Grrr, Seriously?!!!

[Tyme4wdw]

It's definitely ok to say no in my book. Explain to the family that your husband will be leaving for a year and you need alone time. If they get upset, then and only then, would I suggest them to celebrate the baby shower at Disney with you all for the day.

 

[mom2rtk]

I am not saying she has to go to the shower, just that I don't understand the characterization of these people as nervy "distant" relatives.

In the past they always visited family when they were in town. They told family they were going to be in town and did not warn them this time was different. And if I am correct she said she is going to be in town for 9 days. So it sounds like their close relatives had good intentions when they moved the shower.

Again that doesn't mean they have to go, but it does mean they should make some gesture and make sure things are clear upfront if they ever plan another family vacation.

So it's incumbent upon the OP to clear their plans with the relatives upfront....... but NOT incumbent upon the relatives to ASK about moving shower to another day with a week's notice ............. without being clear up front?

 

[DaisyMaisie]

"So it's incumbent upon the OP to clear their plans with the relatives upfront....... but NOT incumbent upon the relatives to ASK about moving shower to another day with a week's notice ............. without being clear up front? "

Okay so they both messed up. Yes the relatives should have asked her about the date and time, but maybe it was the only time they could fit in during the families vacation. But I just don't understand the thinking of telling relatives you are going to be in town for 9 days, knowing that you always spend your ENTIRE trips with them, and not warning them that something had changed. I can understand why they might think that since you are on vacation you have some flexibility. Thoughtless but well meaning in my opinion.

Would I have done any of these things? No. I have always protected my private time with my husband, and have always been clear with my family about this. I have also never been above visiting a town without telling friends/relatives I will be there. If it comes up afterward I just say it was a quick trip, we were booked etc.

I also wouldn't presume that a visiting relative has an open schedule, but like most here, I am a detail oriented planner : ). Let's face it, family can be presumptuous, and if we expect them to always conform to strict etiquette we are going to have some angry relatives with some very hurt feelings. If the sister was asking the question, I would probably be advising her to be understanding and pointing out what she did wrong. But since its the OP,. I think the best advice is to do the minimum it takes to guard against years of hurt feelings.

 

[spacemountainmom]

As a retired navy guy of 20 years, I'm surprised this would even be a question. As little time as I had to spend with my wife during my active duty years, I would definately send a gift and polite "No thank you". And, you are not being selfish, you are someone in love.

First of all - let me say Thank you to you, the OP's husband and all active and retired military personnel!!! I appreciate all you do and have done.

Second - thanks for adding your perspective as someone who has "been there".

Third - My opinion is that the OP should do what is right for her marriage and her immediate family. We spent years twisting ourselves in knots traveling to see my mom's extending family and they VERY rarely reciprocated. They live two hours away and we always had to go there. It was all just expected. They would plan something and just expect that we would make the drive. Then they would come into town and not even bother to tell us they were coming or bother to visit. We did this for 40 years. Two of my cousins got into a spat with each other and now we no longer have any "family" activities. It doesn't bother me a ton since I was pretty sick of all the one way traveling. What does bother me, is that it greatly upsets my mom. She is very upset that her siblings' kids no longer will associate with one another and have essentially ended any and all complete family gatherings. I pretty much have washed my hands of the entire situation and do what is the best for "my family".

 

[PirateD]

I believe that family comes first. Your immediate family outranks extended family though. Go and enjoy your family vacation! If you send a gift, you're still showing your support and love to your extended family. Thank you for all the sacrifices that your family makes for our country! We appreciate it!

 

[triplejen]

I'm not going to read 10 pages of responses, because I imagine they will be a mix of reasonable advice and snotty judgmental ridiculousness.

Of course you don't have to go. If the shower were taking place in your hometown and you already had a conflict when you received the invitation, you would politely decline as well. The fact that you will coincidentally be physically near the otherwise too-far-away-to-attend shower when it is taking place doesn't make your vacation any less a plan you already had prior to being invited to the shower.

I would NEVER expect traveling family to give up part of an extremely special family trip to come attend a baby shower. This isn't a visit to a dying relative's bedside, this is a friendly afternoon of well-wishing and presents. It's not the end of the world to miss it.

(If it would make you more comfortable, this "obligation" can be satisfied with a phone call and a nice gift.)

Enjoy your trip!

 

[bluejasmine]

I say send a gift and a card.. They will just have to understand.. Its ok to do for yourself every once in awhile, ya know?

 

[robinb]

I'm not really sure why everyone thinks the OP will drive 3 hours for the baby shower. She clearly said that they LIVE 3 hours from Orlando and the drive to the baby shower was only 30 minutes. Personally, I think in 9 days at WDW they could have found the time to go spend 3 hours in the middle of their vacation to go to the baby shower. It's really not a lot of time spent to enhance family harmony. Did the SIL overstep her bounds by scheduling the party when the OP and her family were there? Maybe. Or maybe she was just trying to be nice and include her brother's family in on the party and thought it would be easier for them to attend if she scheduled it while they were in town .

Of course the OP does not need to go to the party. Her plan to stay and play at WDW and catch up with family on the way out of town is perfectly acceptable. She is allowed to put her needs and desires ahead of any plans her husband's family makes. But, I still don't see what the big deal is about spending 3 hours in the middle of the vacation to attend the party or spending 2 1/2 hours on the way home. For goodness sakes! The family is just across town, not a million miles away.

 

[disneyandme]

I would love to hear more about the shower from the OP- is it a family shower where the children will feel welcome and not just sitting quietly in a corner out of the way, is it a couples shower where the DH will feel comfotable, or it is the typical ladies shower? I think this makes a big differenece in the decision process.
OP, I hope you have a wonderful time and do what is best for your family and that everyone involved is accepting of your decisions.

 

[Carmen NC]

I agree that it is OK to say no. It is a bit impolite to schedule things when family is in town for other reasons and interrupt plans that have already been made....and this is your husbands sisters daughter-in-law who you barely know? Would have been nice if your SIL would have discussed this with you with more than two days notice of you leaving on your trip. Who suddenly schedules a baby shower to be held in a week?

 

[GinnyEmma]

Ummm...a sister who hopes to see her brother?

 

[cluvsdisney]

The sister could just as easily go to Disney to see her brother instead of planning an impromptu baby shower at the last minute for a baby that is not due for another 4+ months.

 

[smitch425]

The OP had just visited the family last month. She left on her trip to WDW around noon today. She plans to stop in for a visit with the family (with a gift for the mother-to-be) on her way home from WDW. She will then be seeing them again in July as it was a pre-arranged visit before the whole shower thing was brought to her attention.

There is no need to continue to give her advice as she (along with her hubby) has now made her decision and has since left for her trip. Feel free to continue to argue amongst yourselves, though. LOL! There is surely someone else on this board who needs advice from random strangers that we can all attempt to help in our own way. Let's start searching for those folks, friends. Everyone have a great weekend!

 

[GinnyEmma]

The sister could just as easily go to Disney to see her brother instead of planning an impromptu baby shower at the last minute for a baby that is not due for another 4+ months.

Lol, can you imagine the reaction had the sister said she wanted to intrude on their alone family time?? If course the non theme park loving husband might have enjoyed it.

 

[YodaGirl]

Tho OP had just visited the family last month. She left on her trip to WDW around noon today. She plans to stop in for a visit with the family (with a gift for the mother-to-be) on her way home from WDW. She will then be seeing them again in July as it was a pre-arranged visit before the whole shower thing was brought to her attention.

There is no need to continue to give her advice as she (along with her hubby) has now made her decision and has since left for her trip. Feel free to continue to argue amongst yourselves, though. LOL! There is surely someone else on this board who needs advice from random strangers that we can all attempt to help in our own way. Let's start searching for those folks, friends. Everyone have a great weekend!

So true. I hope that she has a wonderful time.

 

[krcit]

Lol, can you imagine the reaction had the sister said she wanted to intrude on their alone family time?? If course the non theme park loving husband might have enjoyed it.

I think I must have missed something. Did the OP kick your dog or something?? What is your beef with her or ar you always this obnoxious?


I'm glad OP decided not to go. My family has gone on very few vacations and every day of them is precious. I would not want to take the time to go to a shower that I was told about the night before my trip. Now if they had sent an invite a month ahead of time then I would probably try to make it work but a half-butted phone invite the night before we leave? No way. Add in the upcoming deployment. Absolutely no way!

 

[GatorMama]

I swear to you I could have written this post almost!

DH's family lives about 45 mins from Orlando. We used to live 4 hours from there... for almost 6 years. In that time, one of his sisters only visited TWICE. The other would only come if her mom was coming and she could bring her two girls (our house really wasn't big enough for everyone at the time... ONE of the two times the other sister came was when MIL and SIL and two nieces came... talk about a crowd!) We were visiting with them upwards of 5-6 times a year.

We moved 16 months ago and neither of them have been here. (MIL comes every 3-4 months) We have been to see them once (Thanksgiving). There are issues. One of the sisters lost a very dear item of mine that I'd loaned her and she hasn't said a word to me about it, much less apologized. BOTH of his sisters pitched fits when we weren't going to make it to a niece's 1st brithday party a few years ago, but then neither came for DS's 1st birthday. And now the oldest niece (in HS) has been extremely disrespectful towards me... we didn't tell them we were going to be in town until all plans were finalized. I literally sent them an E-mail saying, "We're going to Blizzard Beach on this day at this time and we'd love it if you meet us there." My MIL knows our full plans because she's not demanding of our time, but the SILs absolutely are so they are getting extremely limited information if they ever have the gall to ask. :-D We chose not to tell them because they're manipulative and like you, we want our own family vacation. We need it.

All that to say... I would fight hard not to go... but in our case, we'd probably end up being at the shower unless we had dinner ressies for that time slot (maybe you can get some last minute ones????)

 

[GinnyEmma]

I think I must have missed something. Did the OP kick your dog or something?? What is your beef with her or ar you always this obnoxious?


I'm glad OP decided not to go. My family has gone on very few vacations and every day of them is precious. I would not want to take the time to go to a shower that I was told about the night before my trip. Now if they had sent an invite a month ahead of time then I would probably try to make it work but a half-butted phone invite the night before we leave? No way. Add in the upcoming deployment. Absolutely no way!

hmmmm...isn't calling people names rather obnoxious behavior?

The op put the info out there. No one said, "you have to go rag on your husband's family to an entire internet board." Given that information, I am giving my opinion of the situation. Ignore me if you like. Easy Peasy.

 

[The Iron Giant]

Eh... I say skip it. They should have given you more notice than one week, so they can't be legitimately upset if you already have plans.

I know some people are saying its only 3 hours out of your vacation, but I don't see it that way. It really affects the plans for your whole day - not just for 3 hours.

 

[KP's Mom]

for having the guts to post what I was thinking.