grades

[marcyinPA]

I have an 8th grader and a senior in HS. My 8th grader is very high achieving. My senior is capable, but has had average grades (mostly B's) until last year, when we started looking at colleges and he realized that he needed to step it up. He is now a mix of A's and B's. I still keep up with them on their grades. I ask them every day what homework they have, what tests are coming up, and remind them to study. I ask them what they got on their tests when they have them- and ask them if they could have done better or if they understood what they did wrong. I encourage them to stay after school for extra help when they need it. I especially say something when I know there is a test coming up in a weak subject. We have parent portal- but I make THEM check it and report back to me. I make them check it every day.

I know what is going on, but I put them in charge of their work. They know that I am invested and will always ask.

 

[MoonFaerie]

My gut answer was never. In reality though, I'm already pretty hands off. Personally, I'd rather work on getting the habit formed now, and if there is a bit of crash and burn along the way, elementary school grades don't matter long term as much as middle and high school grades. If they have a question about a grade, I have them talk to the teacher about it. (If it was a big issue, I'd step in.) My kids are both naturally good students though, so it's easier for me to let them take on increasing responsibility each year than it would be if they were struggling or refused to do homework.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've learned the hard way that it depends on the child. My oldest was on her own, very successfully, starting in 6th grade. I didn't know of any assignments, tests, or projects, and from then on, she managed to get mostly A's, and a handful of B's (that I was always warned about). If she wasn't getting the material, she would arrange extra help from the teacher.

I thought I'd do the same with ds14, but by the middle of 6th grade, he was getting several B's. I met with the teacher, and it appeared that he was starting having trouble managing his ADD without medication. Once we fixed this, he was fine. However, I did not give him the independence in JH that dd16 got - I would ask him if he had any assignments, tests, or projects.

Dd11 will be fine, dd9 will be fine, ds9 will need for me to monitor him. We don't have any online grading or assignments, which makes it harder.

 

[Colleen27]

I'll let you know when I get there... So far, my best answer is that it depends on the child. I still help DS14 with quite a bit, both with focus/organization and the actual content in language arts (the only subject he really struggles with). He's dyslexic and was held back in early elem before we had a diagnosis, and even with it our experience has been that teachers at the middle school level are far more likely to punish than to help if he falls behind or takes too long on an assignment. So during the school year I help him and during the summer he works with a writing coach/tutor to try to strengthen those skills.

With DD11, on the other hand, I have very little involvement in her school work. She's capable, focused, and genuinely enjoys academics so she just doesn't need much from me. I check the school's online gradebook system once in a while to make sure she's still on track but that's about it.

 

[ColoradoMom!!]

What a great collection of balanced answers. I am so glad the perfect parent hasn't shown up who would say that unless your child gets all A's, you are a horrible parent and your expectations are too low!

I could have been that moron had I not had DS #2. Wow! I thought we had it all figured out with pretty motivated, well achieving son #1 - of course all because of our amazing parenting, but son #2 blew that out of the water!

We have tried everything with him, and with a little maturity on his part, High School is going ok so far. He's never gotten any D's or F's, but a few C's mostly B's. The thing about him is the more I lean on him, the worse he does. It's like "OK, I won't do my HW now that you've made it a federal case". So I just clearly communicate my consequences of low grades and try my best to apply them without emotionally charged lectures! Turning off his phone so he can only makes calls to family members(via the internet with T-mobile - LOVE THAT) works great.

He know it's 3.25 to drive - and that is helping too.

 

[gina2000]

You don't back off....especially during transition years from elementary to middle and middle to high school.

Kids don't always understand what is expected of them. If you leave them to their own devices, they will interpret and misinterpret. They may assume that it doesn't matter to you if you aren't checking up on them.

Staying informed and offering positive advice is the best way a parent can help a child understand his/her responsibilities. Time management skills need to be taught to kids. Prioritizing work needs to be taught. These skills just don't come naturally to everyone.

 

[bearloch]

thanks!