HELP!! 16w/o WON'T SLEEP!

[Willow25]

I wanted to quickly add that most babies will kick and get out of their swaddling which means they probably really need to be swaddled because of how active they are.

 

[smidgy]

I agree, the advice of BF every 2 hours and cosleeping is NOT HELPFUL advice for some people. The OP has gotten good advice on both sides of the issue and she can choose what works best for her situation..

well said. may I add, cosleeping is NOT a good idea at all. the baby can smother very easily.

 

[tartemis]

well said. may I add, cosleeping is NOT a good idea at all. the baby can smother very easily.

If you take proper precautions, that is just false. In fact, studies have shown that co-sleeping (with proper precautions, e.g., don't drink alcohol or take sleeping aids, keep pillows and other bedding away from baby, etc.) actually reduces the chances of SIDS.

I'm not some crazy co-sleeping fanatic, but it is a good option for difficult sleepers until they reach an age that they can soothe themselves without CIO. If you can stand to CIO, that is a good option, too -- it is just something I could never do.

Edited to add --- I also work full-time in a very demanding field. Just because you have a demanding job, doesn't mean you HAVE to resort to CIO.

 

[Cinbride]

To the OP just stopping and saying when you're up in the middle of the night. I'll be the one up with you. I'm in the same boat. 4 mth old just really doesn't want to sleep. during the day or at night. I should have known shed be trouble with her foot always in my gallbladder. I was completely spoiled by my 1st. She started sleeping through the night at 8 wks. And to this day she is 2.5. she still loves her sleep. She takes a nap and sleeps all night. I was soooooooooooo not prepared for the 2nd to be a complete opposite. Oh also we cosleept. Everyone said it was a horrible idea, we would never get her out of bed (we did it safely; she had her own area) At 6 mths I layed her in her crib, it took a few tries. turns out she wanted it dark no night light and has sleep in her own bed since.

Kids are soo unpredictable. If you need to try and see if you husband can help a few nights just to give you a break. I know I always hate asking mine, I don't know why. I just know he works so hard all day and I'll be up anyways while he is feeding her so I'll just do it. Process of elimination. Go see her ped. ask what options you do have. Take what they say and use it how it would best suite your lives. For both are sakes, it will get better. They do grow up soo fast. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[brymolmom]

To the OP - lots of hugs - it is very difficult to see the end of the tunnel when you are so sleep deprived. But it WILL COME!

You have to decide how you want to handle it - just make a decision (whether it be to ride it out and keep feeding every 1/2 hour, co-sleep, try to get baby to sleep by self..) whatever it is - just STICK TO IT! It might get 'worse' for a week or so - but then it will get better.

This would be my advice:
First of all - agree that discussion with dh is necessary. If he isn't 'happy' when he wakes from sleep - sounds like he needs to take the first shift - BEFORE he goes to sleep. Express some milk so he can do 1 bottle feeding. Then YOU go to sleep right after dinner (I'm SURE you're tired enough at this point) or by 8:00 or so. Have dh try to lengthen the time before baby eats by distracting...so - if baby cries at 9:00pm, have him get baby and distract somehow (my dd had a tough time eating sometimes, a baby einstein video would distract her just enough to come out of her crying). THEN, give baby bottle when the baby can't be distracted anymore....hopefully by 10:00pm or so. Then have dh put baby to bed. If baby wakes at 10:45 - well, this time I would try soothing in a different way than feeding. ESPECIALLY since baby got the formula from a bottle you should KNOW whether or not she's hungry since you know exactly how many ounces she drank. If she drank a full bottle - definitely do not feed her. Soothe and comfort and then put back in crib. Here again, distract her with this for as LONG as possible before feeding again - try to go at least 2 hours between. THEN, lenthen this a couple of nights later - to at least 3 hours, and so on.

#1 - you NEED to have dh helping you. and
#2 - My BEST advice would be to NOT go too long letting the baby go to sleep nursing or being held. The best decision I made as a parent was teaching my child to go to sleep by him/her self. Put the baby in bed AWAKE! I have seen so many issues (not major - but ones I wouldn't want) caused by babies/toddlers/kids who can't put themselves to sleep. I know a ton of people who have nights where they have to lay down with their kids for hours at a time...then get back up at midnight to do the stuff they had to get done that night. I would NOT want to be in that situation.

I know you're tired, but you have to decide WHERE you want to be and just make a plan (no matter how difficult in the short term) to GET there!

Best of luck!

 

[jodifla]

I agree, the advice of BF every 2 hours and cosleeping is NOT HELPFUL advice for some people. The OP has gotten good advice on both sides of the issue and she can choose what works best for her situation.

I guess I just find it so odd because I have always worked FT and been around lots of working mothers. Some BF and others FF. But I must say that in my 10 years of working at several large corporations, every single mother that I was friends with had their children sleeping on a decent night schedule by about 3 months of age (when most came back to work). Most had to get up maybe once during the night, but not every 1-2 hours. My DS was sleeping through (9-7) by 10 weeks. I don't know...maybe since we knew we had to function for work that we stopped letting the baby dictate the schedule and we set the schedule

I also agree that the baby might be hungry and BM might not be enough. DS was exclusively formula fed and he was maxing out on formula by 10 weeks. The Ped said that as long as he could take it off the spoon, to start cereal. It took some experimenting to find the right texture (thicker than I would have thought) but he took it really well off the spoon. We fed him cereal at breakfast and dinner and it made a huge difference. As soon as we started cereal, he started skipping the middle of the night feeding. Again, maybe coincidence, but I don't think so.

Does OP know how much milk baby is taking at night? Maybe OP should express some milk for at night to see if she is really hungry or is just sucking.

Another idea is DS never really took a pacifer...but sometimes I would just hold one in his mouth for a minute or so and he would take a few sucks and be out like a light. IF I held it he would suck it, but if I didn't he just spit it out. We did that a lot when he was fussy at night but didn't need anything. Only took a few seconds rather than holding him, rocking him and then trying to lay him back down with out waking him (then starting the cycle over when he inevitably woke up). That might be a good way to transition her from using mommy to starting to self soothe.

I was a single mom -- for a week -- when DS was 6 weeks old. My DH had to leave town. DS was already sleeping from about 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. or so at night. But after a few days of being on my own, I was totally and completely wiped out. I went to bed one night, and just didn't wake up until morning, about 6 a.m. Very alarmed, I went into DS's room, and he was sleeping contentedly.

And after that, he started sleeping from 11 to 5 or 6 every night. I put him to bed at 7:30, my husband woke him at 11:30 for the feeding, and put him back down awake, to put himself to sleep.

It's my bet that single moms just get so tired they don't wake up at night, and babies learn to put themselves back to sleep on their own.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I know how you feel, my dd is 18 weeks and we went throught the same thing. I spoke with her pediatrician, and his recommendation was a nighttime routine so that after a few nights, she would learn when bedtime was. He also stated that at 4 months we could start to give her some rice cereal mixed with water as solid food twice a day. That night, we started a routine that was at about 9:00 pm we would feed her some cereal, then give her a bath with the jhonson's bedtime bath (the lavender one), then we would get her in her jammies, swaddle her, nurse her (she was still hungry after the cereal, and the cereal is not a substitute for milk) and then lay her down for the night. She was still awake when we laid her down, but she was very tired and would go to sleep on her own within a few minutes. After a few nights, she would sleep from about 10:00pm - 7:00 am, and would get up maybe once during the night but only once in awhile (not every night). I know that you have stated that she does not like to be swaddled, but you could do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby. I think the bath right before bedtime really helped to calm and soothe her. Also, every baby is different, so if you try the cereal, please speak with your ped. 1st. Our ped. actually recommended it and she absolutely loves it =) Hope all works out for you, keep us posted!!

This is good advise. I would also try stopping the 4:30 nap.

 

[kandb]

Our youngest is 10 months old and co-sleeps with my dh and I. I just feel that is natural for a child to want to be close to his mother and/or father. He actually wakes up once in a while looks at me and then goes right back to sleep. Some nights he wakes up numerous times (thinks its from different foods he's starting to try), but if he was in a crib he would probably start crying and get upset that he is in a room alone without anyone to comfort/soothe him. I would never let him cry hysterical for me while I am in another room ignoring him. He is the most smily, content and happy loveable baby and my sister always says the reason is because "all his needs are being met" and I do believe that is why. Good luck, Linda

 

[kpgriswold]

You may be sick of responses by now: sorry for adding another!

Your baby was probably pretty traumatized by her hospital stay. Her routine was gone, strangers were causing her discomfort, and she was out of her safe, happy environment. No wonder she wants to have you with her all the time!

We had a similar situation -- also just after Christmas! -- when our youngest was 3 months old. His sleep pattern also went to hell and like you I was pulling my hair out and my DH was useless as he (claimed he ) could not hear the baby cry . I could not bring myself to let baby CIO, knowing he was so needy. So we sort of compromised...

I put him the pack and play and put it right up against the bed. I dozed when I could, and when he cried I patted his back and told him I was there, then rolled back over and put a pillow on my head until he cried again. Eventually he slept for longer periods, then only needed to hear my voice with no patting. Then I moved him back to his bed, and talked to him from the doorway. It took a good two weeks of this semi-Ferberizing to get him settled back into his old routine.

Other ideas: give your DD as much attention while she is awake as you possible can, lots of cuddling and story reading and singing. Carry her in a sling if you have one. And don't let her sleep alot during the day, or in the late afternoon. It worked for me.

Best of luck, and please know there are other mommies out here sending you good wishes.

 

[canfield77]

I wanted to give you an idea that no others (I think) have mentioned: DHA. This was the only thing that FINALLY worked for my son (who just started sleeping thru the night at 8 mon). I had read in a magazine article that DHA helps promote vision development and developmental skills like sleeping through the night. So, what the heck, I tried it. I have breastfed my son from birth, and still do, and he gets no formula, so I bought some of that DHA fortified food and/or cereal. And what do you know, a couple of days into that, he started sleeping through the night. Amazing! Now, I know that might not work for everyone, but I think its worth a try. I also think that might be another reason why formula fed babies sleep longer... DHA is in formula. Breastfed mothers don't usually get a lot of DHA because it is found in fish oil... so unless you eat a lot of fish you probably don't have a whole lot to pass on. Also... we co-slept with our son from 1 mon until 6 months. It was just easier on me, HOWEVER, we have a California King sized bed with side rails and my husband is gone a lot, so it was just me and baby in bed. I could easily nurse him to sleep (bad I know but I was just too exhausted) and then move three people lengths over to sleep WAY away from him. So, you will have to keep the safety issues in mind. They might also get a dependence to it, but we moved our son and he never had any problem with the switch. Co sleeping didn't seem to help him sleep better though, it just helped me sleep better cause I was right there to feed him and put him back to sleep. Another option might be a co-sleeper that attaches to the side of your bed. That way, you can nurse the baby and put her right back in her own spot without waking her and go back to sleep. Bad I know, to nurse infants to sleep, but sometimes you just gotta do what you can RIGHT NOW to get through it. You can slowly wean her off later, but I know many aren't going to like that idea. Honestly I don't even really love that idea, but you have got to get some sleep right?
My heart goes out to you, I was in your spot for many months, my husband was gone for months on business and I was all alone with a baby that wouldn't sleep! However, I didn't have another young one to care for, so I can only imagine what you have to go through! Try the DHA with cereal if you want... it might help you never know!

 

[We_love_WDW]

try the cry it out method - it will be more painful for you that her. It will take a couple of days but will work..I did it with my second b/c he was getting up every 40 minutes and would want me to hold him...but now he just goes in his crib awake at his bedtime or naptime and puts himself to sleep -ITS GREAT! Get her a good schedule..start with the nighttime sleep...then put her down 2 hours after she wakes up, then around 1 after lunch and then bedtime at 6:30-7 ..you will be so happy

 

[mjkacmom]

Our youngest is 10 months old and co-sleeps with my dh and I. I just feel that is natural for a child to want to be close to his mother and/or father. He actually wakes up once in a while looks at me and then goes right back to sleep. Some nights he wakes up numerous times (thinks its from different foods he's starting to try), but if he was in a crib he would probably start crying and get upset that he is in a room alone without anyone to comfort/soothe him. I would never let him cry hysterical for me while I am in another room ignoring him. He is the most smily, content and happy loveable baby and my sister always says the reason is because "all his needs are being met" and I do believe that is why. Good luck, Linda

I've had some very smiley, content, happy babies, who slept peacefully in their cribs at night...

 

[rodeo65]

Well, ya know........

I shouldn't brag that they slept through the night no problem by that age (which they all did) because...

NOW the two youngest are 6 and 8 and I swear to God, I am woken up in the middle of the night by one of them every single miserable night of my life.

Every.
Single.
Night.

But that's another thread....

I haven't finished reading this whole thread, but have to jump in here and laugh in commiseration! Mine are 7 & 8 and I go through the same thing. Usually it's the VERY VERY VERY WORST NIGHTMARE EVER. At least until the next night. Not that they can tell me what the very very very worst nightmare ever was about. Either that or one gets up to go to the bathroom and needs to be tucked back in. 'Cause they can't pull blankets up like mom can.

OP - I'm on the side of growth spurt or teething. I know DS was around the 4 month mark for crankiness although the teeth didn't break the gums for another couple of months. DD I'm not sure about timing there but probably around the same 4-5 month mark. I've blocked it out. So I can look at them with love.

 

[princessmom29]

I've had some very smiley, content, happy babies, who slept peacefully in their cribs at night...

Me too. In fact mine was much more conetnted once she learned to self soothe and go to sleep on her own, rather than relying on me. She just seemed calmer and more contented all around, and less clingy and unsure. Before we started putting her in her bed awake she would want to be held constantly, and the least little thing that was different totally disrupted her mood. Within a couple of weeks of going to sleep on her own I saw a huge change in that. She could sit contentedly in her seat for a half hour at a time and watch me cook a meal without needing me to pick her up and soothe her constantly over the least little thing. That NEVER happened before. I really think that her being able to put herself to sleep and have a little control over that helped in other areas as well.

 

[hsmamato2]

oh boy...this topic can get very emotional..... when ds(16) was a baby,he didn't sleep. I assumed I was a bad parent. Dh didn't get up at night,he was evil if woken up so I took night care. I eventually found a book by Dr William Sears called Night time parenting ( I think?) that saved me. There are all types of babies,some are easier than others. some will eventually fall asleep if left to cry,others won't. SOme parents feel babies should be independent,others feel babies deserve all the closeness they desire.
You need to do what works for you,OP. I personally wasn't going to let my needy baby scream. That was not my idea of parenting well. SO I learned about 'high needs' children,and how to deal with it. We co slept( yes,millions of people still do it,and yes, it is safe when done properly)
it was my only solution for a high needs baby and a mom who needed rest,and a dh who slept like a stinkin' log.
Even a co sleeper type bed next to yours,where when baby fusses,you can easily get her next to you,lying down,and nurse her till she's calm.....
BTW,I have more than one kid,the 1st,VERY high needs,(still doesn't sleep much at night) the 2nd,like a dream in comparison.
Depends on what YOU feel right doing. there are as many ways to get sleep with a baby as there are babies in this world.......
Also, if you baby was hospitalized recently, she may very well have unmet needs for comfort due to those disruptions. Not all things are so easy to see,but that can be a hard experience.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP- I think you got a lot of different options here. Only you can chose what will work best for you. I hope you find something that does work and you get some rest.

 

[hsmamato2]

well said. may I add, cosleeping is NOT a good idea at all. the baby can smother very easily.

absolutely not true. there are some 'scare studies' out there that would try to make us all believe this is true,but it's not. millions of babies cosleep around the world safely. In countries with a far lower infant mortality rate than the US. so cosleeping is a great option for those who wish to use it.
or vice versa,if it's what you want to do.

 

[RN01]

All I can say is Ferber method is what saved me. Worked on all 3 of my kids and it is hard to do but WORTH IT!

 

[princessmom29]

absolutely not true. there are some 'scare studies' out there that would try to make us all believe this is true,but it's not. millions of babies cosleep around the world safely. In countries with a far lower infant mortality rate than the US. so cosleeping is a great option for those who wish to use it.
or vice versa,if it's what you want to do.

I would be concerned with safety when starting it while already exhausted, though. I would be afraid that I would be so tired I wouldn't be aware enough of where the baby was.
Based on talking to lots of other moms, I don't think it is a good idea at all. Everyone in my aquaintance who has done it for any extended period has found that the long term problems that resulted were not worth any short term convinence it provided. Without exception they would all classify it as one of the bigger mistakes they made in parenting an infant. Most ended up with toddlers that the could not get to sleep through the night in their own beds. Some I have talked to say that they felt like it made their kids more dependent in general. I did a lot of asking around while I was pregnant, because I was really debating this. I planned to nurse and thought it would be sooo much easier to have her right there in the bed with me. I am personally glad I went on the advice of my friends and never put her in the bed with me, unless she was sick and needed to be monitored. I don't think I would have gotten her out before she was 3, based on DD's stubborn personality. Others on this board seem to have a different experience with it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would be concerned with safety when starting it while already exhausted, though. I would be afraid that I would be so tired I wouldn't be aware enough of where the baby was.
Based on talking to lots of other moms, I don't think it is a good idea at all. Everyone in my aquaintance who has done it for any extended period has found that the long term problems that resulted were not worth any short term convinence it provided. Without exception they would all classify it as one of the bigger mistakes they made in parenting an infant. Most ended up with toddlers that the could not get to sleep through the night in their own beds. Some I have talked to say that they felt like it made their kids more dependent in general. I did a lot of asking around while I was pregnant, because I was really debating this. I planned to nurse and thought it would be sooo much easier to have her right there in the bed with me. I am personally glad I went on the advice of my friends and never put her in the bed with me, unless she was sick and needed to be monitored. I don't think I would have gotten her out before she was 3, based on DD's stubborn personality. Others on this board seem to have a different experience with it.

Well, to be honest, I have to opposite experience. I co-slept with all of my children. I never even thought about doing it until I had my first and it was just easier since I was nursing. All of them go to bed with no problems in their own beds. Do they like to sleep in my bed? Sure, it is a treat on some weekends but to be honest I think they like it because I have a tv in my room and they don't.
As for the children being clingy, well that has nothing to do with co-sleeping. That has to do with parenting and a child's personality. I know plenty of people who never co-slept and their kids are clingy messes. The reality is though that they never tell their kids no and they let the kids rule the home. They don't insist that a child have manners like saying hello to an adult and instead make a million excuses about how the child is shy. Sleeping with someone doesn't make you clingy. It is what you do all day with your kids that help shape who they are and what they can get away with.
I know someone who never ever let the child sleep in their bed. This child could not even play with another child on a playdate unless her mother actively played with the kids. The reality was, the parents made a ton of excuses for her and the bottom line was they did not parent. They never showed her and insisted that she do/try things. I have seen many parents just like that.
As for co-sleeping, cio etc. there are a million arguments each way. You need to find what works for you. I personally am not a cio person. I also have not had any children with sleep issues either.