Help!!! I need advice on how to handle my 9 year old's troubles with Math

[Planogirl]

Our son who is 9 is having lots of trouble in his math class this year. And it's not that he doesn't understand the material but he never turns in his homework! He barely made a C on his last report card and this is from a kid who always made A's. His teacher said that the big problem is him never turning in his homework. We promised to improve but I have a note from his teacher AGAIN that she hasn't been getting it. I ask and follow up on it constantly but he either doesn't have any homework that day or he finished it and left it at school or some other story. He tells me now that he forgets to do it or he loses it.

I'm at my wits end right now. He's in his room very upset and I'm not much better. Has anyone here dealt with a situation like this?

 

[MerryPoppins]

My DD 11 has gone through this this year. She is a gifted student who was making A's and B's on all the tests, but not turning in her daily homework. The part that got me was that I saw her doing the work. She was just losing it before she got to her math class. She is in the 6th grade and this is her first year of middle school, so there have been lots of changes.

We did 2 things. First, we met with all her teachers. She now is supposed to come home every day with her school agenda filled in with the class assignments (NH means no homework and H means she has homework). Her teachers sign the agenda at the conclusion of each class. We sign the agenda every night when we look at her assignments. Homework assignments all go in a special homework folder. We watch to be sure that she puts them there and that her name is on them (another thing she is famous for).

Second, we started using an assignment worksheet. She marks boxes for writing the assignment, starting the work, finishing, turning it in, etc. If she gets 90% of the boxes filled in, we agree on a treat for her, such as renting a movie, going for ice cream, etc. It seems to be working. She was making a D- in math and she brought it up to a C by her report card. I think she actually likes us checking up on her a bit. She seems to feel more secure with the safety net in place.

 

[Planogirl]

Our son has a daily agenda folder but guess what? He forgets that at school most of the time!

I love the idea of the assignment worksheet though. One of the daily items could be bringing home his agenda and we could go from there... We could also require the signature in the agenda each day and MAYBE that would jog his memory. Great ideas and this gives us something to work with. Thank you.

 

[Planogirl]

*bump*

Anyone else?

 

[Pin Wizard]

DS is the opposite. He forgets to bring papers home.

 

[Deb & Bill]

My son is also 9 and in 4th grade. Our teachers have a website that they update daily with what they did in class that day and what the homework assignment is tonight.

We check it at work before we pick him up at daycare. If he doesn't have the book with him, the custodian told us that he will be at the school until about 7PM and he will let us into the classroom. I have driven him back to school about 4 times so far this year to pick up a book that he forgot. After the third time he forgot a book, I told him to bring them all home every night. His backpack was full and he was lucky it was on wheels.

The kids also have a daily agenda that they write the homework assignment in each day. We are supposed to check it each day and sign off on it.

Our teachers have created folders for the subjects with about three subjects in each folder. The kids put the assignment in the front of the section so it is right there for the teacher and parent to see. All the daily assignments are in the folder for the kiddo to review when they have a test.

Each week on Wednesday, we get a folder with his weekly graded papers in it. He also has a weekly grade on conduct in the folder with any comments from the teacher and an opportunity for us to comment back. We have to initial all the papers and they go back to school with him on Thursday. If we want to keep a paper, we can let the teacher know by leaving a note in the folder. This folder lets us know exactly how he is doing.

Their tests are very regular - spelling and math test usually on Friday. Reading vocab, social studies vocab and science vocab are weekly tests. Daily Oral Language test (DOL) happens every Wednesday. They have one or two sentences each morning when they get to class that they have to correct for mistakes - punctuation, spelling, grammar, etc. Then a few of the sentences are given as a test on Wednesday.

All tests are given at least two or three day notice. Book reports are done monthly and they are given at least a month to read a book that meets certain criteria - length, reading level, realistic fiction/biography/etc.

 

[janette]

My 11yo DD had problems last year. If she had most of the paper done she'd forget to do the rest and not turn it in. She's an A student so it was bad. This year her teacher's make her keep everything and turn them in one time a day and that has worked for her.

Is there something different about how math is handled than other subjects? Just wondering why it seems to be worse there?

 

[Deb & Bill]

Now that I have told you about our school, you have to ask yourself, what's going on with your son?

Is there a reason he isn't turning the homework in? Is someone bullying him? Does he have problems seeing the board or paying attention in class? Does he really understand what is going on? Does he understand the assignment?

Is he in 4th grade? Our teachers told us that 4th grade is one of the hardest grades for kids because it is the transition year between elementary and middle school. They are starting to do work like middle school and they have to be able to organize their work. They have to be more responsible and independent. They have to start to develop study skills.

We usually spend about two or three hours with our son each night doing his homework, reviewing the homework or drilling him for the tests coming up. With our son being an only child and both of us professionals, he does have opportunities that lots of kids don't have. We check over his homework every night. Maybe you will need to do that for a while.

Our son gets to play at daycare. He gets out of school at 3:05 and we pick him up about 4:45. We don't expect him to do homework there unless there is something planned for the evening and he won't have time to do homework - such as a Cub Scout Pack meeting (our den meetings are on the weekend, and he isn't into sports).

Does your son have too many outside activities that eat into his school time? Maybe he is just stressed out about something. If he never got a C before and just barely made it this time, he may be very frustrated and depressed.

 

[Planogirl]

Thanks for the insight. I did wonder about the subject in general when all of this started but the teacher told me that she is confident that our son understands the material due to the way he discusses it in class and how well he does on the tests. He seems to still be rather good at math in fact.

However, he has had trouble with the multiplication requirements this year. The kids are expected to know all of the multiplication tables through the number 12. They are orally tested and are required to answer within three seconds. Our son fretted about doing well on this. He made it through the number 11 by the deadline but it worried him endlessly. And that seems to also be when most of the trouble started.

He also has a weekly session (along with some other kids) with the school counselor. This session is meant to help disorganized kids come up with ways to keep track of their work. They've only met twice but maybe it will help him find his homework? Or maybe these meetings just serve to make him even more worried?

janette, you definitely asked a VERY good question. He has homework in all of his classes but the others don't seem to be an issue. Why only math?

deb, I am afraid that he is on a spiral of sorts now with him becoming more and more upset and stressed. I need to find a way to reverse this and rebuild his confidence.

 

[crazyme5kids]

My son was the king of I Forgot. What I did this year that I think has helped is that I bought a binder that all his work can be put in. It holds folders, his agenda etc..... It seems to keep him a little more organized. Everything is in one place.

 

[Planogirl]

crazyme5kids, where did you get this binder? We've been given permission to use such a binder (which the schools normally don't allow) but I can't find anything kid-size.

 

[janette]

It might be partly the stress of the time testing. Math is my older DD's best subject and she had no trouble at all with the mulitiplication tables but mentioned that some of the other kids were having trouble and it made some of the other math problems harder.

What grade is he in?

edited to add: My DD uses a binder for everything. Her school requires it for 5th graders. Each subject has a folder and they keep their work in it for 6 weeks. It really is helpful. We just got one at Walmart that has a zipper and got 3 ring folders.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Your comment about the oral testing just registered something with me. The kids at my son's school have always had timed math tests. Early on it was about 20-25 math facts in about 4 minutes. Then they got harder, more facts or less time. My poor son got to the point where he hated them and told the teacher so. He even cried in class because of them last year. We talked to the teacher and between the teacher and the two of us, we got him calmed down about these. Now he tells us that multiplication is so easy.

Maybe it's just having to perform that is bothering him. If other kids see him mess up, they will think less of him. Does he have the need to fit in and be liked? What about his buddies at school? Do they have similar problems?

If he has to go to the special counseling, what is he missing in class at that time? He may feel that he is doomed to fail and that he is a dummy. You know he isn't, maybe you can help him realize that he is a smart kid and can do this stuff. When kids are little, they think going to a special class is neat. When they get older, they think they are being punished or are stupid.

Maybe he is a visual learner and needs to see what he is doing. I have a much easier time doing written things than doing the math problem in my head. I have to write it out to get the answer. For example, I know all the answers on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, but when I tried to answer the questions over the telephone to try to get on the show, I got all mixed up. I needed to see the questions in front of me, not just hear them.

Tell him you love him, are proud of him and will help him to fix these problems. He has three quarters to do better. Ask the teacher if you can get a copy of the text or homework sheets so you can do them with him each night. Maybe she can fax them to you at work or send them over the internet. Or you can pick them up in advance.

Do you have Saxon Math? Try to find out the series and see if you can purchase some books from a teacher supply or over the internet. I know you can get Saxon Math over the internet.

 

[Planogirl]

janette, he is in fourth grade. Yes, that delightful transitional time.

Deb, the special class is actually during lunch. The kids involved eat lunch while the counselor talks about ways to organize. It is possible that the kids Eric normally eats with have made comments. I'll have to do a little gentle sleuthing.

Eric becomes very nervous when a lot is demanded of him or at least if that's what he perceives. The state tests, the TAAS, caused him to have a few sleepless night because he was so worried about those. I thought at the time that it was just the endless drills from his teachers along with the pep rallies that worried him (and I'm sure they contributed) but now I wonder if there was more to it.

You have all given me a lot to think about! A good binder, Saxon Math, confidence boosting, more teacher meetings, getting that planner home (somehow!)... Thank you all!

 

[disykat]

My suggestion is totally different from the others - you as the parent will know if it could help or not. My 4th grader is very responsible but really starts to resent it if I get too involved in his homework. I still sit with both boys every night while they work (my younger is in 2nd grade and still needs lots of help), but only help my older son if he asks. Some days he has gotten frustrated and stomped off saying he has too much homework and isn't going to do it. I say something like " interesting choice - what are the consequences at school for that?" and let him skip out if he chooses. Once he figures out I'm not going to step in and he doesn't have a fight to fight he sort of loses his steam and always ends up coming back and finishing it. Backing off and letting him take care of it all on his own has really helped in our case.

 

[Planogirl]

disykat, this is the approach that my husband wants to use! I agreed to it for a while but if I don't see an improvement, I plan to run things MY way. We'll see how it goes.

 

[MerryPoppins]

One thing the counselor said to my DD that made an impact, was that her grade card is like the paycheck that comes at the end of the month when you are grown up. She said that DD wouldn't want to do all that work and not get paid, so she needed to get the homework turned in & get credit for it in order to get that paycheck at the end of the quarter. I don't think she'd ever thought of it that way and I could see the wheels turning.

Also, we found that any positive strokes and motivation we could offer helped more than anything else. Things are still not perfect. I'm sure she is still disorganized and losing things, but it is much better.

I wonder if you could find a time when no one is particularly stressed and have a heart to heart? Or is he a little too threatened by the whole situation right now? Would he open up and share with you or with your husband or both? Maybe if you gently probed about what he wasn't liking in math or how it makes him feel? I don't know. He might feel a lot better if he could get it off his chest if something is wrong. Hugs to all of you!

 

[TigH]

No advice for you, PG, but plenty of hugs for the both of you! I know how smart he is! Sending bunches of pixie dust your way to help him relax, stop worrying and remember to turn in that homework!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Carl]

If he is having trouble with his basic multiplication facts, there are some excellent computer games which drill on the facts while the child plays games. If it is hard for him to remember the facts, he may get tired of doing all the homework problems, because he has to count up the answers and it takes him a long time to finish. (I used to teach a special class for Title 1 math.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sure I'll give you some advice. DD is in 6th grade and well I've been thru half of every trick so far.

I am going to spell it out plainly and a few of the Disers have already mentioned it too.

He is stressing about the orals and needs your HELP!!! He is trying to "tell" you that by not turning in his homework.

I know it seems simple but that really sounds like what the problem is.