Guardianships

[live4christp1]

Well, this week was the time to do our annual re-enrollment for benefits at work. During the process we came to the point of beneficiaries, of course DH is my primary beneficiary but then comes the question.....if something were to happen to both of you at the same time, your secondary beneficiary. Well, mine has been my mom in the past - she passed away this year. If I list the kids as beneficiaries it goes into a trust of some sort. Well it really got me to thinking. In the event that something did happen to DH and I both.....what will happen to my kids? My dad will be 80 in March and though he loves them to pieces it would be to much to expect of him to care for them. So where to from there???? DH's side of the family is very unstable...can't take care of themselves...the only time they see the kids is when they need us to do something for them. My sister is not much better, while she does see the kids more than DH's family and they know and love her....she also does lots of stuff that is not good, plus she has 3 adult children with 5 grandbabies that she tries to help them take care of. My brother is an okay guy, he's a bachelor, he is also an alcoholic. So not a lot of options for family.

I don't want them to be wards of the state and bounced from place to place. While I don't like thinking about the subject, I know it's something we need to address and then hope that it's never needed. We have several dear friends (families) that the kids know really well and love, kids are comfortable with them. But it just seems like a very awkward thing to ask of someone. While the kids would be cared for financially....we both have sizable policies and of course their survivour benefits would kick in along with DH's military benefits. It just seems like that's an awful lot to ask of someone who isn't blood related. The friends I'm thinking of range from a couple with two teenage/young adult sons (youngest just graduated high school last year) so they are soon enjoying the empty nest and then I'm sure grand children in the future. Other families in between. Then the opposite end my very best friend and her family who have an infant.

So how have you all dealt with these type issues? Would you be a guardian for a friend if there was ever a need? Or is that to much of a responsibility to take on? Please share your thoughts.

 

[Laura]

I have asked my brother to take DD in if my husband and I both have something happen to us.

It's not likely that you will both die or be incapacitated enough, but you are right it's better to settle things now. Ask friends that you think would do well with your children and see what they think. Make sure that insurance money, etc. goes to your kids' care should the worst happen.

Part of my job is to pay out money to survivors of deceased folks. I see too often that people don't plan for the worst. They just don't want to think about it.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

DD will go to my parents if they are healthy enough to care for her. Same goes with proceeds from our estate. If they are unable to care for her then she goes to my younger Dsis. I may need to revisit that as when I made the plans my older Dsis was in a bad marriage and I couldn't stand her DH. Now that they are divorced, I would rather DD go to her. I know it sounds morbid, but I had everything in place before I went back to work before my maternity leave ended. My DD is too precious to leave the decision to anyone else.

 

[SaraJayne]

It really isn't something you want to think about, but it should be part of your wills, when you have them drawn up.

If something should happen to both DH and I, our children will be cared for by DH's brother and his wife, along with the trust fund that would revert to the kids upon both our deaths.

And remember, it doesn't necessarily have to be family. If you have friends you would prefer, that is okay, too. It sounds like you have some good options to pick from.

It is an awkward situation, but it needs to be done. Good luck.

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

It is something we don't want to think about but we must. The odds are w/us but still we must have a plan. My DH & I asked one of my sisters because she is the most like us in what we want for our children. She has a child & I see her doing what I do w/my own children. We have the same goals for our children. And it doesn't hurt that we both love all things Disney!
I think you need to think about who would raise your child/children close to the way you would. It could be a close relative or even a close friend.

 

[ead79]

We don't have kids yet, but we're hoping to start a family soon. It's something we've talked about as friends of ours have started having children. DH and I are both only children, so we don't have any siblings that we could ask. If we are blessed with children, then we have some close friends we would ask to be the legal guardians. Also, we plan to get substantial life insurance policies once kiddos come along rather than the small ones we have now as well as get a formal will drawn up.

 

[golfgal]

You really need to get a will and a trust drawn up. The will will state who you want your kids to go to as well as any "stuff" in your house you want someone to have. Your trust will distribute your money-a will can't do that. Once you get a trust established all the contingent beneficiaries on your insurance policies, 401K's, etc should list the trust, NOT the kids. If your kids are listed as the beneficiary the money will go into a trust for them but they will have full access to the money at age 18--yeah, 18 year olds are SO responsible with that kind of money. You can state in your trust HOW you want the funds distributed. Our kids don't see the bulk of our estate until they are 35.

Keep in mind that even if you get a will and trust if you don't change the beneficiary information on your accounts that will trump anything in the will/trust so make sure you do that too. If you don't get a will done the state will decide who gets your kids and it sounds like you don't want that to happen.

 

[jsmith]

This is something you need to get figured out sooner rather than later for the simple fact that if hubby gets mobilized one of the check boxes for SRP is legal-and one of the check boxes for legal is that the soldier has a will. Make the decisions now so that you are ready-the upside of that is a JAG attourney will draw them for you. Our solution when our children were small was to have my brother desginated as the guardian and my father and father in law adminsitering the trust. Once our oldest turned 18 we made him the younger ones guardian (they are very close-very close in age and there would have been more than adequate funds in the trust to support them and allow them to finish school)with his grandfathers administering the trust. Now they are both of legal age so they just inherit jointly.

 

[live4christp1]

Thanks all for your thoughts and tips. We did ask some friends several years ago when DH & I went on an overseas trip and DS (before DD came along) stayed back with grandparents. I think it them.

I know my best friend would do by them well. She and I have lots in common and feel the same way about raising our kids/values/etc. But she and her hubby are just starting their family. Wouldn't want someone to feel like they "have" to do it. Will have to think on it a little more and maybe see were it goes in the course of conversation.

Thanks!
Cristy

 

[NHdisneylover]

One of DH's sisters is who would get our children if something happened to the both of us. She was honored to be asked (knowing how ultra protective i am of the kids). We shose her beacuse she shares smilar values to us, knows the children well and we know she would do anything she needed to do for them.
We get along well with all four grandparents but did not want to ask them as we felt at their ages it would be too likely that the kids would end up "orphaned" twice is left in the care of grandaparents. Other siblings were not good fits either becuase their children and our chidlren do not get along at all or because of very opposing religious and moral beliefs.

My sister in law was badly injured a few years ago and looked for a bit like she may never fully recover (She did). We did discuss who we would ask if it became necessary to list someone other than her for the kids. We decided on my best friend and his husband. We figure it is FINE to ask if you assure the person (and mean it) that you will have no hard feelings at all if they say no--in fact I want the person to think long and hard and only say yes if they are really okay with it. I am certain my friend (like my sister in law) would feel pretty honored tahtwe have that kind of faith in him. I know that is how I would feel if someone asked me (and if I said yes or not would depend largely on who the child was and if I thought I could manage to meld him or her or them into our family without too many issues).

 

[malibuconlee]

One of DH's sisters (who is married and has one and one on the way) has agreed to take our daughter if something ever happens to both of us. We still need to re-do our wills tho. One thing a friend mentioned is just naming the sister in case something were to happen to her would we want her husband and his family to take care of our daughter? Probably especially if she'd been there for awhile.

Would I take in one of our friends kids? If we knew them well, absolutely. Especially if the family options weren't so great.

I'm actually going to ask one of the guys that works with my husband and his wife if they would take care of our daughter until family could get here (and have the emergency POA drawn up) if something were to happen to both of us. We live 1200 miles away from family and have only been here for a short time.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

We did ask some friends several years ago when DH & I went on an overseas trip and DS (before DD came along) stayed back with grandparents. I think it them. Cristy

This made me laugh and think of my cousin. We were at the beach one day and she was complaining the her DH's cousin asked them to raise their DD should something happen to them. She was like "Are they nuts? We see the parents once a year at dinner. I don't even like them and don't know their kid at all." Then she went on to describe that the girl was almost of hs age so they would "stick her in boarding school" until she graduated and then they were done. This cousin is pushing 60 and doesn't have kids. She was so not prepared for anyone asking her this. I didn't know who to feel bad for, my cousin or the girl. Good thing the kids parents are alive and well and the child is close to 18 now.

And I then assured her that we had plans already in place for my DD. I figured she would never answer my calls again.

 

[merekc]

We put in three levels of guardianship. My oldest sister and her DH, my youngest sister and then my DH's aunt and uncle. We actually did take a big group trip to Vegas where all three levels of guardianship went. Luckily due to different schedules some of the group took different flights so we weren't all on the same one at once. This is definitely something to keep in mind.