Has anyone ever been in this position/situation?

[browneyes106]

First off I'm not trying to be whiny or anything. I know have started some crazy threads here in the past and I so suffer from mental illness. It seems like my whole life I'm always left out of stuff no matter how hard I try to show others my interests. It always seems like a majority of my relatives on both sides don't care to include me in stuff. Over the past few years I have sort of drifted from friends and it seems like most of them have forgotten me. I have been down over the past few days and my boyfriend isn't much help. He spends a lot of time with his friends and it seems like his friends don't like me because my bf never takes me to the stuff they do with them. I just wonder if there are people who feel the same way or have been in the same situation.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I can't offer advice, but I can send you a hug...

 

[browneyes106]

I can't offer advice, but I can send you a hug...

Thank you.

 

[DizBelle]

Well, you have loads of friends here.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Well, you have loads of friends here.

I was just going to say the same thing. Maybe you just don't share the same interests as your BF's friends. No worries. I have friends of friends that I have NOTHING in common with so it is okay with me that I'm not included.

 

[browneyes106]

I was just going to say the same thing. Maybe you just don't share the same interests as your BF's friends. No worries. I have friends of friends that I have NOTHING in common with so it is okay with me that I'm not included.

I do share some of the same interests as them because my bf tells me about them a lot.

 

[AshleyW]

First off I'm not trying to be whiny or anything. I know have started some crazy threads here in the past and I so suffer from mental illness. It seems like my whole life I'm always left out of stuff no matter how hard I try to show others my interests. It always seems like a majority of my relatives on both sides don't care to include me in stuff. Over the past few years I have sort of drifted from friends and it seems like most of them have forgotten me. I have been down over the past few days and my boyfriend isn't much help. He spends a lot of time with his friends and it seems like his friends don't like me because my bf never takes me to the stuff they do with them. I just wonder if there are people who feel the same way or have been in the same situation.

I understand where you're coming from. My parents moved from about 5 minutes away from me here in Iowa to Florida in February. Before they moved, my entire family (parents, brother, me & my fiances, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc) got together at least once a week to play cards & have a bonfire at my parents house. Now that they've moved, I've only heard from one of my uncles, and that was on my birthday. My grandma moved across the state in March, haven't heard from her since. Most of my friends kind of do their own thing. It was kind of a bummer. Until.. I started being proactive about it and calling people (friends, family.. anyone) to catch up and make lunch dates or go shopping or do whatever. It seems that my friends and family, and possibly yours too, are just lazy. They'll usually feel up to being social, but they usually won't initiate it. Maybe try to be more proactive, and see if that helps!

 

[browneyes106]

I understand where you're coming from. My parents moved from about 5 minutes away from me here in Iowa to Florida in February. Before they moved, my entire family (parents, brother, me & my fiances, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc) got together at least once a week to play cards & have a bonfire at my parents house. Now that they've moved, I've only heard from one of my uncles, and that was on my birthday. My grandma moved across the state in March, haven't heard from her since. Most of my friends kind of do their own thing. It was kind of a bummer. Until.. I started being proactive about it and calling people (friends, family.. anyone) to catch up and make lunch dates or go shopping or do whatever. It seems that my friends and family, and possibly yours too, are just lazy. They'll usually feel up to being social, but they usually won't initiate it. Maybe try to be more proactive, and see if that helps!

I try to be more proactive and I call and email a lot of my relatives and friends but I almost always get no responses or calls back.

 

[dicar123]

OP, I think I totally get you. When I find myself feeling shut out, the first thing I do is remind myself that people have all kinds of obligations, worries, projects, hobbies, spouses and children. They probably aren't spending a lot of time thinking about you one way or another.

I'm quite introverted, and I think sometimes I just get lost in the shuffle, not because my family or friends don't like me, but because I don't put myself out there much.

This situation is making you unhappy so you've got to grab the bull by the horns and put yourself out there. Call people, get involved with things! Not just once, but maybe you'll have to call a couple of times because people are busy. Remember there is a lot going on right now, back to school stuff, economic worries, etc.

You can do it!

 

[momof1princess]

i know how you feel, op. to be quite honest, i have no friends. my family is insane and does nothing but berate and criticize me. without my DH and my daughter, i am completely alone. i've got lots of facebook friends, but no one ever writes on my wall. i post 2-3 times a day, leave messages for others and am friendly, supportive and helpful, but it makes no difference.

 

[LuvOrlando]

If you are feeling isolated how about finding a place to volunteer? Lots of places need people to help out and its a great way to mix with other people without the demands of a job. Maybe you could help walk and care for dogs at the local shelter, or maybe read to the elderly who are losing their eyes at the local library? Drive for meals on wheels? All of this puts you in contact with other people, who knows where your next friend may spring from?

Sometimes personalities just don't blend, it doesn't mean its all on you

 

[wdwfan16]

Since I do not know you or your friends/family I am only guessing what the problem could be.

Do you plan get togethers/parties/events and invite others? You may need to initiate stuff and not just wait for others to invite you over.

When you have gone to events in the past do you help the host/hostess?

DH and I get invited to many events and host events that we have to turn many of them down (no time). We always make sure to offer to bring stuff and then help when we are there. We stay and clean up too. People do the same for us when we are hosting an event.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

First off OP
Sometimes, when you start or have been in a relationship, alot of people do fall to the side...it just happens

I understand where you're coming from. My parents moved from about 5 minutes away from me here in Iowa to Florida in February. Before they moved, my entire family (parents, brother, me & my fiances, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc) got together at least once a week to play cards & have a bonfire at my parents house. Now that they've moved, I've only heard from one of my uncles, and that was on my birthday. My grandma moved across the state in March, haven't heard from her since. Most of my friends kind of do their own thing. It was kind of a bummer. Until.. I started being proactive about it and calling people (friends, family.. anyone) to catch up and make lunch dates or go shopping or do whatever. It seems that my friends and family, and possibly yours too, are just lazy. They'll usually feel up to being social, but they usually won't initiate it. Maybe try to be more proactive, and see if that helps!

i know how you feel, op. to be quite honest, i have no friends. my family is insane and does nothing but berate and criticize me. without my DH and my daughter, i am completely alone. i've got lots of facebook friends, but no one ever writes on my wall. i post 2-3 times a day, leave messages for others and am friendly, supportive and helpful, but it makes no difference.

As far as facebook, sometimes, when people have 'too many' friends, others can get lost in the shuffle, it's probably not intentional. I dont' get many people to post on my wall either... lol

But, yeah, aside from my DBF, my kids and my ex (dad of my 2 oldest) and my parents, I've lost touch with all my friends. My BFF is on my facebook page, but since I moved an hr away and she got married, we never get together. She's only seen my 18m DS 3x, and yet to see new DD. It sucks

I agree with others though, I don't initiate a whole lot. I'm not a fan of talking on the phone, I dont' have a cell to text and I'm always working, so not alot of time for get togethers. I figure after I've had to turn down a few get togethers,maybe they gave up on me

 

[teacups]

Sounds like its time to shake things up in your life.
Get a new job (volunteer, work part time, anything)
Take a class
Teach a class
Join a book club
whatever interest YOU.

As far as your family and friends, feed them! Hold a big "Back to Autumn" BBQ in a couple of weeks. Cook a crock pot of chili, roast some hot dogs over an open fire, play some boards games....
I'm a real loner, so once in a while I have to make sure to do this kind of thing or people forget I exist

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. Just remember nobody is here to make your life happy for you. You have to do it. Now get out there and meet some new people!

 

[RadioNate]

I'm with you OP. I've been feeling it lately too. We relocated here 2 years ago. At that time 4 families were relocated. Our 'best friends' of the bunch has already moved on. The other 2 desperately want to move back 'home.'

We have met a few other families but my DH and I are both really social people and like doing things in groups. Both of the families we are friendly with are very busy and are more of homebodies than we are.

In the case of the families that we moved here with, one lucked into a great neighborhood that always has things going on. Of course they never invite us (they don't invite anyone out side of the neighborhood clique so it isn't just us.) The other family is having some issues so they don't really do much.

We are left to do things alone and we do but I crave talking to someone other than my husband. I'd settle for lunch with a girlfriend once a month! I'm the only one who doesn't work and it is very isolating.

We don't have any family here so that isn't even an option.

It sucks.

We try to be proactive. And the good news is that when we are proactive almost everyone says 'yes' to our invites. We used to plan everything all the time and somewhere in the last year or so we just got sick of it. However, I know if we want to do things with others we are going to have to start planning and inviting again. But, it would be nice to have people think of us and invite us along every now and then.

 

[pyrxtc]

OP, you sound like a relative of mine. I don't intentionally ignore her but she is kind of annoying and I have nothing in common with her. I don't post an anyone's wall but my own usually unless I have something specific to say to that person. I will comment on other people's posts when I feel it's warranted. Maybe your family/friends find they can't relate to you or that you are too whiny/inquisitive/nosy/big mouthed ??? Who knows unless you ask them ?? Maybe their lives are just crazy with everything they are doing and on't have time for themselves let alone call you to ask you to do soemthing or even call you back if you a leave a message.

I don't know you personally, but you sound like my cousin does... she has been posting things like this post on facebook for a while now. She has done some crzy things in her life and I don't gt her. I just want to ask her how/why ??? her kids ahve been taken away and her life is not right. I don't feel any connection wiht her, just disgust mostly from what I've heard about her lately. maybe you should ask honestly, your family/friends, why you aren't included.

 

[teacups]

I'm with you OP. I've been feeling it lately too. We relocated here 2 years ago. At that time 4 families were relocated. Our 'best friends' of the bunch has already moved on. The other 2 desperately want to move back 'home.'

We have met a few other families but my DH and I are both really social people and like doing things in groups. Both of the families we are friendly with are very busy and are more of homebodies than we are.

In the case of the families that we moved here with, one lucked into a great neighborhood that always has things going on. Of course they never invite us (they don't invite anyone out side of the neighborhood clique so it isn't just us.) The other family is having some issues so they don't really do much.

We are left to do things alone and we do but I crave talking to someone other than my husband. I'd settle for lunch with a girlfriend once a month! I'm the only one who doesn't work and it is very isolating.

We don't have any family here so that isn't even an option.

It sucks.

We try to be proactive. And the good news is that when we are proactive almost everyone says 'yes' to our invites. We used to plan everything all the time and somewhere in the last year or so we just got sick of it. However, I know if we want to do things with others we are going to have to start planning and inviting again. But, it would be nice to have people think of us and invite us along every now and then.

You sound just like our new-ish neighbors. About 2 years even! They are very social and they were so offended and put out that we are not like that. Its nothing personal. Some people are loners. I dont enjoy being around people all the time. Even my very good friends only in moderation. Luckily, they know this and are OK with. But these neighbors hate us now.

 

[RadioNate]

You sound just like our new-ish neighbors. About 2 years even! They are very social and they were so offended and put out that we are not like that. Its nothing personal. Some people are loners. I dont enjoy being around people all the time. Even my very good friends only in moderation. Luckily, they know this and are OK with. But these neighbors hate us now.

I'm not offended or put out by anyone.

Well maybe our one friends but they too are social people and I don't know why it would be bothersome to them to invite us along to a huge party that they are going too. I'm not talking intimate gatherings with acquaintances. These are (were) good friends, people we vacationed with, etc. I just find it weird. And like I said it isn't just us...they don't invite the other couple here who they are related to! I think it bothers me because it is quite cliquish and we aren't like that. We are very much "the more the merrier" people.

I don't think they hate you. They just aren't friends with you because you have made it clear that you don't want to be friends with them.

It is very hard relocating and not knowing anyone. And it hurts when people you like and would like to form friendships reject you.

I don't get why people are often opposed to making new friends. I don't think there is such a thing as too many friends.

 

[DebIreland]

OP,

You mentioned mental illness. Have you been diagnosed with depression/bipolar? Whilst loneliness is normal of course, I get a certain vibe from your post - more than loneliness, more than a desire for friendship - it's like a quiet desperation, a sense of 'there's no point in hoping to be invited to a b or c cause they'll ignore me anyway. They've all got great lives and I'm left out." I'm not trying to be cruel. Honestly. It's just that I've been like that in the past and, like many other symptoms of depression, it feels SO real but is, in fact, a part of depression. Are you on medication? I know anti-depressants are just a crutch but what a great crutch! Lol.

I remember at various times when I was in my 20s feeling left out, feeling unimportant. But here's the worst part. When you feel like that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, in my opinion. You actually start to eminate a vibe of desperation - 'like me', 'call me', 'don't forget ME!'. You might not speak those words but you communicate the sentiments nonetheless. And, sure enough, nothing repels a person more than that because it's too intense for them.

When I was diagnosed years ago with depression my doc said 'do you feel like a social misfit, like you have to make huge efforts just to blend in?'. I was shocked. The answer of course was yes. Because even when I was out with friends I felt so over-the-top sensitive and vulnerable. That's depression. I haven't felt like that in years. Prozac is my god.

So my advice is... talk to your doc about this - suggest some meds or, if you're already on them, try others. But, very important, be very positive. Try not to give off a negative vibe. Laugh, be laid back and be ASSERTIVE. We are drawn naturally to assertive people. ACT all of this if you must at the start. For example instead of calling up a friend/relative and saying: "um, would you, um, come for a drink. I'm so down. If you're busy don't worry.". Say: "hey summers nearly over, I'm getting in some wine and treats, let's get together and have a nice treat day!"

it sounds cheesy I know but really it's important that you come across as undemanding and positive (even if you're initially acting!).

 

[Aisling]

I try to be more proactive and I call and email a lot of my relatives and friends but I almost always get no responses or calls back.

Think of it as their loss, not yours, and set your mind to making new friends who appreciate you. There are lots of people out there who are in your same situation. Get strong in your mind, and maybe this sounds harsh, but think "the hell with them". You tried, and they didn't respond, so dump them.