Help Handling School Punishment-updated w/ school's response

[Karel]

Along the taxi lines, pay someone ten or twenty dollars to go get him.

 

[kilee]

As for the taxi- we literally live in the middle of no-where. Our school sits on a country road w/ cornfields surrounding it. I don't think we even have taxi's.

As for turning the 3 detentions into 6 one period detentions-- I'm all for that. Not a problem w/ that one.

As for work-- I fully understand my son is a responsibility. But this afterschool type issues. I am on thin ice as it is. My son broke his leg a few months ago and I went above and beyond what I was "allowed" to miss. They were nice- but they've about had it. 3 consecutive days will not fly-- I can tell you right now I'd run a 95% risk of losing my job. I don't think losing an entire income is very responsible-- maybe I could be like the other 80% of our community and live off the system to accomodate the school... . I live 45 minutes from work. Right now I'm supposed to work 3-7pm. The cleaning people come then and we have to be gone for the floors and such I guess. I live 45-50 minutes from work-- ds won't get out of school until 4:20pm- by the time I drop him at home it will be 4:30-4:35pm at best. Then off to work-- I will be more than 1/2 way into the shift providing it's not snowing (like tonight).

As for dh-- he works out of town Mon-Thurs (Ironically they won't hold detention on Friday's- which would work for us because we're both home Friday's). For him to accomodate our son- he'd have to take the week off too. He doesn't get his next round of PTO time until 3/20/06. So, it would be a whole week off w/o pay. I don't think I can stress enough-- WE CAN NOT do w/o the money. Our property taxes are $1000 more than last year which we didn't budget or save for the increase and due in 2 weeks. Just taking a week off w/o pay for either of us is out of the question.

As for the school-- I understand they have rules and policies. I really do-- but they also need to take into account not every parent can just drop everything for a week and bend to their wishes. I really do want to know why physical violence (to the point I had photo's that showed their assualt) doesn't lead to more- but running does?????

As for yesterday-- I called in sick. Then I find out they didn't have detention. I found this out at about 2:40 (I had to of already called in). Like I said they can't guarantee until dismissal if they'll have detention-- it depends on the number of people assigned to it. This is causing a lot of issues too.

 

[N.Bailey]

I'm all for backing the school and supporting them with discipline, but if I were you, I'd tell my son to come home on his regular bus until you speak with someone at the school and work out some arrangement. If he's suspended though, he's suspended. Take the punishment and move on. I'm sure it will not destroy his life.

I really believe if you ever do get to speak with someone, they'll be willing to work with you. As a matter of fact, I would be TOTALLY shocked if they didn't. You'll do no one any good if you end up losing your job!

One thing I will say though is, stay calm when you're talking to them. If you start yelling, they won't want to do anything to accommodate you. I don't think that's an issue though, but thought I'd point it out anyway. You don't sound unreasonable to me. I fully believe for the most part the school wants to work with parents too.

ALL MOO though

 

[kilee]

I am going to call in the morning-- thank you for your post. I am not going to get angry it's just not how I'd handle it anyhow. I have a few suggestions all reasonable and that's about all I can do until then.

 

[Nicolepa]

If it were me I would go to the school tomorrow and talk to someone. I think you will get much quicker results if you show up in person.

Is the Dean of Students the same as the Principal?

I don't know about other schools, but here the lady at the front desk pretty much runs everything. I'd go talk with her and if she can't help I'd stay and talk to the Principal or Vice Prinicpal.

 

[barkley]

as the teacher who heard the parent complain "you have no idea what impact this is having on my job" and the supervisor who heard "you have no idea what impact this is having on my family life" it still came down to "your kid knew the rules, your kid knew the consequences, if the consequnces would take such an impact on your work/personal life as to threaten their existence-would you not have been better served going over the school regulations with your child and discussing what their failure to comply might incur?".

i understand that children do not always understand the wholistic consequences of their actions, but with a middle/jr/high school kid it is not entirely unrealistic to say "look these are the rules-if you break them you may only have to, but that means i have to....".

one of the key complaints with both students and employees is that there is inequity in disciplinary actions ("you let x do this, if x did'nt do this you would'nt worry about it...") yet when an across the board disciplinary action is enacted the first response is likely to be "but in my circumstance..., but x does'nt have this going on at home...".

IT CAN'T BE BOTH WAYS-if you are unwilling to accept that the child "bullying" your child is doing so because of personal issues in his homelife and is receiving in school vs. after school detention, don't expect the school to accommodate your child's detention based on your employment schedual.

running in the hallway may be in your opinion a "victimless crime"-but as the parent of a smaller student bowled into a door jam and suffering contusions and muscle injuries resulting in expensive medical treatment due to the "hallway runners" actions i can say the consequences may be much greater than you are aware.

 

[N.Bailey]

as the teacher who heard the parent complain "you have no idea what impact this is having on my job" and the supervisor who heard "you have no idea what impact this is having on my family life" it still came down to "your kid knew the rules, your kid knew the consequences, if the consequnces would take such an impact on your work/personal life as to threaten their existence-would you not have been better served going over the school regulations with your child and discussing what their failure to comply might incur?".

i understand that children do not always understand the wholistic consequences of their actions, but with a middle/jr/high school kid it is not entirely unrealistic to say "look these are the rules-if you break them you may only have to, but that means i have to....".

one of the key complaints with both students and employees is that there is inequity in disciplinary actions ("you let x do this, if x did'nt do this you would'nt worry about it...") yet when an across the board disciplinary action is enacted the first response is likely to be "but in my circumstance..., but x does'nt have this going on at home...".

IT CAN'T BE BOTH WAYS-if you are unwilling to accept that the child "bullying" your child is doing so because of personal issues in his homelife and is receiving in school vs. after school detention, don't expect the school to accommodate your child's detention based on your employment schedual.

running in the hallway may be in your opinion a "victimless crime"-but as the parent of a smaller student bowled into a door jam and suffering contusions and muscle injuries resulting in expensive medical treatment due to the "hallway runners" actions i can say the consequences may be much greater than you are aware.

When was the last time you were put in the position of losing your job because of something your child did?

She's certainly not excusing his actions either, so IMO, your post is a tad out of line. She only wants to come up with a reasonable punishment that both disciplines her child, but at the same time, doesn't force her to lose her job!

When was the last time your school decided at the end of the day, ahhh, we'll skip detention tonight. There aren't enough students in there to make it worth our while! Who gives a crap at how much $$$ the parents may have lost to make sure someone was available to pick those kids up.

IMO too, any school that considers an assault on another child to be not as important as running in the hall needs to seriously reconsider their policy anyway!! If you don't get that, no one is going to change your opinion. I think the vast majority see the hypocrisy though.

 

[barkley]

When was the last time you were put in the position of losing your job because of something your child did?

She's certainly not excusing his actions either, so IMO, your post is a tad out of line. She only wants to come up with a reasonable punishment that both disciplines her child, but at the same time, doesn't force her to lose her job!

When was the last time your school decided at the end of the day, ahhh, we'll skip detention tonight. There aren't enough students in there to make it worth our while! Who gives a crap at how much $$$ the parents may have lost to make sure someone was available to pick those kids up.

IMO too, any school that considers an assault on another child to be not as important as running in the hall needs to seriously reconsider their policy anyway!! If you don't get that, no one is going to change your opinion. I think the vast majority see the hypocrisy though.

there were many times my job was endangered (and i was put on notice) by a call from child care/ school/after school care to immediatly report due to an issue regarding my child (and as well my job was endangered when my or my husband's medical circumstances resulted in my immediate leave)-.

i have had school/daycare that called and for one reason or another (justified or not) and demanded immediate retrieval of my child/children that resulted in a write up/disciplinary action/threatened loss of my job.

i don't see this as the op's issue. she is questioning why the school cannot accommodate her individual circumstances (her work hours) and using the issue with her child's bullying as a comparison (not knowing what individual circumstances went into their punishment criteria).

the op complains about the work hours she missed due to the schools not notifying her that dention was canceled until 2:40-yet the reason she was unable to go in and fill her work hour obligation was not due to the late notice-it was because she misled her employer by telling them she was ill ("i called in sick") and could'nt call back for (i assume) being caught in a lie.

i still believe it can't go both ways-either you do across the board consequences for an action and accept that it may negativly impact on your personal/professional life or you accept that the school makes individual accommodations and accept that the consequence recieved by the person who acts out against your child may be less than you deem appropriate.

i fully support a parent's position if they argue that the punishment does not "fit the crime" (although i advocate parents that question rules find out the derivation-a school i taught at educated students why and imparted detention for slamming open doors after a student suffered nose and jaw breaks due to being slammed in the face with one) i do not support a parent misleading their employer regarding their absence nor arbitrarily halting a disciplinary action until it suits their schedual.

 

[N.Bailey]

there were many times my job was endangered (and i was put on notice) by a call from child care/ school/after school care to immediatly report due to an issue regarding my child (and as well my job was endangered when my or my husband's medical circumstances resulted in my immediate leave)-.

i have had school/daycare that called and for one reason or another (justified or not) and demanded immediate retrieval of my child/children that resulted in a write up/disciplinary action/threatened loss of my job.

i don't see this as the op's issue. she is questioning why the school cannot accommodate her individual circumstances (her work hours) and using the issue with her child's bullying as a comparison (not knowing what individual circumstances went into their punishment criteria).

the op complains about the work hours she missed due to the schools not notifying her that dention was canceled until 2:40-yet the reason she was unable to go in and fill her work hour obligation was not due to the late notice-it was because she misled her employer by telling them she was ill ("i called in sick") and could'nt call back for (i assume) being caught in a lie.

i still believe it can't go both ways-either you do across the board consequences for an action and accept that it may negativly impact on your personal/professional life or you accept that the school makes individual accommodations and accept that the consequence recieved by the person who acts out against your child may be less than you deem appropriate.

i fully support a parent's position if they argue that the punishment does not "fit the crime" (although i advocate parents that question rules find out the derivation-a school i taught at educated students why and imparted detention for slamming open doors after a student suffered nose and jaw breaks due to being slammed in the face with one) i do not support a parent misleading their employer regarding their absence nor arbitrarily halting a disciplinary action until it suits their schedual.

She's going to ASK the school if they can work some arrangement out so it doesn't interfere with her job. So far, she's spoken to NO ONE! So, she's not questioning them yet, she's ONLY asking for advice here before she has a chance to speak with them.

Personally, having MUCH experience dealing with the school (not in the discipline area so much) I fully believe they will try to be as accommodating as they can be.

As for the OP bringing the bully into the picture, she's was giving an example of what she's hoping they're willing to do for her as well. Again however, she's not talked to anyone. She is asking for advice.

Before you try to crucify her, you might wanna stop and think about that for a bit!

The reasons she reported off work are none of your business and she certainly doesn't need your approval. Perhaps it was the only way she could take off without losing her job and while I don't condone lying, if it's between putting food on the table or not, I can't really judge anyone for choosing to do what they have to so they're able to keep a job. Maybe a paycheck isn't that important to you? If so, you're very fortunate. Not everyone is in that position!

I see you mentioned earlier that you taught yourself. I pray if that's true that you're willing to work for solutions with all the people you deal with instead of simply passing judgment on them.

 

[DawnCt1]

IMO too, any school that considers an assault on another child to be not as important as running in the hall needs to seriously reconsider their policy anyway!! If you don't get that, no one is going to change your opinion. I think the vast majority see the hypocrisy though.

Amen to that!!! The school and the parents need to work together so that the child sees that punishment is appropriate and fits the crime. Placing a parent's job in jeopardy is indeed excessive and serves to align the parent with the child and against the school.

 

[dg39]

Clearly losing ones job over this school detention is extreme. I'm sure if the op goes to the school and explains her situation, they will be able to come up with an alternative. I'm also sure that this isn't the first request the school has received from parents about work and detention. They most likely will have an answer to help out the parent and give the child his detention.

 

[poohandwendy]

When talking to the school, I would just say "I know my son needs to serve his detention time, but I have no way of picking him up, is there a solution we could come up with so that he can serve it another time?"

I would try to stay calm about it and not get into anything other than coming to a solution.

Good luck resolving this.

 

[aprilgail2]

Why can't you hire a taxi??? That would be my solution.

I would never put my 6th grade child in a taxi alone! Around here you dont get your "own" taxi..they will pick you up then pick 3 other people up before they start the drop offs...meaning the child would be in the taxi with up to 3 strangers...and some of hte types of people that take taxis around here I would not go in one with them, nevermind sending a 6th grade kid in there with them.
Around here if they can't do after school dentention then they do it at lunch time. Years ago when I was in high school they had the after school detention buses to take the kids home, now they don't so they have to find transportation home on their own.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Since your DH is away from M-Th and you work 3 - 7 pm. Does your son stay unsupervised during this time? If not, could that person pick him up? I have a neighbor whose job was such that I needed to help her with her kids full time for a week. I have picked them up from school for her (with a note she sent in with the kid).

I don't agree with your calling in sick. Were you going to be sick for the three consecutive days? But since you did and then found out that he did not have detention, I would have gone in to work a little late to get the money you needed and to show that you are a devoted employee who "felt better" and went in to help out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would never put my 6th grade child in a taxi alone! Around here you dont get your "own" taxi..they will pick you up then pick 3 other people up before they start the drop offs...meaning the child would be in the taxi with up to 3 strangers...and some of hte types of people that take taxis around here I would not go in one with them, nevermind sending a 6th grade kid in there with them.
Around here if they can't do after school dentention then they do it at lunch time. Years ago when I was in high school they had the after school detention buses to take the kids home, now they don't so they have to find transportation home on their own.

I am not talking NY. I am talking Midwest 'burbs. There are actually "kid's taxi's".

 

[aprilgail2]

I am not talking NY. I am talking Midwest 'burbs. There are actually "kid's taxi's".

I am not talking about NY taxis..those you actually get to yourself..I am talking about out on long island....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am not talking about NY taxis..those you actually get to yourself..I am talking about out on long island....

The world I live in and yours is different. I don't live in NY. Again, I wouldn't do it in NY. I am talking the 'burbs. You seem to have a hard time time understanding this. They are actually services for children.

It doesn't matter anyway, because she lives in the country where she is limited.

 

[golfgal]

I am not talking NY. I am talking Midwest 'burbs. There are actually "kid's taxi's".

We also have a kid taxi service, actually a couple of them, to take kids to various activities. They are only for kids and basically no different then them riding the school bus.

 

[kydisneyfans]

We have these both in KY and the part of Ohio I came from-some are called "Kiddie Caravans" or something like that. In most cases they are used for students that go to a day care or family members home that is outside of their own school district boundaries.

As for the detention-sounds extreme to me--if they can't find a monitor-that's their own fault, not yours.

On the flip side-your job is not with a "child friendly" company--both my wife and I work for companies that put family first-if a situation arises-we both have the means to do what is needed to help our child. It seems as if either you or your husband need some type of flexibility.

Does your child participate in any after school activities? How are they transported home? Does he have any friends that stay after for basketball practice or the like?

 

[urglewurgle]

the main issue here seems to be that the school cannot guarrentee when the detention will be... you and your son accept he's done wrong, and, in theory, accept the punishement...

the school is messing you around. you need to tell them you can't just drop everything like this and tell them you could loose thier job and that your son will be keeping his usual arrangements until they can specify a date for the detention. Surely the school will understand that your child's safety comes foremost in a situation like this and that it would not be acceptable to have him kaing his own way home or whatever, and it is also not acceptable for you to keep running to school on the off chance detention might be happening.

Just talk to them, see if you can get a definate date or switch to lunch times...

also... the level of punishment seems quite harsh for the crime...