He won't propose!

[gottaluvPluto]

I'm beginning to think this is another fake thread.

If it's not, then you have a lot of growing up to do. You keep making excuses while you whine about the problem. All you have to do is ask, Did you buy an engagement ring? If he says yes, then you will be engaged soon and he can still surprise you with when and how. If he says no ......... I would leave the relationship and move on. He is not in the same place as you are.

 

[lisaviolet]

For us it is a matter of convenience. We are not really wedding people we just want to get it done with.

What?

How long does it take to say "will you marry me?" or state "we are getting married" or whatever one does and then discuss timing.

How is it more convenient not to even make sure everyone is ready to get married? (Cause he's not obvious here but your spouse probably was, yes?)

I'm SO confused staijane. I'm trying.

 

[lisaviolet]

I have learned that not all relationships are textbook. Not all men propose. Your situation is almost identical to mine. We have been living together for almost 5 years now. I know how my other half is and I just learned to accept it. He wont propose so we just had the talk and decided to get married. If it bothers you that much why don't you talk to him about it? It kinda sounds like to him you are already getting married so there is no need for the little details... And to some men those are little details.

I missed this nugget. Got it.

I feel like your situation is different re: straightforward talk about *we are getting married* - it seems a tad more fuzzy.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Sorry, your BF is the only one who can answer your question. I hope he is not telling you what you want to hear and you stay in denial about everything.

 

[Laura66]

if everything was as honky dory as you say you would be communicating with your boyfriend and know if you were engaged or not!
Concerned posters have pointed out some very valid red flags and you have an excuse for every one!
This relationship is doomed if you don't even know if you are engaged!

 

[gray52]

I'm a guy... And I'm confused. Aren't you already engaged? That's my assumption... And if it's mine, good chance it 's his as well.

And... Don't tell us you concerns, tell HIM!

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[emilily88]

if everything was as honky dory as you say you would be communicating with your boyfriend and know if you were engaged or not! Concerned posters have pointed out some very valid red flags and you have an excuse for every one! This relationship is doomed if you don't even know if you are engaged!

Wha?? Nowhere did I ask if I'm engaged... I am 100% not engaged and that was never even a question...

 

[stasijane]

What?

How long does it take to say "will you marry me?" or state "we are getting married" or whatever one does and then discuss timing.

How is it more convenient not to even make sure everyone is ready to get married? (Cause he's not obvious here but your spouse probably was, yes?)

I'm SO confused staijane. I'm trying.

We are ready to be married we just don't want to actually have a wedding or care that its done. If that makes sense? If we could just say *Poof* and we were married that would work better for us. We have been living as if we are married for the last 5 years but paying separate Health, car and other insurance would be nice as one bill and not two. We are also thinking on the fact that if something happens to either one of us the other has no say so in what happens because we are not married.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I think if I were discussing dates and the like that we were already engaged.

 

[lisaviolet]

We are ready to be married we just don't want to actually have a wedding or care that its done. If that makes sense? If we could just say *Poof* and we were married that would work better for us. We have been living as if we are married for the last 5 years but paying separate Health, car and other insurance would be nice as one bill and not two. We are also thinking on the fact that if something happens to either one of us the other has no say so in what happens because we are not married.

I absolutely understand that. Totally.

But it's not the same as Emilily and that's where my head went. She doesn't know and is waiting for a traditional proposal.

I'm guessing you were confident that you were both on the same page with the thought process of what was happening.

 

[Fire14]

If you don't book that church now it is going to be gone. June is the #1 wedding month and most brides reserve the venue more than a year in advance.

hat is what I had always heard too but I know in planning my wedding OCT. seems to be taking lead.

 

[stasijane]

I absolutely understand that. Totally.

But it's not the same as Emilily. She doesn't know and is waiting for a traditional proposal.

I'm guessing you were confident that you were both on the same page with the thought process of what was happening.

Yeah I see where you are going with this. I gave my response on just reading her first post without reading all 16 pages. I thought she was aware they were getting married but didn't feel like she was engaged since she didn't get a proper Proposal. Too complicated for me

 

[minnie mum]

I fully admit that I didn't wade through all 16 pages of this thread, but here's my 2 cents worth:

This is the 21st century, not the 19th. You are both intelligent people. If you want to know what his intentions are, then ask him. Stop playing games and tell him that you want to get married and want a firm commitment from him.

 

[MidwayState]

I can't help thinking like another person mentioned of the book "he's just not that into you". Guys are pretty much black and white. If he wants to ask you to marry him then nothing will be able to keep him from doing it. It's really simple for guys. If he isn't feeling it then he won't. You have to decide for yourself how much pussyfooting around you are willing to put up with before you move on. There is no "maybe it's this or that" when it comes to men. Only you know if there are red flags there that you are making excuses for. I hate to sound like Debbie Downer here, but I've been around the block a few times and have actually been in your situation. I had one that was actively saving up money for my ring with every fire station call he took (volunteer fireman)....yeah...he never asked me, I got tired of the excuses and he married someone else 7 months after I broke it off. He just wasn't that into me. lol Sometimes it is what it is.

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

Did you ever think that he wants to surprise you, sweep you off your feet and you are ruining any chance he has for a proposal by being so impatient and bringing it up all of the time? If you really trust him and the relationship, back off. He also just started a teaching job. I teach and have only been paid once so far this year. He could be waiting for more money for a ring. You say you have faith....then back off. Give him at least a couple of months and then it will bd time for a serious conversation.

 

[mrsklamc]

We are ready to be married we just don't want to actually have a wedding or care that its done. If that makes sense? If we could just say *Poof* and we were married that would work better for us. We have been living as if we are married for the last 5 years but paying separate Health, car and other insurance would be nice as one bill and not two. We are also thinking on the fact that if something happens to either one of us the other has no say so in what happens because we are not married.

Why not just go to the courthouse and be done with it? I would have loved to do this, but DH's family would not go for it.

 

[mrsklamc]

hat is what I had always heard too but I know in planning my wedding OCT. seems to be taking lead.

According to whom?

 

[Fortuosity]

Two words: Cart. Horse.

 

[Cupcakey78]

Ah, to be young and in love and to just know everything is going to go as planned!

Good lck to you, op.

 

[sugahjunior]

Wha?? Nowhere did I ask if I'm engaged... I am 100% not engaged and that was never even a question...

Then you would best be served by stopping planning a hypothetical wedding and stop waiting for him to ask you. He might, he might not. You can choose to stay with him until then or to leave him.

And for the love of all that is good and holy do not commingle your finances with him at this point. I would count the money you sunk into his furniture for his apartment as a sunk cost and not think you are going to get anything out of it, including use of the furniture. The scenario you describe sounds like a Judge Judy episode waiting to happen.