Head Tables at Weddings

[AlexandNessa]

I hope I wasn't wrong. But, I just told my very good friend (my college roommate) that I would not be in her wedding party because she's having a head table. My BF and I would be traveling 6 hours to the wedding, she's getting married on my birthday, and then I wouldn't even be able to see him at dinner. I was afraid I'd spend her whole wedding worried about whether he would have a good time because he wouldn't know anyone there.

I thought that Head Tables were a little passe by now -- at least the past 4 weddings I've been to all had Sweetheart Tables, so that the wedding party could enjoy the wedding with their guests.

What do you think?

 

[4cruisin]

Personally, if I considered her that close a friend, I would be willing to give up a few hours to sit at the head table to help her celebrate a very important day. I'm sure your bf would be fine sitting with other so's of the attendants and could manage a conversation during dinner. I would be very hurt if I asked a friend to be an attendant and that was her reason for refusing.
Just my opinion.

 

[marlasmom]

I totally agree with 4cruisin.

 

[CamColt]

Sorry to say it, but I agree with the others too.

 

[dizneenut]

I agree with the others, too.

 

[GladysK]

All the wedding I've attended don't have sit down dinners, just lavish heavy appetisers. How long would you have to sit at this "Head Table"?

 

[Harambe]

DH and I were at a wedding a few weeks ago. All his sisters and their husbands plus dh and I were at one table. They placed a SO of one of the attendants at our table also - he knew no one. We tried to add him into all our conversatons, but it was forced, and he felt awkward when we started to tell "family" stories.

So I do understand the OP's concerns. If it were me - I would agree to be a bridesmaid, but simply ask to be seated with my BF instead of the head table.

 

[AlexandNessa]

Wow! I have been on both sides of weddings where I've been the guest of someone who was in the wedding and could not sit with him -- I was miserable! I have also been in a wedding with a head table and could not sit with my BF at all. It was very awkward. They had a long dinner, and I didn't know anyone else at the head table (which would also be the case here). Then, the other tables were so cramped that I couldn't even move to my BF's table after dinner unless I sat on his lap. We also traveled quite a ways to go to this wedding, and I was disappointed that I couldn't spend her happy day sharing it with my SO.

 

[RUDisney]

As a supreme hater of the head table, I don't think you did anything wrong. I really can't understand why, in this day and age, people think the head table is a good thing. For the couple, sure, they are with their new spouse, but they can't enjoy the time with their attendants, and their attendants can't enjoy themselves, being on display, only being able to talk to the people who are right next to them.

We opted for the sweetheart tables, although I didn't know that was what they are called. I thought that I came up with something unique, as I never had heard of anyone else doing that before. To this day, the people who were in our wedding thank us for not putting their dates and spouses at a "reject" table. They had more fun at our wedding because they were seated with whom they wanted to be.

If you were my friend, I'd be disappointed that you couldn't be in my wedding, but still very glad that you could share my wedding day with me.

 

[4cruisin]

Quote "I was disappointed that I couldn't spend her happy day sharing it with my SO."



Gee, isn't it the bride's happy day...not yours? I hope as you go out in the world, you realize it is not always about your feelings. I assume since she is a college roommate, you are at least 20 y.o. You need to realize that there will be times when you are put in situations that do not revolve around you and you will have to speak to people beyond your immediate circle of friends. Now would probably be a good time to get used to doing that.

Please do not think I am insensitive but if your friend thought enough of you to honor you by asking you to be an attendant in her wedding, I feel it is rude to refuse based on not being able to sit with your bf.

 

[AlexandNessa]

Wow, 4cruisin, I can assure you I've been out in the world for quite some time. I'm in my 30s at this point, and I resent you treating me like a selfish teenager who thinks the world revolves around her. I do many things to give of myself, but I don't feel I need to justify them here.

There are a few things, also, that make this difficult. One is that she is getting married on my birthday, and my BF had to cancel a birthday trip that he was planning for me (a cruise, coincidentally). We have done that to be able to celebrate her special day. All we ask is that we get to spend that day together.

I have spoken with my friend, and she isn't half as mad as you sound. In fact, I've read her some of the comments in this thread. She felt awful that I was in turmoil over this at all and said she understood. She's asked me to read in her wedding instead, so I'm glad to report that all is well!

 

[believe]

I was in a wedding and did have the bride agree to let me dance with my DH instead of the person I walked down the aisle with. My DH was also in the wedding, but we didn't walk down together. I would hope that if she wanted you in the wedding badly enough that she would try to come up with a solution.

 

[Blondy876]

It included everyones SO if they had one. Yes it was a large table but we had a buffet dinner and only the head table would be waited on. I wanted everyone who had been in my wedding to be waited on rather than try to serve themselves in their wedding atire.

I understand you concern. Could they put you in the end of the head table and seat your bf at a table right next to it? Just and idea.

Jenn

 

[SilverLily]

Wow. I can't believe people can't give up a few hours with an SO for a friend. I think it is a little selfish to ask for special seating arrangements and/or changing dance partners. The bride has enough to worry about, and now she would have to add special seating and dance partner requests? Give her a break!

This is just me, but what is the big deal about a birthday, anyway? Once you are in your thirties does it really matter that you won't be spending a birthday with your SO on that particular day? If you are already cancelling a birthday cruise, then just agree to celebrate your birthday on another day and leave the SO at home if you can't sit at the head table without him.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Some of you are getting a little intense. None of my friends would have been upset if someone didn't want to be in their wedding for whatever reason. Most brides are not bridezillas who expect everyone to be miserable in order for them to be princess for a day. If someone didn't want to be an attendant and would rather happily celebrate as a guest I don't think a reasonable person would be upset. While we all know that the world doesn't revolve around any of us, it really is okay to not be a martre and do things that we know will make us miserable. It's not as if the OP demanded that the bride change her plans and have sweetheart tables. She just respectfully said that she would rather not sit apart from her BF.

 

[RUDisney]

Just because it's someone's wedding day doesn't mean that only the B&G should be happy and have fun, SilverLily. Heck, we had our reception venue offer ginger ale instead of champagne to those who don't drink. We had vegetarian meals for those who didn't eat meat.

You don't get to really see or spend time with the happy couple on their wedding day anyway because they have to attend to all of their guests. Should they be the only ones who get to have any fun?

As for causing extra stress... it's not like the bride is hearing this for the first time 4 days before her wedding, so how is this decision any more stressful than any of the others? If a friend waited until the week of the wedding to spring this on her, sure it's stressful, but I'd sure prefer my friends to be honest with me than to resent me later for not reading their minds.

 

[snoopy]

Having worn the most awful creations in the name of bridesmaid, I'd have probably grudgingly sat at the head table w/out my SO. I sort of have to agree with the others, although I can understand your concerns. The idea of the head table really is kind of a dumb one.

 

[Dodie]

I've been on the opposite end of this head table issue before and it IS uncomfortable. I spent most of a wedding reception sitting at a table full of SOs of people who were in the wedding party where my DH was best man.

Admittedly, it is just one night - a few hours, but it is MISERABLE if you don't know anyone else. Personally, I think the entire head table thing is just cruel to your wedding party and their guests.

To those of you who think the OP was wrong and should have just sacrificed for the bride because it's "her day," I would question the entire practice. Why in the world does it make "her day" better to have her wedding party exclusively seated around her at dinner and throughout the reception?

 

[SilverLily]

Most brides are not bridezillas who expect everyone to be miserable in order for them to be princess for a day.

That's a little dramatic, don't you think? If being yards away from an SO for a few hours is enough to make someone miserable, then perhaps they are doing the right thing by declining to be in the wedding.

Sure, most people would like to be able to bring their SO to a wedding and be able to sit with them throughout dinner. But if that is not the way it is planned, then I think a friend should just go along with it. I don't think making small sacrifices for the bride turns her into bridezilla who doesn't care about her guests.

 

[Minnie824]

I'm glad that everything has worked out for the situation now, but I have to comment...

There are a few things, also, that make this difficult. One is that she is getting married on my birthday, and my BF had to cancel a birthday trip that he was planning for me (a cruise, coincidentally). We have done that to be able to celebrate her special day. All we ask is that we get to spend that day together.

If it was such a hassle for you to be in the wedding in the first place, maybe you should have just said no to begin with. I don't think your BF would be at a 'reject' table. A lot of people don't know others at weddings, and dinner does not last that long. He'll be sitting alone during the ceremony too, would that be a problem? I have to say I agree with some of the others that the head table, bday, and him sitting alone, is not a big deal.