Help! Advice needed!

[MinneMouse29]

Hey guys. I am having a very big problem within myself here. I have 2 friends that I was really close with in middle and high school. Thing is, after high school we drifted apart. We talk maybe every 3-4 months, and for short amounts of time. One of my friends, thinks that I am too young to be married, she is a partier and believes that the twenties are for dating and being wild. Thats where we differ, and thats why we're not close anymore. When I first told her I was engaged, she basically talked bad about it behind my back and to my face said that she was happy for me. Here's my problem, I don't realy want her at my wedding, and I haven't invited her, but im having second thoughts, only because when she calls and finds out that im suddenly married and she wasn't invited.... well, i dont know how she'll take that.... But i dont want to invite her just to get out of explaining myself... I dont know what to do! Should I invite her and if i do, my wedding is next weekend... how will I explain that??? Oh please help a girl out with this... I don't wanna worry about this on my wedding!!!

 

[starflower]

If you don't want her there, then don't invite her! If she complains after the fact, be polite but say something along the lines of, "You seemed so disappointed that I was getting married that I assumed you wouldn't have a good time at the wedding." That way it sounds like you didn't invite her because you thought it would inconvienence her, not the other way around.

 

[dsnyfan6/18]

I kind of had the same problem, this was with some friends that I have been close to for years. I did not invite them. If they complian then i'm going to say that we're keeping it strictly close friends and family - that's it - no drama!

 

[JDMasso]

I completely agree. If you don't want her there, then don't invite her. and don't feel bad if she finds out. If she says anything to you, just tell her that it was a destination wedding, and you could only invite your family and a few friends

 

[MinneMouse29]

I guess I just feel like I don't want to deal with the drama or worry about what she'll say. She knows Im engaged and it was kind of always assumed we'd be at each others wedding... things just didn't turn out that way. We're not close and to be honest, she has changed a lot & I can't be close with the person she is. I feel really awful about it, but at the same time, i know its the right choice for me. Thing is, when she randomly calls me... I have no idea what i'll say. She wont understand if i say that it was just close family, because to her, it'll look like i went and did it behind her back and didnt invite her.

 

[Codie]

Just send her an announcement afterwards and then explain later that it was a "small" wedding. I've done that to numerous people who think they should have been invited.

 

[JJClemson]

I agree with what everyone else has said. It is your wedding and you should feel comfortable with all the people there. Do not invite her just because you're worried it may cause drama. Do you really want to be friends with someone who talks behind your back? I understand you have a history, but people grow up and grow apart. Best of luck to you

 

[littleladykaty]

This is a tough one...I'm inviting people I've never heard of b/c they are my dad and step mom's friends...I was stressing over it and feeling really badly and should I or shouldn't I...my mom doesn't like one of these people and it just goes on and on.

I decided that my wedding was not going to be a vehicle for revenge or making a point of "I don't like you" (I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but it was what seemed to happening with my invites...it was out of control) If you invite this girl, she'll be there and I'm sure behave herself. (Also she may not even come, but then it was her choice, not yours) You will have taken the high road...you won't feel guilty about it later and you'll have nothing to fight with her about later either. Honestly, you are going to be so caught up with your day, with getting married, being happy and enjoying friends and family, you probably won't even know she is there. If you see her, give her a big smile, thank her for coming and move on. She can't badmouth you for being gracious.

That being said...if you really don't like this girl anymore, and don't care if she is there or not, then don't waste an invitation...it just seems like you might care a little more than you realize.

good luck!!

I'm so excited for you!!! I hope you have a fantastic day!! Have fun on your Disneymoon!!!

 

[MinneMouse29]

Thanks for the replies.

If I do invite her though, how will I explain that I am getting married next weekend and just telling her about it?LOL... I always get myself in binds.

 

[Codie]

Tell her that a spot just opened and she was your first choice? I personally wouldn't worry about her...just let it go.

 

[MissKris721]

I just had to cut a friend off this week who started some email drama with me telling me that I have changed since meeting my fiance and that I don't have time to spend with her (excuse me but I am planning a wedding and we just bought a house). Anyways she told me her feelings and I apologized for not being in more contact with her and then gave her my feelings back. She totally attacked my reasons and did not care I was telling her my feelings like she told me (and I listened to hers!). I basically wrote to her "If you can't support my relatiobship with FH then I don't see how we can be friends anymore" I can't stand drama. I don't need it and don't want it. Sounds like you need to tell this girl how you feel and either cut the friendship off or if she acknowledges your feelings and changes her way then it will continue to flourish. The key though is to talk to her about how you are feeling. If it turns out to be a great conversation than invite her to the wedding.

 

[robsmom]

Just let it go. You obviously made your choice to not invite her a long time ago. inviting her one week out just creates unnecessary drama and draws attention to it. Also - do not send her an announcement. That is like adding insult to injury. Hey i care enough to send an announcement and hope for a gift but not enough to invite you to the wedding. There is no need to announce your wedding - she will hear about it eventually and figure out she was not invited. If she calls then fall back on the small family event and keep the conversation friendly - no need to harp on why you didn't want her around. sometimes it is easier and kinder to let relationships die a natural death than to create the drama of ending it.

 

[KerTggr]

I completely agree with robsmom. Sometimes things don't work out the way we planned when we were younger or in a different place in our lives. But I honestly believe that if people are your friends, that drama should be left out of it. Life is dramatic enough without adding to it. I think if you just take things as they come - go to your wedding, have a good time no matter what, love the people you do and allow people the right to love you, start your married life with your DH, then that will make your life an amazing one. Worrying about if she will call and what you are going to say isn't going to help @ all. Sit in your choices and accept your feelings as just that - feelings that you own. Everything will work out as it should!

Just keep concentrating on what this is all really about - sharing your and FDH's love for each other with the people who care about you and giving them the chance to bless your new life! Congratulations!