Growing up, did you have lenient parents?

[SDFgirl]

My parents were very lenient. I was the type of teenager that wouldn't take advantage of that fact, though. Not to say I didn't have my fun and do some wild things, but I always kept them in the loop of where I was, when I was coming home, who I was with, etc.

I had a TON of friends who snuck out of their houses in the middle of the night. I never did that, either. If I wanted to go out in the middle of the night, I just asked.

As a parent, I can't imagine the terror of waking up at 4am and my kid not being in the house when I thought they were!

 

[Fintastic]

My parents were very lenient. I could basically do what I wanted. They were lucky I wasn't interested in getting into trouble!

 

[Kathi OD]

I wonder, though, have things changed all that much since the 70s or 80s? Were we safer at that time than kids are today? I don't know that I agree with that. In fact, I recall that it was much easier to get cigarettes and alcohol in those days, for example. And I'm sure the dangerous stalkers were just as plentiful then. And you gotta admit that boys had the same intentions with girls since the dawn of time as they do today! Just a thought.

No, things weren't much safer then than today. However, the media was much different. If a child went missing in Florida, people in California really didn't hear about it. Local news stayed local. Things seem much scarier because the media hypes everything to excess.

As far as cigarettes and alcohol, well w/ cigarettes we were just learning how they affected our health. Both are still pretty easy for kids to get, don't let anyone fool you.

I remember driving around in the back of an open truck, no seat belts. Seat belts in cars were an option and their use wasn't mandatory until, good grief, I can't even remember when.

If you ask me, too many people overprotect their children. Some kids aren't even allowed to be on the bus stop without an adult present or walk two blocks to school. I am constantly amazed at the number of kids who are driven to school...it's absolutely nuts.

My parents were pretty strict while I was growing up, at least compared to my friends. There were lots of things we couldn't do that other kids could do. I had a curfew until I left the house at 22 - it was 11:30PM. I didn't think anything of it, until the night I got in trouble for coming home late (11:45) and my younger sister never came in until almost 2AM and got, "did you have a good time?" They definitely were learning with me and were much more lenient with my younger sisters. I, and even my sisters, had to let my parents know where we were going to be and who we were going to be with. They had to have met our friends, but not necessarily their parents.

 

[RitaZ.]

Simply because we remember what we were capable of

I don't believe that. People have always been capable of making bad choices.

 

[Robinrs]

My parents were lenient on me but strict on my sisters. I never understood that until I was grown. My Mom told me because she didn't have to WORRY about me....... if she only knew!

I'm the youngest and my sisters were hellions. They were tired by the time they got to me!! I never had a curfew but I came home when my friends, who HAD them, came home. They never had to check up on my work or school because, she told me, they KNEW I was doing it. It's nice I gave them that reprieve.

I've been paid back because I have a 16yo kid that I don't have to check on, either. I know he'll get things done. He's just like that. I'm soooo happy!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

I think mine were somewhere in the middle. There were certain things they were quite strict on. If I got in trouble at school, no matter what, I got in trouble at home.

But I pretty much had the run of the neighborhood.

 

[jen0610]

To one extent they were lenient, but to others they weren't.

In high school I didn't have a curfew, but they said they would like me to be home by midnight and asked to know where I was and with whom. If I wasn't going to be home by midnihgt, all I had to do was to call them and update them. Most of the time I was home by the time they asked. My brothers both started out with the same guidelines and by 10th grade, both had stricter curfews.

We could pretty much watch what we wanted to and listen to what music we wanted. But on school nights tv had to be off by ten o'clock. If they could hear our music thru our closed bedroom door, we had to turn it down.

Church on Sundays - you went. Until we had our own money, mom had final say on what clothing we wore. And even after we could buy items we wanted, if she really didn't like it, it would come out of the laundry shrunk, stained, bleach spots, or just flat out "the dryer ate it" disappeared. And doing our own laundry wasn't an option. Mom had her hairdresser license. She cut our hair, how she wanted. Once I tunred 18, I put a stop to her cutting my hair. In the last 23 years, she has only liked my hair styles 3 times.

 

[mom2travel]

Never really thought about it this way, but I guess mine were pretty lenient. I never had a curfew (though friends did, so I'd be home at a decent hour anyway). Never got in trouble for anything, got good grades, etc. My BFF in HS had much stricter parents and did much more than I ever even thought about. So I guess my parents knew what they were doing by letting us make our own choices.

In some ways I'm just as lenient as my parents were. But I do need to know where the kids are and who they are with (DD is easy - only 9; but DS is a teen...). I give DS times to check in, or send a text. We try to teach responsibility, and the difference between priveledges and rights. Perfection is not expected, but manners are and trying your best. They know there will be consequences if there is a specific thing they are supposed to do but don't. For the most part, it works. I personally don't think a dictatorship works - it kills the opportunity for children to think on their own and learn independence; guidance is still needed but with a bit of wiggle room.

 

[Uuaww]

Very lenient.
I was the youngest of 3, the only son. My parents growing up would allow us outside at night and just always wanted to let us know where we were. Allowed to ride my bike home from school and to the video store/pizza place. As I grew up, I had a reasonable curfew. I never had to leave my friends early because I had to make curfew. Was allowed to break it if I had a good reason like homecoming or prom. My parents also left me alone at my house A LOT. They went to Lake Tahoe every other week or so my junior and senior years of high school.

I threw a bunch of parties (I was that guy in high school)
Allowed to drive to the beach an hour away after graduating high school (but still living at home) for nightly bonfires. My sisters were never allowed to do stuff like that. I was also the only son though and could def. defend for myself if needed.

The best part, I planned on throwing the epic after-prom party. My parents even agreed to when they said they'd be out of town HAHA. People were excited, me and my friends party-proofed my house.... Didn't happen. People just decided to go elsewhere, including us. Still a lot of fun, but hilarious.

 

[rie'smom]

My parents had curfews set and would not have tolerated foul language but other than that, they were lenient. We were fairly lenient with our sons but are stricter with our daughter. Our older son is 33 and our next son is 25. In our area, things have changed a lot since they were teens. The biggest change is in parentling styles.

Many of our daughter's friend's parents have never stopped acting like teenagers, so we're strict about not letting her go to their houses. One of the friends is in the 8th grade(13) and has a tatoo across the bottom of her back. She also has several piercings. This is not something that I think is appropriate for a child her age. We do allow those girls to come over to our house and I have to say, some of the parents seem delighted that they can go out and not have the bother of their children. It amazes me that these people ever had children.

Our daughter is not crazy about us being stricter than her friend's parents but the girls seem to like to come to our house.

 

[MushyMushy]

My parents *thought* they were strict by being mean. They yelled and bullied and name called. But they did nothing substantial to keep us in line. Didn't follow through on any punishments at all, and never did anything that might inconvenience them (like take away driving privileges, which would have really kept me in line!).

DH and I are a lot stricter without the meanness.

 

[Morganpics]

My parents were strict but not horribly strict. We knew the rules and we knew the consequences, and we knew they would not back down.

I don't understand to this day why my sister was such a rotten kid! She broke every rule and would get so mad when the rules were enforced and punishments doled out. Then the parents were "unfair" or they liked ME better! She was just an idiot, frankly.

That could have been written by me! I still listen to my sister rant and rave about how unfair her life growing up was, and she's nearly 60! Get a grip. It's all about choices. I also learned to approach my Dad with plenty of time and information. If he said NO, that was it. There was never any going back with him.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My mother was much too lenient, although when I mention that, she points out that I grew up to be a productive member of society and not a mass murderer.

I started smoking in 6th grade. For 8th grade graduation I got permission to smoke. Her thinking was my sneaking was going to burn the house down someday.

There was also a time she found out about a certain illegal substance I had every intention of trying. I came home from school to find the encyclopedia (hey, remember them? ) opened to that particular page. Her answer was, you're going to do what you want anyway, so you might as well know what you're getting into. She also made me promise that if me or my friends ever got in trouble with drugs, we should call her right after the ambulance.

The summer before my freshman year of high school, I began dating someone going into the senior year. We broke up a few months later and I began dating another senior, who had a license, car and was old enough to drink legally. Back then it was 18. What was she thinking?

Having been to Woodstock, the one thing that freaked her out was my first concert. She wasn't too pleased, but did let me go. BTW, it was to see Styx.

She worked, usually second shift, and I was left by myself most of the time (8th grade through high school), so she had no choice but to trust me and hope I didn't do anything stupid.

I was a good student and I usually followed the rules -- home on time, no sneaking out in the middle of the night, etc., but I did get in trouble occasionally. She's right, I turned out to be a good person, but I will NOT be allowing some of those liberties for my child. I was also much more street smart than my DD, but I guess that's my doing, isn't it?

 

[puffkin]

My parents were very lenient. I was the type of teenager that wouldn't take advantage of that fact, though. Not to say I didn't have my fun and do some wild things, but I always kept them in the loop of where I was, when I was coming home, who I was with, etc.

I had a TON of friends who snuck out of their houses in the middle of the night. I never did that, either. If I wanted to go out in the middle of the night, I just asked.

As a parent, I can't imagine the terror of waking up at 4am and my kid not being in the house when I thought they were!

I could have written this. My parents were the same.

I only have a DS3, but I am by far the most lenient of my friends and other parents I know. They are horrified that I let him climb stairs by himself and don't rush over to him every time he falls, etc. I worry that if they are this protective now, how will they survive the teenage years

 

[C.Ann]

No - not by a long shot..

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

My parents were faux-strict.

What I mean by this is that I never, ever tested the boundaries they set. Never missed a curfew.

When I did disobey them, it was never openly; it was always an elaborate construct set up so I could go where I wanted, when I wanted. I wasn't allowed to go into town, so I would set up elaborate stories that I would tell my parents so I could go into town (not to be bad; I loved going to see live theater with my friends!).

My brother, however, broke every rule as soon as he could get his hands on them and they never enforced the rules! He's a lot younger than I am and I was well on my own when he began breaking the rules and I was like, oh, wow, you mean I didn't have to make up all those crazy stories??? Somebody could have told me the rules were just for show!

I actually created a pretend job that I had to be at so I could go out and socialize and go to after school activities! I actually did have a job, it just ended two hours before I said it did. My parents were like, wow, kids don't get paid very well these days.

I guess it helped me to be the creative kook I am today-always working on a story to tell .

FWIW, I am totally an overprotective mother, and I know it. I'm reading this book right now called Social Intelligence, and it talks about how it's good for kids to occasionally be in a strange situation (not dangerous, just not familiar), because later on when they encounter strange situations as older kids/teens/growups, they are better at dealing with those situations with less stress.

I know I need to do some work because my kids were totally freaked today that I brought them to a different branch of the library than we normally go to-they're 10 and 8 and stuck to me like glue the entire time! I'm like, there's the kid's section, go find a book, I'm over here in the adult section, no biggie. Nuh uh, wouldn't leave me. Oh well, it shows me what I need to work on as a parent-I could definitely have worse problems than velcro kids...

I don't know if I'll be more/less strict than my parents, my parenting style is so fundamentally different than theirs that I don't know if it would even compare. My DH will say that his upbringing was definitely MORE strict than his children's-a fact that my MIL will often remind me of

 

[Disneyaunt4]

Mom was lenient, Dad was strict.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't believe that. People have always been capable of making bad choices.

True, but I wonder something though.

It seems these days that people are so lawsuit happy that kids can't get away with the exact same level of mischief that we did.

Then, you get bit by a dog, mom takes you to get stitches. Now, the dog gets quarantined and the owner gets sued. Then, a kid throws a rock through a window, the parents work it out. Now, the police is called the the parents get sued. Then, two boys get in a fight in school, they are forced to shake hands and maybe get detention. Now, they get kicked out for 10+ days and one kid gets sued and/or a juvie record.

Things were just so different. Consequences and stakes seem to be so much higher these days. I can't help but wonder if that has anything to do with it. I'm not saying things were better then, but I think there's a definite difference.

 

[MoniqueU]

Yes big time. I used to call from a payphone saying I was going to the beach and my mom would call me in sick. And no my grades were not great. She let me walk all over and take the bus pretty far even at a young age. She is now a grandma and would never dream of letting my kids do what I did.

 

[Disney Doll]

They were fairly strict, but I still got to do all the kid things with my friends (like post prom staying out till 5am), whereas some of the other kids in my class were much more protected.