - I've gotten so much in life as gifts that I'd never have bought, never use - and I'm not the garage sale, return, eBay sort. I still have a box of frames in the basement not to my taste from my wedding ten years ago!

Don't even get me started on the obligated gifts at work! Grrrr....my husband's promotion is coming through and it is his responsibility to throw a party at work celebrating his promotion. There are 10 people who have been promoted to major and they will all have to chip in about 150 dollars each for the giant office party celebrating their selection. And THEN, when he actually has his promotion ceremony, it's his responsibility to provide food and drink for that too!

I was sooooooooooooooooooo ticked off. I said it was ridiculous and he should just refuse, but he can't refuse. It's not optional and apparently it will reflect very poorly on his career. So, I bottled my disgust and I'm keeping my mouth shut about it, no matter how much it really makes me so mad to see our hard earned money go towards some useless party instead of things we could really use or need.

 

[disneysteve]

my husband's promotion is coming through and it is his responsibility to throw a party at work celebrating his promotion. they will all have to chip in about 150 dollars each for the giant office party celebrating their selection.

This is INSANE. Why should anyone have to pay to throw a party for themselves? If the company wants to honor these people for their promotion, then the company should sponsor the party.

I am fortunately not in this situation myself, because I would not deal with it nicely, but I know a lot of people are expected to donate to certain charities at work. Nobody has the right to tell me what charities to support. I don't care if the company is a big United Way or Red Cross or whatever sponsor. It's my money and I'll donate whatever and wherever I choose.

 

[rjthkids]

This is INSANE. Why should anyone have to pay to throw a party for themselves? If the company wants to honor these people for their promotion, then the company should sponsor the party.

That's exactly what I said. Apparently, it is military officer "tradition" and when something is military "tradition" it basically translates to "you have no choice."

He could get out of it only by going to his commanding officer and explaining that he really, truly could afford the expense of donating. But, that would raise serious red flags because the type of security clearance he has is based, in part, on being financially stable. So, if he were to make mention of any type of financial difficulties, they could choose to reinvestigate his finances. Going to the commanding officer and saying "I can afford it, but I don't want to" would not be an acceptable option.

So, I'm not giving him a hard time about it. But it still really steams me that for some reason *he* is supposed to pay for his own promotion party. Utterly ridiculous. He went to an Admiral's promotion a few weeks ago, and there were over two hundred people there, including Senators. The Admiral had to have the whole thing professionally catered and I cannot even fathom what that cost him.

 

[MrsPete]

That's exactly what I said. Apparently, it is military officer "tradition" and when something is military "tradition" it basically translates to "you have no choice." . . . So, I'm not giving him a hard time about it. But it still really steams me that for some reason *he* is supposed to pay for his own promotion party.

Beyond that, it smacks of bad manners. It's kind of like throwing yourself a baby shower! Instead of saying, "Give me gifts", it's saying, "Hey, look how great I'm doing!"

I don't mean that as an insult to you in the least! I understand that you're saying that's how it's done in the military, and you have no option, but if I were in this situation I'd do exactly what you're doing: I'd give the party and be gracious about it in public. But I"d sure say a few things about it in the privacy of my own home!

 

[MAGICX2]

Magic,

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Sometimes the hardest part is getting started. I am so PROUD of you, especially during such a stressful time. Keep up the GREAT work!! We're all pulling for you!



Cindi

P.S. Let us know how your precious daughter is. I am thankful I haven't had to do the ear tubes thing, but I know it isn't fun! Hugs!

OP here! Daughter did wonderful! She also had to have her adnoids taken out because they were three times bigger than they should have been. DR said this could have been the reason for fluid back up. They had to give her morphine because of the large incision due to size of adnoids so she slept most of the day Fri. (Yeah, mommy got to nap too!) She was back to her normal self today. Been really busy but still doing ok on the spending freeze. I filled up with gas Thurs.=$52.00, Yikes! Then had to get prescriptions filled for DD on Fri.=$47.00, Double Yikes. But good news too. Went to Walmart to get milk, creamer and cereal bars. Guess what I came out with? Milk, creamer, and cereal bars!=$12.47 Yeah for me! I even had rugrats with me. Mom can I have this, mom can I have that? I even was able to fend off the checkout requests, sucker, gum, cookies, etc.I just said no and kept looking at the ragmag that I was reading which I also put back because I had read the articles I was interested in while waiting. Kids have been really good about our changes. When my DS 4 asks if we can go to McD's and I say no, he says "you know why, cause no extra spending!" like he is the smartest kid on earth. (He is, but we will keep that between you and me. ) I did have one break in my spending freeze. DS had a soccer game this am and it was freezing! The mom who was supposed to bring snack ( I already had my turn) didn't so, we went to Tim Horton's. DS ans DD split small hot coco, each had one doughnut, I had a bowl of soup and a water. Total=$5.60 I didn't think that was to bad. Also, I had to go into Kohl's (my FAVORITE place to spend $). I was returning a purse I bought and don't use and making a payment on my cc. Rugrats and I went in, paid the cc, got a credit to cc for purse and went right back out. My DS found a quarter on the floor on the way out and I said "You know what bub? That is the first time we have come out of that store with more money than when we went in!" What a great feeling! I saw a lot of cute outfits that would have looked great on DD, but luckily I had went thru her closets the day before and realized this child needs no more clothes. So I stayed strong and I prevailed. Still working on some other changes. Have made a few cutbacks and rearrangements. I will reveal all very soon.
I would like to say a special THANK YOU to Cindi0511. You have been very supportive thru this whole thing and I appreciate it greatly. Maybe the Lord will allow us to cross paths someday. Thanks to everyone!

 

[Lyn5]

I am glad to hear your DD is doing well and double glad to hear you are doing well too. Good for you, I commend you for sticky to your goals.

 

[arminnie]

LOL! Hey, I learn things here all the time. I like to hear different people's perspectives on how they handle their finances. I love hearing from other fiscal conservatives....those of us who are big savers, live below our means and are still able to really enjoy life.

As I was signing in a few moments ago and picking the budget board as the first place to look, I thought about how this is really my favorite forum and how much I enjoy reading the many helpful suggestions.

For those of you that feel that the hole is just so big - let me share a little of my history. I had a very, very good job and was fairly frugal in my life style - definitely lived below my means. I invested in real estate and owned 3 homes plus had a nice amount in savings .

Unfortunately this was in Texas and in the early 80s the bottom dropped out. I had to cut the rents on my properties drastically to keep them rented - my negative outflow each month was atrocious. I lost my job and when I finally got another one I took a 50% paycut.

I went through all of my savings (quite substantial) trying to keep the properties. When I finally had no more money I had to sell and then I was in debt because they sold for so much less money than I owed (over $100,000). I was 40 years old and terribly in debt.

I managed to change jobs and move across country. I made more money but it was way more expensive to live. In 1990 I had a decent income but was SO in debt it wasn't funny. And I hadn't even gotten to have a good time or buy a lot of stuff while I was incurring that debt. I thought I was investing wisely.

I lived in an apartment for 5 years - often having roommates to help with the expenses. I drove a Honda for 10 years. Again living below my means, but investing a little more wisely.

I didn't think I would ever own a home again - especially with CA housing prices. When there was a dip in the market I was able to buy a small condo that was definitely a fixer upper. I spent years doing the repairs a little at a time as opposed to going into a lot of debt to do it all at once.

Fast forward to 2001 - I was able to sell my home, move to a state with a MUCH lower cost of living, and am fairly comfortable. I've had no debt for years now.

Not to brag, but I can buy and do pretty much anything I want to at this point in time. I didn't win the lottery or have any stock options. I just worked hard (didn't even get that good of raises) and consistently lived below my means. My friends all used to joke that I never bought anything unless it was 75% off and there was probably a lot of truth to that.

Even today I really try to ask myself if I really NEED something. What would be the consequences of not buying something. Do I need another pair of red shoes? (okay something I convince myself that I do.)

But if I do need something I can buy it. When my dog was very sick I could pay the vet bills without going into debt. I'm going to WDW in Nov. Dec. and Jan of this year. I've been able to go to Costa Rica, Mexico, Italy, France, Budapest and Prague on vacations. I am having a great time.

Again I really am not trying to brag but to give some of you that think you will never see your way out of your debt that it is possible. You can have a great future ahead of you.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

OMGoodness Magicx2!

That's awesome! Please don't beat yourself up over the Tim Hortans. If you don't allow a treat now and then you'll blow your progress out of the water.

 

[MrsPete]

OP here! Daughter did wonderful! . . .

Glad to hear it. My daughters both went through this, and -- just as the doctor promised -- they outgrew it around 1st grade. It's no fun while it's going on, but there's an end in sight.

I filled up with gas Thurs.=$52.00, Yikes! Then had to get prescriptions filled for DD on Fri.=$47.00, Double Yikes.

You have NO CHOICE on these things. That's why you skimp on the things were you do have a choice -- that way you'll be prepared for these other things.

The mom who was supposed to bring snack ( I already had my turn) didn't so, we went to Tim Horton's. DS ans DD split small hot coco, each had one doughnut, I had a bowl of soup and a water. Total=$5.60 I didn't think that was to bad.

You have to build SOME treats into your budget. If you don't, you'll say, "This is too much work" and revert to your old habits, which your actions show you don't want! Just remember to allow a reasonable amount and stay within that budget.

 

[tar heel]

I'm glad to hear abour your daughter -- you are doing great! I also agree that you have to have a few treats.

Do you get or have access to a Sunday paper for coupons? Cereal bars are something that there are lots of coupons on. Also, make sure you're getting the best price on milk. Here, I can get a better price on milk at a convenience store when I fill up with gas or at the drug store when I pick up a prescription than I can at Walmart!

 

[Cindi0511]

I'm glad to hear abour your daughter -- you are doing great! I also agree that you have to have a few treats.

Do you get or have access to a Sunday paper for coupons? Cereal bars are something that there are lots of coupons on. Also, make sure you're getting the best price on milk. Here, I can get a better price on milk at a convenience store when I fill up with gas or at the drug store when I pick up a prescription than I can at Walmart!

In my part of Florida, you can get regular milk cheaper at Walgreens Drug store cheaper than even at WalMart. Unfortunately for me, organic milk doesn't ever make it into the competition. ug:

 

[Cindi0511]

Hey, Magicx2 Girl!

That feeling of pride when you can get in and out of Walmart with JUST what you went there for is priceless. AND HARD. Walmart is hard for me, sometimes, especially the clearance aisle. I just have to stay away from it. Good for you! These small steps are giant leaps in the beginning, and they feel great when you've made it through one day or one week or one month. You know, I think you've helped a ton of people by opening up like you have and taking it on the chin and sticking to it. Even people who are fiscally conservative are taking another look at our own financial states and saying, "You know, I'm not in trouble, but it sure wouldn't hurt to do without this or that or cut back on the other." Thank YOU.

And keep it up. It is so uplifting to hear of people who are in bad ways taking the horse by the reins and changing things. You are an encouragement to me.

 

[WonderWomanDC]

Just wanted to say to OP - I'm really pleased to see how you've been doing!! Great job - I know how tempting it is to buy in Kohls or Walmart or Target - and you didn't!! Good girl When you're there again and you get the urge, try to remember how good you feel coming out of there without having spent!! And like someone said, try to grab some coupons for the cereal bars or better yet stock up when they're having a two for one sale or something.

 

[dizcrazy]

MagicX - so glad your DD is okay!

It sounds like you are going GREAT! You walked out of WalMart and Kohl's without overspending (even found a quarter) and you only spent $5.60 on a treat! It sonds like for the past week or so, you limited yourself to the basics and you now consider a $5.60 snack a treat. See how much progress you have made?

 

[dsanner106]

I put our CC's in the bank safety deposit box, any use required finding the key, then a trip to the bank during banking hours, etc etc. Never pulled them out once.

Drew

 

[Cindi0511]

I put our CC's in the bank safety deposit box, any use required finding the key, then a trip to the bank during banking hours, etc etc. Never pulled them out once.

Drew

Love that idea -- erspecially with kids, there NEVER seems to be a good time to go to the vault.

Also, Magic, you might try to order sample items online, as there is a thread or 2 or 39 on this board. Anything free will help the budget and be fun to get in the mail. Just an idea...

 

[Longsx3]

Don't even get me started on the obligated gifts at work! Grrrr....my husband's promotion is coming through and it is his responsibility to throw a party at work celebrating his promotion. There are 10 people who have been promoted to major and they will all have to chip in about 150 dollars each for the giant office party celebrating their selection. And THEN, when he actually has his promotion ceremony, it's his responsibility to provide food and drink for that too!

I was sooooooooooooooooooo ticked off. I said it was ridiculous and he should just refuse, but he can't refuse. It's not optional and apparently it will reflect very poorly on his career. So, I bottled my disgust and I'm keeping my mouth shut about it, no matter how much it really makes me so mad to see our hard earned money go towards some useless party instead of things we could really use or need.

Congratulations to your DH on his upcoming promotion being selected for major is a big step in his career.

When my DH was selected we had just moved to our new base, we chipped in $250 and we didn't know but a few people. Plus over 50% of the budget was spent on the open bar and we typically don't drink. I think DH had a beer that night to get his money's worth. In the end I couldn't complain much, it is Air Force tradition and we did have fun celebrating with all of the other selectees.

When it came time for his promtion we decided on a luncheon following his Ceremony, we had a local Italian Restaraunt make Lasgana as well as provide Salad and bread. I had a friend make a cake and we provided drinks, but no alcohol because well we don't drink. No one complained and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

I imagine for DH's next promotion we will spend a little more.