QueenDoOver
Dis Diva
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2009
- Messages
- 1,726
Sounds familiar. But you know it happens. And you ARE a good mother. Just the fact that you posted this shows that.
I like your program Capri!!This is what we do here too. It's usually loss of video games. Although my oldest is getting difficult. He will typically say "I don't care" when I warn him about what he is going to lose. He cares of course. But he has to act like he doesn't, and then whine and pout for the rest of the night when he loses it. Darn pre-teens!
My oldest does the same thing. And I just come right back at him. "Sounds like you need the basics". The basics are food, shelter and love. The 3 things he will always have. They do not iclude any of the extras in his room and I will gladly strip that thing. But, he usually caves and changes his behavior before that has to happen. He can just be so darn unpleasant when he has lost his priviledges that he ends up getting sent to his room a lot (and he assures me that being in his room alone is his greatest pleasure), but as long as he has to be sent to his room because we can't stand to be around him, he does not get his priviledges back. It is such a struggle! My girlfriend assures me that the friction is a natural progression to make sure they develop independence and go forth, leave the nest and procreate, etc...
Honestly, I could guarantee that they will leave the nest, even if they don't have to do all this unpleasant establishing of independence.
Okay, those early years, up to age 5-6 are really tough ones. They are hard on parents and hard on marriages etc. I did spank too, but my husband really did not! Maybe it is just as effective with little ones if you can be consistent in your consequences to use time outs and removal of priviledges, but I always struggled with those systems at the earlier ages. Spanking offenses in general were out and out defiance issues in my house.
I did attend a 2 day seminar on early childhood development one time. I'm sure I learned a lot there, but the one thing I do remember and have applied successfully is this. In the early years, our children primarily hear "action words" . So you will get the best response with "Do" messages. Say what you want them to do.
Example: Kid has remote control in hand and is waiving it about and pushing the buttons, maybe chewing it. You might say," Dont' bite the remote please. Don't push the buttons, or Careful, no throwing the remote". If you look at those phrases, the action words are: bite, push, throw.
A better response would be to say: "Put the remote on the table please". Or with a kid with control issues, " I need you to put the remote on the table or hand it to Mommy", or if you throw in "Love and Logic", you might say "When the remote is on the table, we will be able to get your legos out (or have snack, or call Daddy, or what ever thing they want to do). Sort of like pointing out Positive consequence for the correct action, rather than telling them to do it.
Well, that's all I have for you today
I'm even more of a meanie, because I'm a (drum roll please) . . .
Spanker!
Duh duh duh!
Yep, and right there will be the end of my contribution to the parenting portion of this thread because how I raise/train/discipline my kids is probably way too controversial.
Sarah, I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
You know, everyone has to raise kids that they can live with and I really feel to each there own, until I have to deal with other people's children behaving badly in public, or worse yet behaving badly as adults because of what they did not learned.
That's a very good question. I have no clue how I do it. The truth is, I don't do all that. That sounds like one organized momma! Or one with magical powers.I'm a single mom and if made myself do all those things I'd....well probably need to be committed lol
I don't get any help from Ayden's dad. He is with him a few days a week, no overnights and he shows up to T-ball when he feels like it. We live with my DBF of 2.5 years and if it weren't for him I don't know how I'd manage. It's weird.....things just somehow get done. I was just recently so sick and home for two weeks and literally on the couch for 10 days straight. Things still got done. Ayden has chores and he had to make sure his laundry was where it needed to be and his dishes were cleared after dinner. Every little bit helps. Everyone needs to chip in......not just momma. Sarah.. I think you need a
I hope tomorrow is much bettter for you.
I really believe that as a family with two parents working outside of the home that it is not possible to do it all, especially if both parents have traditional jobs. I am very lucky to have a job with a lot of flex, as I know our family would really suffer without that, and I would probably choose not to work and to live a different (probably disney free
) life if I could not make it work. As it is, my house is a disaster about 50% of the time, but I do make it to every game, because that is more important to me.
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