Yes, it's okay to want people to celebrate with you, and it's even okay to want the gifts that come with said celebration. But to put so much energy into feeling sad and forgotten and hurt when the people OP is talking about apparently haven't EVER been there in situations like this is ... well ... what OP said. A pity party.
Honestly -- if these "friends" had been there all along, with a wedding shower, birthday parties, etc. and then blew off the baby shower then yes ... you start wondering what's gone wrong. If it was just about being out of state, then yeah ... it sucks to be the one who's not there. But to expect people who have never stepped up in these situations in the past to suddenly pull together to plan and present a baby shower when the mother to be is out of state to start with (which makes it all the more unlikely) is just setting yourself up for more disappointment.
OP says that her coworkers are being wonderful and are throwing her a party at work. I say, concentrate on the positive. Embrace the caring atmosphere you have at work and stop being the "party planner" for the people who aren't there for you. You can't control how other people behave. You can only control how you react to it.
I have to difference in my opinion in that I don't see why DH's co-worker's wife is the "bad" one. I gather from OP that they are just acquaintances. Why would a baby shower fall to her? I'm assuming they don't have the same friends or acquaintances and co-worker's wife doesn't know OP's family, so who do you think she would invite? Why doesn't OP's DH throw the shower? While not the norm, he's the one who knows everyone? Why can't a husband do that for his wife, particularly when the supposed "family and friends" are such inconsiderate people? If my husband came home and told me a co-worker's wife wasn't getting a baby shower I certainly don't think it should fall on my shoulders. Would I call her and tell her? Probably not, but who knows.
OP, I think you should go register at Babys R Us or some other registry and at the end of your pregnancy send a FB or email to your "family and friends" and tell them you realized having a shower wasn't going to happen since everyone has busy lives and lives far away, but give them the link and tell them you thought you'd made it easier for everyone who wanted to send a gift by registering. Passive/aggressive? Yep, and who cares. They obviously don't take your feelings into consideration, so I'd be spiteful and make them all feel horrible. But that's just me.
Ok bestfriend's wife is a witch
I love to throw baby showers. So fun! Brunch ones are my favorite.
How about we throw you a virtual baby shower? I'll bring the mimosas, virgin one for you!
By the way I loved my work shower. I worked with a bunch of guys. Big tough guys. Who went all baby out! Little blue monkeys everywhere. They bought lunch for everyone. Gave me a giant stuffed FAO Schwartz monkey and a biggi card. Best part they got me a car service to take me home.(long NYC commute 2 subways and then a train)
I hope someone surprises you with a shower if that's what you want.
Congratulations on your baby!
Being pregnant is like anything else when it comes to social media. If you choose to post while in an emotional state, you're still responsible for what you write.First of all, the OP is pregnant and I bet you a buck she is super sensitive right now. I get it and I figure it is okay. She came here for a little empathy, she did not go all over FB to whine. People come here all of the time to vent in a safe place. You saw what happened when she told her Dh how she was feeling.............he tried to fix it and made it worse. Here she can talk.
Give the OP a little time and she will be able to separate the good friends she has at work but right now she needs to get over the fact that she is not going to get the kind of support from people who she was there for.
Being pregnant is like anything else when it comes to social media. If you choose to post while in an emotional state, you're still responsible for what you write.
My point was that all of these friends and relatives she has out of state have never been there for her, as far as she's posted. They didn't throw her a wedding shower, they don't celebrate her birthday, they don't do any of those things. And now she's sad and hurt because they're not throwing her a baby shower, and she's acting as if she didn't see that one coming. You said yourself that "she needs to get over the fact that she is not going to get the kind of support from people who she was there for". That's not that different from, "You can't control how people behave. You can only control how you react to it."
People are calling her DH's best friend's wife a witch for not wanting to throw a baby shower for someone she doesn't know that well. Come on. If someone came onto the DIS and said that their husband came home last night and asked them to host a baby shower for the wife of their husband's best friend but they don't know them very well and they just don't have time to organize a shower for someone they don't really know, the responses would likely all be in the realm of "you're not responsible for throwing a shower for someone you don't know" and "that stinks -- if your DH wants her to have a shower, tell HIM to throw it!" It's great that there are people here who would throw her a shower if they could, but that's easy to do when there's no possibility that anyone is going to call you on it!
For the record, it would be just as easy for Handbag Lady or anyone else to do the "virtual shower" that was suggested as it would be for OP to do it for herself. All it takes is a few e-mails and some coordination time. So ... if you want to throw her a shower, don't just offer ... do it.
I'm really sorry that OP's friends and family haven't stepped up. But maybe instead of everyone wishing and hoping someone will if they just find the right way to ask, the advice should be to shrug off the people who have been hurting her for years and move towards the friends she has at work who clearly care for her. Move forward, not backward, y'know?
Being pregnant is like anything else when it comes to social media. If you choose to post while in an emotional state, you're still responsible for what you write.
My point was that all of these friends and relatives she has out of state have never been there for her, as far as she's posted. They didn't throw her a wedding shower, they don't celebrate her birthday, they don't do any of those things. And now she's sad and hurt because they're not throwing her a baby shower, and she's acting as if she didn't see that one coming. You said yourself that "she needs to get over the fact that she is not going to get the kind of support from people who she was there for". That's not that different from, "You can't control how people behave. You can only control how you react to it."
People are calling her DH's best friend's wife a witch for not wanting to throw a baby shower for someone she doesn't know that well. Come on. If someone came onto the DIS and said that their husband came home last night and asked them to host a baby shower for the wife of their husband's best friend but they don't know them very well and they just don't have time to organize a shower for someone they don't really know, the responses would likely all be in the realm of "you're not responsible for throwing a shower for someone you don't know" and "that stinks -- if your DH wants her to have a shower, tell HIM to throw it!" It's great that there are people here who would throw her a shower if they could, but that's easy to do when there's no possibility that anyone is going to call you on it!
For the record, it would be just as easy for Handbag Lady or anyone else to do the "virtual shower" that was suggested as it would be for OP to do it for herself. All it takes is a few e-mails and some coordination time. So ... if you want to throw her a shower, don't just offer ... do it.
I'm really sorry that OP's friends and family haven't stepped up. But maybe instead of everyone wishing and hoping someone will if they just find the right way to ask, the advice should be to shrug off the people who have been hurting her for years and move towards the friends she has at work who clearly care for her. Move forward, not backward, y'know?
I haven't seen even one person call the woman a witch for not wanting to throw the shower. Pretty much everybody called her a witch for what she said when she contacted the OP. If she didn't want to do a shower (and I understand why she may not have wanted to), all she had to do was tell her husband no. She didn't have to contact the OP and make her feel like some huge burden to her.
I agree she needs to move forward and find new friends, but the other woman's behavior was awful - particularly when she already knew the OP was upset to start with.
Unless she DID tell her husband no, and the husband didn't want to tell his best friend (OP's husband) and so the wife is now between a rock & a hard place. She doesn't know how much OP knows, all she knows is that she's been asked to do a baby shower for someone and can't. So ... she calls OP to say she can't and she's sorry. And because she knows OP is already upset, she probably over-dramatizes a bit about how busy she is and why she can't so that it doesn't seem like she's saying no for no reason. But of course OP, in her very emotional, sensitive state, took it as something else and is now embarrassed and humiliated and more upset than before.
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Unless she DID tell her husband no, and the husband didn't want to tell his best friend (OP's husband) and so the wife is now between a rock & a hard place. She doesn't know how much OP knows, all she knows is that she's been asked to do a baby shower for someone and can't. So ... she calls OP to say she can't and she's sorry, and she probably over-dramatizes a bit about how busy she is and why she can't. And then OP, in her very emotional, sensitive state, took it as something else and is now embarrassed and humiliated and more upset than before.
Could be that the wife wanted to be sure OP wasn't expecting something, and OP's husband's best friend didn't want to be the bad guy. The woman isn't necessarily a witch.
(FYI ... to the "Do you ever play Devil's Advocate" people ... in my case ... clearly, yes.
Not being a friend or family member of OP, she owes her NOTHING, least of all any consideration that is not expected of her friends and family.
I have to difference in my opinion in that I don't see why DH's co-worker's wife is the "bad" one. I gather from OP that they are just acquaintances. Why would a baby shower fall to her? I'm assuming they don't have the same friends or acquaintances and co-worker's wife doesn't know OP's family, so who do you think she would invite? Why doesn't OP's DH throw the shower? While not the norm, he's the one who knows everyone? Why can't a husband do that for his wife, particularly when the supposed "family and friends" are such inconsiderate people? If my husband came home and told me a co-worker's wife wasn't getting a baby shower I certainly don't think it should fall on my shoulders. Would I call her and tell her? Probably not, but who knows.
OP, I think you should go register at Babys R Us or some other registry and at the end of your pregnancy send a FB or email to your "family and friends" and tell them you realized having a shower wasn't going to happen since everyone has busy lives and lives far away, but give them the link and tell them you thought you'd made it easier for everyone who wanted to send a gift by registering. Passive/aggressive? Yep, and who cares. They obviously don't take your feelings into consideration, so I'd be spiteful and make them all feel horrible. But that's just me.
I know how you feel. I never had a babyshower and it really made me sad. 17 years later and I still get sad when I think about it.
