going rate for a cash wedding gift?

[georgina]

I don't get the covering the plate mentality either. I am paying for my DD's reception, the gift is for the couple. No relationship between the two.

Around here wedding gifts from the registry are common; they are shipped directly to the bride before the wedding. And I would say a gift of $75-ish is normal. (Obviously this is not the NYC area!)

 

[NYDisGuy]

If it's at a nice place ill give $200 for the both of us. If it's a backyard then I may change it up. I usually just base it on the environment and what I would usually pay for a 3 course meal plus entertainment. Now if it's a sibling or someone really close then that figure would go up.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I think you give your gift based upon your relationship to the couple AND what you can afford.

This. And I'm in NJ.

My SO and I are in a wedding in September. I am close to the bride and the groom is his cousin. We are also bringing my kids who are invited. I am not giving $100 per plate. I am giving a $200 cash gift.

If I'm invited to a wedding that isn't family and I'm not that close to the person I decline. I have a big family with lots of cousins. If I'm invited to one I'm not that close to I would give $50-100 from us as couple. If I'm closer to you I'll give $100-200 depending on my relationship with them. I have a few cousins that are in their early 20s that I grew up with and talk to on a regular basis. It would all depend on my financial situation at the time.

I would give these prices even if it was a backyard wedding or at a swanky place. Where you decide to have your wedding and how much you decide to spend on your wedding isn't my problem. Same for birthday parties. If you decide to spend 2K to have an at home carnival in your backyard for Suzie's 2nd birthday I'm still giving the same $25 gift (for friends) to $50 gift (for close family) I give all kids. I'm not funding your party.

 

[georgina]

If it's at a nice place ill give $200 for the both of us. If it's a backyard then I may change it up. I usually just base it on the environment and what I would usually pay for a 3 course meal plus entertainment. Now if it's a sibling or someone really close then that figure would go up.

But you're not paying for a meal, you are giving a gift to someone. So if a parent can afford a nice reception, their kids deserve more money? If the couple is poor to start with, they deserve less of a gift?

I don't usually go to weddings of acquaintances, usually close friends or relatives, so I give generously to all (IMO)

 

[msjprincess]

I want to add even though I normally try to "cover my plate" I also have a minimum that I give. So even if it was a backyard BBQ I'd give $200.

 

[DisneyElite4]

I despise the whole "cover your plate" thing. A wedding is paid for by the couple, or the parents of the couple, and nobody should be hosting a wedding they can't comfortably pay for without needing people to "cover their plate." So tacky.

A gift for the bride and groom is expected, though, unless you are in a bad financial position and cannot afford it. I would have never wanted people to not come to my wedding because they couldn't afford a gift. We invited people to our wedding because we wanted to celebrate with them - not because we expected them to give us gifts.

I also believe it's up to each person on how much money to spend.

 

[NYDisGuy]

But you're not paying for a meal, you are giving a gift to someone. So if a parent can afford a nice reception, their kids deserve more money? If the couple is poor to start with, they deserve less of a gift?

I don't usually go to weddings of acquaintances, usually close friends or relatives, so I give generously to all (IMO)

Not everyone has the means to give generously to all. That's the way I give gifts, I base it on the environment and the relationship. And I don't think they "deserve" anything for getting married, they chose to invite me to a reception so I will give an appropriate gift.

 

[soccerdad72]

$10,000











































No, not really - but it's a message board, so you can say anything

 

[moniqueand2]

I don't get the covering the plate mentality either. I am paying for my DD's reception, the gift is for the couple. No relationship between the two.

I despise the whole "cover your plate" thing. A wedding is paid for by the couple, or the parents of the couple, and nobody should be hosting a wedding they can't comfortably pay for without needing people to "cover their plate." So tacky.

I completely agree!

 

[Pooh2]

I despise the whole "cover your plate" thing. A wedding is paid for by the couple, or the parents of the couple, and nobody should be hosting a wedding they can't comfortably pay for without needing people to "cover their plate." So tacky.

Agree! Beyond tacky to fish around for the plate price!!

 

[Mirielle]

For those of you who "cover your plate"...how do you know the cost of the plate? I attended a wedding last week-end and I have NO IDEA what the cost of my plate was.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

2nd cousin? I'd buy a gift from their registry in the $50-$75 range.

Here we don't bring gifts to the wedding. Most people give cash.

I don't get the whole "cover your plate" thing. To me it's silly. It sounds like you are paying to attend, which you are not. You are giving a gift, which has nothing to do with your food consumption. If I am invited to someones house for dinner, should I give money towards the meal to "cover the cost of my plate?" Or if my kid goes to a birthday party, should I give a gift card to cover my kids share of pizza, cake, juice, snacks, gift bag, bouncy house, entertainment etc.? No, it's a gift not a reimbursement for attending the party.

In this instance, it's a wedding gift, not a contribution towards the food/venue/flowers/dj or any other cost associated with the reception. If it were that way, the bride should make everyone pay for their meal at the end of the reception, give everyone a bill like at a restaurant.

I never understood the wedding "covering of your plate" thing. LOL!!

It's a oldish custom. Some people follow it, some people don't. I don't know where it started but I can tell you that DH's italian grandmother was very much like this. She would panic if she did not have somewhat of an idea of what the cost might be around so she could make sure she was giving enough. It's not an expectation on the Bride's side, it's on the guest's side. She was raised being told that your gift should be greater than what you were gifted at the wedding(The meal etc) and if you did not then that would tell the Bride and Groom that you put no value on their standing in the community or into their marriage etc blah blah blah.

 

[mom2rose&john]

For those of you who "cover your plate"...how do you know the cost of the plate? I attended a wedding last week-end and I have NO IDEA what the cost of my plate was.

Most pricing can be found online if you go to the website of the venue. I guess you can call it snooping but If I didn't I would have given a cash gift considered tacky. I am very much out of touch with today's prices. My per person cost was $28 for food and alcohol and this was in 2001.

 

[msjprincess]

Sometimes you can find the price on the website or other times I have a general idea by the location. It's not like I'm writing a check for the exact amount. If me wanting to give the couple a generous gift makes me tacky, so be it.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I want to add even though I normally try to "cover my plate" I also have a minimum that I give. So even if it was a backyard BBQ I'd give $200.

In NJ here - I have set levels based on who they are. I also in the past adjusted down. One cousin had their wedding on a Friday night at 5 pm in PA well over 1 hour away from everybody because it was cheaper for them. DH and I had to take time off of work, I had to pack suitcases for us and our three kids, we had to get the kids out of school early, drive them 90 minutes in the opposite direction to my inlaws, turn around and drive 3 hours from there to the wedding. We had to get a hotel room and then the next morning go get the kids etc. I took what I normally would have given that cousin and then took off $100 because of the extreme hassle everybody was put through so she could have her dream wedding at half the cost but twice the inconvenience.

 

[DisneyElite4]

I don't think wanting to give a generous gift makes you tacky at all. I think the expectation that one should cover their plate at a wedding is tacky - sorry for the confusion. If you enjoy giving generous cash gifts and can afford it - great!

 

[msjprincess]

I don't think wanting to give a generous gift makes you tacky at all. I think the expectation that one should cover their plate at a wedding is tacky - sorry for the confusion. If you enjoy giving generous cash gifts and can afford it - great!

That always comes up. In my experience, it's not the couple who expect it, it's the guests that want to do it for the couple.

 

[mjkacmom]

Here we don't bring gifts to the wedding. Most people give cash.


It's a oldish custom. Some people follow it, some people don't. I don't know where it started but I can tell you that DH's italian grandmother was very much like this. She would panic if she did not have somewhat of an idea of what the cost might be around so she could make sure she was giving enough. It's not an expectation on the Bride's side, it's on the guest's side. She was raised being told that your gift should be greater than what you were gifted at the wedding(The meal etc) and if you did not then that would tell the Bride and Groom that you put no value on their standing in the community or into their marriage etc blah blah blah.

It is an old custom, not something new, at least in this area. I had to tell my mom what people have me (family) so she could give at least that amount. I'm sure my grandparents had a record. There are a lot of Italian and Irish here, and these customs were brought over in the early 1900's. My grandparents married in the 40's, had a sit down dinner/dancing wedding, formal invitations.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

That always comes up. In my experience, it's not the couple who expect it, it's the guests that want to do it for the couple.

Exactly this. I am not sure it's the wedding couples idea - but it is the guests idea of what to give. It's more of a guideline anyway.
I wish I could have seen the thank you card they sent us before I wrote out the check - they would have gotten less for sure - but that's another story for another thread lol!!!!

 

[tzolkin]

But you're not paying for a meal, you are giving a gift to someone. So if a parent can afford a nice reception, their kids deserve more money? If the couple is poor to start with, they deserve less of a gift?

I don't usually go to weddings of acquaintances, usually close friends or relatives, so I give generously to all (IMO)

I posted about this in the other wedding thread.

I give generously, so I'm sure I have "covered my plate" at any wedding I have attended. However, I'm actually moved to give more to a couple having a less expensive wedding because they are usually either more financially responsible and/or have a greater financial need.

If someone (or their parents) can afford a $250 per plate wedding, a $500 gift likely seems like less to them than it would to someone for whom a $25pp wedding was something they had to save up for.