guess it's time i told you guys...

[DramaQueen]

new people probably won't care much about this thread because you don't know me too well yet.

but anyways, i figured it was about time i told you guys about derek & i, cuz you guys are my friends and i've wanted to tell you for a while, but i've just been waiting for the right time.

this might be long, but here it goes.

so this was about 2 months ago, i was up visiting him at university halloween weekend, i left sunday afternoon, monday night i had a text that said 'we need to talk call me' so i called, and he says 'i just dont feel like its working right now, i need a break...blah blah' so we talked on webcam for a long while. the next day i skipped school to drive up and talk to him about everything, i left feeling confident that everything was going to be okay between us.
over the next few weeks, the break turned into a break up.
we kept in contact but he was very distant, even mean to me.
we got together to exchange christmas gifts and it was hard, i cant look at him and not see my boyfriend.
we haven't seen each other since, but we're talking alot.
recently he apologized for being such a (insert whatever word you want) towards me.
i appreaciate that because i know it takes ALOT for him to apologize.
but at the same time i don't understand what his motivations are.
he keeps telling me im his best friend and he wants me in his life still, but i've realized that i will NEVER get over him if he's constantly in my life.
i talked to him the other night and asked him why he wanted to be my friend, he said because im a great girl and he trusts me.
i have come to realize that other than me, he really has NO ONE in his life to turn to. As harsh as it may sound, he has alot of friends and people like him, but people just dont seem to care too much about him (not inviting him out, not returning texts etc etc)
So I'm so confused as to why you would want to throw away a relationship with someone who wants to keep you happy.

Anyways, I've asked him numerous times what's the deal, at first i got
"im stressed and cant handle a relationship"
then
"i dont know"
then
"maybe im not attracted to you anymore" eek: iknow)
then
"youre my best friend".

I'm so confused by the whole thing. So any MALE insight would be greatly appreciated.
We'd been together for 2 and a half years, and I find it hard to beleive that things can just end like this--like, NOTHING happened.
I KNOW there's not another girl, I would be able to tell, and he would probably tell me. I'm just confused by the whole thing.


I've been surprisingly strong and mature about the whole situation though, even though I think about it almost everyday, I don't let it ruin my day and I don't let it interfere with my life, I'm 19 years old, I'm young, I'm not going to let a stupid break up ruin my life.
I'm keeping my head up, and only time will tell what's going to happen.
It's not like I'm old and grey and have no time to find someone else, I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm not going to let this slow me down.
And even though it's over....trust me when I say I'm going down swinging!!

Sidenote; I've already had 2 offers for dates....so HAH!

Anyways, I know this was long, but I just wanted to tell you guys what's going on.
I know you'll be as surprised as I was....everyone is surprised when I tell them. It's been tough, but I'm soldiering on.
Any insight/advice/support is definitely welcome!! I could really use it!!

 

[KidGoofy]

wow...that really stinks.And i can't really help with the male side because i have never had a relationship that long and dont know how it feels.

 

[TinkerTracy]

Wow I'm so sorry to hear that. But I'm glad you are being strong! We're all here for you!

 

[Babyjustrun]

I'm really sorry Caitlin, like a lot of people on here I thought you guys would last forever.
I was surprised when I read this, and I have no idea what's going through his head. He's probably just so stressed that he can't be sure what his reason is for stuff.
It's kind of like, one of those questions where you start answering it and it's like 'er.. uh...well..' with a lot of stuttering and you can't explain. That's the only way I can see it I guess..

 

[disneychick2721]

I'm really sorry Caitlin, like a lot of people on here I thought you guys would last forever.
I was surprised when I read this, and I have no idea what's going through his head. He's probably just so stressed that he can't be sure what his reason is for stuff.
It's kind of like, one of those questions where you start answering it and it's like 'er.. uh...well..' with a lot of stuttering and you can't explain. That's the only way I can see it I guess..

 

[JulielovesDisney]

Aww Caitlin..I'm sorry. That's rough.
I'm not very tuned into the male species..lol..but it just sounds like he's going through some changes and is confused. I say stick around and be there for him as a friend and see how things turn out. Once he figures his life out again, hopefully you two will get back together!
We're all here for ya girl!! Hang in there and keep your head up!!

 

[CrazySteph]

aww Caitlin, I'm sorry
that sucks. It's hard to get over someone that long, but I'm glad you know you will.
as for him. I have no clue whats going on in his mind, some guys are just weird. I'm really sorry to hear though. Its hard to get through something like that.
but you are a strong girl and I'm really proud of you. and Thank you so much for telling all of us. You know we care about you . I hope things get better

 

[EeyoreFan1]

I'm really sorry Caitlin, like a lot of people on here I thought you guys would last forever.
I was surprised when I read this, and I have no idea what's going through his head. He's probably just so stressed that he can't be sure what his reason is for stuff.
It's kind of like, one of those questions where you start answering it and it's like 'er.. uh...well..' with a lot of stuttering and you can't explain. That's the only way I can see it I guess..

ITA. You two were like a characters from a book.

I'm sorry about the whole situation. I know we talked for a bit on facebook about it. We're always here for you, no matter what happens. As long as your happy, that's all that matters. He may come around, but I don't know because my experience with relationships is very slim. Please keep us updated though.

We love you, Caitlin!

 

[chisnpeke]

I'm so sorry Caitlin. It's hard to know what people are really thinking sometimes. Maybe he doesn't even know for sure himself. Especially if he is giving you different answers. My ex boyfriend broke up with me on my birthday sad2: ) in 2006. I was crushed. All I did was cry. And like you I couldn't see him as anything other than my boyfriend. We got back together and I finally broke up with him after a little over two years together before I went to college last year. I was upset but I got over it because I wasn't in love with him anymore. My ex boyfriend also didn't have anyone really. He kept telling me I was the only one who understood him. I tried to talk to him after we broke up last year but he just got too obsessive with wanting to get back together so I had to limit contact.

Anyways, I guess the point of telling you that is that I've been there and tons of other people have too. It's so painful but you just take it one day at a time and you will get through it. I went on a date with a guy about a month after we broke up and it really helped me to move on and know that there are other guys out there. You'll know when you are ready for that. It's great that you are holding your head up and being strong. You WILL survive! I hope everything works out for you and he comes to his senses!!!

 

[::Snow_White::]

I'm so sorry, Caitlin.

I don't have any advice, but I hope you two can work it out.
Keep your head up!
We're here for you!

 

[imabrat]

Girl, you know I'm here if you ever need to talk. You extended that invitation when I was going through some rough times, and now I'm here to return it.

I have no experience with the male species, but I am good at reading people and there emotions. It sounds to me like he's confused or stressed with something in his life. Whether it be school, his mom or someone getting sick, or just realizing that he has no one that cares for him save for you.

 

[Smore]

Caitlyn, I don't know you at all but reading what you wrote just tugged a bit at my heart to write something. It must be extremely difficult to be with someone as long as you and your boyfriend have been together. It is even harder to have such a break-up without many answers or even appropriate closure.
I know that guys tend to get a little bit of the cold feet sometime and the first thing they seem to want to do is run while us girls do everything to talk it out. That happened to me for a few weeks with my BF, but I really kinda demanded to know what his true feeling were at the time. After struggling to get that out of him (because guys don't like to talk issues & feelings much as all) as you already know we were able to work out a plan. And now I have been with him 1 year and 4 months and going strong.
My suggestion to you is to just keep being in connect with him. Bring the subject up now and again and tell him periodically that you really miss him and your relationship with him. Two and a half years is an awful long time to let go without getting full explanation and answers to why.

 

[DramaQueen]

Thanks so much for all the support guys!
You have no idea how much I truly appreciate it!

And you guys have some great advice too!!
Julie and Sonya I definitely think you're right about him being in a weird place right now, I know I have to stick by him and be his friend, and I always will, because I'm not the kind of person to abandon someone when theyre in need---even if they are a total jerk towards me!
I know he's going through some rough stuff in regards to school, and family and everything, and I knw he needs a friend, and as hard as it is for me I'm going to try stick it out and be there for him.
We'll see what happens, who knows what the future holds.
I still have a feeling that this isn't the very end for us, but who knows

Thank you so much guys for all your kind words! I love you!!!!

 

[PurpleDucky]

I'm really sorry about the relationship ending.
I'm glad you're keeping strong though, that's the hardest part.
But as you know, everything happens for a reason, whether it be good or bad.

 

[inlalaland]

I'm so so sorry. That really sucks. =/
Stay strong! We'll always be here for you Caitlyn.

 

[BabyPiglet]

I was really surprised. You and Derek seemed so solid and...forever. I mean, I don't know you that much, not really, but for some reason you guys just seemed perfect.

I know you'll work through this and do what you need to do. Whether it be move on or stick by his side.

 

[shellybellypolo]

I wish I could say I know what you're going through, but the longest relationship I had was a good 4 months, maybe. The last one I had, the guy dumped me for another girl. I'm sorry that he's being difficult with answers. Maybe something traumatic happened in his family? Or, like everyone else said, he's most likely just stressed. Give him some time to loosen up to the situation, and you might get some answers.

I'm here for you 100% if you need to talk.