Head Tables at Weddings

[Talking Hands]

The last wedding I went to I was placed at a table with all deaf guests. Not a big problem for me but my husband is hearing and was left out. I served as the interpreter for the table. The bride made sure there was a hearing person able to interpret at each table because the majority of the guests were deaf and the catering company had no one who signed.
It is the bride's day and things are done her way!

 

[jfulcer]

4 hours out of a total of almost 9,000 hours in a year only sitting yards from your SO doesn't seem to be such a huge sacrifice to me. After all, how many times will your friend be getting married in her lifetime?

Been there, done that - on both sides. I guess I've always just tried to make friends with those around me to pass the time.

I do have to say, really, that it is your choice to do as you wish and I'm glad it doesn't sound like the bride is disappointed with it. For those who were miserable, just sit back and imagine you are dining at the Grand Floridian or something - it'll make it a little more bearable to be alone for those few hours.

 

[ckmommy]

Was this just a spur of the moment wedding?? When I was planning my wedding, I had the date, hall and attendents lined up a year plus in advance. If this person is a 'good friend,' didn't you know when her wedding was. Seeing that you had booked a cruise on the date of her wedding (and your birthday), I have to assume that this is a spur of the moment wedding, because I can't believe that you wouldn't be helping to plan your 'good friends' wedding.
As for the 'Sweetheart' tables, I would have told you NO WAY! It is HER wedding. When you get married YOURSELF, do it how you want. If you are more worried about your BF on your 'good friends' wedding day, I do not really think that you are being a 'good friend!'

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm still for head tables. That's one of the most precious days to the bride and groom! I know that if DH and I had been separated at a wedding, he would have had a grand time with whomever he sat with! He was the type to carry on a long conversation with anyone walking down the street. LOL! And we did get married on my sister's birthday!

 

[snoopy]

You know, I'm the type to mix and mingle with just about anyone, as is DH, but not everyone is like that. For those that are shy, the whole head table thing could really be a painful experience. I don't know if this is the case here, but something to consider just the same.

I don't think we can determine what kind of a friend the OP is by this post. I think she did the right thing by backing out of the wedding before it became an issue for the bride, which it obviously wasn't since the bride has already reassured her of that.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by snoopy
The idea of the head table really is kind of a dumb one.

More like traditional!

 

[snoopy]

Traditional, for sure

Outdated, perhaps

Awkward for some, more then likely

Dumb as a poor choice of words, yup



As always, no offense intended.

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by ckmommy
Was this just a spur of the moment wedding?? When I was planning my wedding, I had the date, hall and attendents lined up a year plus in advance. If this person is a 'good friend,' didn't you know when her wedding was. Seeing that you had booked a cruise on the date of her wedding (and your birthday), I have to assume that this is a spur of the moment wedding, because I can't believe that you wouldn't be helping to plan your 'good friends' wedding.

Now, I think this is a little unfair! If her BF planned the birthday cruise 13 months in advance, and the wedding date was set 12 months in advance, she would have booked the cruise first. Or even just 'planning' to take a birthday cruise could be planned pretty far in advance - she didn't say if they canceled an actual booking or just the plans.

We got a call this weekend from DH's friend who is getting married next June. No official date yet. I don't consider this "spur of the moment." But anyone who already has vacation plans for June (and people do plan these things out ten months in advance) has to cancel/rearrange them.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Dodie
Why in the world does it make "her day" better to have her wedding party exclusively seated around her at dinner and throughout the reception?

Personally, I wanted those I care most about to be with us at dinner. One bridesmaid left her sig. other at home, the other brought her husband with her...he sat at a table of my friends and had a great time. And my sister and her husband were the maid of honor and and an usher so sat with us. DH's brother was his best man and sat with us...his wife sat with DH's family table. And another of his usher's wife sat at the same table as his sis in law. And everyone told us they had a GREAT time! Besides...wouldn't you get to dance with your DH? I would think so. You won't be totally separated during the reception. And our attendants weren't glued to our table. They spent some time at their sig. other's tables.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by snoopy
Traditional, for sure

Outdated, perhaps

LOL! Outdated. I would refer to NOT sitting at a head table as "space age" or something similar.

 

[RUDisney]

This question is not meant to offend you, but how are you sharing the meal with your closest friends/relatives if you are seated at a 30 foot table, all in a row?

For us, we chose to sit with our MOH and BM and their SO's. We also sat with our parents, my DGM and my baby sister who was one of our flower girls. That was sharing a meal with them, IMHO. Had we been on display, this interaction could not have taken place.

 

[snoopy]

Pin Wizard, hence the word perhaps. Different strokes and all that.

I had a head table at my wedding. To me it seems outdated, but obviously its something you enjoyed about your wedding. I'm simply offering an opinion. If I were to plan a wedding again, I'd leave out the head table tradition. I'd also leave out about 100 of the 250 guests that attended, but hey, I still have fond memories of my wedding, long ago and far away as it may have been.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by RUDisney
For the couple, sure, they are with their new spouse, but they can't enjoy the time with their attendants, and their attendants can't enjoy themselves, being on display, only being able to talk to the people who are right next to them.

I don't get this one. The only time we were all at the head table at the same time was during dinner and for cake. Everyone was too busy having a good time and dancing. Our head table was empty more than full.

 

[ckmommy]

I don't get this one. The only time we were all at the head table at the same time was during dinner and for cake. Everyone was too busy having a good time and dancing. Our head table was empty more than full

Same as at our wedding!!

 

[RUDisney]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard
I don't get this one. The only time we were all at the head table at the same time was during dinner and for cake. Everyone was too busy having a good time and dancing. Our head table was empty more than full.

So then why have one? We were at our table only briefly, too... for dinner. But, we got to talk with everyone at our table on not only to the people at our sides. To me, I like that better. It seems more real and personal.

 

[ead79]

I think the main issue here is that you can't please everyone all the time. Some people enjoy sitting at head tables, and some brides/grooms enjoy having them. The opposite is also true. I do think that the bride and groom should do what they want as far as this is concerned, but do so as politely as possible. The wedding reception is about the bride and groom and what they want. Of course, they should be considerate of their guests and wedding party. I certainly don't think that asking your wedding party to sit with you at a special table is asking too much or being inconsiderate in any way. Many brides probably assume that the wedding party members like to be recognized/set apart at the reception, even though some may like it and some may not.

Personally, I would have worn a pink polka dotted dress with huge hideous frills if my friends had asked me to on their wedding day. I would have sat in a different room than the bride and groom even. The way I view it, it's my privilege to participate in their big day, and I will do what makes them the happiest, even if it's not my personal taste. Of course, if the head table is really a personal issue with anyone, they can politely decline the invitation to be in the wedding. Just my 2 cents.

As an aside, I'm having a huge head table with the wedding party and their significant others (some of which are in the wedding also and some of which are not).

 

[gina2000]

Twenty years ago I had a sweetheart table precisely because of the uncomfortableness people experience when separated from their dates. Also, a long head table looks rather dishevelled and lonely when it's abandoned with one or two people sitting at it. It's unsightly. So we did away with it and it was a great idea!

The OP was upfront and honest with her friend. I see nothing wrong with that. She told the friend with ample lead time so it didn't disturb her arrangements. She made no demands or requests. I think that's just fine.

It may be the bride and groom's day, but a wedding isn't just about a bride and groom. It's about people being together and celebrating a special event. As host/hostess, the bride and groom try to make everyone feel happy and comfortable....not just themselves.

The shoe should fit both feet. JMHO.

 

[disykat]

I think it's fine that the OP made her decision and politely told the bride about it. However, if I were that friend I'd pretty much understand that the friendship wasn't as close as I had thought.

DH and I have both been in weddings and as the spouse we've known that our only job was to be cooperative so that the other could enjoy their special day with their friend. For us that has usually meant sitting in the car with babies during the wedding and maybe making a brief drool free appearance at the reception.

My recommendation would have been for the SO to sit in the car with a good book if he was that uncomfortable.

 

[Tinks]

Wow ! People have sensitive feelings on this topic!

I think also that if she is truly a good friend you sit at the head table for dinner. I just don't see the point of it being stressful for you or your boyfriend to seated apart for a meal
I'm happy the bride wasn't upset or sad and I'm glad it worked out for you both.

Tha being said...I look at the head table as a place of honor for the bride and groom's attendants. Is it really fun for them to sit up there without their S.O.'s??? Probably not....but it is meant to give them some honor for being a good friend and being supportive to the bride and groom. I can't see that recognition being "outdated." but to each his own and I think each bride can make her own call

 

[Mishetta]

I was going to just exit out of this post after reading it, but it brought up so many feelings from my wedding day (which was absolutely perfect, BTW )....but I couldn't do it (as hard as I tried!)

These would be my feelings if my good friend backed out of my wedding because she & BF would have been separated for dinner ~ HURT! A "wedding" is not an annual birthday party. To us, that was one of the most special days of our lives & we would have been so hurt if our good friend backed out due to a "BF!" What if you & BF go your own separate ways next year? Would you have any regrets that you backed out of your dear friend's wedding because for that one night you couldn't sit together for dinner?

I am sorry you & your BF had to postpone (or cancel) your cruise but that can always be rescheduled. A wedding is (unfortunately not for most these days though) a once in a lifetime sacred event.

I don't know....maybe I shouldn't have responded but this thread really goes to show how today's society thinking is: ME, ME, ME! Pretty sad.

You are one lucky person that your friend still wants you in her wedding at all & gave you a reading to do. She must be a good friend to YOU. We all need to treasure those people in our lives.

Oh & BTW....it was one of my dear friend's b-day the day of our wedding & we told the band & per our request, they made a special announcement & we all sang Happy B-day to her! At another wedding we attended, the B&G went one step further & ordered a b-day cake for one of their friends to be presented at the wedding reception. First time I've ever seen that!