Growing up, did you have lenient parents?

[ckay87]

I thought of this replying to another thread, but didn't want to hijack.

As a parent, in comparison to some, I think people consider me somewhat lenient with my kids. But the funny thing is, we are downright iron-fisted compared to the way my parents were with me. As a parent, I look back and cannot believe some of the things that they let me do when I was the age that my oldest son is now.

When I was 14, in 9th grade, I had a boyfriend who was a senior. We went everywhere in his car. I don't remember having a curfew or reporting where I was. I didn't appreciate it back then, but wow - that is SOME freedom to give a 14 year old. Soon after I had other older friends and boyfriends and we'd go to New York, Philly, or camping. Again, I don't think I reported in, ever.

For both my junior and senior proms I stayed out all night. At parties. I'm pretty sure my parents didn't know the people because, to be honest, I didn't know the people. I don't remember thinking or caring about whether I needed to be home at any certain time.

There's lots more, but somehow I never ever got into any real trouble. Never arrested, no drugs, not even a detention. I grew up to be a decent person, college graduate, earning a decent professional income. As did my sister. But geez, I want to ask them what the heck they were thinking (but I wont!) I honestly think they were just naive because I know that they cared - they were great parents.

Anyone else have permissive parents like this? Crazy isn't it?

 

[OctMtnWoods]

Strict for the timeframe I grew up in. I don't think we can compare back then to now however. They would have to be stricter now to be on equal terms.

 

[yoopermom]

Maybe it's a generational thing, DH is 47, and, when we watch "That 70s Show" with DS, DS always says, "Daddy was like Hyde!" DH's parents, when he was a teen in the late 70s, had NO idea where he was, what he was doing, basically as long as the police didn't call, and he showed up for holidays, all was cool. He and his friends would sleep overnight out in the woods, ride their bikes for miles on end, and do other things I won't mention on a family friendly board. He turned out okay, but I'm sure his parents think we're wayyyy to strict with their grandson/our DS. Earth to grandparents: it's not the 70s anymore

Terri

 

[Handbag Lady]

My parents were strict but not horribly strict. We knew the rules and we knew the consequences, and we knew they would not back down.

I don't understand to this day why my sister was such a rotten kid! She broke every rule and would get so mad when the rules were enforced and punishments doled out. Then the parents were "unfair" or they liked ME better! She was just an idiot, frankly.

 

[JessicaR]

My father was a NY cop and I was the oldest of three girls. You do the math.

 

[Hercules10]

Lenient?!

Both had military backgrounds and ran the house like a military school. I was a teenager before I found out people took one looong continuous shower.

 

[ckay87]

I wonder, though, have things changed all that much since the 70s or 80s? Were we safer at that time than kids are today? I don't know that I agree with that. In fact, I recall that it was much easier to get cigarettes and alcohol in those days, for example. And I'm sure the dangerous stalkers were just as plentiful then. And you gotta admit that boys had the same intentions with girls since the dawn of time as they do today! Just a thought.

 

[disney junky]

No. Very strict.

 

[Alex&Evan'sMom]

My dad was pretty strict when I was younger. I'd have to get his permission to go places with friends, sleepovers etc.(He'd have the final say.) However, when my parents divorced I was 13 and my mom was much more lenient. She always used to say she'd lived through raising my 2 older brothers and she was too exhausted to be strict! I had no curfew(until I started dating my husband) and pretty much free reign. I always told her where I was going though and she knew who all of my friends and friend's parents were. She would always say just wake me up when you get home and let me know you're o.k. So I guess I had it pretty easy.

 

[minkydog]

Lenient? In your dreams.

My dad was more lenient than mom, but only because he really didn't care. He told me on more than one occasion that I was the cause of all his unhappiness because I was the first, so he was trapped into the marriage, and he couldn't wait to get shed of us (5)kids. So he let us do anything as long as we didn't involve him. but it we ever did something he didn't like(which could be just about anything) you could be sure he would erupt in rage and do everything short of killing you. He was a man to be feared.

Mom on the other hand, was a crazy woman. She had very strict ideas about how her kids should act--PERFECT. Being perfect meant that she was an excellent parent. Therefore she ruled us with very tight restrictions. Any infraction would net us hitting, throwing things, screaming, threatening, bruising. You never knew what would set her off and the only way to placate her was to work hard to be perfect.

Is it any wonder I have issues with approval and codependance? I left home at age 18 but my upbringing went with me. It has taken me years to even look at the abuse i was raised in and I don't know how I'll ever gain a sense of love and confidence in myself. Those lessons of childhood have permeated everything I think and feel. PS--I *am* in therapy but it's going to be a long haul.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I guess. It's kind of hard to say. My parents never had to be strict with me or enforce harsh rules because I didn't ever do anything bad. But I didn't do anything bad because I was downright, beat-to-the-ground terrified of my dad.

Things are kinda different in a household where you tiptoe around normal existence in a constant attempt to not make anyone angry.

 

[Laura]

My parents were pretty strict and overprotective, but would probably be considered lenient by today's hypervigilance standards.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wonder, though, have things changed all that much since the 70s or 80s? Were we safer at that time than kids are today? I don't know that I agree with that. In fact, I recall that it was much easier to get cigarettes and alcohol in those days, for example. And I'm sure the dangerous stalkers were just as plentiful then. And you gotta admit that boys had the same intentions with girls since the dawn of time as they do today! Just a thought.

I think our kids are safer today, and we are raising them in bubble wrap, which will surely bite them in the butt as adults. I'm going to try my hardest to raise my kids like my parents raised me, with rules, and some freedom. I don't want to keep them sheltered, and then send them off to college at 18. My rules will apply to how things are today. For example, when I was out of our house, I had to be where I said I would be, and call if I was going somewhere else. Now my kids can easily use their cellphones to call me, and the rule is, if you don't answer if I call, I take the phone away (dd12's died on a school trip, and I kept texting her to tell her to call when they were 5 minutes from the school, for pickup - I took the phone, because she should've used someone else's phone to let me know it died).

 

[Arielle22]

My parents were strict until I was 12. Then my dad became ill and died when I was 17. I have 7 siblings so I think it was too much for my mom to handle.

I also had my Irish nana living with us until I was about 14. She was strict. The only phrases I know in Galic are things like "son/daughter of the devil" "close the door" "get out of the chair".

My dds are almost 14 and 16. The 16 yr old says her friends are scared of me but I don't know why. I only ask that they clean up after themselves in my home and don't be rude to my 14 yr old. The other day she said her friends would be more scared of my than my BIL who is a cop.

I don't get it.

 

[RitaZ.]

My parents were pretty strict and overprotective, but would probably be considered lenient by today's hypervigilance standards.

Same for me. I was a good kid, too. My parents never had anything to worry about. I had to chuckle at the second part of your sentence. I was just discussing this topic with DH.

What has led to parents being so overly involved in their children's lives?

In fact, I think I'll start a thread about this.

 

[Jennasis]

My parents were very lenient. We watched whatever movies we wanted, went out with friends (as long as they knew which ones), rode bikes till dark...etc

 

[ckay87]

What has led to parents being so overly involved in their children's lives?

Simply because we remember what we were capable of

 

[NHdisneylover]

Mine were very lenient--but that was at least partially due to me being a total goody two shoes. I really never got into any trouble. I am not sure how they might have reacted if I had done something worthy of consequences

I never had a curfew. I did always tell them where I would be and what the latest time I would be home at would be. I never was later except once when a friend's car broke down and I called from a pay phone then to let them know the situation (and might have made it anyway--I always built in extra time).

I never had a bedtime. I remember watching SNL with them when we still lived in Texas which means I had to be 7 or younger

I dressed how I wanted, dated who I wanted, etc. I had no official chores (but I helped a lot around the hosue just because it was helpful and usually cooked dinner starting junior high--they were bad cooks)

When I was 16 my parents took a two week trip to Mexico and left me home alone (no relatives or close friends in the state). At the time it did not strike me as the least bit odd. I recall not telling my friends my parents were out of town because I didn't want anyone to think they could party at my house. The first time my parents called to check in on me (2 or 3 days into the trip) it was a little after 10:00 on a school night and they woke me up

I REALLY hope when my kids are teens they are like me and not DH (whose parents were much stricter)

 

[WhateverLolaWants]

Lenient in some areas, while maybe overprotective in others. Never had a bedtime, never had to finish everything on my plate, never grounded. On the other hand, I was never allowed to spend the night at someone's house unless my mom knew their parents, and when I started driving there were strict rules ("Only to so and so's house and dinner!"). I am 24 now and some of my friends parents are still strict/old fashioned. My mother allowed me to vacation with my male friend and his family when I was 16 ("You don't need another state to do something wrong"), while I have friends who are not allowed to spend the night with guys - one girl even had to lie to her mother that the one girl's boyfriend wasn't going to be there. My parents picked their battles and I think I turned out alright.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I was a very lenient parent (my kids are grown now). I believe that if you raise your kids to feel loved and secure, and have a strong, positive relationship with them, that's what matters. Mine didn't have curfews, set bedtimes, anything like that. And they are all great people.

Teresa