He won't propose!

[Art 1]

I must be missing something. I'm sorry to laugh but I just can't seem to understand this part. Maybe I need to go back and read again.

I get that you've both talked about being married. Got it.

I'm just confused about the June. How do you get an approximate wedding date without a proposal? Did he actually say "yes, I think June would be good" or "sounds good" or *okay* to you saying June at some point. Or is *June* just in your head?

I'm sorry but I'm not getting that part.

The more I read the more clear it is why this man is hesitant.

 

[thankudrivethru]

I bet you want a David Tutera wedding? It seems to be every girls dream..lol Not mine, i can plan my own!

 

[emilily88]

Well, one thing is for sure, your DBF knows the meaning of the word placate! OP, you have gotten some VERY GOOD advice here, however, it is not what you want to hear because for the most part you have a: "But, but, but...." response for everyone. If you are looking for other people who are in the same boat as you are, there is a forum on The Knot for those who are "Not yet engaged". That might be a better group to "vent" to. Best wishes, OP

Thank you, best advice I've gotten so far!

 

[thankudrivethru]

Why rush into marriage ? Why not wait? I read o that couples never regret waiting to get married,STATISTICS show that those that don't wait end up getting divorced in 5 years or under!

 

[lisaviolet]

We decided on a specific date together.

Emilily, I don't know if I'm brain dead tonight but a specific date as in month, day, year? How does one even have that conversation without a proposal?

I simply curious just in case it's coming off harsh.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Emilily, I don't know if I'm brain dead tonight but a specific date as in month, day, year? How does one even have that conversation without a proposal?

I simply curious just in case it's coming off harsh.

I could be wrong but earlier in the thread she called a church and asked about dates in June next year(June is the only month she thinks he can be married) and was told a couple dates open. She then called the sweetie and he said "sure" to whatever date she told him. However no church was reserved. She is in limbo because she doesn't have a ring on it.
(Yes Beyoncé song has been in my head the entire time I read this thread)

 

[CanBeGrumpy]

My advice would be to enjoy the excitement of not knowing when he will propose, not knowing when you will get married, etc. Enjoy dating. As much as you think it won't happen, things will change after you get married and start living together; the exciting times get farther and farther apart! Life becomes less and more Don't rush getting into the "routine" of marriage. Enjoy this part of your life!!!

Personally I don't get the impression from your posts that your boyfriend isn't interested in proposing. You seem to know him pretty well and I believe it when you say he intends to marry you. I would guess maybe he is working on trying to create a memorable proposal, one that you will just have to wait for and enjoy when the moment comes! If you knew when/how he was going to propose, then what is the point of him even doing it? Give him a chance and I'm sure he won't disappoint. I wouldn't even bring the subject of marriage up anymore. Sure, you may not get your preferred date of a June 2014 wedding, but you will get the awesome experience of a surprise proposal! Try not to even think about it; enjoy the anticipation and then, when it finally happens, enjoy the wedding planning. Again, don't rush this! You have the rest of your life to be married!

 

[thankudrivethru]

I could be wrong but earlier in the thread she called a church and asked about dates in June next year(June is the only month she thinks he can be married) and was told a couple dates open. She then called the sweetie and he said "sure" to whatever date she told him. However no church was reserved. She is in limbo because she doesn't have a ring on it.
(Yes Beyoncé song has been in my head the entire time I read this thread)

In my experience a "sure" answer didn't mean a thing and it was just a way to end the conversation and stop my asking to the DBF..BUT I AM sure! her DBF was all hearts and flowers over it all!

 

[emilily88]

Emilily, I don't know if I'm brain dead tonight but a specific date as in month, day, year? How does one even have that conversation without a proposal? I simply curious just in case it's coming off harsh.

Because of his teaching schedule, June is the only month we could do it where it wouldn't conflict with another obligation. I called the church and asked which dates they had for June and they gave me 3 weekends that were open. I talked to DBF and he said "oh good, we have options, what do you think of the 21st so we can honeymoon the last week of June before band camp starts in July?"

 

[lisaviolet]

I could be wrong but earlier in the thread she called a church and asked about dates in June next year(June is the only month she thinks he can be married) and was told a couple dates open. She then called the sweetie and he said "sure" to whatever date she told him. However no church was reserved. She is in limbo because she doesn't have a ring on it.
(Yes Beyoncé song has been in my head the entire time I read this thread)

Thank you. I must have missed that post.

_____________________

No one needs to answer me, because I'm sure I still won't understand , but I still don't get how one has actual date conversations on either side without a proposal.

 

[emilily88]

Thank you. I must have missed that post. _____________________ No one needs to answer me, because I'm sure I still won't understand , but I still don't get how one has actual date conversations on either side without a proposal.

I just posted above how the conversation happened

 

[lisaviolet]

Because of his teaching schedule, June is the only month we could do it where it wouldn't conflict with another obligation. I called the church and asked which dates they had for June and they gave me 3 weekends that were open. I talked to DBF and he said "oh good, we have options, what do you think of the 21st so we can honeymoon the last week of June before band camp starts in July?"

Thanks Emilily.

But like I just posted I don't understand that kind of date conversation without a proposal.

 

[emilily88]

Thanks Emilily. But like I just posted I don't understand that kind of date conversation without a proposal.

Honestly I don't either, it just kind of happened. A little backwards for sure!

 

[mrsklamc]

Why rush into marriage ? Why not wait? I read o that couples never regret waiting to get married,STATISTICS show that those that don't wait end up getting divorced in 5 years or under!

Ok this doesn't even make sense. It's not true that couples never regret waiting to get married, and those that don't wait for what get divorced in 5 years or under?

 

[stasijane]

This thread will probably be half venting, half needing advice.

DBF and I have been together for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage pretty seriously for the past year, but even more so since we have both graduated from college. We've looked at rings, we went in together on some furniture and appliances, and we even have a date set! Because of our jobs, we can only get married in June, and we've agreed on a date in June 2014 - 8 1/2 months away I've told him that if June is going to happen, I need to have my gown ordered by the end of November, and he said that was fine... but he hasn't proposed!

I'm at a loss. I 100% feel that he wants to get married in June and this isn't a stall tactic, but I don't know how to impress upon him that the sooner we can get the planning started, the better! I'm a really impatient person so just sitting back and waiting for the ring isn't easy for me, but I'm trying to chill about it any other ladies have this same kind of situation? It's so frustrating!

I have learned that not all relationships are textbook. Not all men propose. Your situation is almost identical to mine. We have been living together for almost 5 years now. I know how my other half is and I just learned to accept it. He wont propose so we just had the talk and decided to get married. If it bothers you that much why don't you talk to him about it? It kinda sounds like to him you are already getting married so there is no need for the little details... And to some men those are little details.

 

[lisaviolet]

I just posted above how the conversation happened

Got it.

So I think you've put yourself into this awkward period.



Or I'm old.

 

[okeydokey]

Because of his teaching schedule, June is the only month we could do it where it wouldn't conflict with another obligation. I called the church and asked which dates they had for June and they gave me 3 weekends that were open. I talked to DBF and he said "oh good, we have options, what do you think of the 21st so we can honeymoon the last week of June before band camp starts in July?"

That was when the answer could have been, "Sounds great. Do you want to call the church tomorrow to book it, or should I?" Then you would know for sure whether you were engaged or not.

 

[lisaviolet]

Honestly I don't either, it just kind of happened. A little backwards for sure!

Honestly, I think you've got to the problem and the solution.

A date for the wedding was not a conversation to have without a proposal. So there you go. Let that go and you're good.

And I say *you're good* because you've stated over and over that you're secure in his thoughts and yours.

 

[stasijane]

Thanks Emilily.

But like I just posted I don't understand that kind of date conversation without a proposal.

For us it is a matter of convenience. We are not really wedding people we just want to get it done with.

 

[mrsklamc]

Honestly I don't either, it just kind of happened. A little backwards for sure!

Ok, sorry, but no it didn't. The phone just didn't jump into your hand and you called the church to check the calendar. You deny a communication problem, but you use phrases like "I think he thinks." That's not how healthy couples communicate. You say you aren't an ultimatum girl, but that's not what anyone is suggesting. You said you said to him "Do you want to get married in June" and he said yes. At that point you say," ok, then in my opinion these are the things that need to happen by this date because..." and if he disagrees or doesn't understand he needs to explain WHY he disagrees or doesn't think it will take so long. I'm not saying pressure him or give him an ultimatum, I'm saying, you guys are just not talking.