Help Handling School Punishment-updated w/ school's response

[kilee]

Okay I want to first say that what my son did was wrong and he needs to be punished for it. Last Tuesday my son I guess was running in the hall at school (he's in 6th grade). He told me about it and I subsequently got a letter about it. As a result they put him in detention for Tue-Thurs of this week. Now they have 2 detentions- 1 period and 3 period. After 1 period there is a bus you can take home (the elementary school bus) if there's room. After a 3 period detention your parents have to supply transportation. You can see where this is going-- he got 3 period detention.

Well it completely, and I mean completely messes w/ my work schedule. I cannot take off 3 days to meet their needs. I had yesterday worked out w/ work-- then the school ups's and cancels detention because the monitor needed to go home early. I was fuming-- after I lost hrs at work over this. I cannot bend my work schedule for this many days in a row to accomodate them to provide transportation. My family all works so there is nobody to pick him up and it's too-too far to walk especially for a 12 yr old in the bitter cold after dark by himself. The school is on a country road w/ no sidewalks- so walking isn't happening even if the weather were nice.

So, basically I picked him up at dismissal today and I intend to tomorrow. I have been playing phone tag w/ the dean of students (or so he calls himself). They need to come up w/ another solution for this. I don't want my son to think he can just "get out of this" and I've been stressing that. However, I think the school is a being a bit extreme on this one. I should add that before the holiday's when my son was being bullied and thrown into lockers for days on end-- those boy's got 1 week of "lunch detention"-- meaning they had to eat lunch in a quiet classroom for a week. Umm-- hello--seems the priorities in punishments is waaaaay off here. I am intend to question this too. I just need to know how to handle this.

 

[Marseeya]

Usually I'm of the opinion that after school detention is needed, and if it takes getting a parent out of work to get their kid straightened up, then that's just what they need to do. I used to argue that with my kids' school all the time -- better they inconvenience me than take my child out of a much-needed class for "punishment."

Anyway, that said, WOW! I'd be furious in your situation! Too bad if the monitor couldn't stay, they need to find someone who could -- like the "dean." I really think you should set them straight on that.

 

[LauraR]

Yeah, their priorities do seem screwed up. I'd say running in the halls is a victimless "crime" compared with throwing another student into lockers. (Personally I think kids that are bullies should get suspended for awhile).Seems that if those kids could do lunchtime detention, your son should be able to, also. I'd be interested on hearing the school's logic on this. Maybe you could request that your son do the 1 period detention (so he can catch the elementary school bus) but for more days, as an alternative.

 

[barkley]

i suspect this may not be the first issue with the child. most schools that offer different detention scheduals also have a "progressive disclipline" plan in place that determines what detention you are slotted into based on the severity of the infraction/history of the individual child.

also-the "bullies" may have done lunch time because it kept them away from your child and limited their exposure to him.

just hope the child learns from the experience-we have some family court judges in california who have taken to mandating parents attend school with persistant truants (or face jail time)-i imagine those parents would have relished a few days of lost work vs. an entirely lost job.

 

[N.Bailey]

Could you ask if they'd maybe allow him to stay for more of the period 1 detentions? Maybe 3 for each 3 period one? Maybe they'd be willing to negotiate something like that in your situation. He'd still do his time, so they wouldn't be letting him off the hook either. I'd suggest it anyway. All they can say is no.

 

[declansdad]

I can certianly understand your frustration and like a previous poster, I too agree with the reasons for after-school detentention

That being said, the school was at fault for not having a monitor and they can not expect parents to continously change their schedules (nor should parents expects school to change theirs.) My advice to you would be to approach the school in a calm manner with some possible solutions. If you go in attacking the school they will immediately go on the defensive and be less cooperative.

 

[mickeyfan2]

When I was in school we had both in school and after school detention. I am not sure of the different offense that got which one. For the one that the monitor was off they should give him credit. Could you have him do both 1 and 3 on the same day to get two out of the way?

 

[Maleficent13]

I sincerely doubt that having a parent lose their job over a child's school issue does anyone any good, least of all the child.

I am not belittling the need for appropriate punishment for offenses in school, nor the need for parents to be involved. But it is unrealistic to expect parents to be able to accomodate a schedule outside of normal school hours on the spur of the moment. My opinion is, the parent and the school should determine what is most convenient for both parties.

 

[froglady]

Both of my children attend(ed) private schools that do not provide ANY transportation, so most parents carpool. Because students would be stranded if they had to stay after school at the last minute, ALL detentions are on Saturday. The teachers rotate and get paid extra for it, the student has to get up early on his/her day off, or miss another planned activity, and the parent(s) don't usually have to miss work.

I also agree that he should get credit for the cancelled detention.

 

[Karel]

So, basically I picked him up at dismissal today and I intend to tomorrow. I have been playing phone tag w/ the dean of students (or so he calls himself). .

Wait - I'm confused. You picked him up at dismissal -afterschool - and he skipped detention? Isn't that going to bring even more trouble?

Do you work nights?

 

[kilee]

i suspect this may not be the first issue with the child.

I want to correct you this is the first time he's EVER been in trouble at school. So, if this is progressive- then it's pretty progressed.

The school cut the "detention" buses just this year to save money due to fuel prices.

As for if he misses-- he states if he misses 2 detentions then it's 1 day of In-school-suspension. As for the other detention-- they missed it as far as I'm concerned.

I don't want him let off the hook. The problem is they are very inconsistent with things. It took them 1 week to schedule the detention as it was due to lack of a monitor-- so I re-arrange (basically I had to shorten my work hrs) my work to accomodate them. Then they cancelled-- well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to "babysit detention" anyone could of done it. So, now that I've already missed this work shift- I am not willing to miss more based on them "maybe having detention". I guess it comes down to they'll actually hold it when they have enough kids. I cannot keep arranging everyday based on a "maybe". If they want to provide him transportation home (which I do pay school taxes for) then by all means he can stay. Otherwise they can give him lunch detention. My boss point-blank won't give me the 3 consecutive days off on pto time w/ such short notice.

 

[kilee]

I did in fact pick him up today. Right now I'm working at 3pm-- which allows me enough time to get him from school and go to work-- which is 45 minutes away. We have a huge project for the taxes at work which we started in December- and will go to March. Basically I either keep the job I've had 8 yrs and work the extra hours now or have no job. We are under audit and there is not a choice about the extra hours-- so we are working in the evenings after hours to get it done. It is mandatory right now. They are overly stressed and taking 3 consecutive days off isn't going to fly. Plus if I'm going to afford my property taxes next month-- this will make us do it w/o robbing peter to pay paul so to speak.


That being said--- I did pick him up-- I called the Dean of Students 4 times today (he was "out of the building" most of the day)-- let him know that I cannot possibly schedule my time for work right now on a "maybe" and left it at that. I did tell him I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning to discuss this further.

For someone who said the punishment's would be progressive. I honestly think it's A LOT more because I went over the dean's head about the violence when he didn't give me any satisfaction on it. I had posted way back when about it- but my son was being bullied severly and threatened and assualted by these boys. The dean had witnessed it but said his hands were really tied because there isn't much punishment he can give a 6th grader. So he took them out of lunch for lunch detention for a week. I didn't think that was really appropriate. Not w/ the extent of what was happening. So, when he kept telling me there was no "real" punishment he could give-- I went over his head.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Why can't you hire a taxi??? That would be my solution.

 

[N.Bailey]

I did in fact pick him up today. Right now I'm working at 3pm-- which allows me enough time to get him from school and go to work-- which is 45 minutes away. We have a huge project for the taxes at work which we started in December- and will go to March. Basically I either keep the job I've had 8 yrs and work the extra hours now or have no job. We are under audit and there is not a choice about the extra hours-- so we are working in the evenings after hours to get it done. It is mandatory right now. They are overly stressed and taking 3 consecutive days off isn't going to fly. Plus if I'm going to afford my property taxes next month-- this will make us do it w/o robbing peter to pay paul so to speak.


That being said--- I did pick him up-- I called the Dean of Students 4 times today (he was "out of the building" most of the day)-- let him know that I cannot possibly schedule my time for work right now on a "maybe" and left it at that. I did tell him I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning to discuss this further.

For someone who said the punishment's would be progressive. I honestly think it's A LOT more because I went over the dean's head about the violence when he didn't give me any satisfaction on it. I had posted way back when about it- but my son was being bullied severly and threatened and assualted by these boys. The dean had witnessed it but said his hands were really tied because there isn't much punishment he can give a 6th grader. So he took them out of lunch for lunch detention for a week. I didn't think that was really appropriate. Not w/ the extent of what was happening. So, when he kept telling me there was no "real" punishment he could give-- I went over his head.

If he had more period 1 detentions, he could ride the elementary bus home, right? If that's correct, why don't you talk to them about dropping the period 3s in favor of more period 1s? He'd have that time to get his homework done too and if he needed help, wa la, there would be the extra help he needed! It might save you that hassle for a few nights too.

I don't like the policy of giving the REAL trouble makers lunch detention though. It seems they need to re-evaluate their priorities.

I know some of my son's teachers have asked him to go to their class during lunch (for extra help) and I hate the idea. I'd rather he stay in the cafeteria where he'll have the time (most of the time anyway) to eat his lunch.

 

[N.Bailey]

Why can't you hire a taxi??? That would be my solution.

I don't know where the OP lives, but there are no Taxis in my town.

 

[Karel]

Maybe your husband could leave work early to go get him from detention? No friend who could go him ?

 

[Mom2be]

There is no way I would have a grade school child alone in a taxi - no way, no how.

~Amanda

 

[Beth76]

Why can't you hire a taxi??? That would be my solution.

I sure as heck wouldn't put my child in a taxi by himself.

 

[golfgal]

I hate to say it but you are going to have to work something out at work. Having kids is a big responsibility and this is just part of it. Yes, it is inconvenient but kids are in general. You said that it isn't your responsibility "Well it completely, and I mean completely messes w/ my work schedule. I cannot take off 3 days to meet their needs." but it isn't their needs you are meeting, it is the needs of your child. I am sure you have a school handbook somewhere that states the discipline policy. I don't understand why you have to take 3 days off of work to do this in the first place, can't you just take an hour or so to do the running and go back to work? I too doubt that this is the first incidence for your child although this might be the first time it impacts your work schedule. Running in the hall isn't a 3 detention offense but if he had repeatedly run in the halls and has had some verbal warnings before, this might be the next step.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I sure as heck wouldn't put my child in a taxi by himself.

Why?
He is in 6th grade. Did you know that people do this for elementary kids?
There are services that cater to school kids.