A wise man once said, I aint getting on no plane - you crazy fool. Im not sure that the shy and retiring artist Mr T and I would make ideal bed fellows (Im not over keen on the bling to be honest - though I remember laughing myself silly at his rap record) but I kind of understand what he means. With me, however, its not the plane thats the problem, its the rides - and a glass of drugged milk wont get me on many of them. I think its the combination of (a) a parent telling that theyd seen a roller coaster car come of the tracks in years gone by, (b) having a severe ear infection a few years ago which has affected my ability to cope with heights (see me teeter on the curb daily) and, © I am a big wuss.
But tarry I hear you cry, prithee thee sirrah, what dost thou doest when thouest goeth to the New World? Well, dear friend, dont get thou doublet in a twist, as is my custom I will tell thee.
I might not remember the first time I had a Werthers Original (by a creepy looking oldster of dubious intention) but I do remember the first time I saw the Magic Kingdom. Wed travelled with friends and had parked and then got the ferry across the water and saw Cinderella Castle piercing the skyline. It fair takes your breath away that does. If you are driving to the MK take the ferry across the lake on your first trip - sure, youll wait a few minutes longer to enter the park but its worth it. If youre staying at Disney Resort get the bus to Epcot, the monorail to the Ticket and Transportation Centre and then the ferry.
Once through the entrance many people just run up the main drag of the park, elbowing people out of the way, to get to the rides. Hold fast trusted reader - breathe, relax and take in the view - youre on holiday - remember. I constantly annoy my friends (youll be unsurprised to hear) when listening to music or going to a film. You see I listen to the introduction and I listen to, and watch, the opening credits. Do you know why? Because they are there to take you into the world of the song or film. Generally people spent some time getting this right so youre not plunged from your everyday world into something unexpected. Its the same with the parks.
Main Street in the MK is beautiful tree line street (shouldnt it be a boulevard?) which stretches towards Cinderella Castle - its not the Boulevard (see, tree lined) Hausmann and Notre Dame (or St Pauls or La Scala) but on their own terms they are very beautiful. The shops, with forced perspective on the upper floors, are ready to help you empty your wallet/purse/mind and everywhere there are little touches that illustrate the attention to detail Disney are celebrated for.
The same applies to the Animal Kingdom with the wonderful walkways with wildlife just hiding out of sight. Wait a few minutes for those annoying loud people to move past (theres bound to be somewhere that sells turkey legs thatll get em moving on) and your patience may be rewarded with - well sometimes an animal that looks like a carpet showroom with a nose. Or Janet Street-Porter with a fringe. EPCOT has some beautiful shrubs and water features and MGM has a nice shopping street made out like the old jolly Hollywood. (The view up to the impressive Graumans Chinese Theatre has been RUINED by that ugly sorcerers hat - I know that they wanted a central focus for the park but ugly ugly ugly).
I love the 3D shows (though the glasses make me go more than a little cross eyed - think Leanne Battersby), which are well worth the queuing . Mickeys Philharmagic (in the MK) should really be renamed as its all about Donald. Mickey does turn up at the ends to put poor, misunderstood, Donalds work back into order but to be honest I find him a bit sniffy about the ducks efforts. (I feel a pressure group coming on. How about Luck for Ducks?). MuppetVision 3D is grand for the kids whilst still keeping people of a certain age (me) amused with the traditional Muppet word play. Honey I shrunk the Audience and Its Tough to be a Bug are perhaps the best (Bug gets the winners prize from me) but, parents beware, some parts of these attractions might be too much for smaller children (I close my eyes at the snake in Honey ISTA). One of my pet peeves is parents who force their children into attractions or onto rides when the poor little one is already distressed. You know your kids - some of them will love being a bit scared (briefly), some will hate it and have nightmares and screamy fits. (A couple of years ago we went to Skull Kingdom on International Drive. There were a couple with their daughter of about 8 years. She was scared silly before they went in and was a gibbering mess coming out - at least mum and dad were happy. I wanted to bang their heads together repeatedly.
In the MK we tend to avoid the Swiss Family Treehouse, which is about as interesting and entertaining as a James Blunt show but would be good for tiring out children (adults needing tiring out should listen to Mr Blunt - the aural equivalent of Valium), and go onto the Jungle Cruise. The weakest jokes and some hilarious animatronics make this good , clean fun. The Tikki Room will entertain small children for a while (its also a good place to have a sit down) although with childrens attention spans diminishing Im not sure how an X-Box fanatic will manage. Pirates of the Caribbean has been refurbished and the queues for this were HUGE when we went. There seem to be a few more drops and there is a fantastic visual effect just as the ride starts - watch out for Davy Jones. There are some new animatronics with a particularly lifelike Jack Sparrow (having never understood how the tinyily talented, although admittedly pretty Johnny Depp, has the reputation he does, I suppose praising a plastic figure for being just like him isnt a particularly big compliment). Theres always a lot of pirate AARRRSSS here. Throw in some yourself , maybe a few me hearties or the odd Jim lad. We race past Splash Mountain (done once - I didnt mind it all that much but it plays games with you this one. Lots of plinky-plonky-all-is-lovely music and them some fast, steep drops, then back to the plink-plonky stuff. Its excellent of its kind but not for me) and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (Ive never felt the need to be hurled around corners quickly whilst trying to catch my lunch and the false teeth and toupee of the couple in front), you enter Liberty Square. The Country Bears Jamboree is just the place for you if you like whooping and saying, Yee-ha. The Hall of the Presidents is a good place for a sit down and nap in a cool, comfortable place for half an hour. Our American cousins are very proud of their political heritage (though Ive never understood a democracy with only two parties) whilst we Brits tend to not show the same degree of reverence to an MP or a PM. (Come on, would you sit in a room to listen the best bits of John Major? Or Anthony Eden - the musical hall years? Thought not). However the animatronics here are very good and the whole show is well put together. The Liberty Square Riverboat looks super and its worth relaxing aboard here and taking in the sights. The Haunted Mansion is a must really. Some very clever visual effects. Some younger children will find this scary. Passing through to Fantasy Land you will first come across Peter Pans Flight. We went on this the first year we went to WDW but each year since the queues have been horrendous. An hour wait - we kept wondering if we had missed something here that keeps people standing in line for so long. We threw caution to the wind and queued on our last holiday. Its very well done and the flight over London is lovely but the whole thing is over in less than 2 minutes. For us it just doesnt warrant the wait time. Snow Whites Scary Adventure is another random retelling of the tale. Prince Charming makes a very late appearance without any indication of who is or why he is there (again like James Blunt. What have we done to deserve him?) The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is the best of these rides. There is some semblance of a story and the ride is well put together (the Heffalump section is a little trippy - I wouldnt go on here if youve had a lot to drink - or maybe I would!). Ive never been on any of the rides in Mickeys ToonTown Fair but this is the best place for you character photographs - though the queues can be frustrating - if youve got youngetsres with you make this the first part of the park you visit in the morning. Had a look in Minnies Fridge last time I was there (thats not a euphemism) and had a listen to her answer phones messages. In Tomorrow Land Ive been on the Indy Land Speedway and fully justified why I should never be allowed behind the wheel of a car (kids are AOK to go on this as the cars are on tracks - it cant go wrong really, unless Im driving). I am the World Champion in Buzz Lightyears Spaceranger Spin. Buzz now turns to me for advice on alien slaying. All I can say is my partner always seems to have a look on his face that puts me in mind of Charlie Brown at his most deflated. I only wish he could keep his disappointment to the same levels as Snoopys pal by cursing. Rats. A quick spin on the Tomorrow Land Transit Authority affords a great view of the park. Stiches Great Escape is, to my mind, a bit of a missed opportunity. Its OK but a bit, well lazy I suppose. (Parts of this are in total darkness for those of you with children. You also have a restraint put on you similar to what youd wear on one of those roller coasters that goes upside down). The nearest Ive been to Space Mountain is walking past it and once I saw an episode of the Golden Girls when Sofia (worst Italian accent IN THE WORLD) wanted to go on it. Not my type of thing. Rather eat my own fist. In 6 years of Disney the Timekeeper has been open once (I rather enjoyed it) and, at the time of writing has disappeared altogether. Monsters Inc. Comedy Club has taken up this space. Has anybody been there yet?
A Wise man once said. Bring me sunshine
Next time the other three parks.
But tarry I hear you cry, prithee thee sirrah, what dost thou doest when thouest goeth to the New World? Well, dear friend, dont get thou doublet in a twist, as is my custom I will tell thee.
I might not remember the first time I had a Werthers Original (by a creepy looking oldster of dubious intention) but I do remember the first time I saw the Magic Kingdom. Wed travelled with friends and had parked and then got the ferry across the water and saw Cinderella Castle piercing the skyline. It fair takes your breath away that does. If you are driving to the MK take the ferry across the lake on your first trip - sure, youll wait a few minutes longer to enter the park but its worth it. If youre staying at Disney Resort get the bus to Epcot, the monorail to the Ticket and Transportation Centre and then the ferry.
Once through the entrance many people just run up the main drag of the park, elbowing people out of the way, to get to the rides. Hold fast trusted reader - breathe, relax and take in the view - youre on holiday - remember. I constantly annoy my friends (youll be unsurprised to hear) when listening to music or going to a film. You see I listen to the introduction and I listen to, and watch, the opening credits. Do you know why? Because they are there to take you into the world of the song or film. Generally people spent some time getting this right so youre not plunged from your everyday world into something unexpected. Its the same with the parks.
Main Street in the MK is beautiful tree line street (shouldnt it be a boulevard?) which stretches towards Cinderella Castle - its not the Boulevard (see, tree lined) Hausmann and Notre Dame (or St Pauls or La Scala) but on their own terms they are very beautiful. The shops, with forced perspective on the upper floors, are ready to help you empty your wallet/purse/mind and everywhere there are little touches that illustrate the attention to detail Disney are celebrated for.
The same applies to the Animal Kingdom with the wonderful walkways with wildlife just hiding out of sight. Wait a few minutes for those annoying loud people to move past (theres bound to be somewhere that sells turkey legs thatll get em moving on) and your patience may be rewarded with - well sometimes an animal that looks like a carpet showroom with a nose. Or Janet Street-Porter with a fringe. EPCOT has some beautiful shrubs and water features and MGM has a nice shopping street made out like the old jolly Hollywood. (The view up to the impressive Graumans Chinese Theatre has been RUINED by that ugly sorcerers hat - I know that they wanted a central focus for the park but ugly ugly ugly).
I love the 3D shows (though the glasses make me go more than a little cross eyed - think Leanne Battersby), which are well worth the queuing . Mickeys Philharmagic (in the MK) should really be renamed as its all about Donald. Mickey does turn up at the ends to put poor, misunderstood, Donalds work back into order but to be honest I find him a bit sniffy about the ducks efforts. (I feel a pressure group coming on. How about Luck for Ducks?). MuppetVision 3D is grand for the kids whilst still keeping people of a certain age (me) amused with the traditional Muppet word play. Honey I shrunk the Audience and Its Tough to be a Bug are perhaps the best (Bug gets the winners prize from me) but, parents beware, some parts of these attractions might be too much for smaller children (I close my eyes at the snake in Honey ISTA). One of my pet peeves is parents who force their children into attractions or onto rides when the poor little one is already distressed. You know your kids - some of them will love being a bit scared (briefly), some will hate it and have nightmares and screamy fits. (A couple of years ago we went to Skull Kingdom on International Drive. There were a couple with their daughter of about 8 years. She was scared silly before they went in and was a gibbering mess coming out - at least mum and dad were happy. I wanted to bang their heads together repeatedly.
In the MK we tend to avoid the Swiss Family Treehouse, which is about as interesting and entertaining as a James Blunt show but would be good for tiring out children (adults needing tiring out should listen to Mr Blunt - the aural equivalent of Valium), and go onto the Jungle Cruise. The weakest jokes and some hilarious animatronics make this good , clean fun. The Tikki Room will entertain small children for a while (its also a good place to have a sit down) although with childrens attention spans diminishing Im not sure how an X-Box fanatic will manage. Pirates of the Caribbean has been refurbished and the queues for this were HUGE when we went. There seem to be a few more drops and there is a fantastic visual effect just as the ride starts - watch out for Davy Jones. There are some new animatronics with a particularly lifelike Jack Sparrow (having never understood how the tinyily talented, although admittedly pretty Johnny Depp, has the reputation he does, I suppose praising a plastic figure for being just like him isnt a particularly big compliment). Theres always a lot of pirate AARRRSSS here. Throw in some yourself , maybe a few me hearties or the odd Jim lad. We race past Splash Mountain (done once - I didnt mind it all that much but it plays games with you this one. Lots of plinky-plonky-all-is-lovely music and them some fast, steep drops, then back to the plink-plonky stuff. Its excellent of its kind but not for me) and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (Ive never felt the need to be hurled around corners quickly whilst trying to catch my lunch and the false teeth and toupee of the couple in front), you enter Liberty Square. The Country Bears Jamboree is just the place for you if you like whooping and saying, Yee-ha. The Hall of the Presidents is a good place for a sit down and nap in a cool, comfortable place for half an hour. Our American cousins are very proud of their political heritage (though Ive never understood a democracy with only two parties) whilst we Brits tend to not show the same degree of reverence to an MP or a PM. (Come on, would you sit in a room to listen the best bits of John Major? Or Anthony Eden - the musical hall years? Thought not). However the animatronics here are very good and the whole show is well put together. The Liberty Square Riverboat looks super and its worth relaxing aboard here and taking in the sights. The Haunted Mansion is a must really. Some very clever visual effects. Some younger children will find this scary. Passing through to Fantasy Land you will first come across Peter Pans Flight. We went on this the first year we went to WDW but each year since the queues have been horrendous. An hour wait - we kept wondering if we had missed something here that keeps people standing in line for so long. We threw caution to the wind and queued on our last holiday. Its very well done and the flight over London is lovely but the whole thing is over in less than 2 minutes. For us it just doesnt warrant the wait time. Snow Whites Scary Adventure is another random retelling of the tale. Prince Charming makes a very late appearance without any indication of who is or why he is there (again like James Blunt. What have we done to deserve him?) The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is the best of these rides. There is some semblance of a story and the ride is well put together (the Heffalump section is a little trippy - I wouldnt go on here if youve had a lot to drink - or maybe I would!). Ive never been on any of the rides in Mickeys ToonTown Fair but this is the best place for you character photographs - though the queues can be frustrating - if youve got youngetsres with you make this the first part of the park you visit in the morning. Had a look in Minnies Fridge last time I was there (thats not a euphemism) and had a listen to her answer phones messages. In Tomorrow Land Ive been on the Indy Land Speedway and fully justified why I should never be allowed behind the wheel of a car (kids are AOK to go on this as the cars are on tracks - it cant go wrong really, unless Im driving). I am the World Champion in Buzz Lightyears Spaceranger Spin. Buzz now turns to me for advice on alien slaying. All I can say is my partner always seems to have a look on his face that puts me in mind of Charlie Brown at his most deflated. I only wish he could keep his disappointment to the same levels as Snoopys pal by cursing. Rats. A quick spin on the Tomorrow Land Transit Authority affords a great view of the park. Stiches Great Escape is, to my mind, a bit of a missed opportunity. Its OK but a bit, well lazy I suppose. (Parts of this are in total darkness for those of you with children. You also have a restraint put on you similar to what youd wear on one of those roller coasters that goes upside down). The nearest Ive been to Space Mountain is walking past it and once I saw an episode of the Golden Girls when Sofia (worst Italian accent IN THE WORLD) wanted to go on it. Not my type of thing. Rather eat my own fist. In 6 years of Disney the Timekeeper has been open once (I rather enjoyed it) and, at the time of writing has disappeared altogether. Monsters Inc. Comedy Club has taken up this space. Has anybody been there yet?
A Wise man once said. Bring me sunshine
Next time the other three parks.
)
