Help! I need the "Idiots Guide for Parents of Rainbow Girls"!

[pjlla]

Can anyone help me?? (Sorry that this will be long.)

DD joined Rainbow Girls this past March. I admit that I knew very little about it when she joined. I did attend her initiation. It was lovely, but long and full of lots of ceremony and such that I didn't totally understand. She has been attending the weekly meetings and doing a few "service" type things to help her chapter raise funds.

Well, today was the "Installation". I really didn't know much about what it was. I asked one of the other mom's just about the basics so that I was clear (time, date, etc). DD did tell me that it involved some sort of "decrowning" and that one of the girls was being installed as the new Grand Worthy Advisor. It just didn't seem VITAL that I attend. My parents are here visiting and they are trying to help me get some stuff done around the house. My DD did tell me that she wanted me to attend, but she wants me to be with her for everything, so I wasn't sure how necessary it was. I was going to attend, but with all that was going on I just thought that I didn't need to attend. Since she is new, I couldn't figure how she was going to be "decrowned" from anything or whatever.

Anyhow... DD was quick to inform me (when I picked her up) that I was the ONLY Mom not there... she was the only person there without someone to watch... most girls even brought grandparents... that she was "installed" in some position... she received her "pin" for her new position... etc, etc, etc, etc. Then she burst into tears and cried for the remainder of the ride home. I am offically the WORST MOTHER of the day (possibly of the year) for missing this event.

When I have attended a few things in the past, I am now learning that I am breaking ALL the rules... no pants at certain things (still not sure how I am supposed to determine that), no jeans at certain things, can't cross my legs when the Bible is open (??)... on and on and on there are rules that I don't know... and I am not sure HOW I am supposed to learn them!!

OH.... as I am sitting here typing she brings me this nice "Installation of Officers" pamphlet and kind of "drops" is in my lap to let me know what I missed. She is still crying (or maybe crying again??).

Can anyone help me?? Is there ANY sort of booklet or pamphlet or something that would tell me the rules?? HELP!!!!!!..........................P

 

[rnrlover]

ok people heres the story from my point of view (im the DD)

So, for the past few days I've been going on about how I was so excited about this, and how important it was(she and DDad both asked me to stop going on about it)
So today I asked her if she was going to this event and she said no, and I told her that I was upset and I really wanted her to go, and I told her AGAIN how important it was.
So for the entire two hours I was holding in tears because I was the only one without anyone there for me. Most of the other girls had moms, dads, grandparents, friends, boyfriends, ect.
She got upset at me because I apparently didn't tell her how important it is (??)....so she got upset at me for not telling her that it was important(??) So now in the car I'm upset and confused that shes yelling at me for no apparent reason.

Love,
Me

 

[pjlla]

Well... since we are airing our dirty laundry here in a public forum, I guess I will respond.

You must admit that I have mentioned MANY times that I need some sort of "rule book" for all of this Rainbow stuff. And you tend to go on and on about EVERYTHING (remember semi-formal??).

If you were really that upset, why didn't you call me during that "rehearsal" time and ask me to come?? Why didn't you pull me aside, quietly, and explain things to me?? Instead you sit at dinner table and ramble on and on about everything (semi, Rainbow, Michael Phelps) and you think that somehow I can pick out the truly important things.

I busted my BEHIND this week to make sure that you had your dress, etc that you needed for tonight, so obviously I wasn't ignoring the importance of this event. I just didn't realize that it was important for YOU... I kept asking you about it and you were saying that K. was being installed. I couldn't see how that had any bearing on you! I just didn't get it.

And I didn't yell at you in the car... I was trying to tell you that I didn't understand and I was sorry that I wasn't there. And you have to realize that I was upset for missing something that was obviously important to you.

I'm tired of NOT UNDERSTANDING all of this Rainbow stuff. Why can't someone explain it to me (or us)? I can't believe every other Mom learned all this stuff via ESP!! Find someone to help me understand this and maybe we won't have this problem again!! I love you up to the moon and back......Mom

 

[kidzmom3]

I don't want to cause any further mother daughter angst. But you both posted that she wanted you to go. And then you didn't.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I say this with all the kindness I can muster...Maybe the two of you need to spend more time communicating privately instead of posting on this board.

This seems to be a very dysfunctional way to have a discussion.

 

[pjlla]

I don't want to cause any further mother daughter angst. But you both posted that she wanted you to go. And then you didn't.

And you are totally right. I blew it in a big way. I feel like dirt. But please understand, I didn't miss this event just so I could sit home and read a Harlequin Romance and eat bon-bons. My parents came up to help out with getting our house ready for an 8th grade graduation party that I am throwing for DD and 40 of her classmates!!

But at this moment that is not my issue any longer. I just need to find out, hopefully from someone else involved in this organization what the rules are. I feel like a TOTAL dope about not understanding this stuff.......P

 

[MizTink]

you don't need a rule book.
and you don't need to understand......just be there!

 

[pjlla]

I say this with all the kindness I can muster...Maybe the two of you need to spend more time communicating privately instead of posting on this board.

This seems to be a very dysfunctional way to have a discussion.

Actually, if you would re-read my initial post, I was not really trying to have a conversation with DD. I am looking for help from other Rainbow Girls parents about how to understand this organization. DD chose to come on and respond to my post. And quite frankly, maybe this isn't a bad way to communicate. We aren't yelling at each other and we can think about what we want to say before we say it. We sometimes communicate with a notebook, so this isn't much different. But truly thanks for your concern......P

 

[pjlla]

you don't need a rule book.
and you don't need to understand......just be there!

But please understand.... I LOVE my children and I attend everything I can... field trips, soccer games, swim meets... ALL OF IT. But my parents graciously gave up their weekend to come help me get ready for this big party that DD begged me to throw. I didn't think it was fair to leave them working at my house to attend this event... especially not understanding the GRAVITY or importance of the event. There are Rainbow meetings/events/etc all the time... how am I to distinguish the "must-attends" from the "no-biggie" thing?? It is difficult, if not impossible, to attend EVERYTHING! I need some guidance. That was what I have been saying from the beginning of my first post!...................P

 

[kathie859]

you don't need a rule book.
and you don't need to understand......just be there!

I think Mom needs to at least google "Rainbow Girls" to find out what she is allowing her daughter to do. She pleads total ignorance; however, she allows dd to attend I'd want to know who was leading the group, what the goals are and how they intend to teach these goals. I have absolutely no knowledge first hand of the Rainbow Girls (I seem to remember my cousin belonged--that side of the family was steeped in Masonic tradition/Eastern Star, etc) and am astounded that anyone would allow their child to be involved in something they didn't investigate first. JMHO

 

[mjkacmom]

I was a rainbow girl back in the day (I'm 42). However, I came from a masonic family, so I never had to worry about them knowing what was important, and what was not. Initiations, back in the day, were closed to non-masons, so only my dad (and aunts) attended. My mom did attend installations (when you got your office). Meetings, again, were only for masons, and my family did not attend. It was kinda weird, but I grew up with it. Long white gowns, rituals, lots of memorization... Nothing bad.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think Mom needs to at least google "Rainbow Girls" to find out what she is allowing her daughter to do. She pleads total ignorance; however, she allows dd to attend I'd want to know who was leading the group, what the goals are and how they intend to teach these goals. I have absolutely no knowledge first hand of the Rainbow Girls (I seem to remember my cousin belonged--that side of the family was steeped in Masonic tradition/Eastern Star, etc) and am astounded that anyone would allow their child to be involved in something they didn't investigate first. JMHO

She can google, but it's harmless - some roots in God, non-denomiational, community service, strong character - good chance to learn public speaking.

 

[pjlla]

I think Mom needs to at least google "Rainbow Girls" to find out what she is allowing her daughter to do. She pleads total ignorance; however, she allows dd to attend I'd want to know who was leading the group, what the goals are and how they intend to teach these goals. I have absolutely no knowledge first hand of the Rainbow Girls (I seem to remember my cousin belonged--that side of the family was steeped in Masonic tradition/Eastern Star, etc) and am astounded that anyone would allow their child to be involved in something they didn't investigate first. JMHO

Okay... maybe I wasn't clear. I didn't say that I didn't know who is leading the group or what the goals of the group are. I DID Google Rainbow Girls before DD joined. I DID talk to parents of other girls that she has known for a while who are involved (which is how she got asked to join). I had a friend when I was younger who was involved in RG and my grandfather was a mason. I have attended other events (DD's initiation, RG Sunday at a local church, a few other things).

The part that I am NOT understanding is all of the rules of the pomp and circumstance that seems to surround these meetings... I didn't understand that the installation of another girl to a big position was a BIG DEAL for my DD. I feel terrible that I didn't understand and now DD is upset with me. YES, she did tell me that it was important.... but keep in mind that she is 13 years old and EVERYTHING that involves her is important to her!! If you have ever had a teenager, you will understand that.

I NOW KNOW that INSTALLATION is a big deal and I won't miss it in the future. But I would like to avoid this angst and disappointment and frustration in the future. So again I ask... are there any RG parents who could share their knowledge with me???......................P

 

[mjkacmom]

Okay... maybe I wasn't clear. I didn't say that I didn't know who is leading the group or what the goals of the group are. I DID Google Rainbow Girls before DD joined. I DID talk to parents of other girls that she has known for a while who are involved (which is how she got asked to join). I had a friend when I was younger who was involved in RG and my grandfather was a mason. I have attended other events (DD's initiation, RG Sunday at a local church, a few other things).

The part that I am NOT understanding is all of the rules of the pomp and circumstance that seems to surround these meetings... I didn't understand that the installation of another girl to a big position was a BIG DEAL for my DD. I feel terrible that I didn't understand and now DD is upset with me. YES, she did tell me that it was important.... but keep in mind that she is 13 years old and EVERYTHING that involves her is important to her!! If you have ever had a teenager, you will understand that.

I NOW KNOW that INSTALLATION is a big deal and I won't miss it in the future. But I would like to avoid this angst and disappointment and frustration in the future. So again I ask... are there any RG parents who could share their knowledge with me???......................P

As a former rainbow girl, and a mom of an almost 13 year old, I feel your pain. If she says it's important, it's important. If she says it's not, ask her friends. My dd is involved in theater, and was recently in a community production of sound of music (a lead). I only attended 1 out of 5 shows ($25). I made sure there were family and friends at each production, and planned on showing up with my twins after intermission the last day (many family members were there). It ended up being sold out. I was there for the final bows. She was upset (didn't tell me this, but I could tell my her comments). At our town play, she had a lead, and even though I didn't see all of the shows (yet had someone representing), I made sure to work backstage during each production, and tec week.

 

[aprilgail2]

Doesn't this organization believe in invitations?? For our girl scout troop anything we do that a parent should be there to witness we send out invitations so that each parent will know that the other parents will be there and they should come if they can.
I don't know anything about these rainbow girls and I acutally would have thought by the name that it was a organization for gay youth....guess you can't go by names huh LOL.

 

[PattnFmly]

Some of the teens in our church are very active in Rainbow and one of the mothers is in my church choir. I'll see if she has any suggestions for you. But I probably won't see her until next Sunday as we've moved to summer services already and the mid-week stuff has slowed until September. Good Luck!

 

[MoniqueU]

I thought it was an organization for gay youths to by the name. I had never heard of it. I am sorry your dd was upset and there was a miscomunication. I have to admit I am a bit jealous. My 12 year old often tells me she doesn't want me at events but if dad shows up she is just beeming, of if he can't make it there as soon as she does well the first thing out of her mouth is did you call daddy. I feel like I am just the lady that watches her til her dad is around and it has been like that since she was a baby.
Anyways mend fences, put on the best party you can for her and figure out a way for her to distinguish the truly important things you need to be there for. This is a dissapointment for both of you I can tell. Just time to regroup and focus on getting it right the next time but your DD needs to help out there.

And on the what to wear thing I make sure to check my outfits with my DD for imprtant events before I go. i also let her pick out or give me advice on alot of clothes and makeup, it is a nice bond that the two of us have together and she does have a good sense of style.

 

[barkley]

She can google, but it's harmless - some roots in God, non-denomiational, community service, strong character - good chance to learn public speaking.

non denominational BUT some christian denominations forbid their members from joining-catholics, seventh day adventists, some lutheran and baptist divisions to name a few.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Can anyone help me?? (Sorry that this will be long.)

DD joined Rainbow Girls this past March. I admit that I knew very little about it when she joined. I did attend her initiation. It was lovely, but long and full of lots of ceremony and such that I didn't totally understand. She has been attending the weekly meetings and doing a few "service" type things to help her chapter raise funds.

Well, today was the "Installation". I really didn't know much about what it was. I asked one of the other mom's just about the basics so that I was clear (time, date, etc). DD did tell me that it involved some sort of "decrowning" and that one of the girls was being installed as the new Grand Worthy Advisor. It just didn't seem VITAL that I attend. My parents are here visiting and they are trying to help me get some stuff done around the house. My DD did tell me that she wanted me to attend, but she wants me to be with her for everything, so I wasn't sure how necessary it was. I was going to attend, but with all that was going on I just thought that I didn't need to attend. Since she is new, I couldn't figure how she was going to be "decrowned" from anything or whatever.

Anyhow... DD was quick to inform me (when I picked her up) that I was the ONLY Mom not there... she was the only person there without someone to watch... most girls even brought grandparents... that she was "installed" in some position... she received her "pin" for her new position... etc, etc, etc, etc. Then she burst into tears and cried for the remainder of the ride home. I am offically the WORST MOTHER of the day (possibly of the year) for missing this event.

When I have attended a few things in the past, I am now learning that I am breaking ALL the rules... no pants at certain things (still not sure how I am supposed to determine that), no jeans at certain things, can't cross my legs when the Bible is open (??)... on and on and on there are rules that I don't know... and I am not sure HOW I am supposed to learn them!!

OH.... as I am sitting here typing she brings me this nice "Installation of Officers" pamphlet and kind of "drops" is in my lap to let me know what I missed. She is still crying (or maybe crying again??).

Can anyone help me?? Is there ANY sort of booklet or pamphlet or something that would tell me the rules?? HELP!!!!!!..........................P

ok people heres the story from my point of view (im the DD)

So, for the past few days I've been going on about how I was so excited about this, and how important it was(she and DDad both asked me to stop going on about it)
So today I asked her if she was going to this event and she said no, and I told her that I was upset and I really wanted her to go, and I told her AGAIN how important it was.
So for the entire two hours I was holding in tears because I was the only one without anyone there for me. Most of the other girls had moms, dads, grandparents, friends, boyfriends, ect.
She got upset at me because I apparently didn't tell her how important it is (??)....so she got upset at me for not telling her that it was important(??) So now in the car I'm upset and confused that shes yelling at me for no apparent reason.

Love,
Me

Well... since we are airing our dirty laundry here in a public forum, I guess I will respond.

You must admit that I have mentioned MANY times that I need some sort of "rule book" for all of this Rainbow stuff. And you tend to go on and on about EVERYTHING (remember semi-formal??).

If you were really that upset, why didn't you call me during that "rehearsal" time and ask me to come?? Why didn't you pull me aside, quietly, and explain things to me?? Instead you sit at dinner table and ramble on and on about everything (semi, Rainbow, Michael Phelps) and you think that somehow I can pick out the truly important things.

I busted my BEHIND this week to make sure that you had your dress, etc that you needed for tonight, so obviously I wasn't ignoring the importance of this event. I just didn't realize that it was important for YOU... I kept asking you about it and you were saying that K. was being installed. I couldn't see how that had any bearing on you! I just didn't get it.

And I didn't yell at you in the car... I was trying to tell you that I didn't understand and I was sorry that I wasn't there. And you have to realize that I was upset for missing something that was obviously important to you.

I'm tired of NOT UNDERSTANDING all of this Rainbow stuff. Why can't someone explain it to me (or us)? I can't believe every other Mom learned all this stuff via ESP!! Find someone to help me understand this and maybe we won't have this problem again!! I love you up to the moon and back......Mom

New rule.

 

[Ember]

OP, I know nothing about Rainbow Girls. So no help there. But I am sorry that you came here looking for information after openly admitting to making a mistake and people are jumping up and down telling you that you made a mistake. No kidding.

I hope someone has something helpful to offer!

P.S. I'm not sure which part of making an error, owning up to it, apologizing and seeking more information to prevent it from happening again makes you a dysfunctional family... As a teacher, I can say that this sounds like a very rational and reasonable thing to do and if more families instilled these values our kids would be a lot better off.