Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[MomNeedsVacay]

We did not have soda at our wedding because it was around $2 a glass and we couldn't afford to have a "free for all" on soda (we had 150 people attend our wedding). If we gave everyone ONE glass of soda, it would have been an additional $300 for our reception...and most people won't just drink ONE glass of soda. We had set a certain budget for our reception and the majority of it went to the buffet that we had set up.

Alcohol was also seriously expensive, but we had a cash bar for that and if someone REALLY wanted soda, they could purchase it from there.

We had coffee, iced and hot tea and water available for free and not ONE person complained about it.

I'm a little surprised you were so angry that you didn't get a soda to drink. How terrible is it to miss one soda with a meal? Water isn't horrible. And the cost of the soda may have been out of the bride and groom's price range.

I think its interesting that you would have your wedding at a place where you couldn't afford a simple soda for your guests? You can rent plenty of places that allow you to bring your own drinks in for minimal costs (meaning: go to Costco and get a bunch of two liters etc...) .
I'm sure not one person complained to your face....., but behind your back ???
Honestly, you spent soooo much on the buffet that you couldn't afford soda?

 

[stitchlilo]

So would you go to a Jewish wedding expecting pork ribs?

Probably not, but I know what the Jewish dietary needs are. I also know that they will be serving me food that I can eat and is yummy.

If they came to my wedding I would have arranged for Kosher food to be served to them.

How about meat at a wedding between two vegetarians?

I would expect meat if most of the guest were meat eater.

If I invited vegetarians to my wedding then there would be vegetarian selections on the menu.


Do you not see how how the host/hostess needs to conform to the dietary needs of the guest not the other way around?

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Really? What if the people getting married were vegan or vegetarian because they felt strongly about the mistreatment of food animals? You'd expect them to go against their values and serve meat to people at their wedding? Wow.

You know, it doesn't hurt anybody to do without meat for one meal.

How about this - what if you knew that many of your guests were drug users - say they liked to smoke marijuana, but didn't drink alcohol. Would you make sure to have some weed available for them, as well as alchohol for the drinkers?

Teresa

 

[Nana Annie]

Probably not, but I know what the Jewish dietary needs are. I also know that they will be serving me food that I can eat and is yummy.

If they came to my wedding I would have arranged for Kosher food to be served to them.


I would expect meat if most of the guest were meat eater.

If I invited vegetarians to my wedding then there would be vegetarian selections on the menu.


Do you not see how how the host/hostess needs to conform to the dietary needs of the guest not the other way around?

And there is where the tackiness of this post come into play.

A guest should never "expect" anything from a hostess except for the hostess treating them graciously. Kind acknowledgement that you have arrived, paying attention to you during the party, and a hearty thanks for your attending the party is really all a good hostess has to provide.

The choice of food and drinks is up to the hostess to provide.

And no, I would never expect a vegetarian to provide a meat dish that compromises their beliefs.

A meat eater is not anti-vegetables, so providing a meatless dish is not compromising his beliefs. But a vegetarian is anti-meat, so providing a meat dish is against their beliefs and principles. I would never expect a host to compromise their beliefs for me.

Nor would I ever expect to be served alcohol at our staunch Christian (where alcohol is against their religious beliefs) friend's parties. And I don't think anything less of them that they did not serve alcohol at their party because as a guest, I respect their beliefs.

Also, we don't exclude serving alcohol at our parties when they are invited to our house. And they respect our beliefs, they just don't participate in the drinking.

To criticize somebody for not compromising their beliefs is beyond tacky.

It just amazes me the "Me, me, me" mentality on many of these posts.

 

[mjkacmom]

Really? What if the people getting married were vegan or vegetarian because they felt strongly about the mistreatment of food animals? You'd expect them to go against their values and serve meat to people at their wedding? Wow.

You know, it doesn't hurt anybody to do without meat for one meal.

How about this - what if you knew that many of your guests were drug users - say they liked to smoke marijuana, but didn't drink alcohol. Would you make sure to have some weed available for them, as well as alchohol for the drinkers?

Teresa

I wouldn't provide the pot, because it's illegal . However, I don't just provide just the things I personally eat/drink at parties I host - I don't drink soda, but I serve it. I don't drink beer, but I serve it. I have an intolerance to gluten, but I always serve bread with meals if I've invited guests. Do people really only serve what THEY like, without taking into consideration what their guests might like?

 

[stitchlilo]

Really? What if the people getting married were vegan or vegetarian because they felt strongly about the mistreatment of food animals? You'd expect them to go against their values and serve meat to people at their wedding? Wow.

So the guests who won't eat vegan or vegetarian should just not eat. The hostess/host can find a compromise that will work. Or just invite only vegans.

You know, it doesn't hurt anybody to do without meat for one meal.

I personally do not eat meat at every meal, but I know many people who do. Again it is not the decision of the host/hostess to decide that they need to improve their diet.

How about this - what if you knew that many of your guests were drug users - say they liked to smoke marijuana, but didn't drink alcohol. Would you make sure to have some weed available for them, as well as alchohol for the drinkers?

Teresa

Marijuana - No because it is illegal.
Alcohol - yes and we had an open bar at our wedding. I am not a drinker but since some of my guest were I served them.

 

[disykat]

And there is where the tackiness of this post come into play.

A guest should never "expect" anything from a hostess except for the hostess treating them graciously. Kind acknowledgement that you have arrived, paying attention to you during the party, and a hearty thanks for your attending the party is really all a good hostess has to provide.

The choice of food and drinks is up to the hostess to provide.

.

Great post! I don't drink much alcohol or soda. I tend to offer lemonade, iced tea, etc. - enough options to give people a choice. I never knew how rude I was not giving everyone SODA and alcohol!

If it has cost me friends - people who won't come to my home because I don't serve alcohol or soda - I haven't noticed.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

At my uncle's Baptist wedding reception, they didn't offer any alcohol b/c they don't drink and the reception was in their church hall. My Dad and I kept sneaking out to his car that he had a loaded cooler of beer. My mom got mad at us when we found out!! ha!

I wasn't mad that they didn't serve alcohol because its against their beliefs... but at least they offered free soda/water/punch....

 

[Nana Annie]

So the guests who won't eat vegan or vegetarian should just not eat. The hostess/host can find a compromise that will work. Or just invite only vegans.


I personally do not eat meat at every meal, but I know many people who do. Again it is not the decision of the host/hostess to decide that they need to improve their diet. .

Just curious, how old are you?

Respect goes both ways. A guest's obligation is also of the utmost importance to respect the beliefs and wishes of their hosts and not expect the host to cater to their guest's whims by compromising their beliefs. For the guest to do so is immature and self-centered.

 

[creativeamanda]

So the guests who won't eat vegan or vegetarian should just not eat. The hostess/host can find a compromise that will work. Or just invite only vegans.


I personally do not eat meat at every meal, but I know many people who do. Again it is not the decision of the host/hostess to decide that they need to improve their diet.


Marijuana - No because it is illegal.
Alcohol - yes and we had an open bar at our wedding. I am not a drinker but since some of my guest were I served them.

You should be grateful that anything is served. As I said before, you aren't at a restaraunt with another family picking up the tab and you can get exactly what you want. You are at a wedding, which is the celebration of a couple beginning a life together and should be grateful for the invititation.

 

[arminnie]

I find it hard to believe there was no water.

You know, a lot of people asked if WATER was available. Yeah, MAYBE if I had gone into the ladies room and stuck my head under the faucet!!

That water in the ladies' room (and men's too) was literally the only thing that was free at the wedding I went to. It was held in the lobby of an office building - not even a water fountain.

Cash for bottled water and soft drinks. There was no alcohol period (no problem with that).

I did not take a purse and my date (best man) was off with the pictures being made. I was thirsty!

 

[lulu71]

I have no problem with dry weddings, but would be seriously offended by a cash bar. Whatever you serve, you serve, I am a gracious guest. But to have to pull out cash at a wedding, seriously? It almost makes me laugh to imagine the cash register dinging during the bride and groom's first dance.

Another thing, 17% gratuity is usually tacked on to the overall cost of the reception so I don't understand why anyone would have to tip the bartenders - the hosts do that already. Every single place we looked at had that in their contracts.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I still think that when one hosts an event such as a wedding, that guests should not be asked to subsidize it.

Clearly there are a number of people who disagree.

There are always such interesting perspectives on the DIS.

 

[Jsme]

I am having so much fun reading this thread.

I have been to weddings that had open bars and weddings that were cash bars. Neither bothered me. I have to say though on the invitation it stated reception with cash bar. We were warned.

I have also been invited to a wedding where on the invitation it said bring your own chair. It was my DH's cousin. Her sister had a wonderful open bar receptiion. DH and I still joke if it the reception was BYOB too. We did not go to the wedding nor the reception.

I have also gone to showers that were held at restaruants where if you ate you paid for your food. Only the cake was free. You had to pay for your beverage.

I think I have learned to always take cash with me to any wedding, reception or shower.

 

[Nana Annie]

I have no problem with dry weddings, but would be seriously offended by a cash bar. Whatever you serve, you serve, I am a gracious guest. But to have to pull out cash at a wedding, seriously? It almost makes me laugh to imagine the cash register dinging during the bride and groom's first dance.

Another thing, 17% gratuity is usually tacked on to the overall cost of the reception so I don't understand why anyone would have to tip the bartenders - the hosts do that already. Every single place we looked at had that in their contracts.

There is always two ways at looking at things, kind of like the glass is half full or half empty.

Just because a cash bar is there does not mean you have to pull out cash and buy something. It would only be tacky if there were no other options for the guests and the only way to get something to drink would be the cash bar. But if the hosts have provided other drinks, then the cash bar can be seen as a convenience.

A personal example: We recently attended a college graduation for some dear friend's son's graduation from one of the military academies.

They are super staunch Christians in a religion where drinking is absolutely forbidden.

They had a wonderful party. They had all sorts of drinks available that they paid for for their guests. They had water, decaf coffee, lemonade, and non-caffeine sodas available. They also had an absolute wonderful buffet of all kinds of foods and a complete dessert table.

This would have been decadent all in itself.

But because they recognized that some of their guests did not share their views on caffeine and alcohol, they arranged for the caterer to have a cash bar. They compromised a bit on their beliefs to recognize their guest's preferences. But they were not going to completely compromise their very, very strong beliefs by paying for it for their guests.

They could have stayed with the lemonade and water and everybody would have been happy.

But those of us who actually like a Diet Coke or a glass of wine with our meals were grateful that they acknowledged that not everybody believed like they did and were happy to also be a bit flexible and pay for our own "sins"

I just could not fathom being angry at or criticizing these wonderful people because they did not completely compromise their beliefs to provide me something for free that they so strongly were against.

Their sinning friends were exceptionally happy that they compromised enough to allow alcohol consumption at the party even if we had to fund it ourselves.

 

[OceanAnnie]

This thread is entertaining.

I attend weddings to support those being wed. I honestly don't remember what was served in the past. It was appreciated at the time. I do remember how happy everyone was and how nice they looked. I remember touching moments and bloopers.

If you like or love the people you are there for, what difference does all of that stuff (eating/drinking) make in the long run?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Seriously for a minute. Forget what people are serving- whether you are used to cake and punch or a 5 course meal, paying for part of anything at someone's party is just not right. You throw a party, you get to chose what you want to serve etc. That means YOU should foot the bill. If you don't want liquor but you think your guests will then don't serve it at all or serve it and consider it the cost of a gracious host. Don't charge your guests. I am sorry but I still think it is rude. Maybe it is the norm where you live and that's fine, but I think charging people anything to come to your party is rude.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

The most tacky wedding was my stripper cousin Mandy's..... My parents received a PHOTOCOPIED invite to the wedding...THEN...the reception was POT LUCK...they asked everyone on the invite to bring a dish to the reception. THis wouldn't have been soooo bad but many of us were flying in from a few hundred miles away.. Can you imagine making a dish in your hotel room???

 

[aprilgail2]

Seriously for a minute. Forget what people are serving- whether you are used to cake and punch or a 5 course meal, paying for part of anything at someone's party is just not right. You throw a party, you get to chose what you want to serve etc. That means YOU should foot the bill. If you don't want liquor but you think your guests will then don't serve it at all or serve it and consider it the cost of a gracious host. Don't charge your guests. I am sorry but I still think it is rude. Maybe it is the norm where you live and that's fine, but I think charging people anything to come to your party is rude.

I totally agree with everything you posted! I guess we can just be happy that it is not the norm in our area!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

How about perhaps the bride and groom don't believe in alcohol, so they don't want to serve it themselves? But being good hosts and hostesses, they recognize that some guests may prefer having a drink with their meal.

The bride and groom ARE offering the water and cake. They are being good hosts. They are being even better hosts by offering an option to what they are offering. It has nothing to do with requiring their guests to help pay for their reception. They are providing drinks (water, coffee, tea).

If the bride and groom do not believe in alcohol .... then there should be NO alcohol.

They are NOT being good hosts by only offering water, coffee, tea and letting guests pay for other options! The hosts serve what they can afford (and I will never think that is low class). In one is poor, then do not have a cash bar. You are the host! In what other instance would you not provide for your guests?