Has your tween ever had a meltdown...UGH

["Got Disney"]

well I can see that this thread is going nowhere except for many of you being very judgemental. Advice is one thing but insults are another.

I was not here for that.

As for his foot he has what is called severs disease and that was not the problem with this meltdown. It was my 13 y.o wanting his own way and him not getting it and me following through and sticking to my guns and him not liking it. So his retaliation was to try to piss me and DH off by throwing clothes on the floor and a couple of posters and a few old paper back books. Oh and the bed that he put right back on after I saw it on the floor.

He was not acting like a ragging lunatic.....he was not flailing around as if he were insane.....

he hit me when I grabbed his arm when ripping a book and he said right after that he was sorry that he did not mean that.

Sometimes kids dont know what to do with there anger when they get mad.....some kids get more angry than others.

We are a very close nit family and a very happy one at that. We do many things together. He listens almost all of the time, except sometimes he wants his way and he does not like the compromise or the NO....

Good lord people.....chill a little......I did this thread in the heat of the moment. When i was still upset and pissed myself.

For those that are wondering....he has no comp or games for 1 week and has lost his privilege to go to a big party this weekend.

This is a kid that volunteers with me(whole family does) at a woman's shelter, horse rescue, and meals on wheels(he likes the old people that I go to )....he was at the school last night for the 7th grade movie night volunteering selling the popcorn.

He does all his chores without any argument. He does this in order to earn computer time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

[quote="Got Disney";31838047]well I can see that this thread is going nowhere except for many of you being very judgemental. Advice is one thing but insults are another.

I was not here for that.

As for his foot he has what is called severs disease and that was not the problem with this meltdown. .[/quote]

That might have been helpful to either say that in the beginning or not include the info.

You included the sore foot like it had something to do with his meltdown. I can only go by what you say.

I know when my kids have issues or pain they are crankier than normal.

 

["Got Disney"]

That might have been helpful to either say that in the beginning or not include the info.

You included the sore foot like it had something to do with his meltdown. I can only go by what you say.

I know when my kids have issues or pain they are crankier than normal.

I did, I said that that was not the problem that started into it. It was him not getting his own way. I did not say severs disease no...but did say that he had a lump there for 2 weeks that I wanted him to go to the Dr's for and he did not want to go. He feels it is his severs disease because of the spot it hurts at...but I want to double check it. But before that he was complaining about it and how I have not taken him so I went and set up an appt for today and he did not want to go today.

This started into a lot more. Like he said that it was okay that he did not need to go to the Dr's but wanted a P.E. note. I told him that if it hurt enough to where he needed a PE note than he needed to go to the Dr's.

As he continued so did the consequences and he did not like that. The next thing you know he would not get up to go to school till he got a note. I was not giving in. I asked DH to come in and remove him because I was to mad and needed to step away from the situation. He did and DS called me an A** and that is when DH swatted his butt.

Than he was put into his room and told to think about his behavior and when he calmed down we would talk.

He calmed down , the 3 of us talked, he went to school. Discipline given.

 

[NEM]

[QUOTE="Got Disney";31837556]He hit/slapped me in the arm when I went into the room and grabbed him. Right after I told him that he never do that. First time he has ever done it. He said he was sorry right away but he was mad.

Geesh people....you make it sound like this is a 24 hr thing.....he was ripping up the books because he new it would get me mad...not because he was cracking up....

He was ripping up his books that were from like 3rd grade....he never even reads them anymore. The books he still reads he did not touch. They were also like 20 page paper back books. I could rip them apart with one finger.

He ripped 2 of his 5 posters off the wall that were put up with tacks....he did not punch holes in the wall.....he did not throw around all his trophies around....or things like that

He threw some clothes that were folded on his bed on the floor, posters on the floor and about 3 paper back books. The bed is a single bed that he trew off after he took he threw his clothes off of it.

It was not the damage that I was talking about...it was just a tantrum that other friends I know there kids occ have.

You people already have him in a straight jacket [/QUOTE]

You asked if it happened to others and they are letting you know. To the majority the age/severity of his tantrum seems a bit extreme. Because you don't like the responses you are being given doesn't make them wrong. And I dont see anyone telling you your son needs to be in a straight jacket.

If occassionally hitting your mom and saying your sorry immediately and tearing up books and throwing things around the room just because you are mad works for your family, then great - its your family...you can discipline however you like...but asking people to condone out of control behavior - even if only for a limited time in a 13 year old on an internet message board, might not get you the answers you are looking for.

Im glad you think it was nothing and it is over...I hope it doesnt happen again soon for you!

 

[Cool-Beans]

Why "meltdown"? Are we pretending they aren't temper tantrums?

In any event, no, my kids didn't do this. Wouldn't have put up with it from a five year old, sure as hell wouldn't have put up with it from a twelve year old.

12 is waaaay too old for temper tantrums and spankings.

At 3 ad 4 years, you ignore it and it goes away. I don't know what you do at 12. I suppose I'd have sent DH in there to deal with it.

 

[tgoralski]

Yes, it is normal.

Myself, and my younger brother went threw this stage when we were his age. My younger sister and other brother did not. We're all well-adjusted, non-violent normal people. He's hormonal, and it sounded like his foot was hurting him.

It sounds like you already faced the problem head-on and talked it out with him, and he otherwise sounds like a good kid. I'd chalk it up to tween hormones. Unless of course, tantrums like this become routine.

And there's nothing wrong with a spanking if it is justified, and rarely happens. People can certainly be judgmental when they're busy doing everything right.

This brings up a question:
Is there a difference between what's "normal" and what is "right"?

I feel that as parents we often accept behavior because it is "normal" meaning other kids do it too. But that doesn't make the behavior acceptable.

No one told me before I had kids how hard this parenting thing would be. (OK they did and I didn't listen)

 

[disykat]

People who don't realize this is within the realm of "normal" have just been lucky. One of my children has a difficult temperment. He used to have "I'm totally overwhelmed" tantrums quite a bit when he was young, and yes, he has had a few in adolescence - after years of smooth sailing - almost like a maturity setback. This is a child who has never had a manipulative tantrum (the kind where they throw a fit to get what they want.)

I'm a pretty strict parent and my kids would never get away with a manipulative tantrum, but a child being overwhelmed needs help coping, not punishment. It is hard, but those of us with kids like this know the drill. Try to stay calm and helpful while at the same time being firm about expectations, don't escalate it, debrief and discipline LATER when it has calmed down.

As the OP said, pain does play into it. OP, I know exactly what you are talking about. It's so hard not to lose your cool with them!

At school, NO ONE knows my child is tempermental. He's currently student of the month at his high school. These kids are not usually naughty kids. He's almost TOO perfect. That is one of the reasons he has issues because he puts way to much pressure on himself. He likes things very controlled and when seem like they are spiraling out of control it is tough for him.

My son would have been harder to deal with if I hadn't heard stories about my husband from my inlaws. DH is the calmest man in the world, but he went through this as a child too.

I'm happy to be an imperfect parent with an imperfect child who is actually willing to read up on child development issues and learn from experts how to deal with temperment issues. I'd hate for my child to have been a screaming infant who didn't like the height of the ceiling, a toddler who wanted his blankie, a young boy who didn't want to wear a scratchy shirt, or even an overwhelmed adolescent, to have had a parent who was unwilling to "put up with that nonsense."

 

[disykat]

Why "meltdown"? Are we pretending they aren't temper tantrums?

In any event, no, my kids didn't do this. Wouldn't have put up with it from a five year old, sure as hell wouldn't have put up with it from a twelve year old.

12 is waaaay too old for temper tantrums and spankings.

At 3 ad 4 years, you ignore it and it goes away. I don't know what you do at 12. I suppose I'd have sent DH in there to deal with it.

Ignoring is for a manipulative temper tantrum. That is not what the OP is describing. No pretending. A meltdown is an entirely different thing.

I'm sure the OP wishes she was dealing with something as easy as a manipulative temper tantrum. Meltdowns are way more challenging to deal with. Most parents never have to - they are lucky.

 

["Got Disney"]

You asked if it happened to others and they are letting you know. To the majority the age/severity of his tantrum seems a bit extreme. Because you don't like the responses you are being given doesn't make them wrong. And I dont see anyone telling you your son needs to be in a straight jacket.

If occassionally hitting your mom and saying your sorry immediately and tearing up books and throwing things around the room just because you are mad works for your family, then great - its your family...you can discipline however you like...but asking people to condone out of control behavior - even if only for a limited time in a 13 year old on an internet message board, might not get you the answers you are looking for.

Im glad you think it was nothing and it is over...I hope it doesnt happen again soon for you!

Yes I did....and they said no....but along with it were not saying well have you thought about seeing if your son had more problems than just his temper...instead it was personal attacks and replying that my son is not normal. Not just his behavior but him.

That is not constructive. Or helpful.

Why "meltdown"? Are we pretending they aren't temper tantrums?

In any event, no, my kids didn't do this. Wouldn't have put up with it from a five year old, sure as hell wouldn't have put up with it from a twelve year old.

12 is waaaay too old for temper tantrums and spankings.

At 3 ad 4 years, you ignore it and it goes away. I don't know what you do at 12. I suppose I'd have sent DH in there to deal with it.

I am so glad that so many of you seem to think that a 12 y.o is all grown up. Not to mention it was not a spanking .....This has happened 3 time in his life and the shrinks say it is normal.
This may not happen in some familys but according to the Docs I have talked to it is more common than not. Even Dr. Phil has talked about it on his show.

As long as they are not hurting themselves it is considered normal behavior for many. Not all, but many kids still maturing and caught in like a rift are still trying to figure out how to deal with there anger. some learn sooner than others.

If this was a constant or he was a mean kid getting in trouble all the time that we would be having a different conversation.

How many of your kids volunteer to help feed elderly people and volunteer at shelters and take care of horses that are rescued from our fires out here in Ca. He is not forced to do any of that. He feels that we have been so blessed that giving back to others is important...he gets that.

He is a very kind person and very well liked by everyone.....

We do not put up with this kind of behavior and he knows this and this is what caused the problem because he was not getting away with it.
so to those of you saying there is no way that your kids would get away with it...well he did not.




If he was hurting himself, or the animals that is a different story.

 

["Got Disney"]

This brings up a question:
Is there a difference between what's "normal" and what is "right"?

I feel that as parents we often accept behavior because it is "normal" meaning other kids do it too. But that doesn't make the behavior acceptable.

No one told me before I had kids how hard this parenting thing would be. (OK they did and I didn't listen)

I did not except any behavior and never said it was acceptable...this is what sent him into a tissy.....I could have went the easy way and did what he wanted and avoided him going into a tail spin.....but I kept firm. I always follow through and he new it and he could not figure out anyway around it.

and he got so upset so fast that he did not have time to figure out how to not deal with it (his anger that is) in a appropriate way at the time.

 

[Cool-Beans]

OP, you asked if our kids did that.

If you'd only wanted people whose 12 year olds were also having temper tantrums to chime in and say, "Oh, yeah, my kid does that, too", you should have said so.

My kids didn't because they knew better. "You don't get to rip the house apart because you didn't get your way" was something they learned young.

If they had pulled something like that at 12, I've had sent DH in there and he'd have put an immediate stop to it. If DH wasn't home, I'd have stopped it and sent him in later. There'd have been more than a spanking or a swat. The kid would not have finished having the tantrum.

It is my opinion that 12 is just ridiculously old for that stuff. If you and others believe that it isn't, that's your call. They're your kids. I'm not saying everyone should raise their kids the way I raise my mine.

But you ASKED.

 

[Enchanted_Mama]

no experience with it, no advice...just wanted to offer some support to the OP.

 

[Tink888]

OP you'll get no judgment from me. My 13 year old hasn't had a melt-down to the extreme your son did but he has had the occaisional fit and I think a lot of it is hormones.

It's tough being a teenager. It's tough being a parent of a teenager. It's real easy to judge.

I'm sure your son is a decent kid and you and your DH are decent parents. We're all doing the best we can - sometimes things go south - it happens. All you can do is talk about it, learn from it and move on. Hang in there.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

[quote="Got Disney";31838333]I did, I said that that was not the problem that started into it. It was him not getting his own way. I did not say severs disease no...but did say that he had a lump there for 2 weeks that I wanted him to go to the Dr's for and he did not want to go. He feels it is his severs disease because of the spot it hurts at...but I want to double check it. But before that he was complaining about it and how I have not taken him so I went and set up an appt for today and he did not want to go today.

This started into a lot more. Like he said that it was okay that he did not need to go to the Dr's but wanted a P.E. note. I told him that if it hurt enough to where he needed a PE note than he needed to go to the Dr's.

As he continued so did the consequences and he did not like that. The next thing you know he would not get up to go to school till he got a note. I was not giving in. I asked DH to come in and remove him because I was to mad and needed to step away from the situation. He did and DS called me an A** and that is when DH swatted his butt.

Than he was put into his room and told to think about his behavior and when he calmed down we would talk.

He calmed down , the 3 of us talked, he went to school. Discipline given.[/quote]

A-Ha...so you are in a pissing contest with him. This is not a meltdown, he is playing to win.

You lost by not making him go to the doctor. He doesn't get a choice. You give him to much power and so he is going to push to see how far he can go.

 

[Scurvy]

A-Ha...so you are in a pissing contest with him. This is not a meltdown, he is playing to win.

You lost by not making him go to the doctor. He doesn't get a choice. You give him to much power and so he is going to push to see how far he can go.

I agree. You're the mom. He shouldn't get a choice about whether or not to go to the doctor. You should just make him go. You might think you know what the problem with his foot is, but you won't know for sure until he sees a doctor about it. If he doesn't want to . . . well, tough. That's why parents get to make choices for their kids. Sometimes kids don't have the best judgement.

As for his tantrum - no, it's not really normal. Having said that, I threw a couple of fits when I was a preteen and absolutely furious about something or other. I didn't actually destroy anything, but I threw stuff all over my room. Even then, I certainly wouldn't have hit either of my parents. I lost way more than one week of computer time and one party, and learned pretty quickly not to act that way again. So if this is an isolated incident I wouldn't be too concerned, but I personally don't think your punishment was harsh enough.

 

["Got Disney"]

A-Ha...so you are in a pissing contest with him. This is not a meltdown, he is playing to win.

You lost by not making him go to the doctor. He doesn't get a choice. You give him to much power and so he is going to push to see how far he can go.

yes it was a pissing contest and he lost. That is my point. He didnt want to loose and was going to do what he had to to get our goat...even if it meant tearing things off the wall. He got realy pissed off. And sent his anger at high....

On the contrary he is still going to the Dr, Inever said he was not going....not sure where that came from...he will be picked up from school right before P.E as planned. All his efforts to control the situation failed.

Although he tryed like hell to win it. That is what was causing his spin.

And as for the poster above....he hit my arm and as soon as he realized what he had done he immediatly said he was sorry...he also did not punch me like some are making it sound... he hit me like a slap. To get my hand off of his arm.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

[quote="Got Disney";31839502]yes it was a pissing contest and he lost. That is my point
On the contrary he is still going to the Dr...he will be picked up from school right before P.E as planned. All his efforts to control the situation failed.

Although he tryed like hell to win it. That is what was causing his spin.[/quote]

He tried and failed. Just don't give him any options when it comes to things like that.

The buildup is what caused his big reaction. At this age you kind of have to lead them without alot of talk sometimes. You just say we are doing "this" and that is it.

I have 2 teen girls, 18 and 12. It can be quite interesting here.

 

["Got Disney"]

He tried and failed. Just don't give him any options when it comes to things like that.

The buildup is what caused his big reaction. At this age you kind of have to lead them without alot of talk sometimes. You just say we are doing "this" and that is it.

I have 2 teen girls, 18 and 12. It can be quite interesting here.

No we dont. That is why he dug his feet in so deep. And as time went on his plan was not working and that just made him extra mad. He tried to retaliate the only way he could think of.


Just wanted to Add this:
Dh took him to the Dr. I will add to it if anything needed to about his foot. DH took him because I am home with the contractors.....and dont get me started on them....

 

[cruisnfamily]

[QUOTE="Got Disney";31838333]I did, I said that that was not the problem that started into it. It was him not getting his own way. I did not say severs disease no...but did say that he had a lump there for 2 weeks that I wanted him to go to the Dr's for and he did not want to go. He feels it is his severs disease because of the spot it hurts at...but I want to double check it. But before that he was complaining about it and how I have not taken him so I went and set up an appt for today and he did not want to go today.

This started into a lot more. Like he said that it was okay that he did not need to go to the Dr's but wanted a P.E. note. I told him that if it hurt enough to where he needed a PE note than he needed to go to the Dr's.

As he continued so did the consequences and he did not like that. The next thing you know he would not get up to go to school till he got a note. I was not giving in. I asked DH to come in and remove him because I was to mad and needed to step away from the situation. He did and DS called me an A** and that is when DH swatted his butt.

Than he was put into his room and told to think about his behavior and when he calmed down we would talk.

He calmed down , the 3 of us talked, he went to school. Discipline given.[/QUOTE]I know you didn't ask for opinions on the underlined but since you put it out there, here goes. My kids (DS13 & DD16) have been riproaring mad at me(or DH or both of us) more than once. However, they would never, ever, in a million years, just absolutely never use a curse word towards me or DH or call us a name or anything along those lines. That alone, without any of the rest of it would have earned some really serious consequences. The fact that he said that to you shows me that he does not respect you. If this is the case you're in for a lot more. You may think it's "normal" but even if it is, you don't have to accept it or put up with it and if you do you're asking for it to get worse.

 

["Got Disney"]

I know you didn't ask for opinions on the underlined but since you put it out there, here goes. My kids (DS13 & DD16) have been riproaring mad at me(or DH or both of us) more than once. However, they would never, ever, in a million years, just absolutely never use a curse word towards me or DH or call us a name or anything along those lines. That alone, without any of the rest of it would have earned some really serious consequences. The fact that he said that to you shows me that he does not respect you. If this is the case you're in for a lot more. You may think it's "normal" but even if it is, you don't have to accept it or put up with it and if you do you're asking for it to get worse.

Let me also clarify that he never has said as much as shut up to me. This was the first time and we talked about it. And no he will not be punished again for it.... unless it happens again. Than And he knows we mean what we say.

He has always shown us respect and others. Including all the volunteers he works with and the elderly he helps sit and feed.

And no I am not in for a lot more. One name does not constitute a lot of trouble on the rise.

It seems that some here are adding there own lines into the story....as if calling me an A** one time is a sign to look out serious trouble is on it's way....

This thread has become a joke...IMO...

Half of you have taken bits and pieces out of posts that are a few things he did....but nothing about all the good things he does. So tell me do your kids help out with meals on wheels and sit for hrs feeding the elderly and talking with them and playing checkers ....in which they gave him a plaque for being a valued volunteer?

If not than maybe there is something wrong with your child....

He got away with nothing. Before or after.