To this I have said that my falling asleep behind the wheel during my 20 mile commute and plowing head-on into a Mack truck will end our marriage even faster.
This is SUCH a good statement. I hope that the person whose husband feels that separate sleeping arrangements = the end can really hear it.
And...what's odd is that they already ARE sleeping separately, it's just not done so anyone can be comfortable.
DH resisted getting an apartment with one more room, because it made him feel sad to admit that we were sleeping separately. But the couch was absolutely destroying his back, and he was destroying the couch (he was the first to notice and admit that). But by then, we were in another lease without the means to move quickly, so...
Does he not find this ironic? Here he is snoring so loud it keeps you awake, but he like silence?
I noticed that, too.
I am having a sleep study but i have been this way all my life so having apnea is not likely.
I'm glad you're having the study, b/c I'm not sure that makes total sense. It might be correct, I'm just not sure.
DH and I slept separately for something like 4 years, after a sickness that bounced between the 3 of us, and caused separate-sleeping (b/c hubby had JUST started a new job and had no time off available) just long enough for me to get used to the quiet and him to get used to not being poked and prodded all night. He's also a BIG over-reacter when woken at night, and I got tired of having my feelings hurt by a nearly-asleep person who felt that my nudge was a punch.
Like I mentioned above, I came to terms with it earlier than he did, and wanted to make him comfortable. He just kept refusing to admit that we were sleeping separately.
Finally, his endocrinologist had a brain flash and *apologized* for having missed the question of whether or not he snores. (DH has a pituitary tumor that has made it VERY difficult to lose the weight he gained as it grew, but the tumor is almost gone and with everything else he *should* have been dropping weight, and it just flummoxed the endo) Sent him for a sleep study. They normally take a week just to look at the results. The tech came in in the morning and said "well, I didn't have to come in with oxygen in the middle of the night, but the doctor WILL be calling you TOMORROW." It was THAT bad.
Of course, i could have told them that! I called it "playing with his breathing"...he would hold his breath in for far too long, long enough for me to wake up (I was already attuned to his breathing, but having a family bed, as we did for years, REALLY attunes you to changes in breathing patterns) and clear my throat or gently touch his back, which then prompted him to exhale. SCARY scary stuff. In addition, just to get a breath in, he was having to move his chest hugely.
Earplugs didn't work, as his snores would rattle the bed.
He had his second sleep study inside a week from his first, and got a VPAP machine (variable pressure). When he went to get it, there was a guy MUCH bigger than him there, bragging about how bad his apnea was, how high his pressure had to be. DH beat his number. His doctor at the Swedish Sleep Study center in Seattle says that his is the worst case he's seen in at least 5 years.
DH got the machine and then went off on a work trip, LOL, so it actually took awhile for him to get comfy with it and for me to as well. He has a full face mask and that embarrasses him, but he *has to* have it blowing in his nose and mouth.
When DH got back, DS got up early, went to the couch and saw DH, went back into his room and pulled out his Jedi costume, went back in (lightsaber drawn), and woke up hubby...the machine sounded that much like Darth Vader that DS was a little concerned! And rather amused.
Now I wear earplugs to get the sound of the machine to a level I can deal with (honestly the machine isn't that bad at all, but I've grown sensitive), and DH sleeps like a ROCK. Sometimes his mask comes off a bit which makes the most amusing sounds, but it's quickly remedied.
He's back in the bedroom, which was odd at first (who ARE you, total stranger? lol), but cozier.
But I woudln't give up the separate sleeping in our past for just about anything. If it weren't for that period of time, I wouldn't have realized that it's totally NORMAL to have *whatever sleeping arrangements work for you*, and that it's NO ONE ELSE's business but yours, unless you choose to share it. Our marriage survived b/c he wasn't in the bedroom, heck, HE survived because he was on the couch!
And if I hadn't grown used to the relative silence, I wouldn't have kept on telling him how loud and disturbing his noises (and silences) were, and I wouldn't have been as supportive of the sleep study as I ended up being.
So whatever works for you guys! There's nothing at all to be ashamed of or weirded out by, as long as both people are getting the sleep they need.
Hubby was actually embarrassed by his snoring, and didn't want to go camping anymore because of it (we enjoy camping, though I'd prefer it if arachnids didn't exist). And actually we'll have to look into battery packs for the machine, but I digress. Now that he doesn't make those scary noises anymore, he feels better about himself.
So it's all good.
*edited a bunch of things that made very little sense...and now I'm realizing that he's fallen asleep without his mask on, because he's snoring...I'm at one end of the condo typing, he's at the other end of the condo sleeping...must go fix this*
DH snores occasionally but I just keep poking, or kicking him till he stops. Sometimes if that doesn't work I tap his nose and that causes him to wake up and roll over. I can totally see us having separate rooms after the kids are out. He watches tv in bed and I hate it. The glow of the tv keeps me up, he'll turn the sound real low so I can't hear it but that glow...even with an eye patch on I still sense it and don't fall asleep till the tv is off.
We live parallel lives! Dogs, teenagers, and torn up carpet all three!
