Being pregnant is like anything else when it comes to social media. If you choose to post while in an emotional state, you're still responsible for what you write.
My point was that all of these friends and relatives she has out of state have
never been there for her, as far as she's posted. They didn't throw her a wedding shower, they don't celebrate her birthday, they don't do any of those things. And now she's sad and hurt because they're not throwing her a baby shower, and she's acting as if she didn't see that one coming. You said yourself that "she needs to get over the fact that she is not going to get the kind of support from people who she was there for". That's not that different from, "You can't control how people behave. You can only control how you react to it."
People are calling her DH's best friend's wife a witch for not wanting to throw a baby shower for someone she doesn't know that well. Come on. If someone came onto the DIS and said that their husband came home last night and asked them to host a baby shower for the wife of their husband's best friend but they don't know them very well and they just don't have time to organize a shower for someone they don't really know, the responses would likely all be in the realm of "you're not responsible for throwing a shower for someone you don't know" and "that stinks -- if your DH wants her to have a shower, tell HIM to throw it!" It's great that there are people here who would throw her a shower if they could, but that's easy to do when there's no possibility that anyone is going to call you on it!
For the record, it would be just as easy for
Handbag Lady or anyone else to do the "virtual shower" that was suggested as it would be for OP to do it for herself. All it takes is a few e-mails and some coordination time. So ... if you want to throw her a shower, don't just offer ... do it.
I'm really sorry that OP's friends and family haven't stepped up. But maybe instead of everyone wishing and hoping someone will if they just find the right way to ask, the advice should be to shrug off the people who have been hurting her for years and move towards the friends she has at work who clearly care for her. Move forward, not backward, y'know?