Has your tween ever had a meltdown...UGH

["Got Disney"]

Every once in awhile (around 3 his whole life) my 12 y.o has a meltdown. Yup he does. Today he did not get his way, and was making all kinds of demands. It all started with a lump/swelling at the bottom of his foot that has been there for about 2 weeks.

Sometimes it hurts and he needs a note to get out of P.E and on other days it's fine. It is a longer story but one thing escalating into another and Dh had had enough and swatted him on his butt.....we never hit them and always follow through on our discipline. This set him off since he does not get hit except maybe for a few times his whole life. This happened by the way while getting ready to leave for school when getting his sneakers on.

DS new this and since it got to the point of the Comp being taken away for a week he just lost it .

He is in his room and he has thrown some of his stuff everywhere. Bed on the floor, riped some old paper back books up(3 out of maybe 30), some posters ripped off the wall(not all of his poster). And man is he mad....I mean mad.....he hit me in the arm when I went in grabbing his arm to stop him while ripping the old paper back books...he said sorry right after .....and I went through the motions about that and left his room.....Good grief.

He has had a few before and after about 2 hrs he comes back to earth and we talk it through.

being a Nurse I get that his brain is rewiring and his frontal load is not fully developed yet and that is where his common sense and judgement comes from. Also that his brain is jello. So this is taken into consideration. Not to mention those lovely hormones...

My friends have told me of their stories with their tweens and teens ....by the way my 15 y.o was the same way at 13 and he is great now

so does your tween have crazy melt downs....

by the way he is a good kid and no trouble at school except for a few stupid things like chewing gum at school and getting in trouble for that. Great grades and well liked by teachers and friends. And dont forget this has only happend a couple /few times it is not everytime he gets mad or upset...

 

[jrmasm]

Um, no.

And I'm stepping away because my judgy pants are starting to feel tight.

 

[Angelhalo]

Well teach violence....reap violence. Its no wonder thats his response.

 

[NEM]

Um, no.

And I'm stepping away because my judgy pants are starting to feel tight.

I concur....but I will add that the one and only time my brother had a tantrum like that growing up he lost everything....and I mean everything. If he did not respect his stuff...then he didnt get anything but basics...took him a while to earn everything back...but it never happened again.

But no, it does not sound normal...no matter how developed his brain is...

 

[RadioNate]

My son used to do that when he was 3 or 4. Heaven help me if he does it again when he is 12!

My DS had some developmental type issues though and his reactions were more stemming from that.

 

["Got Disney"]

Well teach violence....reap violence. Its no wonder thats his response.

He's only been smacked on his butt like maybe 5 times in his whole life....to me that's not teaching violence. Gee its not like hes being beaten and he was swatted on the butt to snap him out of it not to beat the kids up

He also had his clothes on and he did not even cry from it...it was not a hard swat and all IT did was just piss him off not hurt him ...physically. His feelings were more hurt from it than anything.

 

[DisneySaver28]

When I was 13, I would sometimes get VERY angry (those stinkin hormones!). I would stomp off to my room and stomp around the floor for a minute until I cooled down listening to music. However, I never threw things around and I NEVER hit my mom! Not judging, but isn't 13 a little old for spankings?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like he is in some pain with his foot. Probably not helping him cope with things too well.

 

[Robinrs]

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. You said your other child did this, too, maybe he thought this was acceptable behavior because the other one did it, too?

No, my son, like I did with my mother, knows his limits when it comes acting out, and it was taught before he could talk. Zero tolerance, ZERO.

 

["Got Disney"]

I concur....but I will add that the one and only time my brother had a tantrum like that growing up he lost everything....and I mean everything. If he did not respect his stuff...then he didn't get anything but basics...took him a while to earn everything back...but it never happened again.

But no, it does not sound normal...no matter how developed his brain is...

When my 13 y.o had done this a few times being concerned and being a nurse I talked with a few shrinks I knew and they did inform me that with some kids this is normal. Unless it is a everyday issue. A few meltdowns going through puberty is not unusual. Even my friends kids have done this when not getting there own way.

It become a battle for authority....

They accually told me to be glad that I am going through this defiance know instead of when they are older and it becomes harder. My 15 y.o is great, AP classes(All A's, loves school, never a day in his life in trouble.....but he had his occ. meltdowns. And glad it happened than because he is 6"1 at age 15.

Have you never been so pissed off that you slammed a door, maybe threw something on the ground ...and so on....well we are adults and at times our temper gets the best of us. Imagine how a tween feels. Theses feelings can be very confusing.

 

[luvmy3]

If my tween dd even attempts to have a meltdown its nipped in the bud before it starts. She will continue her stomping and mumbling under her breath but never would it get to the point that you described. I am not going to debate whether its right or wrong but to me at the age of 12, spanking is ineffective. I have had to remove everything from my dd's room once. The only thing that was left was her bed, dresser and some books. She had to earn back everytyhing, and she did. I can't remember what she did but i have never had to do that again.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Neither of my two children have ever done this and God help them if they ever try to even think about it....


But that is my household, no judging here. Hope everything cools down for you soon.

 

[Nyla]

Yes, it is normal.

Myself, and my younger brother went threw this stage when we were his age. My younger sister and other brother did not. We're all well-adjusted, non-violent normal people. He's hormonal, and it sounded like his foot was hurting him.

It sounds like you already faced the problem head-on and talked it out with him, and he otherwise sounds like a good kid. I'd chalk it up to tween hormones. Unless of course, tantrums like this become routine.

And there's nothing wrong with a spanking if it is justified, and rarely happens. People can certainly be judgmental when they're busy doing everything right.

 

["Got Disney"]

When I was 13, I would sometimes get VERY angry (those stinkin hormones!). I would stomp off to my room and stomp around the floor for a minute until I cooled down listening to music. However, I never threw things around and I NEVER hit my mom! Not judging, but isn't 13 a little old for spankings?

He's 12 and it was not a spanking it was a swat.......and it was not hard either. It did not hurt physically....but it did hurt his feelings and that's where the tantrum started.....

We were just arguing about stuff before hand. And not yelling but he would not move to get up for school, and he was not about to so I called DH in to get him up and that's when my son said something to me that DH didn't like so he swatted his butt...I have a policy of never hitting the kids....and we dont.

This time DS went over the line and so did DH.....they have talked and apologized. DS is all calmed down. He knows that he has no comp for the week and he is cleaning his room up as we speak and getting ready to head off to school.

He has come in and given me a hug and we have also talked.

When a 12 y.o has a tantrum it is just like a 2 y.o only they are bigger.

this lasted about an hr. The whole thing from meltdown to calming down to apology to cleaning up his room and going to school.

 

[okeydokey]

First off the foot thing could be a plantars wart and can be treated.

Secondly, the tantrum sounds really out of control with destroying his room. I would levy a really harsh consequence. If he can't treat his stuff properly, you remove his stuff until he can show that he can behave better. At 13 he needs to express his feelings in a more appropriate way than hitting his parents and ripping up his books.

 

[Disney Doll]

I cannot imagine what my father would have done to my 12 year old brother had he destroyed his room and laid a hand on my mother.

It would not have been pretty.

And we were not spanked much as kids either...maybe 3 or 4 times. But we were both quite well aware that the behavior you described would not be tolerated for one single second, underdeveloped frontal lobe or not.

That kind of behavior would have sparked an ugly confrontation atmy house which would have ended with brother sleeping on the floor, with no bed, mattress, computer, TV or anything else in his room, followed by weeks of working to earn everything back.

 

["Got Disney"]

First off the foot thing could be a plantars wart and can be treated.

Secondly, the tantrum sounds really out of control with destroying his room. I would levy a really harsh consequence. If he can't treat his stuff properly, you remove his stuff until he can show that he can behave better. At 13 he needs to express his feelings in a more appropriate way than hitting his parents and ripping up his books.

He hit/slapped me in the arm when I went into the room and grabbed him. Right after I told him that he never do that. First time he has ever done it. He said he was sorry right away but he was mad.

Geesh people....you make it sound like this is a 24 hr thing.....he was ripping up the books because he new it would get me mad...not because he was cracking up....

He was ripping up his books that were from like 3rd grade....he never even reads them anymore. The books he still reads he did not touch. They were also like 20 page paper back books. I could rip them apart with one finger.

He ripped 2 of his 5 posters off the wall that were put up with tacks....he did not punch holes in the wall.....he did not throw around all his trophies around....or things like that

He threw some clothes that were folded on his bed on the floor, posters on the floor and about 3 paper back books. The bed is a single bed that he trew off after he took he threw his clothes off of it.

It was not the damage that I was talking about...it was just a tantrum that other friends I know there kids occ have.

You people already have him in a straight jacket

 

[swanmom]

It's funny. My DD (now a 15 yo) had several 'melt-downs' around that age. Really signifiicant ones, hurling insults, screaming to make her point, stomping her feet, storming out into the backyard, etc. You know, just really losing it in general. It wasn't frequent but when it did happen it took several hours before she could get to the point where she could even talk civilly.
BUT, she never destroyed her things or her room. I guess she knew that it would mean she'd have nothing ... because we would never have replaced it, repaired it or returned it to her !!

 

[mickeyboat]

My DDs are only 8 & 9, but no they have never had a meltdown like that. They get upset but usually go to their rooms and write mean notes to me - that I find later.

If they ever did what your son did, they would find their rooms stripped and it would be a long time and a lot of effort on their parts to earn their things back.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

First off the foot thing could be a plantars wart and can be treated.

Right. I have a painful bone spur on my ankle from walking on my foot wrong from a wart.

I hope you are getting your son treated for his issue, because it can do permanent damage, not from the wart, but from walking wrong from the sore.