Have a parenting question/prayer request**UPDATE P 2***

[Cindy B]

I'm not real great at baring my soul, so please bear with me here.


I have a son, who is seven years old, going to be eight next month. I have been having severe problems with him, and could use advice/prayers for him.

He is bright. He says school is too easy for him, and he is frustrated that he can't do more. Because he is frustrated he calls out a lot, and is disruptive.

We had him tested for the gifted program and he was 10-15 IQ points shy of entering the program. Very bright, but not very bright in every category, which is what held him back from this program. He is a very solitary kid, he prefers reading books, or being on the computer. He doesnt really have a lot of friends, either its because of his intelligence/or character, or because he just prefers being alone.

He is having problems at school. He says kids call him "stupid". Yesterday he told me that another child passed on a secret that my son was "stupid and lives in a poorhouse!"

Yes, we live in a high income neighborhood, but we live on a "ghetto street" of the high income neighborhood. We rent our house, so we are the "poor renters". We aren't poor, but we don't make the average median income of 179K, and drive import cars, etc...

He was crying today "Don't make me go to school" "Everyone hates me", "I'm stupid", and he is NOT...

He is the smartest one there... in his class. He does have a bit of an overbearing personality which I am unsure if it is due to his intelligence, or just boy.. he runs on "110 percent all the time, and just talks non stop all the time, even in his sleep..!

Some people see this character as obnoxious, or overbearing, but I don't... he's my son, he's always been like this since infancy.

Anyway, I have calls into the teacher, the guidance counselor, and special education director. Since he's not eligible for Highly Gifted, he can't get an IEP, or what he needs. (more challenging curriculum). They can retest him next year, but he has needs now.

I try to talk to him, and say its ok to be different. That its fantastic to be smart, and that he is not "stupid". Since I have faith, I tried to tell him that Jesus was made fun of and mocked... his response "Jesus didn't have to go to Wayne Elementary!"

I cried this morning. I ended up late for work because I was crying in my car about this.

This neighborhood was supposed to be IT for us. It has the top schools in the state, and we were hoping this would be the place for us to buy a home, stay, and be very happy. It breaks my heart to see my son hate school!

Now that you have sat through my emotional mess, is there any suggestions that you can give?

I would truly appreciate all of them!

 

[aahmom1]

I hate to see kids getting picked on. Poor baby. My son is a busy little bee who talks non-stop too, so I understand.

 

[RitaZ.]

{{{hugs}}} I understand exactly how you feel. PM coming shortly.

 

[Buckalew]

CindyB, I will certainly be praying for your son.
Testing. Ugh! One test and it rules your world...
I have no words of wisdom. Hunter is a bit bored this year but I think as the progresses she will be more challenged. (well, that is what teacher and I are hoping.) She is a strict teacher and that is good, I guess. A bored child can find themselves getting into trouble because of it. Does he get in trouble from the teacher? So often kids pick on the child who does get into trouble each day for whatever reason. One picks and then it snowballs. My guess is that that child who made the snide remark learned that at home. Kids don't know such things about each other but the parents do and talk too much and the kids repeat things.
I hope you can get some help for this. He shouldn't be unhappy in the 2nd grade. (He'll have plenty of time for that later. )
I would get down to business with that teacher. She needs to find a way to challenge him. She needs to nip that meaness in the bud. Sure, kids need to learn to deal with problems but that is what parents and teachers jobs are too. Help them to learn HOW to be kind to one another. I really hope and pray you find resolution to this problem. Many {{{hugs}}} my friend.

 

[tiggerlover]

Cindy, I am so sorry to hear about all of this. It is difficult being a parent and watching our children suffer {{{{HUGS}}}} My son (6) had problems with children teasing him and we talked at lengths about it, we told him that people who find the need to tease are usually not happy with themselves. We tell DS if he knows what the people are teasing about is not true to ignore them because they are just words and you know it isn't true. We also had a conversation with the principal because some of this teasing was being done by older kids on the bus, so the principal talked to the students in question. DS also talked to the mother of two of the offenders (by himself, without my knowledge) and between the two the teasing stopped.

I would definitely suggest talking to your sons teacher and principal, tell them everything that you told us here and hopefully they will be willing to work with you to find a solution.

 

[browneyes]

Is he involved in any extracurricular activity? Maybe the name callers are in other activities together and that's why they pick on him.

{{hugs}} for you and your ds.

 

[jrmasm]

Have you considered having your DS tested privately?

I have no advice on the teasing issue. However, as a parent, I can imagine how it can make your heart break! Hugs to you and your son!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

{hugs} Cindy -- this is a difficult situation.

is there some strategy you and the school can come up with to alleviate his boredom? he's disruptive because he's bored.

here's an example -- when the teacher assigns "seat work" -- a ditto or whatever that's supposed to be done independently, my dd finishes a lot sooner than the other children. at that point, she's alowed to take out her book and read for awhile. cna you and your son's teacher find similar solutions?

another thing you can try is to enroll him in some enrichment class outside of school. my dd takes enrichment on saturday mornings. the classes are designed to encourage learning, not competition, so no grades are given out. dd thinks it's more fun than being in school. and the projects she has carry through the week.

part of his social problem does seem to be tied to his being disruptive in school. when he's not so disruptive, it won't be as much of a problem. not an instant solution of course, but if you tackle the school issue first, then you can work on the other issues.

 

[ripleysmom]

Yeah what Rita said.

 

[Saffron]

Oh Cindy. I hope your son has a teacher that you can have a heart to heart with, and between the two of you, you can come up with some solutions to what's going on in the classroom. No child should feel unwanted in their own classroom. Maybe between the two of you, you can come up with activities that would keep him engaged in his work.

I will keep your little guy in my prayers. I can imagine how tough this is for both of you. {{{{Hugs}}}} and lots of love to both of you.

 

[JerseyJanice]

No words of wisdom on how to make his school days any better. I'm sorry.

But I'll say this. It may just be that it's going to take time for him to find his way in the world. In the meantime, I think you and his dad should do whatever you can to make his home life the best it can be.

No doubt it's a terrible blow to a child's self-esteem to have trouble finding and keeping friends, so I think it's extra important that he always feeled very loved by his family.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[Cindy B]

As for seat work, it is assigned. He finishes it, and does read a book. He says the books that the teacher has is too easy, so sometimes he brings them from home. He has a roller coaster design book that he can read for hours!

As for extracurricular, we were thinking of enrolling him in the local community college for fun science classes. (they have kids science classes, and chemistry classes)

And also he "dumbed" down for the IQ testing for the gifted program. He told me that he "made up wrong answers" because he didn't want to be "smart forever".

I got a thats too bad from the school district.

So far the teacher, guidance counselor or the special education director has NOT called back yet.

The "poorhouse" comment ticked me off. I know the mom as well, and was sweet as could be to me on Halloween at the class party. I'm tempted to call her and tell her whats on my mind.

I know parents go through the school directory and find out which kids live in what section of town.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Cindy, I have a daughter like that. She is 11. Her trouble started in 4th grade. After lots of exploring the solution that worked was to focus on the social aspect of friends & outings. Very critical for kids to learn how to get along and change bahaviors to make friends. Her teacher helped too. She would try to pair up kids that my dd got along with. It was a team effort. She became less disruptive when she felt she had allies/friends in the class. When they don't they have alot of anger/anxiety which comes out in disruption. Kids don't want to be friends with kids that are disruptive.
She also did counseling, psychiatrist, adhd drugs.
Let me tell you it did help her over the bump but for the most part she needed friends, as I look back now. That was 2 years ago and although she is "energetic"...she is happy again.
BTW My dd had a sense of relief when I told her that I was going to help with her issues. It was like a weight was taken off of her shoulders.

Prayers and {HUGS} to you...

 

[Lars624]

Cindy - Your son's story brought tears to my eyes because he sounds so much like my DS. We didn't solve his problems until last year when he turned 13 & I wish I'd found out what was happening with him earlier. I'll send you a PM a little later, but I'm sending a {{{HUG}}} now.

 

[JAP]

No words of wisedom here. Only support and {{HUGS}}. I will pray that a soultion will come to you and your son. Keep trying and do not give up. I am sure one day all of his teachers and fellow students will wish they had gotten to know him better for he may do great things.

Jen

 

[Boots]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Wish I had some wonderful advice to give you, but alas I do not. Just want you to know that I am keeping you in my prayers. Please keep us posted.

 

[LemonDietCoke]

I'll keep you, your son, and your entire family in my prayers.

 

[tkyes]

{{{hugs}}}

 

[iLovDisney]

This echoes what others have said (but I thought of it before I read their answers )

*Definitely make an appt to see the teacher. If she asks what it is about, tell her you need advice.

*At the meeting, ask if she has any insight into why DS is having trouble making friends. Is there a certain thing that he's doing?

*Ask her if there are any kids that she thinks would be a good friend match for DS. Later, ask your son about these kids. If he agrees, invite one of them over to play. Do this frequently. If he has some buddies/allies in the class, everything will seem more tolerable.

*Ask the teacher what she would suggest for enrichment for DS, both at home and at school. Tell her that you certainly don't want to make more work for her, but you'd like DS to do some extra stuff if he gets done earlier.

*Not all teachers want to come up with extra stuff -- many are just trying to cover everything before the spring standardized testing. It may be that things at school will be too easy for your son for years. He has to learn to deal with it. Take him to the library and load him up with books he can read at school.

*He may also need you to help him figure out how to interact with the other kids and use the feedback they're giving him. Help him to start seeing things from other people's point of view. Bright kids are notoriously bad at this.

*Make sure he is getting tons of exercise after school, healthy meals, and plenty of sleep. Everyone copes better with these.

*Try not to give him the idea that it's your family vs the school and everyone else.

Good Luck.

 

[Serena]

Cindy, I don't have any advice, I wish I did. {{{hugs}}}