Let me apologize up front for the length of this post - I found it too difficult to just describe the highlights of my births!
Baby #1 was born at a hospital, after 6 - 8 hours of active labor. I had no pain relief, and it was tough but by no means impossible to do. You'd be surprised what you can do if you can figure out how to stay calm and just go with whatever is happening. It's when you panic and fight the pain that it gets to be unbearable. I ended up with what I am convinced was an unnecessary episiotomy. Unnecessary because they took me to the delivery room after forcing me to 10 cm (I was just past 9 with a small lip left), I had no urge to push yet (DS was still quite high up the birth canal), they lay me down and stuck my feet in stirrups ... ugh, no wonder it was taking forever for him to come out! Hospital birthing practices are just ridiculous IMO. Anyway, after an hour of working against gravity to get DS down, I was tired and couldn't help very much to get him out (he'd crown and then recede). I fought the episiotomy for a while, but by then I was tired and hungry, I just wanted him out, so I agreed to it. It stung slightly when the local anesthetic was given, but it wasn't bad at all. It was sore for days though and healed lumpy. I am still annoyed that circumstances led to my "needing" it. DS was 8 lb 6 oz. They also broke my water fairly early on, which put me "on a clock". By the time poor DS was born he was cold and shivering - he needed to be warmed up for a while.
I learned from that and switched to a birthing centre with a midwife. Wow, what a difference! Not only was my pregnancy and post-partum care 100% better, but the birth was a piece of cake! Honestly, it was text-book perfect! I labored and delivered in a tub of warm water, so I skipped all the messy things! The warm water helped keep me relaxed and helped my pain management. DD slipped out without any conscious pushing from me (none of this "hold your breath and PUSH" from my midwife) - I just helped her along gently with each contraction. My water broke 5 minutes before DD emerged. She was born with apgars of 10 because she was the most perfect, pink little infant ever! And very alert! The midwife and doula were amazed - I don't think they'd ever seen such a perfect specimen of newborn! They didn't even have to suction her - she coughed once and was breathing perfectly. She had such a gentle birth - her entrance into the world was very calm, and it showed in her demeaner. She was 8 lb 4 oz.
Baby #3 (another DD) was born the same way, but she was bigger (9 lb 7 oz), and her position was bad. She had me walking around all weekend in early labor, but I don't think she was putting pressure in the right places to kick things into higher gear (she had been transverse breech between 36 and 38 weeks, and then turned back down, but I don't think she was ideally positioned when she turned back down b/c there wasn't a lot of room at that point!). Another reason why I think she was positioned badly was that she tore my membranes along the side and caused me to leak (during the weekend I was in early labor). I stayed at home and the midwife came to my house and monitored me carefully, and in her opinion all was well so we decided not to go to the hospital and induce b/c of the leak. The midwife made sure not to examine me internally - too high an infection risk. I walked a lot, and finally things got going on their own. I had her in the tub as well, but since she was bigger (and positioned badly), she wasn't coming out easily. Here's where I was soooo grateful to not be in the hospital - I could get on my knees and lean forward over the edge of the tub, which opened up my pelvis as wide as possible, and then it was easier to birth her. In the hospital they would have used other means that were not nearly as pleasant to get her out! I can tell you, if I'd been lying on my back, I doubt I could have pushed her out myself. DD was very healthy and in great condition - apgars of 9 then 10.
After all of my births I walked down a hallway to my room from where I'd given birth - no problem. After DS I was a little shaky b/c it had been very intense and long and I was soooo hungry (they didn't let me eat all day grrrrrr). After having my DDs I wasn't shaky at all - I felt great! I tore one little flap along my episiotomy scar with each DD's birth, but no stitches required, no real pain. Very quick healing. I cannot tell you how much easier my non-episiotomy births were compared to the episiotomy one!! Amazing! Being in water helped soften the scar tissue so that I didn't tear as much as I might have out of water (scar tissue doesn't stretch well, so tearing is more likely if you've had a previous episiotomy).
I so firmly believe that childbirth is easier if you understand the process and feel confident about your ability to do it. Fear is so counter-productive! I know it's not easy to stay calm and confident - I'm not implying it is by any means. I do not have a high pain threshold at all - I was only able to have 3 kids calmly and reasonably easily without meds (and in the case of my DDs, without any kind of medical intervention/assistance whatsoever) because I knew what was happening and why, and I believed in my ability to do it. I was able to keep myself calm throughout the worst of the contractions - I cannot stress enough how important that is!! The pain will NOT kill you - it is only a sensation. What scared me more than the pain was all the medical stuff they wanted to do to me (and my hospital was actually lowtech - no continuous monitoring, no IV). There is no way I would have had an epidural and all the crap that goes along with it. That's just me though - I don't like being poked and prodded and being at the mercy of how my body might react to a particular drug. Pain is something I understand and can work with - drug reactions are out of my control and can be downright scary!
Previous posters are right though - no matter what happens you will survive it, and you will get past it if it is a bad experience. All of us do. Childbirth is something we were designed to do. It is a difficult and intense experience, but so is climbing a major mountain, running a major marathon etc. It is a great physical, mental and emotional feat that you need to prepare for as best you can, but you CAN do it! What makes childbirth "easier" than those other intense experiences is that your body will do it alone or you will get medical help. There is no option of not being able to do it. Not everyone can survive climbing a mountain! With DD #1 I had absolutely zero assistance for most of the birth - the midwife just watched and took vitals, and only as DD was emerging she came and supported the perineal area to minimize tearing and then brought DD to the surface. I could have squatted in a field and had her!
My body knew exactly what to do. If anything had gone wrong I had the midwife there to assess things, and I had a hospital and OB on call a few minutes away to take care of anything serious that the midwife couldn't handle. You will have help too in case you need it. Please don't let childbirth scare you! As I said before, pain is only a sensation that our brain interprets from our nerve endings - by itself it cannot harm you. If you can find a way to mentally block it a bit, distract yourself from it etc., then you're doing great!
There's always the epidural, but do your research on it first to make sure you're prepared to accept everything that goes along with it. When it works properly it can give huge relief - the problem comes when it doesn't, or it causes drug reactions, blood pressure issues, itching, headaches etc. It can also slow down or stall labor, leading to other interventions that you might have hoped to avoid. An epidural birth is a high-tech birth requiring very careful monitoring, restriction of movement (usually), IV fluids etc., so you need to be sure you're OK with all that. If your birthing beliefs/wishes etc, are well matched to your birth environment/practitioner, you will likely be satisfied with how things turn out. Now's a good time to think about how you feel about things so that when you are finally pregnant you can hook up with an OB with whom you see eye to eye, and who delivers at a hospital that doesn't have policies you hate! Start talking to other women in your area who've had babies in the last few years - they will be a wealth of info!
Oh, and to comment on "accidents" - they happen! No biggie. Restricting food and drink doesn't help, because what's in your lower intestine has been in your system for many hours. They used to give enemas (and maybe still do in some places?), but even that didn't stop all accidents. Accept them. The docs and nurses just scoop them up so quickly you might not even realize! If you're worried, get DH to stand up near your head for delivery
Good luck - hope it all works out well!
Yes, it will be worth it. 
, they laughed at me
). When I was pregnant with my ds, I read I could opt out of the episiotomy, so I had them put in my chart to not give me one unless I absolutely positively needed one. I didn't have one that time and my recovery time was so much quicker.
