Going out w/o telling your spouse/SO...Update p. 4

[mudnuri]

well, i see 3 red flags, and this is exactly what I would be thinking.....not saying its true in your case, but these 3 things would irritate/make me question the entire event

No notification that he was leaving, either via note or waking you up

cell phone wasn't on...

coffee+2:30am == about 5% chance of it being true

Brandy

 

[Kitty 34]

Yup, I would be VERY ticked.

 

[Kermit]

I'd be upset, too. As others have mentioned, it's common courtesy to let someone know when you leave, even when it's in the middle of the day.

Does he go out late at night often? If that's something he does, and he's been doing it for years, I guess I wouldn't worry about that too much, but if it's not normal and most of his friends are in bed way before 2:00, I'd have to wonder.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I completely trust my husband, but if he left in the middle of the night to have coffee with friends without letting me know and his phone was turned off, there is no way in Hell I would believe him.

Does he often go out for coffee with friends late at night?

 

[skuttle]

I would be very upset that I was not told.

 

[becka]

I've been married almost 20 years and I've learned the art of picking my battles.....this would NOT be a battle I could overlook.

And I'd have a hard time believing he went out at 2:30 am for coffee.......

I would be really ticked at my DH if he did something like this. I would certainly want a full explanation. What friends was he with at 2:30 getting "coffee"?

 

[Dan Murphy]

That's not right, Aurora. Very wrong.

Was it you, or someone else, who recently posted a question about suspicious activities of hubby? If not you, sorry to ask.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

There have been quite a few times when I've gone out for coffee and pie at 2 am when I can't sleep. It's one of the big pluses in living in a major metropolian city, there's always something to eat 24/7, and we have a great diner only 2 blocks away from our apartment that makes the best pecan pie!

I've also gone out and not left my wife a note, because I figure that she'll probably not wake up anyway...however...there is no way I would have gone out and neglected to turn my cell phone on, or left it at home. At best, it's extremely irresponsible, at worst...well...we all can guess the worst. I think the cell phone situation the most suspicious evidence in the whole story!

 

[Planogirl]

Oh come on! If he was doing something suspicious, I would bet that he would have left a note and wouldn't forget to turn his phone on. People who do something underhanded try to hide their tracks, they don't leave hints everywhere!

I have been with friends in a coffee house really late at night. Unless this guy does this often, I think that some people are jumping to some serious conclusions.

 

[pw2pp]

I'd be upset and suspicious. Keep your eyes wide open and put up your guard. This is a red flag. IMHO.

 

[MamaLema]

I'd be angry

 

[eeyore kelly]

You don't leave the house without telling your spouse. Something is wrong here.

 

[MrsNick]

I sort of agree with Planogirl. Without really knowing the context of someone's relationship, I think it's difficult to assess whether or not someone's behavior is suspicious.

I also live in an area where you could easily hit a 24 hour place for coffee and pie (or bacon and eggs lol). DH has gone out for these at late hours and so have I. I wouldn't assume that he was up to no good, I would just be upset that he didn't leave a note or message not to worry.

If there was a pattern of what could be termed suspicious behavior, then I'd probably be keeping my eyes and ears open. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Unless this guy does this often, I think that some people are jumping to some serious conclusions.

I agree, I'm surprised how fast people jump to he's having an affair.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree, I'm surprised how fast people jump to he's having an affair.

All they're going to do is scare the heck out of the OP at this rate. Maybe he is but not leaving a note sure doesn't right away indicate that.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I dont think he would have a women waiting on him at 2 a/m, probably did just as he said.

 

[azgal81]

I would be upset as well! Who leaves without saying anything even if its just leaving a note. I would be worreid sick if I woke up and he wasn't there.

 

[Aurora63]

Op here. Thanks for all your comments, concerns, etc.

Dan, I don't think it is me you are thinking of. Or else I have conveniently forgotten!

Really, I can see how he could be out until 2 drinking coffee. They frequent an Arab coffee place, which is open late and is quite condusive to people hanging around for long hours. Plus DH is notorious for losing track of time. I am not too suspicious about an affair. However, I am very upset about the whole thing, I think it shows a huge lack of consideration on his part. I did confront him about it today, actually, I kinda got really mad and let him have it! I also made sure he knew how if I ever did something like this, I'd never hear the end of it. But in any case, I'm not concerned with an affair or the time frame...just the fact that he did what he did is enough.

Funny side bar to the whole story: he had taken my car, and it was very low on gas. Had he told me he was going somewhere, I could have warned him and told him to get some gas. But he didn't. Anyway, the car starts beeping at him on the way, but he thinks he can make it. Long story short, he didn't! Had to walk awhile to the nearest gas station. I couldn't help but to find that a little funny!

 

[DisneyPhD]

There is no way my DH would ever leave the house in the middle of the night to have coffee with friends, and he certainly wouldn't do so without letting me know first. If my DH ever did something like that, it would totally freak me out!

(Off subject, but your cat looks almost exactly like my cat, Niki, except that my Niki has blue eyes and is skinnier.)

Me too (not the cat.)

It is very against my DH personailty, we always let the other person know where we are. If I did that it would really bother him too. (likewise I would never do that.)

Then again we have 2 kids and one of us always has to be with them, or arange for their care so just taking off doesn't happen.

 

[Serena]

I'd say trust him unless you have a concrete reason not to. But I would set some consideration rules today. Make sure he understands how you feel.