Having the guts to let my hair go grey. Update and photos on page 5.

[wishing4PA]

I still tend to think mine's not grey, but it is, a bit. Perhaps "a lot" if you ask my DD. Originally, it was dark blonde, so the only way I could dye was to go even more blonde or slightly strawberry, which really didn't seem to make much difference in my look. I was advised against trying to go darker by the stylists I asked. After the time or 2 that I did dye it, I didn't want to get on the full touch-up treadmill, so I ended up touching up with highlights, and eventually dropping even those.

So now, even if it gets elephant-grey, I just don't have "the guts" to risk needing to get on the hair dye touch-up routine. I might occasionally use temporary brush-in-with-fingers color, which does help hide noticeable grey areas, but that's it. And I've found some shampoos really do emphasize what natural color remains better than others. So IMHO, if you want to try "going grey", go for it! It can be freeing! But experiment with different shampoos some, to find one that keeps it from looking too drab.

Editing to add that the one place I most use the temporary stuff is the temples. They just seem to be greyer than anywhere else! Put a couple drops of that stuff on fingers, rub it on temple area hair, and problem solved! (Although for ordinary days, I don't bother.)

 

[ronandannette]

Call me vain, but I'm not ready and I may never be. My DMom had her hair coloured up until she was transferred to a locked-down dementia care facility at age 97. We would have kept having it done for her there too but the service wasn't offered. She had a very difficult time recognizing herself in the mirror as it rapidly progressed to snow-white.

OP, I feel you about the cost, especially if you're trying to maintain roots on a dark shade. I'm in that same boat and have to colour every 3 weeks; 4 and I'm getting "skunky" which I'm very self-conscious about. My vote is that you learn to DIY (box colour as the stylists call it). Besides the very occasional set of foils, I haven't paid a stylist to colour mine since I can't remember when. Lots of products are easy to use and give good results, especially if you're using your natural colour. I agree with cantw8 that it really doesn't sound like you're ready to let it go yet.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I say color it! Grey hair does make people look much older in my opinion.

 

[Disneychick75]

This is a funny coincidence. Last November, I had my hair bleached to match the gray in my hair-100% gray.Then, last weekend (August 28th), I was a co hostess for a bridal shower. The bride to be posted pictures on FB and OMG, I looked 105 years old! Since my late 30's, I have been told that I look 15-20 years younger than my age. Those pictures were a shock and not a good one.This past Friday afternoon I had my hair colored lightish brown. It will mean a hair appt every 10 days to keep up but for me, it's worth it.
Adding that I'm 58 as I have seen others have added their ages.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It's probably a little easier for me to say, because I've never had to color my hair. (I have lost it all during chemo, though, but I was lucky it came back in blonde and curly at first - which was great - but after a couple of years, it darkened and straightened to maybe a little wavy.) But I like the "natural white" or "natural gray" look on older women, not so much on younger women. And I do consider you young.

My mother didn't stop coloring her hair blonde until a few years ago, in her late 80s. Now it's white, and I think it looks good on her as long as she keeps it cut and styled. More importantly, she likes it. Actually the blonde she was using and the white aren't too far off, so it looks almost the same in most lighting.

As for me, I've just started getting some grays, but I'm putting up a pretty good fight so far. I use a brown tinted shampoo as a second rinse and I leave it on for a while in the shower. It's not perfect, but I think it will hold me for a while, lol. (My hairdresser yells at me, but I might also pluck a few grays out now and then. ) I am not looking forward to the bother and expense of coloring, but I can see the writing on the wall. I will probably do my own just because my hairdresser is far away and trying to get an appt with her now is tough just for a cut - I can't imagine having to schedule something else with her, no way.

Good luck with your decision. As a fellow cancer survivor, I'll agree that you should not give up everything that you do to pamper yourself. It's important, with all you've been through, to live a little.

 

[powellrj]

I stopped coloring my hair several years ago. I do think it has aged me, but it's so much easier it's worth it. My dad greyed nicely and I think mine will end up like his, a beautiful white.

 

[adisneyaunt]

I say it's about how you feel and you sound like you re not ready for a head of grey. You re also young to be all grey though if you can rock it, I say go for it.
Like you, I've lost all my hair to chemo... when it grew back it went from a darker brown n pin straight to lots of grey and had waves.. Crazy!
Well, I decided to go much lighter and haven't looked back. It's shoulder length instead of long and that too was quite a change.
You are a Strong Beautiful Person regardless of your hairstyle, color or cut... Just Be Happy, And experiment if you feel you want too.
Best of luck and Heres to Good Health!

 

[Poohforyou]

I think it's all about self confidence. If you're comfortable with letting your hair go natural you'll exude that confidence. If you aren't comfortable it'll come through. That's just my opinion. I know a few women who were gray early with young kids and they have never looked older than the rest of the moms their age.

I color my hair but I don't have gray hairs, they're white. I'm not ready to have white hair. I actually use coloring lighter than my natural color so the white look like highlights.

I say do what you're comfortable with. You can always change your mind.

 

[scrhsa]

I use Sun-in in my hair. It doesn't cover the gray but it camouflages it I started going gray early and tried coloring for a bit. I just didn't like spending the money and/or the hassle of doing it at home. It works for me. My sister pays to have hers colored and it looks exactly like mine.

 

[Christine]

I would only go gray if you have beautiful gray hair. Some men and women do. Most do not. In my experience, those women that were once fairly light blondes end up having pretty nice gray hair. If you were a mousy brown or dishwater blonde, you will probably end of with that awful color of gray. No one in my family has nice gray hair so everyone colored up till the end! If it's the bad gray, your skin will look very sallow. A good haircut will help that as well as a well made up face, but you want to opt out of the makeup.

I vote that you should color your hair.

 

[Nayan]

I quit coloring mine a couple years ago. I'm gonna be 50 in a couple months and I have quite a bit of gray, but I'm okay with it being natural and not having to be a slave to my hair anymore.

 

[Terapin]

I have to disagree about the long grey hair on women. With a good cut it can look amazing and sleek.

I think it also depends on your face - if you have a young face the grey isn't necessarily aging. But for many it does add 10 years. I know with dyed hair I look younger than I did with grey hair 8 years ago. By a long shot. I'm 44 and my hair is 50% grey. I dye it and plan to for another 10 years or so.

My spouse is 80% grey at 41 and it looks awesome on him but he has a young face.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here - do what you feel is best. If you do grow it out and don't care for it, you can always dye it again.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am trying to decide if I am committing to just letting my hair go grey. It needs to be dyed so badly, right now, but I'm thinking if I just bite the bullet and keep going for another 2-3 months, it will be to the point where it will be all grown out. I keep my hair short, so I could just get a pixie cut again. (I've been getting a sort of edgier asymmetrical pixie.)

I just don't know how I feel about this. For one thing, I am afraid it's going to make me look really old. I already feel old, and having gone through a couple of bouts of cancer, and I'm a bit dented and scratched.... but hey, it adds character, right? I will be 49 this year, but I'm not kidding when I say, I feel like I'm 90.

For another, I am not sure what the heck I'm going to look like when it grows out. I started dying my hair at about 32, maybe. (I started going grey pretty early, I had a lot of grey in my 20's.) I started dying it, because when I first met someone, they thought I was my dad's sister, instead of his daughter. Wasn't very happy about that. I did have to stop dying it during my cancer treatment. I had radiation and lost my hair that was in the path of the radiation, so basically, from the tops of my ears, down. Thank goodness, it 95% all grew back. I had my dark brown hair, with a shock of grey at the center top, and shocks of grey at my temples. Think bride of Frankenstein meets Alexandra from Josie and the Pussycats. That was in 2009/2010 that I had to stop dying it for several months. After that I went back to dying and added highlights.
Trying to look at my roots and figure what I've got going on, I think I'm now grey all over, with white shocks at my temples and the front top now.
I guess I won't know how it looks until I grow it out and get it cut, and I can always just dye it again if I hate it.

I'm just sick of the upkeep, and it's so expensive. Although, to be completely honest, it is the only thing I spend money on for myself. I don't go out, or wear makeup, or shop...etc.

I feel like men go grey and there's no stigma, but women do it, and it's a totally different story. I find myself sort of conforming to that pressure.

I just don't know. Are there any ladies that don't dye their hair that are younger and grey?

I go to my salon every 6 weeks without fail. Yes it is expensive but I am worth it, lol.

I am not grey, older than you, AND dealing with cancer treatment swelling.... so there.

Bottom line if you are going to grey, you still need to go to the salon to keep it looking fresh.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I just don't know. Are there any ladies that don't dye their hair that are younger and grey?

I'm 45 and have never dyed mine. I had a small grey streak by 30, but it was actually kind of cool looking. (And DH said it reminded him of a character in a book series we both read.) I'm also a math geek and figured out how much it would cost me to start dying my hair from then until 70! (Now, if someone wants to spend money on that, because they enjoy the pampering, I have no problem with it, but I personally wanted that money for other things.)

Now I have some more diffuse greying, but I still haven't colored it. I have no problem being the age that I am. I also fondly remember the mom of one of my friends in high school. - She had early grey hair, shoulder-length and a really pretty shade even back then, never dyed it, and is one of the calmest, most content people I've ever known. I always admired her ability to accept and love everyone as they are, including herself. It makes me happy to think I'm a little bit like her.

 

[Kitty 34]

I stopped dyeing my hair when I was 55. Before that I dyed my hair all the time for about 10 years. I'm glad I went grey because I was getting tired of always worrying about the color of my hair.

 

[Meriweather]

I am not ready to be gray, so will keep dying it.
I have black hair so the gray is a drastic change I am not ready for.
I have been dying it for 20 years.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I am 48 and have been finding grey hairs since I was 26. Mine are actually a fairly pretty silver. Last spring I decided I was sick of fighting the roots so frequently and was going to let it go. My stylist suggested that I try mixing a light brown with a blue to achieve a gunmetal grey. It looked great on my roots, but the rest of my hair is still too red for it to look right.

I ended up going back to red. Maybe in a few years, I will try again.

My daughter was fairly blond and dyed her hair grey. It looked great, but the grey is washing out quickly.

 

[MomofKatie]

I am 50, and I dyed my hair a medium honey brown until about 4 years ago. It was just a lot of work! I let it start growing out, concerned at how much gray I was going to see. I was happy to find that I really only have 2 "stripes"- one high on the left side, where I part my hair, and the other at my temple on the right side. The rest of my hair is a light/medium ash brown.

I actually like my silvery gray stripes- I call them my "natural highlights". I don't think they really age me. I have my dad's hair- he is still not all gray in his mid 80s. My mom went just about completely gray by the time she was 50, and my older brother followed in her footsteps. Their hair is a pretty silvery color, though.

 

[MataHari22]

Wow! Thank you all for all the feedback, it's been very helpful. To respond to some of your posts, then at the end, I'll share what I've decided.

Ok, girl.. Your a survivor, it sounds like you've been through a lot, and you came out on top. Big hugs to you.

I'm 41, I don't have grey hair.. Yet, anyway. But I have decided to stop bleaching and let my natural dark blonde hair grow out. Like you, I'm currently rocking an asymmetrical bob throughout this transition. I say go for it! I feel like I've reached a point in my life, where I'm over "conforming to that pressure". This is me, take it or leave it.

And, it's just hair, you've been through worse and it grew back. I say give it a whirl, if you try it and you hate it, you can always go back to dying it again. But I think you just mind find, that your comfortable with your dents and scratches, and love it.

Thanks, I have been through a heck of a lot. It's still a daily struggle. I am used to my dents and scratches, just a little nervous about adding grey hair over all the dents and scratches. Lol. You wrote how I feel, it is just hair, and I've been through worse and it has grown back. My hair grows pretty quickly.

Coloring my hair is something that I only started over the last year and a half or so and I just turned 39. I have grays at my crown and my hair dresser does highlights in light blonde so that they blend rather than trying to cover them. I have naturally caramel colored brown hair so I really like the look and I can usually get 6 months or so out of one appointment.

I agree with the other poster who said try it out, if you don't like it you can always dye it. I would just add that if this is the one way that you pamper yourself please replace it with something so that you don't feel as though you are neglecting yourself. Whenever I make a drastic hair change I like to buy a new brush or styling product to go along with it.

Oh, I like that,,, and completely agree. Find something for you, maybe a massage, manicure, pedicure, new shoes, new purse, take an art class, something. It's ok to be selfish sometimes.

This is excellent advice! And really hit the target. Being on disability, I cannot spend a lot on myself, and I do get my hair done, but I never go anywhere. If I didn't dye my hair, it would free up money for me to go to the movies more often, which I would like, and it would get me out of the house, which I really need to do.

I'm 50, and I've been letting my colored hair grow out for a year. I've always worn an inverted bob, but just got mine cut today into an edgy pixie. When all the extra hair came off, i discovered that my hair is a bright silver, with white highlights, lol. I love it. I go to a salon where the stylists are a bunch of hip millennials who wear combat boots and have tattoos. My girl told me I would be crazy to color it because it was "on trend". I thought that was so funny, because at 50, I'm finally "on trend"

It is funny to see all these younger people with silvery grey hair that's so trendy!

I'm 40 and I have more than a few grey hairs. Luckily, it totally blends in with my hair but I won't colour it when it gets more noticeable. I'm like you, some (ok most) days I feel like I'm 90 so hair colour is the least of my worries.

I know you understand. Chronic illness and or chronic pain, is unbelievably difficult.

Whatever makes you feel best is foremost. I'm 58 and I've decided to quit and let the grey come out. I am about 90% at this point and I have a pixie cut. The only thing I am going to do is add back in the purple streaks I had earlier this year. During the summer they faded out from sun and chlorine. I like having some fun with my hair and I have had so many positive comments about the purple. The main thing to remember is that if you don't like it, you can change it.

That's awesome. I would totally think about adding in a little pop of color. Purple, or maybe blue.

I think gray hair is classy as women age. It must be maintained of course. But I have known several women in professional positions who let their hair go gray naturally. I think it is a very graceful way to age.

Yes, I would still get it cut regularly. Seems like people do not age gracefully these days. Surgeries, face lifts, Botox..... I feel like it's this unhealthy obsession with looking as young as possible.

Call me vain, but I'm not ready and I may never be. My DMom had her hair coloured up until she was transferred to a locked-down dementia care facility at age 97. We would have kept having it done for her there too but the service wasn't offered. She had a very difficult time recognizing herself in the mirror as it rapidly progressed to snow-white.

OP, I feel you about the cost, especially if you're trying to maintain roots on a dark shade. I'm in that same boat and have to colour every 3 weeks; 4 and I'm getting "skunky" which I'm very self-conscious about. My vote is that you learn to DIY (box colour as the stylists call it). Besides the very occasional set of foils, I haven't paid a stylist to colour mine since I can't remember when. Lots of products are easy to use and give good results, especially if you're using your natural colour. I agree with cantw8 that it really doesn't sound like you're ready to let it go yet.

I cannot really do it by myself anymore, I used to be able to, years ago. Due to radiation damage, I have really bad peripheral neuropathy in my hands and arms, and I cannot really get my arms up, especially my right (dominant hand) up to my head. That's also why I had to get my hair cut super short, I just cannot maintain long hair anymore. Too hard for me to wash, brush and dry! I also don't really have anyone to help me do it.

I would only go gray if you have beautiful gray hair. Some men and women do. Most do not. In my experience, those women that were once fairly light blondes end up having pretty nice gray hair. If you were a mousy brown or dishwater blonde, you will probably end of with that awful color of gray. No one in my family has nice gray hair so everyone colored up till the end! If it's the bad gray, your skin will look very sallow. A good haircut will help that as well as a well made up face, but you want to opt out of the makeup.

I vote that you should color your hair.

I think I will have nice grey. My hair was very dark brown. Also, my gram never colored her hair, and she was grey in her 40's, and it looked good.

I never wore much make up, to be honest. Very rarely, like a few times a year. Now, with my hands being numb and weak, and not being able to see without glasses, it's just too hard to put on.

I quit coloring mine a couple years ago. I'm gonna be 50 in a couple months and I have quite a bit of gray, but I'm okay with it being natural and not having to be a slave to my hair anymore.

It does feel that way, like I'm a slave to it. Also, if I let it go my natural color, I'd be able to style it in different ways, instead of be locked into my one style, because I'm always trying to hide my roots that grow in all too quickly, my hair grows so fast.

I go to my salon every 6 weeks without fail. Yes it is expensive but I am worth it, lol.

I am not grey, older than you, AND dealing with cancer treatment swelling.... so there.

Bottom line if you are going to grey, you still need to go to the salon to keep it looking fresh.

Yes, I would still keep it styled and cut. In fact, I would have more styling options if I let it go grey. Good luck with your treatments.



I have decided that I think I'm going to grow it out, and get it cut, and then sit with it a bit and see what I think. I can always dye it again. I know I'm completely sick of having to dye it, and I don't know if I will like it grey or not, but there's only one way to find out.

It would be nice to not have to spend so much on my hair, and free that money up to go see a movie a couple of times a month. Or for something else that will get me out of the house.

Thanks again for all your thoughts!

 

[maxaroni]

I am 60 and stopped coloring in my mid 40s. I had had enough as my part and sides were always showing the gray, very very quickly. When I had had enough, I couldn't get it to grow out fast enough. I hated that stage of letting it grow out but I persevered and got through it. It does make me a bit more "washed out" looking, so need to warm up my face with make up. It was liberating to not need the salon every 4 weeks, or so. I have to say that my skin is still young looking and even with the gray, people can not believe I am 60.