Happily Married Men who cheat...

[DisTeach1]

I read an article that said that one of the biggest myths of cheating is that men who cheat are unhappy with their marriage. I find that hard to believe...Why would a man who was happy with his marriage cheat? That doesn't make sense that a man who loves his wife and is happy with his home life would be going outside to look for something on the side. I guess men really can separate sex from love, but the situations that I've known where men have cheated, involved men who ultimately were not happy, but were scared to divorce, or marriages that were very troubled. What do you think?

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I know someone who cheated on his wife for years. He loved both of them and didn't want to lose either one...or so he said.

 

[Sayla1221]

IMHO, happy men don't cheat. They can still love their wife and cheat, but I really truly believe that a man who is happy in his marriage does not cheat. I'd lobe to read that article!

 

[chrisw127]

Hmmm. I guess I've never thought about it that way. I'm sure it's possible; I've certainly seen what appeared to be happily married men cheat almost as soon as they got away from their wives (not to stereotype, but I was in the military. Lots of cheating going on).

 

[kellyg403]

I think ultimately in the end men/women who cheat are unhappy with themselves. Nothing is ever good enough, the grass is always greener on the other side etc. My ex 'claims' (military btw) that he cheated not because he didn't love me or his family but because he always felt there was more out there for him. In the end I think cheaters are just selfish..its always about them and what they are lacking in some area they think they deserve. They are so selfish that they usually find a way to make the person they cheated on take responsibility for all their unhappiness.


Kelly

 

[phinsphan]

I think ultimately in the end men/women who cheat are unhappy with themselves. Nothing is ever good enough, the grass is always greener on the other side etc. My ex 'claims' (military btw) that he cheated not because he didn't love me or his family but because he always felt there was more out there for him. In the end I think cheaters are just selfish..its always about them and what they are lacking in some area they think they deserve. They are so selfish that they usually find a way to make the person they cheated on take responsibility for all their unhappiness.


Kelly

I totally agree with you. I just lived through a seperation/divorce from a cheater who claimed up until the end that he loved me but he cheated on me for years with many different women.

I find him to be incredibly self centered and selfish. He threw away a 15+ year marriage with 3 great kids for what?? He isn't even with any of the women *and I use that term VERY lightly* he cheated on me with. He is now living with a male roommate in the bachelor palace house and he's almost 40. He has 1 child who wants nothing to do with him, one who is teetering on the edge and 1 who is too young to get it yet. The older 2 know he cheated on me but the youngest hasn't got a clue.

I think he's a selfish *** and am at this point glad to be away from him.

 

[goofyernmost]

I read an article that said that one of the biggest myths of cheating is that men who cheat are unhappy with their marriage. I find that hard to believe...Why would a man who was happy with his marriage cheat? That doesn't make sense that a man who loves his wife and is happy with his home life would be going outside to look for something on the side. I guess men really can separate sex from love, but the situations that I've known where men have cheated, involved men who ultimately were not happy, but were scared to divorce, or marriages that were very troubled. What do you think?

That's easy. It's the sense of adventure, of conquest, of doing something forbidden. It boredom. Not with the wife, but with their life in general. I have seen so many men that threw away everything for a 1 hour fling. I was tempted many times, and it wasn't the thought of my wife that stopped me (although it did have some influence), but the loss of my children that scared me into behaving myself.

I also believe that men are programmed differently then women. Men and Women can both have strong "drives" but they are based on totally different emotions. When a man is young, sex is an athletic event, testosterone driven and based on a very basic instinct to mate. With women I believe it is different and very emotional and based on an undefinable drive to create life and nurture. I know I will probably get a lot of flack for what I just said, but that's how I feel.

Now that is not to say that I think it is OK to cheat on your spouse because somewhere along the line one committed to be loyal and loving. You kind of make a promise and a man that cannot be strong enough to honor his promises isn't much of a man.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think ultimately in the end men/women who cheat are unhappy with themselves. Nothing is ever good enough, the grass is always greener on the other side etc. My ex 'claims' (military btw) that he cheated not because he didn't love me or his family but because he always felt there was more out there for him. In the end I think cheaters are just selfish..its always about them and what they are lacking in some area they think they deserve. They are so selfish that they usually find a way to make the person they cheated on take responsibility for all their unhappiness.


Kelly

I totally agree with you. I just lived through a seperation/divorce from a cheater who claimed up until the end that he loved me but he cheated on me for years with many different women.

I find him to be incredibly self centered and selfish. He threw away a 15+ year marriage with 3 great kids for what?? He isn't even with any of the women *and I use that term VERY lightly* he cheated on me with. He is now living with a male roommate in the bachelor palace house and he's almost 40. He has 1 child who wants nothing to do with him, one who is teetering on the edge and 1 who is too young to get it yet. The older 2 know he cheated on me but the youngest hasn't got a clue.

I think he's a selfish *** and am at this point glad to be away from him.

I'm sorry you ladies went through this.

Unfortunately, there are those who cheat. They kind of make it hard to trust the 'good guys' out there who have integrity, and I know there are plenty of those, too.

 

[phinsphan]

Thanks Mary Jo. I am hoping to eventually find one that has integrity one day! I have complete faith in Karma with his cheating/lying life so hopefully it bites him soon. I have many thoughts that have gone through my head of things that "could/should" happen to his lying/cheating butt then I put all of my faith in karma and go along happily on my way!

 

[Poohbear123]

I know a Man who's wife has cheated on him....with a younger guy, they have been Married for 20 years and have 2 DD's. Because she cheated, HE gets the house, and she gets the kids, but they are very amicable about it....which I guess is good for the kids. I really feel bad for the guy, he has been with her thru a lot, and now this.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

I read an article that said that one of the biggest myths of cheating is that men who cheat are unhappy with their marriage. I find that hard to believe...Why would a man who was happy with his marriage cheat? That doesn't make sense that a man who loves his wife and is happy with his home life would be going outside to look for something on the side. I guess men really can separate sex from love, but the situations that I've known where men have cheated, involved men who ultimately were not happy, but were scared to divorce, or marriages that were very troubled. What do you think?

My first question would be...where did you read this? what study, data, or feedback source did they use? was the study done by marriage counselers? Was it done by medical professionals? and so on. In other words, how accuate is the article, or is it based on "stories" that have not been verified.

My second comment is that if it is taken from "stories" they have a tendency to embellish the data. It ignores that fact that a lot of men have much more integrity, and seems to taret the article to women (and men) who want to believe that they are being cheated on, for whatever reason.

All that being said, I think the men and women that do cheat on a marriage have little or no personal integrity, and simply do not care if they hurt anyones feelings. Simple as that.

They can dream up and articulate a reason, as self justification is the most powerful motivational force on earth.

 

[Saphire]

That doesn't make sense that a man who loves his wife and is happy with his home life would be going outside to look for something on the side.

All it takes is a deep self-centeredness. Sure he may love his wife and family, but seldom thinks beyond his own needs and wants. Part of a mature, committed relationship is the willingness to put the other person before yourself.

 

[Michelle67]

I think ultimately in the end men/women who cheat are unhappy with themselves. Nothing is ever good enough, the grass is always greener on the other side etc. My ex 'claims' (military btw) that he cheated not because he didn't love me or his family but because he always felt there was more out there for him. In the end I think cheaters are just selfish..its always about them and what they are lacking in some area they think they deserve. They are so selfish that they usually find a way to make the person they cheated on take responsibility for all their unhappiness.


Kelly

I agree with this. It also describes my ex pretty well, other than the military part.

 

[Judy Judy Judy]

I know this is not going to be a popular response but I have to be honest here, I don't know about anyone else but have you all not seen how forward and pushy some women are?

I worked in an office where one ( nice looking ) women hounded the boss every single day, she would wear cloths that were so tight you could she every bump in her body, she would praise him, throw herself all over him knowing that he was happily married. She was slick and wanted him as prey.

He finally broke , one evening we worked late and she waited for him to walk her out because she was " scared", well I circled back to the office because I just felt uneasy about leaving them, whenever I opened the office door, his office was closed and I knew it was too late, I cryed all the way home for his wife and mother of his children that was waiting at home for this man/father....I soon thereafter quit the job.

But I have to say some women are just pure evil...I know men are too but we sometimes expect that from a man, not a women, we use to stick together, having one anothers back.

 

[Feralpeg]

That's easy. It's the sense of adventure, of conquest, of doing something forbidden. It boredom. Not with the wife, but with their life in general. I have seen so many men that threw away everything for a 1 hour fling. I was tempted many times, and it wasn't the thought of my wife that stopped me (although it did have some influence), but the loss of my children that scared me into behaving myself.

I also believe that men are programmed differently then women. Men and Women can both have strong "drives" but they are based on totally different emotions. When a man is young, sex is an athletic event, testosterone driven and based on a very basic instinct to mate. With women I believe it is different and very emotional and based on an undefinable drive to create life and nurture. I know I will probably get a lot of flack for what I just said, but that's how I feel.

Now that is not to say that I think it is OK to cheat on your spouse because somewhere along the line one committed to be loyal and loving. You kind of make a promise and a man that cannot be strong enough to honor his promises isn't much of a man.

I totally agree with everything you said. I was a single woman working in a large office environment for many years. I saw it all. I was approached by many. I knew and considered friends the wives of several men who wanted to have flings with me. I wasn't interested, but I saw it happen time and again. The men fooled around but had strong family lives as well. They didn't appear unhappy to me...just foolish. And, for anyone who thinks that this type of thing goes unnoticed in an office environment, they are just kidding themselves. Most everyone knows what is going on. The only ones who appear ignorant are those having the fling and their unfortunate spouse.

 

[Disney Doll]

I also think it depends on the kind of cheating.

One one-stand once, in a moment of total stupidity and weakness might be a forgivable offense, and could be exactly that...a moment of total stupidity and weakness. I guess it does happen. I might consider this to be forgivable, depending on a lot of factors, including length of the marriage, ages of children, expressions of true remorse, and LOTS of therapy. And even then, I am not sure if I would be able to stay married, as I would have huge trust issues and trust is the basis of a marriage, IMHO.

A long-term relationship outside the marriage, or multiple affairs...sorry..no. Those are conscious decisions. People who make those conscious decisions are self-centered & egotistical and I would have no desire to be married to someone like that.

And all this baloney about men and women are biologically different is just that... a bunch of baloney. You either have integrity or you don't.

 

[Master Mason]

I know this is not going to be a popular response but I have to be honest here, I don't know about anyone else but have you all not seen how forward and pushy some women are?

I worked in an office where one ( nice looking ) women hounded the boss every single day, she would wear cloths that were so tight you could she every bump in her body, she would praise him, throw herself all over him knowing that he was happily married. She was slick and wanted him as prey.

He finally broke , one evening we worked late and she waited for him to walk her out because she was " scared", well I circled back to the office because I just felt uneasy about leaving them, whenever I opened the office door, his office was closed and I knew it was too late, I cryed all the way home for his wife and mother of his children that was waiting at home for this man/father....I soon thereafter quit the job.

But I have to say some women are just pure evil...I know men are too but we sometimes expect that from a man, not a women, we use to stick together, having one anothers back.

This is soooo true. I have been married twice now, both times that I was married I got hit on more than at any other times in my life, it seemed like the ring was a magnet to a certain segment of women.

That said, IMO people that cheat are the worst kind of scum. If you don't want to be with someone then don't be with them, but cheating is never acceptable IMO.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I think some men would cheat if the opportunity presented itself and they wanted to, regardless if they had a happy marriage. Not saying all would. A lot of men can separate themselves from the guilt of cheating and their marriages.

There a few men who cheat on their wives that I personally know and they treat their wives like queens and talk about the great relationships they have and always seem like the perfect, happy couple. But that these "other women" make them feel like they did when they first met their wives and I think a lot of it is the danger/risk of getting caught, none of them have serious feelings for these girls (although I can see how it could change into that). And I also know a couple of the "other women" and they know the guys are married and neither of them are expecting/wanting these guys to leave their wives or have any kind of relationship. So I guess both sides are just in it for the passionate/new sex and rush of excitement and that's it.

Who knows. I think it's crazy to risk everything for a few minutes of pleasure every now and then. I ask these guys a lot of questions because it baffles me and they are willing to answer my questions. I still can't wrap my head around it though.

 

[Disney Doll]

I know this is not going to be a popular response but I have to be honest here, I don't know about anyone else but have you all not seen how forward and pushy some women are?

I worked in an office where one ( nice looking ) women hounded the boss every single day, she would wear cloths that were so tight you could she every bump in her body, she would praise him, throw herself all over him knowing that he was happily married. She was slick and wanted him as prey.

He finally broke , one evening we worked late and she waited for him to walk her out because she was " scared", well I circled back to the office because I just felt uneasy about leaving them, whenever I opened the office door, his office was closed and I knew it was too late, I cryed all the way home for his wife and mother of his children that was waiting at home for this man/father....I soon thereafter quit the job.

But I have to say some women are just pure evil...I know men are too but we sometimes expect that from a man, not a women, we use to stick together, having one anothers back.

I'm glad you are aware that yours won't be a popular opinon . Quite frankly I think we should try and give men more credit than to think that they can be swayed by someone's "femine wiles" and are not able to control themselves. They aren't animals, for God's sakes. They are people, with the same ability to reason as everyone else.

I am a married woman, have been for 17 years, work in a hospital, have had more than one doctor make me an offer. I have had more than one doctor "pursue" me. And some of them were quite attractive and financially well-to-do...which is just as attractive to some women as your description of the woman who worked in that office would be to a man. The appropriate response is "No thank you I am happily married". If I can say, then a man can say it too.

I have never bought that "She just kept after me till I broke" line of crap. If you cheat, you made a choice to do so.

 

[Judy Judy Judy]

I'm glad you are aware that yours won't be a popular opinon . Quite frankly I think we should try and give men more credit than to think that they can be swayed by someone's "femine wiles" and are not able to control themselves. They aren't animals, for God's sakes. They are people, with the same ability to reason as everyone else.

I am a married woman, have been for 17 years, work in a hospital, have had more than one doctor make me an offer. I have had more than one doctor "pursue" me. And some of them were quite attractive and financially well-to-do...which is just as attractive to some women as your description of the woman who worked in that office would be to a man. The appropriate response is "No thank you I am happily married". If I can say, then a man can say it too.

I have never bought that "She just kept after me till I broke" line of crap. If you cheat, you made a choice to do so.